Who am I, Really?

- By Rick Carder

When I was young, many years ago, I struggle to know what I was good at and even more uncertain about the rest of life. Perhaps you are the same way. It certainly is that not a matter of age, because even in my 50’s, I sometimes question my contribution. I know that I have strengths and abilities but my weaknesses seem to be more clearly visible these days.

Once while attending a minister’s gathering the facilitator asked the question, "Who are you?" He was asking a group of us in the room to describe who we are but not because of what we do or the title of our job but by defining our identity through the eyes of God. The speaker stated,  "Often we define who we are based on the role that we serve." He continued, "We need to describe ourselves without using titles or defining roles like parent or husband or even your job title."


It took a little thinking by the majority of us in the room to answer the question of who are we? We sat quietly for just a moment waiting for some brave soul to give the first answer. We mused to each other that if someone else got it wrong at least we would have a shot at the right answer.

Since then it has forced me to gain a greater understanding of who I really am. Some of the answers that surfaced were a tremendous testimony of God’s grace and love as well as his Truth being profoundly influential in our lives. "I am a child of God," said one. Another stated, "I am better than I once was." Definitions surfaced in abstract ways that differed from my thinking. They seemed to focus on our true identify in Christ, not as tokens that we can present to him but truly see ourselves through the eyes of Christ.


What I learned that day was that I took a great deal of pride in my accomplishments and in my abilities that did not always point to God’s grace and truth in my life. Often our definitions are selfish and even model non-Christian ideas. I learned that God’s grace and his plan for my life was to bring him glory and not for me alone.

I reflected on the time that I went through the Bible study series, "The Purpose-Driven Life" that became the best seller book around the idea that it is "not about you." Rick Warren quote.

In his bestselling book "The Purpose-Driven Life," megachurch pastor and author Rick Warren enumerates five reasons why people are on this earth. We're here: 1) For God's pleasure; 2) For God's family; 3) To become like Christ; To serve God; 5) For a mission. It's when we realize these purposes for our existence that we'll start living, says Warren. Read more at Rick Warren summary remarks.

As we continue to define ourselves by what we do or by our accomplishments we diminish the opportunity for God to not only be glorified but for his plan to be stamped on our lives. I was challenged to think more about my purpose and God’s plan than my individual success.

I was challenged to think more about my purpose and God's plan than my individual success.

Jossy with Merle

Merle was the kind of person who seemed to know herself very well. She didn't define himself by her jobs or even that she authored many books. She lived 111 years. Today she would have turned 112 and she would have impressed even the richest person or most successful person. It was not her accomplishments that defined her but by how she lived.

If you ever met Merle you would know what I am saying. Read more about he here: Merle Phillips, Aged to Perfection.

Take a blank sheet of paper and write your name. Then take each letter of your name and begin to write down definitions of who you are that are not defined by what you do or the roles that you play in life. In other words, do not state that you are a husband or a father but rather what are the attributes that you can use that may even point to God’s work in your life.

Here are mine:
R - Righteous (because of the grace of Christ).
I - Imitator (of God’s love).
C - Christ’s ambassador (& evangelist).
K - Kingdom-minded.

You Catch ‘Em, I’ll Clean ‘Em.

- Written by Rick Carder

Serving in outreach, especially as a community chaplain with the police department and jail ministry, you don’t always find that the end of the story is as clear as it was from the beginning. Yet you make your resolve that what you’re doing is planting seeds and God is going to produce the fruit. As we reach out to others we quickly learned that we are indeed planting seeds of trees that will grow in which we will never enjoy the shade of.

The apartment that taught me that you may never know the impact of your message.

When I was pastoring and serving as a chaplain our local church had a food pantry in which we would record the names and addresses of people who would be served by this ministry. We often said that our ministry was that a blessing others and not expecting a return on our investment. We would serve families in the name of Jesus and leave the results up to God.

Yet on serval occasions we noticed that there were different people who would write down the same address as they came to our pantry. One day this happened twice within the same day which made this especially alarming. I decided that I would pay a visit to that apartment address to see what was going on.

You might say that in those days I had far more zeal than spiritual discernment but there I was standing at the door of apartment which I’ve never been before. As I thought to myself, "What am I doing here?" the door opened. My stomach begin to knot up and my throat was dry as this large deep voice woman stood at the door saying, "What do you want?"

With God’s help at that moment my spine stiffened and I simply said, "Are you the resident of this apartment?" I quickly made introduction and stated the purpose of my visit. I stated that I was concerned about the number of people who are using this address to get groceries from our church pantry. The woman simply said, "Yeah, what’s it to you? I send these people out to get groceries to pay for their night’s stay."

After further dialogue I stood at the door and cut a deal with Terry, the head resident. I told her that I would be willing to bring a bag of groceries every week if she would not send people to our church because we needed to be clear of the intent of our food pantry. She accepted this and for several weeks, every Monday I would bring groceries to her apartment. I never went inside because it seem like there were different people in the apartment each week.While it was suspicious and rather curious I decided that my job ended once I dropped off the groceries.

Sometime past when eventually I invited Terry and any of her associates to come to church and that it may be easier for her to pick up the groceries after attending our service. I stated that there are wonderful people who would be happy to meet her and that we had ministries that could further serve her needs. To my surprise she began to attend and often sat in the back row of the church. I don’t blame many of the strange looks that she and I received as I sat next to her. She had every intent of being kind but her deep voice and piercing look gave people the impression that she was hostile and that children should be protected. Her and I would have many conversations about how people perceive her. It is no surprise that because of her hygiene or clothing or facial expressions they gave off the impression that she was not friendly.

We begin to talk about that and some of the ladies would even help her with clothing needs. Eventually she became regular in her attendance and more approachable as people got to know her. I still would take time to visit with her at the apartment while never going inside. We would often sit just outside and have our conversations while meeting a few other drifters that would stay for a night or two.

Weeks turned in the months that I continued to minister is best I knew how. All the while continuing my chaplaincy at the police department many of the officers would tell me to be careful as I work with, "Her kind." I assured them that my role as pastor was as free to her and her kind as it was to the officers. Many officers saw my naïveness. They knew that I was a foster parent and a good hearted soul. They knew that I went to the jail as well as mentoring at-risk youth. My nickname became Padre both at the police department and in jail.

One night I showed up for the roll-call at the police department. It was a time when reports of previous night’s activities were reported as well as other vital information shared with police officers. As we were interacting in the back I heard the report that shot my head around quickly with the look of shock and surprise on my face.

The Captain announced, "Well fellas, we finally broke it up. It looks like Terry and her house of prostitution is finally shut down!" He gave the address in which I couldn’t help but blurred out, "Terry? You mean my Terry!" The room roared with laughter. My realization that yes indeed they were talking about the very same woman that I had been fostering a ministry with who ran the house of prostitution. Of course all of the pieces of the puzzle fell into place instantly at that moment! Of course, I should’ve been more aware.

I became the candid camera victim as the officers slapped me on the back yelling, "Go Padre!"
Trying to pick myself up off the floor and pull my emotions together all I could think to say to the officers was, "Thank you for making my job a lot easier. You all know that I also have a jail ministry! I’ll visit her there tomorrow." I further said, "You catch ‘em, I’ll clean ‘em!"

I hope that the message ultimately reached to the hearts of the officers that we are all sinners and that no one is righteous. My hope is what they learned is that our Christian love is without condition but that we pray and desire that all people would come in the life-changing message of God‘s love in Jesus Christ.

In God‘s Kingdom Things Are Not Always Black-and-White But Shaded In Red.

- Written by Rick Carder

For several years I served as a chaplain for the police department and jail ministry. While pastoring in Wheaton, Illinois I found outreach an incredible opportunity to reach people for Christ; especially those in uniform whether in prison or members of the Police department.

During those years both groups were a bit of a captive audience for me. In the jail ministry I was able to witness and serve and preach of the hope and love of Jesus Christ. Many were in a lock up facility awaiting sentencing or beginning their court trial. For the Police Officers, that meant doing ride-alongs with the officers where I was embedded with them in their patrol calls.

I developed a close relationship with those whom I served if we remained humble and listened. Either of these groups had a lot to say if only you knew how to ask the right questions and discern the conversation. I often told people in my chaplain ministry that it didn’t matter whether they were the ones making the arrest or of the incarcerated. God’s grace extends equally.

I can’t begin to tell you the many stories of this fine line between the officer and the offender. There were times when even the testimonies of inmates would make you just have to believe in a loving God no matter the nature of things.

One such example related to an inmate at the DuPage County Jail. Dennis was being held on felony charges because in the middle of his armed robbery at a gas station he was confronted by an off-duty police officer. Their altercation resulted in a wrestling match in which the officer was shot. The bullet lodged in his spine resulting in him becoming paralyzed yet the offender was captured awaiting his trial.

Over the next few years the trial drug on in-which both the police officer and the offender came to know Jesus Christ as their personal savior. It was an incredible story of reconciliation that was initiated by a tragedy. Without either one of them knowing that each became a Christian their stories became a web of an incredible tapestry that resulted in two men having their lives transformed.
The incarcerated man came to know Christ as he pleaded out to God for mercy. The officer came to know the Lord because a church provided compassionate ministries that included the building of a ramp and providing financial resources while the long road of recovery ensued.

I remember knowing both of them yet not knowing the full drama and unexpected blessing that was to occur. Without revealing the identity of either I had the opportunity to learn the story of God‘s grace in real time. The offender came to learn of his sin that brought him to a place of true bondage and being incarcerated. The officer came to learn of his sin through God‘s grace that humbled him and brought him to a depth of despair that ultimately resulted in an incredible testimony to God’s glory.

I’ll never forget the day that the story turned all hearts heaven-word. Here were the two in the same courtroom one likely been sentenced to 20+ years in prison and the other becoming the advocate for the offender.

The courtroom was a humble setting but filled with anxious hearts anticipating the outcomes of this tragic yet redemptive drama. One of the witnesses that was called as an advocate. He approached the bench with a testimony that while this was an offender and perhaps an open and shut case that the judge would find leniency by appealing to God‘s mercy. That advocate was indeed the police officer who was forever changed. As he wheeled himself into the court and asked for the judge to give a lesser sentence because the two of them were brothers in Christ. To everyone’s amazement the offender and the officer both realized that they were captives of sin and pride. Their transformation became the story of grace and reconciliation.

Even though the officer would never serve it in uniform again he testified to a new hope and purpose in his newfound faith in Jesus Christ. He stated that if it were not for this life changing condition he would not of found true peace and joy in Jesus Christ.

The offender still went to prison but what he testified to me that day in jail echoes in my heart still today. He said that certainly he will serve his time for such a grievous act yet he is being called by God to be an evangelist in the state prison where he will serve his sentence yet as a freeman in Christ and an evangelist for Christ to others serving their time.

God‘s Kingdom is not always black-and-white but often shaded in red because of the blood of Jesus Christ which reconciles us to himself.  The ministry of hope and transformation, of grace and truth, ended in deliverance and freedom in Christ as demonstrated by this story. Two men whose lives crossed by tragedy yet meeting Christ at the intersection of his grace and reconciliation forever echoes in eternity for God’s glory.

Drivetime: What is it That Motivate You?

I’m not the kind of person that just likes to sit around. When I do sit back during my free time I’m always thinking or writing or engaged in something that perhaps is a bit of a distraction like playing a podcast or watching a TV show. I’m always doing something else at the same time as another activity. They say that you cannot multi-takes but I may be out to prove that theory wrong. I think I have an inner drive; that is, I have something that motivates me and pushes me.

Today let’s explore this. I spend a lot of time driving in a car from place to place. My job requires that I go to places to network and connect with people but often that means putting plenty of miles in-between appointments. I try to maximize my time when I am in certain areas but I am usually in and out of my car often. You could say that I am literally driven by what I do. Last year I doubled my miles over the prior year! In addition, I exponentially gained in the number of people that I meet with face-to-face over the previous year. 

The responsibilities that I carry are considerable less than what I had to do the previous year but nevertheless, I think that there something else that motivates me. Some might even say that there is something that drives me to do what I do. 

What is it that drives you? What is it that get you up in the morning? Are you motivated or do you need to be motivated by some external force? Maybe it’s a boss who is constantly tracking your every activity. Maybe it’s the evaluation that is coming up and you want to make sure that you finish strong. Maybe it’s fear that is your motivator. We could call that the fear of failure or some other insecurity that is driving you. It could very well be something external as well as internal which is motivating you to act snd to do what you do.

I know for me I had to come to a place where I was able to identify my motivations. It was in my Calling & passion, coupled by my strengths, and realized by my opportunities. In order for me to gain an appreciation for what is driving me I has to look deep within. I have a lust for more than what I have. It is not just a selfish motivation but it is something that contributes to my motivation.

The Apostle Paul of the Bible was also driven. He was motivated. It was both a motivation that was internal as well as external. He wrote that he "presses on toward the mark of the high calling in Christ." (Philippians 3:12-14) Essentially he is saying that he is pressing forward toward something that he has yet to obtain. There is a internal motivator that is perhaps an experience that has changed his outlook or it is a part of his personality. We actually can see it prior to him coming to know Jesus Christ; he was a pretty driven individual but that drive was a very selfish motivation. He was seeking power and privilege and prestige. Prior to coming to know Jesus he would go around persecuting and killing the followers of Jesus and those of the newfound sect that was growing.

Clearly, after Paul came to know Jesus he was motivated by his apostolic call as well as a faith in Jesus Christ. The reason for his driven personality was because of his newfound faith. It changed his heart! 

I think that my being busy is at the same time being driven. My wife used to say to me that I have the "hurried sickness". She would say that I was just having to be in a hurry or I just had to be busy. In face, she described it as a sickness because there seemed to be no cure. Psychiatrist would agree with her.

I think it probably does come down to the values that we hold and the interest that we have coupled with the opportunities that are developing. I know that in order to accomplish the objectives I have to exceed my goals in order to complete my mission. Are usually set the bar high in order to achieve more. Some have told me that I need to work smarter but I haven’t quite figured that out. I tend to work harder and I try to be as efficient as possible. 

The issue may be in the values that we hold. From a spiritual standpoint we know that nothing ever done in her own power will last. We know that through our investing in things eternal will have an ever lasting results. If we put our mind on things above not on things seen but unseen, are driven us can take on a new meaning not just busywork. We know that our drive-ness is not for self but for others. We know that it is only what is done for eternity sake will ultimately last. 

So, the next time that you are on one of your commute, during your drive time, consider the following questions:

Why should I do it?

What will last beyond self?

How well what I do make a difference in the life of another for eternity sake?

Will what I do really matter in 5-years or 100-years?

Affirmation Is Leadership: #11 Names are Everything! An 11-Part Series.

Let me introduce you to <>. Do this and you possess leadership in it’s most authentic yet commanding way. When you introduce somebody by what they do or the position that they hold you diminish who they are. Leaders must elevate the status of people and mentioning them by name will insure this will happen. Leaders must be human and nothing says human more than someone’s name. 

What’s in a name? Names invoke the most personal and intimate of every individual. It separates people from the group and is tremendously important about who a person is. It is no longer about what they do or what they contribute to the organization but it is about who they are.

Meeting Tony Dungy personally.

Think about it for just a moment. We put numbers to things. When someone becomes incarcerated we attach their identity to a number. The UPC symbol on every package has a number. Addresses to homes  or even vehicles are identified by a number, usually a license plate or the VIN number.
Leaders use things and value people. Manager simple use people and value things.

A person’s name is who they are. Their whole history, experience, abilities, interests, hobbies, activities, likes and loves are tied to their name. If a leader calls someone by name they invoke a deep level of connection, a relationship that is beyond product and position. Their status is elevated and their importance to the cause is highlighted. I remember a time when I was honored to have the opportunity to meet former NFL Indianapolis Colts Coach, Tony Dungy. When we met I was excited to have the meaningful occasion to speak with him. What was amazing to me was when later in the day, Tony Dungy called my by my first name. It was remarkable that after meeting many that day he remembered meeting me. I am not sure what it was about my name that he was able to recall it but it will forever impact me. It told me that if leaders remember someone's name that it elevates the status of that person and causes them to stand a little taller. It will undoubtedly also raise the level of leadership in that person.

Leadership is affirmation. Bottom-line, calling someone by name is primary to affirming someone.

Read from the beginning.

Affirmation Is Leadership: #10 Optimistic. An 11-Part Series.

Seeing the cup half full is an old adage which speaks of optimism and hope. We’ve all heard this expression. We have bought into this because it is a picture definition. We are people who respond to symbols because they have meaning. When we see street signs we know immediately what action to take. When we see landscapes it invokes a certain level of emotion within us. When we have a word picture it is vital because people immediately know what it means and how to act.

Leaders who inspire are easier to follow than managers who inspect. I contend that the leader’s optimism is key to helping others achieve more and to commit emotionally to objectives and the mission. It’s no longer about the paycheck or the benefits or the time off. It is about the cause of the organization. The mission statement only go so far. It might tell us what we do but it doesn’t explain the motivation from within.

Leaders who inspire are naturally optimistic. Even during stressful times they look for ways to make steps into the future, even if the future is unknown to them.This goes beyond a simple culture of the organization but it is in fact speaking to the very DNA of the cause. People do what they believe in. People act according to their interest.

The reason why I have included this in leadership and affirmation is because an optimistic leader will naturally invoke trust and good will. I believe that this is part of affirmation. Leaders can represent this as a symbol or as a word picture. They say things like, "I like that leader," or "I’ll follow that leader."

When hiring employees a leader will focus on the calling of the cause. Managers focus on competence, the abilities of people. Board members focus on character, they want their mission to be protected. I believe that the calling to the cause is central, all other traits needed can be taught.
Leadership is affirmation. Leaders who are firm others are the better leader. They go beyond simply managing and invoke a sense of calling in the organization.

There are leaders and those that lead. Leaders hold positions of authority over us. Those that lead inspire us. - Simon Sinek

Read article #11. 

Affirmation Is Leadership: #9 Genuine Interest. An 11-Part Series.

Leaders that are effective are people who are well-informed of activities in the organization. They take a vital interest in their employees.

The late Barbara Bush is a classic example. A friend of mine who served in the Secret Service served during the George H. W. Bush administration told me of how she genuinely took an interest in their welfare. He was with the security detail of the president and was often in the White House. Even after Barbara Bush died many complemented her ability to know, care about, and take a genuine interest in people who served in the White House. My friend told me that Barbara Bush kept a very detailed list of all who served and especially the Secret Service detail. When she would meet with each of the secret service she would know not only their family members names but also their birthdays and special hobbies and interest of the Secret Service. She would ask them questions about their goals and receive updates of family members who were sick. This level of interest increased her influence and made her a notable leader.

It is so important for leader to express interest in all their employees as well as members of their family. Some leaders feel as if they should be stoic and distant but an effective leader should receive updates and consistently remember the names of people that they meet in the organization.

Dave Ramsey: “True leadership a servant hood. Put the interest of others at the center of your decisions."

I know personally the importance of this leadership quality. I once served with a leader who would intentionally take time with each individual within the organization. He would spend time as well as have offsite meetings and conversations in order to convey affirmation. This showing of interest encouraged me to work harder and be more committed to the organization because I felt that I was an important part of the organization.

Showing genuine interest in others will motivate as well as help each person in the organization feel connected and it will engage them in each operation, driving the mission of the organization. Leadership is very different than simply managing. Leaders have a responsibility to demonstrate the capacity to lead while also showing a genuine concern for those that they lead.

A caring leader is intuitive, is aware of the small things. She notices a change in the mood of someone and will enquirer after their well-being with open, generative questions which recognizes the individual and what is happening for them in the moment. Global Leadership Foundation, Gayle Hardie

Leadership is affirmation. For leaders who show interest in others it is vital. As a leader recognizes this and intentionally put an effort into showing interest will reap an aw show interest in others is vital and as a leader recognizes this and intentionally puts an effort into showing interest will reap the reward of a positive work culture.

Read article #10 here. 

Affirmation Is Leadership: #8 Say Thank You. An 11-Part Series.

Let me go deeper than my previous article on showing appreciation. As we talk about leadership as affirmation we need to understand how important it is for leaders to say thank you. Say thank you needs to convey more than just appreciation or recognition of what someone is doing. This is why I want to talk a little bit more about saying thank you and this article.

Verbal expressions of appreciation and especially saying thank you is extremely important for leaders. Leaders often are at the higher levels in the organization but they are often distant from what is happening in the ranks below them. Leaders often depend on managers to carry out the goals and objectives that have been delegated through appropriate systems and to teams members. Saying thank you means that leaders must go beyond just using words.

Establishing culture within the organization is a major responsibility of the leader. Manager simply carry out tasks and activities that keep the mission and goals of the organization accountable. Culture within the organization means establishing how we officially both informally and formally say thank you.

Managers typically are not very good at this because they may feel as if their job is to get more productivity out of those that report to them. Yet, leaders create a culture of showing how and developing ways of saying thank you.

Whether that comes from upper management  or it  comes from mid-management, your direct report (the boss), or it is communities from the leader at the top, it is important that individuals not only hear thank you but they also feel appreciated. It’s very necessary for the culture of an organization to permit everyone to be encouraging and to convey thanks-giving to their peers as well as those at all levels of the organization.

Leaders need to develop the culture of affirmation in the organization. It is their primary function because of the benefits to employees and the health of the organization. A culture of affirmation also helps to retain good employees. People stay when they feel that someone notices their contribution to goals and objectives.

Take a break and outline the qualities you believe make a great leader. You may ultimately come up with a list of values and objectives. But this article direct your thoughts for just a few moments on being a transformational leader. 7 Transformational Qualities.

Leadership is affirmation! It is so important for leaders to create a culture of thanks-giving. The organization is driven by the way they are made to feel as well as being recognized for their unique contribution, especially from those in leadership. If the leader doesn’t recognize how important it is to establish affirmation it is likely that you will not retain morale within the organization nor will they retain good employees in your organization.

Read article #9 here.

Affirmation Is Leadership: #7 Appreciate Genuinely. An 11-Part Series.

Saying thank you or showing appreciation in general does not require leadership qualities. Everyone can show appreciation. As a leader however, when you do show appreciation in a genuine way it does convey something that is above and beyond typical expectations of leadership.

Every leader differentiates from management or supervision when they don’t just correct behaviors or follow policies but they actually encourage the strengths and abilities of those that they lead. It is especially true as leaders recognize the potential they see. Whether a CEO of a major corporation or the president of a small organization, leadership takes on a new depth when a leader shows appreciation.

To demonstrate genuineness in leadership you must convey a heart felt and intentional act of kindness toward someone or as you develop a recognition program in your organization. People don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them. Our genuine affirmation isn’t always noticed but it does make a difference.

For leaders who go beyond simple politics or niceness, it demonstrates a giving attitude and nurtured opportunities for those around they lead. This is more of an art than a science because it requires an individual being creative, while working in appropriate ways, to show not only warmth but interest in helping others develop personally and professionally. Attitude is key while showing healthy boundaries as well. Catching someone doing something according to your mission or goals is what a true leader looks for in their workers. Showing appreciation requires a leader to highlight what is in accordance to the mission, goals, and objectives of the organization.

Leaders may convey appreciation in some of the following ways;

1. Saying thank you. Leaders express thanks-giving, which is important because it shows that they are aware of what is being accomplished in the organization. It is in-part giving recognition to those that are doing the work.

2. Creating memorable moments through celebrations is another way that leaders can communicate their appreciation to the team.

Highlighting milestones and achievement of goals is important. In doing so, as a group it conveys trust in individuals as well as showing the genuine appreciation that people long for.

3. Writing notes is important especially when it is a consistent activity that is not isolated to one individual. One thing that a leader doesn’t want to do is to convey favortism. It can create a misunderstanding and often conveyors an inappropriate action. Activities such as sending flowers or other gifts is not appropriate because it’s not something that can be conveyed consistently across all of your employees. For an office where there is only one administrative leader it could be misunderstood as well but providing a gift from the leadership board is an act of genuine appreciation.

4. Making a public statement of appreciation is also an effective way of conveying trust and appreciation but it also establishes the example of the mission being fulfilled. Certain values that are consistent to your mission help create the culture and developing the culture of appreciation which also helps others in management to follow the leader.

Leadership is affirmation. Shown through actions and words affirmation helps convey the importance of your team and it elevates the status of every individual. By doing this helps those that may not work as hard or demonstrates well their commitment to the team and the organization’s values and mission.

Read article #8 here. 

Affirmation Is Leadership: #6 Meaningful Moments. An 11-Part Series.

There is a completely different meaning for those who are managers from those who lead. While some skills are transferable the in results are very different. Play were gonna look at those definitions but most importantly we are going to find that leaders look for meaningful moments in the relationship to deepen one’s understanding of themselves and how they relate to the organization.

Manager look for teachable moments. They rely on performance reviews and evaluations that help point out ways someone could improve. The manager is always looking at the bottom line in the end results. They see people as utilities that help them reach their objectives. Some managers use leadership tactics but their bottom line is still the objective.

Leaders are like coaches. A coach is always looking for that meaningful moment where they could reinforce the skills and strengths of an individual that would help them to perform better in their development. Coaches look for opportunities to stretch their players. Leaders are very influential because they look for opportunities to have meaningful moments. Leaders know that if someone else succeeds, it is an opportunity to celebrate victories.

I believe that leadership equals affirmation. It is not enough to just say, "Good job." It is most important to celebrate the victories of each employee, player, and others in lthr organization.

Leaders are not threatened by the wins of others. Leaders, in fact look for ways to make celebrations meaningful moments. This helps others to achieve more because of the affirmation from leadership.

Leadership is about affirmation especially because of meaningful moments. Within every organization you will find people who have leadership skills; that is the ability to affirm others and celebrate meaningful moments.

Read article #7 here.

Affirmation Is Leadership: #5 Renewing the Soul. An 11-Part Series.

Some people wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it’s morning." Others wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord." Which side of the morning do you wake up on?
If you lead people with excellence you likely are the kind of person that wakes up in the morning with a positive outlook on life. It’s this kind of leadership that will raise the tide for everyone in your organization. Your leadership is reflected by those you serve.

I have seen it over and over again whether in the board room of a large company, meeting room of a not-for-profit organization, or among those on the factory floor, people in the organization reflect their leader. I’ve had many occasions to work with churches over the years; even pastored a few. These organizations are not exempt from the characteristics of their leader. People tend to look like and act like those that lead them. Positive or negative, upbeat or disheartened, excitable or dreary, all have been influenced by their leader.

 

A leader that is effective is someone who renews the soul of others. They are not the kind of people that draw energy out of others but rather the kind of people that energize those around them. I don’t believe that it’s just a personality trait but it’s a characteristic, whether intentional or natural, that good leaders communicate. Leaders who affirm other leaders in the organization build up those around them.

Leadership is defined by AFFIRMATION; the ability to affirm others. In this article the focus is in the renewal of the soul. A manager is often bossy and can discourage but a leader renews the soul. A leader will lift other’s burden and find ways to encourage the heart and soul.

To affirm is leadership -- Leaders build up not tear-down! 

To affirm is to build others up. Leaders are effective when they use compliments or cheer for others even if it means not getting any credit for wins in the organization. The ability to renew the soul of others is key to being a positive and impactful leader.

Read article #6 here.

Affirmation Is Leadership: #4 Influence. An 11-Part Series.

Those in authority possess power for good or bad. Their role in any organization is both commanding and controlling. Most in those roles are not prepared to be a leader however. Leadership is not just about the position you hold in your organization, it is about having influence. Those that possess influence know that it is a privelage not a right. To possess influence is a fickle business.

AFFIRMATION #4: INFLUENCE.
John C. Maxwell has been known for his most popular saying, "Leadership is influence." He has likely said this 100,000 times over the years and has written many best seller books to prove this maxim over-and-over.

I contend that leadership is about affirmation and over these next few articles I plan to spell out the meaning of leadership by writing a principle article spelling out affirmation. The first three are attentive to others, recognizing that feelings matter, and being fun-loving. Why? It is in these qualities that leaders convey trust, fairness, and humanness. These are significant and they may contribute to one’s influence but the principle stands alone in that leadership is influence.

It isn’t just because Maxwell says so; that is already proven. It is observed in nearly every church, organization, business, executive management team, and in government. If you can win friends and influence people, you can win! Carnegie was and is right! Being influential positions people with the ability to lead. Maxwell is right as well when he wrote about the 5-Levels of Leadership. The weakest of levels is positional leadership with the strongest level being based on influence.

So how does this relate to affirmation? It relates because as we have influence it is most notably because people like us, or because of a freely given position to leading others. When we have influence we are able to convey a quality of mutuality and trust. Likely this is part of the affirmation continuum. First comes trust, fairness, and humanness.

To lead requires the ability of affirmation through influence. It happens that as we possess more than positional leadership we rise to a level where those who follow permit us to lead, therefore feeling and believing in our leadership. Not a small task mind you. When people freely follow, and even are led by our influence, this demonstrates authentic leadership at its core.

Leadership Article #5

Affirmation Is Leadership: #3 Fun-loving. An 11-Part Series.

Leading isn’t boring! It isn’t intended to be dull or a drag. To lead is not just about giving a commanding presence, it is about setting the tone and attitude of the organization and those who give serve it’s mission.


AFFIRMATION #3: FUN-Loving.
John Maxwell speaks on attitude in book, Developing the Leader Within (2005) when he writes, "A leader's attitude is caught by his or her followers more quickly than his or her actions." I believe that leaders who learn to laugh, lighten up, and bring fun to an organization are truly the successful ones. People follow those with good attitudes and positive outlooks in life.

In biblical terms we find many helpful definitions of leadership including having a good attitude. Philippians is full of passages that strengthen the importance having a good attitude.

Philippians 2:4-5 -- Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

In the day and age that we live it’s important more than ever before that leaders demonstrate healthy humor. So often we hear about leaders who act in inappropriate ways or use their position of power to manipulate. Workplace harassment and inappropriate actions have served to bring injury and lack of trust in the workplace.

Of course, there are healthy ways to communicate a fun loving spirit. Comedians and sitcom shows often convey humor in less than appropriate ways but true leaders maintain integrity without setting aside a good sense of humor. They neither put one another down nor single anyone out to convey humor. Being human means allowing yourself levity and helping your team feel good about the organization they serve. Maxwell said it best when he said that "people buy into the leader before they buy into the vision."

Leaders are affirming and part of that includes being fun-loving. People respond to a positive attitude at work. Managers often employee different strategies of threat or pressure to get what they want done but true leaders have followers because of their quick wit, humor, and good attitude. Good leaders lead by walking around in order for there be opportunities to develop good will among employees.

Leadership is affirmation and not only does it include being attentive to needs, it also understands that feelings matter. It also includes the ability to be fun-loving.

Leadership Article #4

Affirmation Is Leadership: #2 Feelings Matter. An 11-Part Series.

Leadership is mostly about affirmation. Over the next several weeks I will be exploring this topic by spelling out principles using the letters for AFFIRMATION. There are many books that have been written on this very topic. Most talk a great deal about leading others but they don’t clearly convey how leaders lead. They assume that there are natural born leaders or that being in a position of authority is equal to leadership.

In this article I propose that feelings matter and leaders need to be aware of this. So often leaders are told that they should not care about what people think or what people feel but I contend that leaders must care about the feelings of others. We are people and we have feelings. This is part of the human condition and in fact it is what makes us very human. Managers often see people as simply utilities, resources that fulfill objectives.

AFFIRMATION #2: FEELINGS matter.

Leaders acknowledge that we have feelings. Leaders don’t make decisions based on feelings however the old adage is true; "People may not remember what you do or say but they will remember how you made them feel." Leaders acknowledge that people are human and that their feelings are part of who they are. People offer themselves with abilities but they also bring feelings. Feelings are necessary when working with others; empathy is vital to successful leadership.

Authenticity is vital for leaders if they want to be trusted. People are not robots, taking orders mindlessly. Many managers miss this essential truth, feelings matter. Being heard is a feeling that creates trust and can lead to further engagement in the mission or objective. Leadership means affirmation that includes feelings of others. In fact, those in authority do better if they also share vulnerabilities of their own. It shows your need of others and this can develop a team spirit.
Doug Sunheim says that leaders often hide their feelings in fear of loosing control staying at arms length. Sunheim says, "But in reality, doing so diminishes our control and weakens our capacity to lead...."

Emotions are critical to everything a leader must do: build trust, strengthen relationships, set a vision, focus energy, get people moving, make tradeoffs, make tough decisions, and learn from failure. Without genuine emotion these things always fall flat and stall. You need emotion on the front end to inform prioritization. You need it on the back end to motivate and inspire. Leadership & Emotions according to Doug Sundheim

Affirming others means being willing to connect with others on an emotional basis. Feelings matter!

Leadership Article #3

Affirmation Is Leadership: #1 Leaders are Attentive. An 11-Part Series.

Leadership is something everybody talks about and many believe that they are living it out. Many training conferences on leadership teach that it is about getting results or getting others to do what you want but that isn’t the whole picture. Many confuse management and leadership. I have discovered that leaders are people who affirm others. They work to build others up and to bring out the leadership qualities and others. They are seldom threatened by others but strive to bring others into leadership. They share the responsibility and the rewards. Leadership has less to do with yourself and more to do with others.

Over the next few weeks I will be exploring this topic I talking about how leaders a firm others. I will be using the letter that spell out AFFIRMATION in the next few articles; it is about motivating and encouraging others.

AFFIRMATION #1: ATTENTIVE to the needs of others.

When I worked at Indiana Wesleyan University I was able to attend their Society of World Changers when they inducted S. Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A. He was given the opportunity to speak about some of his leadership beliefs. One of the most profound and humorous things and he stated that day was; "How do you know when someone needs encouragement?" He continued, "When they are breathing!"


A leader is someone who begins their leadership by attending to the needs of others. Leaders guide. Leaders listen. They are less a boss and more like a coach. Leaders that manage do little more than getting people to do things. Leaders engage people!

Managers are not necessarily leaders. I contend that while these people may be in a leadership position they do not necessarily have the influence necessary to lead effectively. Managers put the organization or task before the person. Leaders put the person first. You may think to yourself that the organization may suffer with this kind of leader ship but I contend that the leader makes every effort to raise the awareness of not only a person’s potential but also the opportunities within the organization as well. Lift up a person and you lift up the organization they serve.

All throughout Scripture you find examples of affirmation. Throughout the New Testament you find many expressions that include the words, "one another". Go ahead and do a Bible search and you’ll find many passages that talk about encouraging and spurring on "one another." Each of these expressions in the scripture talk a great deal about the needs that all of us have. Love one another. Serve one another. Encourage one another. Motivate one another. Remain faithful to one another.

Submit to one another.


Leaders attend to needs. In fact as the leader attends to the needs of others it engages and strengthens those they lead but the organization as well. Think about your most basic needs. Your needs are what sustain your life or happiness or what motivate you to get up in the morning. As a leader cultivates you and meets your needs you will inevitably accomplish more.

Leadership equals affirmation. The first letter that helps define what a true leader is starts with being ATTENTIVE to needs. Whether it’s simply listening or providing sincere encouragement or even giving direction, you are meeting needs and putting people first.

Leadership is attending to the needs of others; it is worth the investment and the return on this investment in people has heavy rewards for them and for the leader.

Leadership Article #2

Things We Say But Cannot Take Back: Dangerous Sayings.

You and I have done it! We have said something to someone that we wish we could take back. Maybe in anger we have voiced our thoughts in damaging words. You may be like me, I have said something to someone that was not intended to be critical or harsh but it happened. In recent days I have been known for losing my filter; that is I have put to voice what was on my mind. Thankfully it is said more often in humor and with a good attitude. At times it is a joke or a funny expression that comes out at the wrong time. While it may not have hurt anyone it is never-the-less something that is said that I cannot take back.

We all do it and we all wish we could turn back the clock or find ways to apologize for what we shouldn’t have said. Having a clear conscience has meaning. We wish we could have said something or done something to someone differently. Here are some of the common attitudes and sayings that we may have done or said. 

There are two perspectives that contribute to the way we treat others. Too often our attitudes and beliefs determine how we act and the motives behind what we say. 

1. Attitudes become patterns that can contribute to hurtful things. 

What are our motives behind what we say? There are selfish motivations that stir our attitudes and they can contribute to hurtful things. 

Words in themselves may not be distructive since it is the intent of those words that cause us to respond negatively. As we promote negative attitudes we can bring injury to another. 

2. Beliefs are like systems that control our viewpoints that are too often dogmas that can damage people. 

The dogma of our beliefs can bring division. As we develop beliefs without love we can cause damage in relationships. Cultural differences, experiences, and world views can create such systems that exist and can cause hurtful things to be said. Without love our beliefs are not rooted in a healthy context of relationship. Even the Apostle Paul in the scriptures states that being present with giftedness and talents and lacking love we are a resounding gong (I Corinthians 13). It is like an empty chamber that echoes hollow. 

We say things we don’t mean that become realities. Words have the power to create. What we say becomes real. God made us into beings with the power to create. Realities take on life that will control us and often restrict us. It begins with our spoken words.

Proverbs 16:23 -- From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.

Phrases we say can bring bitter hurts or bring healing. These phrases are often based on our attitudes and beliefs. 

A. Any phrase that begins with ‘YOU’.

Statements that start with ‘YOU’ are seldom positive. They are often accusatory. They put others on defense and cause strife. People that receive these kinds of statements lose face. They have to defend their pride. 

Expressing how we feel is healthy if we maintain a heart of love and hope to bring healing. Sharing healthy "I feel" statements are helpful. Start by saying, "I feel hurt when...." This is a disarming expression because it is not intended to be forceful or cause a defensive attitude. 

B. Phrases that include the words ‘ALWAYS’ or ‘NEVER’.

When we use the words always or never to assign blame we state an undetermined variable. Time is assigned that creates unnecessary tension. I encourage us to not say something we will regret especially as we qualify it with an indefinite expression.  Never and always has no end a specially in what we say.

It may not have the virtuous ring of the golden rule, but the maxim 'never say never' is one of the most important in ethics. Julian Baggini

Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/julian_baggini_561783?src=t_never_say_never

C. Phrases that are intended to hurt or create division.

In the Bible book of James we learn that the tongue is the central control of the entire body. If we can control our tongue we will have the discipline to take every thought captive as well but who can bridle the tongue?

James 3:6-7 -- And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,...

We should hold our tongue because it can bring distraction and division. Someone once said that the patterns of our life dictate our outcomes because they stem from the very core of who we are.

D. Phrases that are spoken in anger. 

Never let the sun go down on your wrath is a biblical truth as well as a euphemism that exemplifies this next principle. When words are spoken in anger and emotions are attached and assigned blame is given. Unfortunately so often when there is a hostile exchange there is an assigned feeling attached and then words of anger that are spiteful. Not only do we state things that we cannot take back but we also exchange feelings that can no longer be replaced. 

In 2019, we can start anew with a good attitude. As we set our resolutions and goals for the coming year we need to have a positive attitude as well as beliefs that are exchanged in the heart of love.

In 2019, we can offer words that heal. Just as Proverbs 25:15 reminds us that soft speech can break bones so too soft answers turn away wrath.

Proverbs 25:15 -- Patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can break bones.

What mighty hope the tongue can persuade! As we hold back that which we feel tempted to say, our soft speech can break bones.

Attitudes and beliefs have the power to create good or ultimately render destruction. You may be tempted to say never and always but consider the imperative of such words. Perhaps like The Wood Brothers, "Never and Always", you may find salvation is just out of reach! 

The next time that you think about saying something ask yourself this simple question, "Will what I say heal or hurt?"

Setting 2019 Resolutions: Consider Others.

Every year we all set resolutions. In the making of our resolutions we often consider them goals or objectives that would help us to achieve personal objectived or the fulfillment of a mission. While most set goals and objectives I would like you to consider what it would be like to consider others as you set your resolutions. As you set goals you are encouraged to make them S.M.A.R.T goals - Setting SMART goals.

Let me offer three reasons why each of us should consider others when setting our own resolutions and goals for 2019. 

Society is based on one simple value called reciprocity. This is the ability to exchange fairly and evenly what is being offered in good will. In simple terms it is to reciprocate, that is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In the biblical definitions of scripture, we refer to this as the Golden Rule because it takes the value of simple reciprocity one step further. It is not only about what we gain but additionally for the good will toward others that includes the value of love not just equity. Research shows that we may actually improve on keeping goals if they have a positive difference on others - Doing good is repeatable.

1. Personal goals are not yours alone. 

When setting personal goals the striking reality is that they are not for our exclusive purpose but bring meaning beyond ourselves. When we set goals we inadvertently do so to improve ourselves or do achieve purpose that ultimately goes beyond our own objectives.

Quite often people will set goals to lose weight or even to establish educational objectives. It is in these goals that we think that they will only benefit ourselves but the truth is that the meaning and significance of these goals are not just to stay healthy or to accomplish more. We often want others to think better of us. If we choose to set a goal for weight loss or to create healthy habits we often offer words of advice to others as we accomplish these goals in ourselves. As we achieve we often do so but we tell others of our accomplishments. It’s not for personal gain but it is for the effort of helping others along the way.

Often we will post our goals on social media or tell others so that they could keep us accountable but nevertheless it is for personal glory as well as a demonstration that these goals are not for ourselves alone. Within each of us lies the innate desire to not only improve personally but to help others improve as well. Often our motivation is selfish but the results are effective for others as well. 

Since these are goals that go beyond ourselves, even without realizing it we undoubtedly help others. Therefore we should realize the importance of choosing goals that help ourselves as well as others. 

2. Personal goals do influence others. 

Every goal, like every decision we make does impact others for good or not so good. Goals are often an exchange for something that brings personal satisfaction but they do influence others as well. 

Not only do people look to us as models or examples but sometimes people mimic our actions in an effort to better themselves or help increase their value. Perhaps this is why we set goals to read books or to go to school. Every decision we make has the potential of influencing others.

Even those who are at the highest level of executive privilege or rank will often set goals that go far beyond themselves. Therefore I would contend that we are people of influence with every goal or resolution we make. Wouldn’t it make sense that we would consider that when making goals?

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." – Henry David Thoreau

When setting goals I contend that it would be impossible to only improve yourself because of the influence that we all have on others. Making resolutions have consequences beyond ourselves.

3. Personal goals have the power to transform the good will of others. 

We have the power within our sphere of influence to set goals for ourselves and others. As we recognize the power of those in financial goals we must realize that we have the ability to transform those around us for good will. 

Every healthy society has the fair exchange of ideas and actions that produces the health and welfare of others. As we achieve our personal goals we make a difference whether we want to or not. Unfortunately many will manipulate to the extent that their achievements will not benefit everyone unless we choose for the good will of all.

Matthew 7:12 - Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

For Christians it is imperative that we acknowledge the importance of our resolutions as being helpful in bringing good will to others. Every believer in Christ understands how imperative our mission is for not just ourselves but for the demonstration of God’s love. 

Each of these reasons I gave here are not only logical but each of us know how important it is to set resolutions in 2019. 

"Helping, giving, volunteering, and other actions undertaken to benefit others play a critical role in protecting health, promoting education, fighting poverty and hunger, and providing disaster relief," the researchers write. - Research shows what doing good produces.

Our goals are not set for ourselves alone but as we make goals to improve ourselves we also have influence on others who mimic us or choose to achieve goals of improvement as well. Since we are setting goals we have the potential of creating good will in those around us as well as in our own communities or organizations. 

I contend that we ought to set goals for ourselves with a clear understanding that we are changing and transforming communities around us for the good. Here is a list of feel good ideas in doing good: Ideas for doing good.

New in 2019: Yourself.

Makeover. Transform. Renew you! These are the days for renewed interest in personal goals that have the potential of making you new! I love the motivating statement, "Live today in such a way that yesterday becomes jealous." This means making improvements and achieving goals each day! 

Every year everyone has the same opportunity to begin again. Companies use this time of year to start new initiatives. Organizations like churches and other not-for-profit groups are excused to bring a renewed call for change. A new year means that you can take a brief break to review your profit-loss statements, making resolutions that bring improvements. 

We make resolutions when we choose to reform ourselves through simple decisions to act anew. A resolution is a firm (not wishy-washy) decision. 

Let me offer a few suggestions on making resolutions!

1. Keep it simple.

When setting goals it is essential to keep your resolution (s) simple enough to act upon. It is in the little steps that most is accomplished. Too often we want to set big goals and they can be too unmanageable and unattainable. 

By naming your objective in simple terms you can reward your success. This in-turn allows you to reward your success in meaningful ways. In fact, set not only goals but also the rewards for getting there. Attainable goals encourage you to take the next step. If you create complexities in reaching your goals you may bring discouragement upon yourself. Step-by-step, day-by-day, moment-by-moment you will accomplish your goals and achieve more than you thought you could. 

2. Keep smiling.

When I was in high school weights class I made every effort to impress our friends. I was really good at lifting so adding more weights did not have a negative effect on my legs-strengthening routine. I worked my routine with short term power lifting because I was always building up my strength conditioning. Having a bike delivery paper route was my conditioning. I didn’t have much upper-body strength but focusing on my area of strength helped me achieve more. 

The same is also true in setting new goals. If we focus on our area of strength we are more likely to achieve better. In doing this we are able to smile more at our successes because it is less painful than focusing on our failures and weaknesses. By focusing on existing strengths you are able to do more and quickly. 

Achieving goals send a smile to your face! It feels good to reach your objectives. The journey isn’t all that bad either because you set simple objectives, easy to remember and fun to accomplish. 

3. Keep value-centered objectives.

As you set goals and resolutions you should start with your heart first. So often we said arbitrary goals like weight loss or educational goals without considering what we truly value in life. What is it that you like or areas that bring you joy? Start there and you will enjoy your efforts. 

If you start with your values you will find enjoyment in your activity to achieve. For example, if you love family you’ll set goals consistent with building up your family or if education is a value you can make your goal to read just one more book (or whatever it is) to your meet your annual goal. 

As you renew yourself in-keeping with your values, as you lead your company with new objectives, or as you consider your organizational mission and goals, don’t be afraid of shaking up the very core of why you exist. In fact, as you ask why you exist, act on your passion and strengths. 

In 2019, press on to reach your full potential. 

Philippians 3:12 -- (Pressing toward the Goal) I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.

Don’t be afraid to make resolutions. Everyone should press into their potential by renewing yourself. God has created you with incredible potential. He has gifted you. He has provided you with the ability of creativity. We can never exhaust our ultimate potential in Christ. If we don’t set goals we may plateau and underachieve, settling for average not excellence. 

Keeping your resolutions simple enough to remember and focusing on your strengths as well as keeping them value-centered can help you stay motivated when the going gets rough. Keep it simple, keep smiling, and keep your goals value-centered will combine to increase your success in keeping your resolutions in 2019. 

Christmas Gift - The Joy of Giving & Making An Eternal Difference!

Christmas is that time of year when we are reminded that giving is central to the theme of this special Holiday. Sure, we all love to receive and we look forward to opening special gifts that were purchased with that perfect gift in mind. Today I want to also remind you of how wonderfully generous we can be as we meet the needs of the vulnerable, oppressed, and often forgotten.

I have seen it first hand. Whether it is ringing the Salvation Army Red Kettle Bell or helping to promote the Giving Tree programs at White's Residential and Family Services (White's RFS) or even your favorite church project or favorite charity, it is so very exciting to know that these gifts are making a difference. I like to think that this kind of giving has an eternal perspective that goes beyond just the Christmas Day.

As we give with the intent to make a difference in the life of another, I believe that we touch heaven and our gift has an eternal consequence. It is making a difference in someone else even if they don't realize it or recognize it. What we do here today echoes for eternity!

Last year in particular I purchased a gift for someone that seems to have little or no regard for God's love for her or those around her. I know that what we do for Christ in not in vain. I know that God's Word and His Love doesn't return void.  I purchased a small gift that year for someone that loved art and especially drawing. My goal was to keep this secret and simply pass it onto the parent to give.  My desire was to show God's unconditional Love for her even if I didn't get credit. Even now, I hesitate telling this story but it serves to prove my point.  Even though my gift was anonymous I saw the recipient drawing using the very art set I gave. I can't help but believe that God gave her the gift of art and is using the gift in far more intangible ways.

This year at White's RFS we promote a Giving Tree Project where churches can promote the collection of gifts and even themed baskets for Foster Children and Foster Families. It was a real joy to see how the church people responded to these efforts. Many responded. Two churches that I witnessed up-close were the New Life Church in Kokomo and the Cornerstone Wesleyan Church and their Christian School.

To see the joy on the faces of the staff and in particular the 60 children from the Cornerstone Christian School was remarkable. Their giving to help other children in need beyond themselves was incredible. On of the adult donors told me that she decided to divide her Christmas budget in half so that she could sponsor the needs of foster children. She said, "My grand-kids will understand. After all, they get too much anyways. They will understand." 

Giving when it is in the name of Jesus, no matter the amount of sacrifice or the price of the gift is everlasting. With God little is much!

This is a reminder for us today. As we give we can be assured that it is not in vain. Whether it is to our children, grand-kids, neighbors, or even strangers, God can use these tangible gifts in intangible ways.  It is such a great reminder that is is truly more blessed to give than receive.

Take time right now to think of ways you can give. It may be your time. It may be a few coins. It may even require you write a check or swipe your credit card. Whatever the amount, God can transform this into an eternal difference.

Taking Grand-kids To Breakfast -- What I Learn from Them.

Many weekends we have our grand-kids overnight and we enjoy going to some of our favorite places and share some favorite experiences. Saturday mornings we usually go for breakfast at a local restaurant named Richard’s. Our waitress, Nancy usually knows what we want as we walk into the door. Recently our grand-kids have decided that they want to give the restaurant a new name and give our waitress a nickname. They watch a cartoon called, "Fancy Nancy". This has prompted them to call our waitress by her new name and the restaurant name is now, "Fancy Nancy’s" restaurant.

These and other events are wonderful memories that we hope our grand-kids will keep with them for a long time to come. We started out just wanting to help our grandchildren develop their social aptitude. They used to be shy, especially Jase. These activities helped them to become friendly and now they talk to almost anyone wherever we go. I suppose our next lesson will have to be on setting boundaries because they love to talk.

Kids teach us many things. You know this if you’re a guardian, parent or grandparent. Kids have a way of turning the table on the lessons that we promote. Often, as our grand-kids grow they begin to tell us the difference between right and wrong and remind us of other lessons they have learned.
Our grand-kids are learning like so many other kids the values we hold. We have tried to impress as many lessons as we can but many times they will turn those lessons around on us. Once Ellie told me that I wasn’t listening very well and simply said, "Papaw, you said we should listen. I am talking to you."




The following are a few things that our grand-kids have taught us as we have made every attempt to instill values on them. I truly believe that as you train up a child they will not depart from it even into their adult life.

1. Honesty. (Kids say the darnedest things.)

We’ve often instruct our kids that honesty is always the best policy. They are usually very honest in what they say, and what they repeat hearing us say. Children don’t need to be taught how to lie because it seems as if it is just part of the human nature. As wonderful and delightful as they are we have discovered this far too often. We work hard at helping them to be honest. In the midst of that process sometimes the words and the correction that we share echoes back into our own lives.
I love to tease and tell stories and once Ellie told me that I should tell the truth. Of course, I often tease others and she is finding it hard to know the difference between kidding and being honest. She learns by watching me and I think I need to be a better example. I have learned that integrity is spelled with two eyes!



2. Play. (Crayons & games.)

Seemingly every restaurant has the activity book and crayons to help keep the kids interested. I’ve often learn to play many rounds of connect the dots and Tic-Tac-Toe. How often it is that as we age we also become more serious about work but kids help us to be lighthearted and to enjoy play.
Kids learn to play which teaches them to share, take turns, and keep the rules so that the game fun and fair. These lessons help children to develop healthy understandings of fairness and helpfulness. I am learning that play is just as important as work.

3. Dependence. (Being safe.)

As a parent you can usually see with a different perspective and even the hidden dangers that children often forget. Walking through the parking lot you’re always mindful of the dangers. Meeting strangers is another example of how important it is that your children learn to be careful. Once Jase and Ellie were out on a walk with me and Jase started to cross the street without looking. A truck was nearing our location which caused me to quickly snatch his arm and pull him safely back. It broke Jase’s heart because he didn’t see the danger but only experience my reaction to danger. I tried to explain but all I really could do was hold him and assure him of my love and protective embrace.

I am all too often very independent and self-reliant. There are times when God has to pull me to safety and causing me to question Him. In my independence I try to "go it alone." I am learning that as a child of God I need to depend more on God and not as self-sufficient which sounds a lot like the word selfish.

 

4. Manners. (Be kind and consider others.)

Whether it’s helping children to say things politely or have polite actions, learning manners is a very important social skill. Teaching manners isn’t easy when kids want to have fun, especially when there are two of them competing to get attention. They are naturally self-oriented. Their needs or wants are important and they feel they should come first.

I remember one experience when we took our son Jon with us to a restaurant. It was one of the few times we ate out in a restaurant. He was around three or four years of age. We kept trying to get him to eat his meal but he just wanted to look at everyone around the restaurant. He would try to get their attention. He kept pointing and saying, "People, people." So we told him, "We’re people too!" To our surprise he replied with a look of confusion saying, "You not people!" What I learned that day was the importance of why we teach manners. It has less to do with my behavior and more to do with being courteous to others. Helping children learn proper manners also includes teaching them how to give and care for others. Manners go beyond being polite but modeled after Christ, it teaches others how to love.

5. New experiences are scary. (Learning to trust.)

Every day there are new adventures for our grand-kids. There are so many opportunities to learn and grow. In many cases our grand-kids are adventurous but there are those new experiences that can feel intimidating and scary. Our kids often back away because of fear but we try to help them to trust and to take a risk whether it’s meeting new people or doing new things. Certain fears are healthy like the fear of heights or the fear for your personal safety.

There are far more exciting things that our grand-kids need not be afraid of. They are learning that it’s okay to give a hug to an elderly person or to talk with someone who may be a stranger to them but our friend. As many times as we try to teach them we received just as many reminders to ourselves that new experiences are scary but we can learn to trust. I have also learned from them that the things we fear the most may actually not be frightening after all. Trying new things can be healthy and dispel the FALSE EVIDENCE that APPEARS REAL; making us FEAR what isn’t real.

The Bible has much to say about raising children and perhaps the biggest lesson that could be gained is what Jesus said to a religious leader. He may have even thought that he knew enough as a religious leader yet Nicodemus was reminded that he must receive Jesus as a little child.

John 3:3 -- "Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.’"

That too is the lesson for us. We must receive the Kingdom of God as a little child because, as we grow older we forget the simple things and the innocence of our youth.

Lesson Learned Eavesdropping on Conversations!

You know you’ve done it! It is an impolite act but who would ever call you out? It isn’t like you are peeking out your window like Mrs. Kravitz in Bewitched who spied on the peculiar  behaviors of Samantha. (See this clip Bewitched with Mrs. Kravitz)

I am a people watcher and eavesdropping on conversations is a favorite pastime. You can learn a lot when you quietly observe. I’ve learned plenty as I have perfected my art of listening. 

Leading phrases can peak your interest:

Did you hear what so-and-so did?

Have you heard what they are doing at work?

You wouldn’t believe what I heard! 

In addition to these leading lines, I have heard almost every inappropriate joke. I have heard some of the most insulting opinions you could imagine. I have been shocked by things people say when they think no one is listening! 

The scripture says to not let any unwholesome talk come out from our lips. Say what is only pleasing innGod’s sight. 

Ephesians 5:4 -- Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes--these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.

Gossip, lying, & negative talk can be damaging but what is worse is that our words have the power to create! What we say may become alive in our heart & mind. Proverbs 18:21 reads: "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." We think that we may be just venting frustrations & believe that we are gaining sympathies but in actuality we may be feeding our own negative outlook. 

I love the saying, "Live today in such a way that yesterday becomes jealous." Our outlook and self-talk actually can determine our future. 

Just as I sit to listen to my nearby booth neighbors at restaurants or other places, I am reminded today that God is also eavesdropping on what we say and even think. 

What Will Last.

Rev. Rick Carder | Director of Church Engagement 

Doing what will last beyond ourselves is everyone’s goal and clearly it is in the hands of the mission-minded. Individuals and organizations place a high premium on developing its core value and purpose. It’s as if what we do here today echoes for eternity.

Jesus compelled his disciples to let the little children come to Him.. His intentional act of love shown to children points to our highest priority. James defined true religion as caring for the orphan, those who are the least and most vulnerable among us.

There are nearly 1/2 million children in foster care or waiting to be adopted with as many as 19,000 in the state of Indiana alone. (*) We can imagine fear and anxiety a child or teenager feels when they are in out-of-home placement. Many arrive to a foster home with all of their belongings stuffed into a plastic bag. Our systems of care are overwhelmed by their needs that often become tragic headlines.

Their story doesn’t have to end in headlines. Each of us possess the abilities and resources to make a difference in the lives of those we are called to love and protect. Are there tangible ways that you could make a difference today? Can you shelter just one, offering Christian hospitality? Will you be the catalyst that champions this cause for the least of these? Will you host a discussion or presentation about Foster Care & Adoption?

Together we can pray & make an eternal difference in the name of Christ!

Proverbs 31:8-9 reads; "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

*AFCARS Report / Indiana DCS