What Aunts & Uncles Teach Us About OURSELVES!

Reflections on childhood memories are often a mixed bag of thoughts and feelings. Like me, you may have had a variety of personal experiences. Largely, because of my varied family relationships, it makes this article a curious process. Bear with me as I offer a variety of ideas and perhaps uncharted emotions. Over all, these experiences for me have been very positive. I have had good interactions with cousins and their parents.  This article is reflective because of the many emotional elements that accompany loss. Recently, I have experienced the loss of an uncle and aunt - in a short timeframe. Read on though, this won’t be a "poor me" rendition.

Uncles and aunts offer unique interpersonal experiences. Their role in my life are variable and it spans from my childhood memories throughout my adult life interactions. In my early days, I remember those times as aunts and uncles served as babysitters. They were early-years employers. They are mentors who have taken me to ball games and fishing trips. There were many different special events. Sometimes there are strained relationships that have impacted me in unique ways. Moreover, they are stories that I can never forget - good and not so good.

As an example of the not so good memory, let me tell you of that one time while my uncle George was babysitting me. I was caught doing a very dumb-dumb act of steeling a fistful of dumb-dumb suckers. Well, I got caught and I couldn’t outrun the consequences of my misdeed. I think that my backside still hurts a little. :-)

I grew up in a large family. I have experiences that are very wide and blended. My parents were also from large families and with this, I have had many aunts and uncles growing up. I can recall many different times I have spent with aunts and uncles. Some lived in the same area as my family while others were from out-of-town. What an interesting series of personal memories I have had over the years. You likely have varied experiences as well. Some memories are those while on family vacations while others were more frequent since some aunts and uncles lived just up the road.

There are a variety of things that family teaches us about ourselves. We may not realize it at the time but upon further reflection,  we recognize that their contribution in our lives become who we turn out to be later in life. Aunts and uncles are part of that contribution!

I can think of two specific things I learned about myself through the interactions with aunts and uncles. I see that these are things that I learned about myself because, indeed, these go beyond simple lessons that we all learn from but they become the very fabric of who we become as we grow up.

Think about it for just a moment. Think of your favorite aunt or your favorite uncle. Was it your birthday when you got that special present from your out-of-town relative? Maybe it was at that family gathering or family reunion that taught you the life lesson that sticks with you today? Was it the time you were babysat or even became the person who disciplined you for something that perhaps, your parents never even found out about?

My grandma with my uncle George and two of my aunts. 

Aunts and uncles teach us a lot about ourselves. Let me break down a few of the things they taught me.




1. How to be real.

In most of my childhood, life was about keeping it real. Our family was very transparent about how we felt about one another. Growing up was all about being who you truly are. Aunts and uncles were part of the team that raised you. It is unavoidable because, back in my day, the village raised you, not just your parents.

The role of raising children was extended to others including your aunts and uncles. You couldn’t fake your way or even hide from a watchful eye because everyone kept their eye on you. Most especially where those that were the extended parental unit. Take my uncle George as an example. When he caught me stealing suckers, he kept it very real. He didn’t let that action slide.

During those difficult and often awkward times in your life when it was difficult to talk to your parents, your aunts and  uncles were there to talk to. It’s likely that they took a special interest in you than even your parents could.

Even some of those choices that my parents told me that I couldn’t do, I got away with it from my aunts or uncles. It is not like I was going to snitch on them or anything. It is about being real. Whenever I would go to the home of Aunt Kathleen, she would often say that I can help myself to anything that I wanted in the refrigerator. I remember thinking that was so different from what my parents often said. My parents would say to keep my hands out of the cookie jar but at my aunts house, I can have as many cookies as I wanted.

With family, life is real and very raw. Family knows me better than I know myself. With aunts and uncles, you can’t fake it! It was during the overnighters at their house with cousins or go on their family vacation with family that creates special memories. In those times, life just happened in real  time. Moments happen everyday moments that are unscripted but very real.


2. How to be honest.

I remember when my aunt Kathleen told me to behave myself. It wasn’t like she was my mom but her words penetrated my soul. It was As if she knew that I was doing something that I shouldn’t. Likely, it was just a friendly greeting but it caused me to think differently about my actions. Of course they were those times when she knew exactly what was going on and was correcting me.

My mother with aunt Joey & uncle Bubber.

It’s interesting how our extended family keeps us honest. It may have been more acceptable in my day for the extended family to punish and pronounce judgment but I think even today, they provide a significant role in the raising of children.

This article is a reminder that the extended family is necessary. Our aunts and uncles provide a wealth of knowledge and a place of refuge. They are able to speak into our lives and ways that our parents are unable to. Their role is a very special role. As we grow up that relationship never changes. The way we interact becomes different but their opinions are unscripted and very raw. Their life experience becomes a lesson for us. Often they know more about us than we even know about ourselves but what we can learn is that they keep it real and how to be honest.

Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. (Bible) Titus 2:7

As an uncle myself, it is now my turn to make those contributions in the lives of my nieces and nephews! It reminds me that I need to set a positive example in real time. It’s a reminder that I need to keep it honest as well. There are plenty of opportunities to make a difference in big, but mostly small ways.

It’s those fleeting moments when we can extend our role into the life of another person. Of course there will be those fleeting  opportunities that we need to take advantage of and make a difference.

Throughout my life with the contribution of ants and uncles has taught me a lot about myself. Their  contribution continues but now I also have the opportunity to contribute into the positive welfare of  others.

Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.

Revival Unifies The Church & Mission.

They gathered to complain. They even called in the denominational leader, hoping that their complaint would be validated at the highest level. The pastor led a small congregation that was nearly closed. He desired to grow the church to the point that it could be sustainable. New people started to attend but had not yet assimilated into leadership. Their complaint? He preached too long; no, he didn’t preach long enough. Some complained that he spent too much time in outreach, while others complained that he was starting new things. Yet, others fussed that he rearrange the furniture. Their complaints rolled off their tongues so easily.

This story could be my experience or almost any pastor could share similar. We hear complaints about preferences while avoiding the topic, God’s Mission. Pastors are always developing Mission as the lead their local church. They’re making every effort to get their people on the same page so that together they could accomplish a unified effort.

This situation leads me to ask questions of revival. What would happen if the church sought revival and acted on it?

Here it is in plain sight. Acts 1:8 reminds us of our mission. Even as you turn over one page you will find Pentecost. These are the very acts of revival that included the disciples gathering  to pray and proclaim (witness of the Spirit).

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere--in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." - Acts 1:8

Revival is the very act of God working in and on His  people, calling them to a place on Purpose. He brings them to the mission. Undoubtedly this happens through corporate prayer. We find evidence of that during Pentecost. Yet, it brings us to a distinctive purpose.

"It is not always clear when prayer meetings are part of the revival itself or are proceeding it. But the distinction does not matter too much. Prayer is both the cause and result of the coming of the Spirit in revival." ~ Brian H. Edwards, Revival! A People Saturated With God, 78.

Revival does bring renewal to our soul. I believe it also does one more thing that I want to focus on in this article.

Revival brings the church together. Revival unifies the church and mission. Throughout the history of the Bible we find that gods people not only came together to pray but to also seek His Word.

One of my favorite books is, "A People Saturated with God." It was written by Brian H. Edwards, author of many books on revival and church history. His study on how revival happened in the Old Testament is remarkable. I highly recommend picking up a copy of the book and discovering what biblical revival really is.

I contend, as I read the scripture and study this book by Brian H. Edwards that revival unifies the church. We are forever, chronicled through history, dividing but revival will unite us on a common purpose. It is God‘s purpose to be his witnesses.

I am reminded of a story that you likely have heard. It is the story of a man who was stranded on a deserted island for years. After many years he was miraculously rescued. As the case revealed, he showed them where he had lived in the three huts that he had built. Each of them were magnificent structures and furnished well through the craftsmanship of many years, using only the provisions of his shipwreck and items available on the island.

"Wow!" They asked him, "What are these three magnificent structures?"  He replied, " The first one is where I live. This is where I spent much of my time dreaming of this wonderful opportunity to be rescued. The second structure is where I go to church." He told them, "I am a spiritual man and love God and every Sunday I would go and worship in this magnificent place!" They just had to marvel but asked about the third structure, "What is this third building?" He answered, "Oh, that building. That is where I used to go to church!"

He answered, "Oh, that building. That is where I used to go to church!"

You may laugh at the story but it is what the world sees in us. We are a divided house. In truth there is only one church (the church of Christ Jesus) but in reality we meet in many different locations! Those on the inside act as if they cannot see what is happening outside. Those who are on the outside see division which leads to confusion.

I enjoy the incredible idea of the church working in harmony and in unity to bring the message of the gospel to each one in our community. ReviveINDIANA brings a fresh wind of God Spirit that can unite the church and the proclamation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Their answer to revival is simple: "ONE Church. ONE Message. ONE At A Time."

For these reasons I’ve always try to get involved in community events and networks as a pastor. It reminds me that in spite of our differences, we are still one body in Christ who is the head.

Revive Indiana is an example of what can happen when God’s people gather to pray together. - KPCNews Article.

Today, my ministry is with pastors. I am always attending minister meetings, in which I attended 17 groups in the month of September alone. When I pastored in Elkhart, Indiana in the 90’s, I was part of the ministry of March for Jesus which sought to unite the church in worship. At that time, I led and attended at least a dozen pastor prayer groups throughout the region.

Today, I even help lead a pastor’s group in my own community through the Marion-Grant County Ministries Fellowship. Through my local ministry and desire is to promote Christian foster care and adoption, which I believe should be a ministry of the local church, I also enjoy seeing the church work together in harmony. I’m challenged to ask the question, what if our churches came together to wipe out the growing orphan and foster care need by working together? Each one of our churches are filled with different gifts and abilities that together would make a significant impact on the over 17,000 children and out-of-home placement in Indiana today.

To the point, revival isn’t just something that makes us more religious, it is something that radically motivates our witness for Christ! We respond to the inner work of the Holy Spirit which causes us to love one another with great intensity and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

In November we have the opportunity to see revival and our own community as we come together,  facilitated by the ministry of: ReviveINDIANA :: Grant County. This is our time!

Read more about the incredible stories from ReviveINDIANA through the book, Fire Within by Jesse Eisenhour

It’s a B-I-G Deal.

You’ve heard the phrase before, it’s a big deal! Often someone wants you to sign on the dotted line as if you will miss out if you don’t agree with such a big deal. You can’t wait to tell everyone because you just got a really good deal on your purchase. That phrase often offers up a celebration and some high-fives.

Yet, there’s another way of looking at it. Perhaps it’s not as celebrated but the information that you read causes you to say, it’s a big deal. News that’s not so great is given to you and you don’t act little because it’s a big deal. Sometimes you even lean in a little closer to make sure that you’ve heard all the details because it is such a big deal.

Today I want to give us three things to think about related to the word, B-I-G. In contacts two are thinking about the phrase, it’s a big deal, I want us to imagine what God expects of us when we see how big of an issue something really is.

You may have even read the headlines or read the column on Facebook and you say to yourself, that’s a big deal. Of course, there are those times when it is no big deal at all. However, sometimes you read something that is remarkable, impressive, overwhelming, or outstanding. And your response you can’t help but say, wow! That’s a big deal!

In the state of information overload it is awfully hard to evoke emotion out of anyone anymore. It seems as though we are over exposed and nothing really impresses us anymore. Sure, there are those sensational times that catch us off guard but it must matter. It is a big deal.
I want to remind you today I have a topic that is a big deal!

You might look around your neighborhood and see nothing too impressive. In fact, in most cases it is hidden behind closed doors and only the headlines are we read. Sometimes we are shocked but it is in every neighborhood, not so visible but, nevertheless real!

In Indiana there are over 17,000 children and out of home placement. Many of whom are placed with relatives but most are not. Children, who have no fault of their own, or placed into foster care. Often waiting hours or days and potentially held in shelter care or in the office of a case manager.
The number 17,000 is just a headliner but it doesn’t get to the very depths of the issue. It’s usually the tragic headlines that wake us from our slumber and indifference.

I speak to hundreds of pastors a year about this very topic. I try not to impress but simply try to tell the truth about how important it is for the church to step in while others are stepping out. This type of discussion needs no headliner. Children in foster care need loving and caring adults to step in and open their homes to children in need.

My wife and I did foster care for nearly eight years in the suburbs of Chicago. It was frightening and rewarding. It was a time in our lives when we felt we could make a difference by opening our home to at-risk youth.We did what we thought was right by setting guidelines and parameters that would help you thrive as they prepared for the reality of becoming a young adult, when the system of care after ended.

It was a big deal to us. It was important to step in, as an adequate as we were, to help those in need. It is a big deal to those who step up to do foster care for vulnerable children and youth today. It is a big deal to those who enter into care through foster care and adoption.
Just how big is it? Let me break it down for you.

B-I-G

1. B stands for BEING AWARE of the needs of a lost generation of children and youth!

We shouldn’t look away and pretend that it’s no big deal. While the need is overwhelming it’s important that we truly make ourselves aware that today, countless lives are being impacted at no fault of their own! They are placed with family and in foster homes. We could see the statistics but we must go beyond the headlines. It means becoming aware!

"Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless…." Isaiah 1:17

2. I stands for INCREDIBLE MINISTRY to children and youth from every community!

There is an amazing amount of opportunity to impact the lives of children and youth who, I’ve no fault of their own, or placed in out of home placement. They are our most vulnerable and we must do everything we can to protect them and provide for their needs.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Proverbs 31:8-9 

3. G stands for GOD, who loves it when we act in response to this need!

God would be pleased with us because these are orphans among us. They are children and youth whom we should not turn our backs on. We know that God would be pleased if we were to simply act in response to these needs. Simplex of caring and loving can look like collecting Christmas gifts or clothing or coming alongside foster parents who need us to build support around them as they care
for our most precious resource, children and youth.

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me." Mark 9:37

The next time you think to yourself that it’s no big deal, join me as we make it a B-I-G deal.

Forgiveness: An Act of the Will That Impacts the Heart!

"You want me to do what?" That was my response when I was prompted in prayer by the Lord to forgive. I thought to myself, "But, you don’t understand what he did to me!" I reasoned that if God knew the extent of personal pain and heartache that I felt that He would not of asked me to do such a natural thing. None of my arguments seem to work because I came to understood the gospel that if God could forgive me, how can I withhold forgiveness from someone else?

The personal anguish and pain that I felt was heavy and that I had carried it with me for so long had invoked emotions of anger and frustration. At times it brought anxiety and fear from my past which affected my motivations in my spirit. It even became a part of my identity. I told people that this is just the way I am.

That was many years ago. While I was in college and beginning my own young adult life, I realize that I had become what I despised in the other person. Anger was often present. Fear became a guiding emotion. Hurt often motivated me to act out in negative ways. I carried it as a burden slumped over my shoulder, weighing me down. Sadness and depression visited me often. I’m sure that many can relate with what I’m saying. I have grown up in the church and even renewed my commitment to Christ, yet, I carried this is a deep wound that tour at my spirit. The more I thought about it, the more it hurt. Without going into detail, let me just say that we all can become prisoners by what negative things have happened to us! We can pretend for only so long.

Today, because of the work of God’s loving spirit in my life, I have learned to forgive. No, it didn’t change the circumstances nor the person that had hurt me. It didn’t punish the deserving abuser or bring justice to me. I don’t expect that everyone is ready to forgive. I felt as if my holding onto the anger and bitterness that would bring justice. I reason that if I simply let it go and forgive that I am somehow rewarding the one who caused me so much pain. I reason that I was letting someone off the hook. I’m not even saying that in your forgiveness you should allow someone to continue to bring abuse and harm to you.

In reality, I was hurting myself. Anger has a way of turning inward and bringing bitterness along with it. I was digging in deeper, believing that I was building a defense and shutting people out which somehow prevent me from being hurt again. To forgive is like cutting loose the burdens that bound your heart. I don’t represent myself to be a professional but in my case, my journey, it begin with prayer. Deep wounds can often be helped through professional counseling. It can often be unraveled by a professional Who is trained to help me learn to cope and deal with what was going on inside.

It is through forgiveness that I was able to find freedom. It was in letting go that I was able to find freedom. It brought hope as I learned to forgive, even those undeserving and those that I felt such anger over. It wasn’t immediate but it was a turning point.

So often that there are times when I must practice a discipline to forgive. It seems as though that as I learn to forgive others that I gain a deeper understanding of the grace that God has given me through his forgiveness. I believe that forgiveness is an act of the will. I understand nothing until I choose forgiveness.

My challenge is that we need to forgive! We were not created to hold recentment and bitterness. We were made to forgive.

Take note of the following article that outline the 6 Steps on How to forgive.

One of the most remarkable activities done during the Prison Ministry of Kairos is to ask participants to write down the name of those they need to forgive including their own name. They write the names on rice paper. During the special weekend of Kairos they are invited to place the rice paper in warm water, watching the names dissolve. This is to symbolize letting go of the pain, fear, shame, and hurt of those unresolved experiences that have happened. This act of the will impacts the heart.