Things We Say But Cannot Take Back: Dangerous Sayings.

You and I have done it! We have said something to someone that we wish we could take back. Maybe in anger we have voiced our thoughts in damaging words. You may be like me, I have said something to someone that was not intended to be critical or harsh but it happened. In recent days I have been known for losing my filter; that is I have put to voice what was on my mind. Thankfully it is said more often in humor and with a good attitude. At times it is a joke or a funny expression that comes out at the wrong time. While it may not have hurt anyone it is never-the-less something that is said that I cannot take back.

We all do it and we all wish we could turn back the clock or find ways to apologize for what we shouldn’t have said. Having a clear conscience has meaning. We wish we could have said something or done something to someone differently. Here are some of the common attitudes and sayings that we may have done or said. 

There are two perspectives that contribute to the way we treat others. Too often our attitudes and beliefs determine how we act and the motives behind what we say. 

1. Attitudes become patterns that can contribute to hurtful things. 

What are our motives behind what we say? There are selfish motivations that stir our attitudes and they can contribute to hurtful things. 

Words in themselves may not be distructive since it is the intent of those words that cause us to respond negatively. As we promote negative attitudes we can bring injury to another. 

2. Beliefs are like systems that control our viewpoints that are too often dogmas that can damage people. 

The dogma of our beliefs can bring division. As we develop beliefs without love we can cause damage in relationships. Cultural differences, experiences, and world views can create such systems that exist and can cause hurtful things to be said. Without love our beliefs are not rooted in a healthy context of relationship. Even the Apostle Paul in the scriptures states that being present with giftedness and talents and lacking love we are a resounding gong (I Corinthians 13). It is like an empty chamber that echoes hollow. 

We say things we don’t mean that become realities. Words have the power to create. What we say becomes real. God made us into beings with the power to create. Realities take on life that will control us and often restrict us. It begins with our spoken words.

Proverbs 16:23 -- From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive.

Phrases we say can bring bitter hurts or bring healing. These phrases are often based on our attitudes and beliefs. 

A. Any phrase that begins with ‘YOU’.

Statements that start with ‘YOU’ are seldom positive. They are often accusatory. They put others on defense and cause strife. People that receive these kinds of statements lose face. They have to defend their pride. 

Expressing how we feel is healthy if we maintain a heart of love and hope to bring healing. Sharing healthy "I feel" statements are helpful. Start by saying, "I feel hurt when...." This is a disarming expression because it is not intended to be forceful or cause a defensive attitude. 

B. Phrases that include the words ‘ALWAYS’ or ‘NEVER’.

When we use the words always or never to assign blame we state an undetermined variable. Time is assigned that creates unnecessary tension. I encourage us to not say something we will regret especially as we qualify it with an indefinite expression.  Never and always has no end a specially in what we say.

It may not have the virtuous ring of the golden rule, but the maxim 'never say never' is one of the most important in ethics. Julian Baggini

Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/julian_baggini_561783?src=t_never_say_never

C. Phrases that are intended to hurt or create division.

In the Bible book of James we learn that the tongue is the central control of the entire body. If we can control our tongue we will have the discipline to take every thought captive as well but who can bridle the tongue?

James 3:6-7 -- And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,...

We should hold our tongue because it can bring distraction and division. Someone once said that the patterns of our life dictate our outcomes because they stem from the very core of who we are.

D. Phrases that are spoken in anger. 

Never let the sun go down on your wrath is a biblical truth as well as a euphemism that exemplifies this next principle. When words are spoken in anger and emotions are attached and assigned blame is given. Unfortunately so often when there is a hostile exchange there is an assigned feeling attached and then words of anger that are spiteful. Not only do we state things that we cannot take back but we also exchange feelings that can no longer be replaced. 

In 2019, we can start anew with a good attitude. As we set our resolutions and goals for the coming year we need to have a positive attitude as well as beliefs that are exchanged in the heart of love.

In 2019, we can offer words that heal. Just as Proverbs 25:15 reminds us that soft speech can break bones so too soft answers turn away wrath.

Proverbs 25:15 -- Patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can break bones.

What mighty hope the tongue can persuade! As we hold back that which we feel tempted to say, our soft speech can break bones.

Attitudes and beliefs have the power to create good or ultimately render destruction. You may be tempted to say never and always but consider the imperative of such words. Perhaps like The Wood Brothers, "Never and Always", you may find salvation is just out of reach! 

The next time that you think about saying something ask yourself this simple question, "Will what I say heal or hurt?"

Setting 2019 Resolutions: Consider Others.

Every year we all set resolutions. In the making of our resolutions we often consider them goals or objectives that would help us to achieve personal objectived or the fulfillment of a mission. While most set goals and objectives I would like you to consider what it would be like to consider others as you set your resolutions. As you set goals you are encouraged to make them S.M.A.R.T goals - Setting SMART goals.

Let me offer three reasons why each of us should consider others when setting our own resolutions and goals for 2019. 

Society is based on one simple value called reciprocity. This is the ability to exchange fairly and evenly what is being offered in good will. In simple terms it is to reciprocate, that is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In the biblical definitions of scripture, we refer to this as the Golden Rule because it takes the value of simple reciprocity one step further. It is not only about what we gain but additionally for the good will toward others that includes the value of love not just equity. Research shows that we may actually improve on keeping goals if they have a positive difference on others - Doing good is repeatable.

1. Personal goals are not yours alone. 

When setting personal goals the striking reality is that they are not for our exclusive purpose but bring meaning beyond ourselves. When we set goals we inadvertently do so to improve ourselves or do achieve purpose that ultimately goes beyond our own objectives.

Quite often people will set goals to lose weight or even to establish educational objectives. It is in these goals that we think that they will only benefit ourselves but the truth is that the meaning and significance of these goals are not just to stay healthy or to accomplish more. We often want others to think better of us. If we choose to set a goal for weight loss or to create healthy habits we often offer words of advice to others as we accomplish these goals in ourselves. As we achieve we often do so but we tell others of our accomplishments. It’s not for personal gain but it is for the effort of helping others along the way.

Often we will post our goals on social media or tell others so that they could keep us accountable but nevertheless it is for personal glory as well as a demonstration that these goals are not for ourselves alone. Within each of us lies the innate desire to not only improve personally but to help others improve as well. Often our motivation is selfish but the results are effective for others as well. 

Since these are goals that go beyond ourselves, even without realizing it we undoubtedly help others. Therefore we should realize the importance of choosing goals that help ourselves as well as others. 

2. Personal goals do influence others. 

Every goal, like every decision we make does impact others for good or not so good. Goals are often an exchange for something that brings personal satisfaction but they do influence others as well. 

Not only do people look to us as models or examples but sometimes people mimic our actions in an effort to better themselves or help increase their value. Perhaps this is why we set goals to read books or to go to school. Every decision we make has the potential of influencing others.

Even those who are at the highest level of executive privilege or rank will often set goals that go far beyond themselves. Therefore I would contend that we are people of influence with every goal or resolution we make. Wouldn’t it make sense that we would consider that when making goals?

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." – Henry David Thoreau

When setting goals I contend that it would be impossible to only improve yourself because of the influence that we all have on others. Making resolutions have consequences beyond ourselves.

3. Personal goals have the power to transform the good will of others. 

We have the power within our sphere of influence to set goals for ourselves and others. As we recognize the power of those in financial goals we must realize that we have the ability to transform those around us for good will. 

Every healthy society has the fair exchange of ideas and actions that produces the health and welfare of others. As we achieve our personal goals we make a difference whether we want to or not. Unfortunately many will manipulate to the extent that their achievements will not benefit everyone unless we choose for the good will of all.

Matthew 7:12 - Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

For Christians it is imperative that we acknowledge the importance of our resolutions as being helpful in bringing good will to others. Every believer in Christ understands how imperative our mission is for not just ourselves but for the demonstration of God’s love. 

Each of these reasons I gave here are not only logical but each of us know how important it is to set resolutions in 2019. 

"Helping, giving, volunteering, and other actions undertaken to benefit others play a critical role in protecting health, promoting education, fighting poverty and hunger, and providing disaster relief," the researchers write. - Research shows what doing good produces.

Our goals are not set for ourselves alone but as we make goals to improve ourselves we also have influence on others who mimic us or choose to achieve goals of improvement as well. Since we are setting goals we have the potential of creating good will in those around us as well as in our own communities or organizations. 

I contend that we ought to set goals for ourselves with a clear understanding that we are changing and transforming communities around us for the good. Here is a list of feel good ideas in doing good: Ideas for doing good.

New in 2019: Yourself.

Makeover. Transform. Renew you! These are the days for renewed interest in personal goals that have the potential of making you new! I love the motivating statement, "Live today in such a way that yesterday becomes jealous." This means making improvements and achieving goals each day! 

Every year everyone has the same opportunity to begin again. Companies use this time of year to start new initiatives. Organizations like churches and other not-for-profit groups are excused to bring a renewed call for change. A new year means that you can take a brief break to review your profit-loss statements, making resolutions that bring improvements. 

We make resolutions when we choose to reform ourselves through simple decisions to act anew. A resolution is a firm (not wishy-washy) decision. 

Let me offer a few suggestions on making resolutions!

1. Keep it simple.

When setting goals it is essential to keep your resolution (s) simple enough to act upon. It is in the little steps that most is accomplished. Too often we want to set big goals and they can be too unmanageable and unattainable. 

By naming your objective in simple terms you can reward your success. This in-turn allows you to reward your success in meaningful ways. In fact, set not only goals but also the rewards for getting there. Attainable goals encourage you to take the next step. If you create complexities in reaching your goals you may bring discouragement upon yourself. Step-by-step, day-by-day, moment-by-moment you will accomplish your goals and achieve more than you thought you could. 

2. Keep smiling.

When I was in high school weights class I made every effort to impress our friends. I was really good at lifting so adding more weights did not have a negative effect on my legs-strengthening routine. I worked my routine with short term power lifting because I was always building up my strength conditioning. Having a bike delivery paper route was my conditioning. I didn’t have much upper-body strength but focusing on my area of strength helped me achieve more. 

The same is also true in setting new goals. If we focus on our area of strength we are more likely to achieve better. In doing this we are able to smile more at our successes because it is less painful than focusing on our failures and weaknesses. By focusing on existing strengths you are able to do more and quickly. 

Achieving goals send a smile to your face! It feels good to reach your objectives. The journey isn’t all that bad either because you set simple objectives, easy to remember and fun to accomplish. 

3. Keep value-centered objectives.

As you set goals and resolutions you should start with your heart first. So often we said arbitrary goals like weight loss or educational goals without considering what we truly value in life. What is it that you like or areas that bring you joy? Start there and you will enjoy your efforts. 

If you start with your values you will find enjoyment in your activity to achieve. For example, if you love family you’ll set goals consistent with building up your family or if education is a value you can make your goal to read just one more book (or whatever it is) to your meet your annual goal. 

As you renew yourself in-keeping with your values, as you lead your company with new objectives, or as you consider your organizational mission and goals, don’t be afraid of shaking up the very core of why you exist. In fact, as you ask why you exist, act on your passion and strengths. 

In 2019, press on to reach your full potential. 

Philippians 3:12 -- (Pressing toward the Goal) I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.

Don’t be afraid to make resolutions. Everyone should press into their potential by renewing yourself. God has created you with incredible potential. He has gifted you. He has provided you with the ability of creativity. We can never exhaust our ultimate potential in Christ. If we don’t set goals we may plateau and underachieve, settling for average not excellence. 

Keeping your resolutions simple enough to remember and focusing on your strengths as well as keeping them value-centered can help you stay motivated when the going gets rough. Keep it simple, keep smiling, and keep your goals value-centered will combine to increase your success in keeping your resolutions in 2019. 

Christmas Gift - The Joy of Giving & Making An Eternal Difference!

Christmas is that time of year when we are reminded that giving is central to the theme of this special Holiday. Sure, we all love to receive and we look forward to opening special gifts that were purchased with that perfect gift in mind. Today I want to also remind you of how wonderfully generous we can be as we meet the needs of the vulnerable, oppressed, and often forgotten.

I have seen it first hand. Whether it is ringing the Salvation Army Red Kettle Bell or helping to promote the Giving Tree programs at White's Residential and Family Services (White's RFS) or even your favorite church project or favorite charity, it is so very exciting to know that these gifts are making a difference. I like to think that this kind of giving has an eternal perspective that goes beyond just the Christmas Day.

As we give with the intent to make a difference in the life of another, I believe that we touch heaven and our gift has an eternal consequence. It is making a difference in someone else even if they don't realize it or recognize it. What we do here today echoes for eternity!

Last year in particular I purchased a gift for someone that seems to have little or no regard for God's love for her or those around her. I know that what we do for Christ in not in vain. I know that God's Word and His Love doesn't return void.  I purchased a small gift that year for someone that loved art and especially drawing. My goal was to keep this secret and simply pass it onto the parent to give.  My desire was to show God's unconditional Love for her even if I didn't get credit. Even now, I hesitate telling this story but it serves to prove my point.  Even though my gift was anonymous I saw the recipient drawing using the very art set I gave. I can't help but believe that God gave her the gift of art and is using the gift in far more intangible ways.

This year at White's RFS we promote a Giving Tree Project where churches can promote the collection of gifts and even themed baskets for Foster Children and Foster Families. It was a real joy to see how the church people responded to these efforts. Many responded. Two churches that I witnessed up-close were the New Life Church in Kokomo and the Cornerstone Wesleyan Church and their Christian School.

To see the joy on the faces of the staff and in particular the 60 children from the Cornerstone Christian School was remarkable. Their giving to help other children in need beyond themselves was incredible. On of the adult donors told me that she decided to divide her Christmas budget in half so that she could sponsor the needs of foster children. She said, "My grand-kids will understand. After all, they get too much anyways. They will understand." 

Giving when it is in the name of Jesus, no matter the amount of sacrifice or the price of the gift is everlasting. With God little is much!

This is a reminder for us today. As we give we can be assured that it is not in vain. Whether it is to our children, grand-kids, neighbors, or even strangers, God can use these tangible gifts in intangible ways.  It is such a great reminder that is is truly more blessed to give than receive.

Take time right now to think of ways you can give. It may be your time. It may be a few coins. It may even require you write a check or swipe your credit card. Whatever the amount, God can transform this into an eternal difference.

Taking Grand-kids To Breakfast -- What I Learn from Them.

Many weekends we have our grand-kids overnight and we enjoy going to some of our favorite places and share some favorite experiences. Saturday mornings we usually go for breakfast at a local restaurant named Richard’s. Our waitress, Nancy usually knows what we want as we walk into the door. Recently our grand-kids have decided that they want to give the restaurant a new name and give our waitress a nickname. They watch a cartoon called, "Fancy Nancy". This has prompted them to call our waitress by her new name and the restaurant name is now, "Fancy Nancy’s" restaurant.

These and other events are wonderful memories that we hope our grand-kids will keep with them for a long time to come. We started out just wanting to help our grandchildren develop their social aptitude. They used to be shy, especially Jase. These activities helped them to become friendly and now they talk to almost anyone wherever we go. I suppose our next lesson will have to be on setting boundaries because they love to talk.

Kids teach us many things. You know this if you’re a guardian, parent or grandparent. Kids have a way of turning the table on the lessons that we promote. Often, as our grand-kids grow they begin to tell us the difference between right and wrong and remind us of other lessons they have learned.
Our grand-kids are learning like so many other kids the values we hold. We have tried to impress as many lessons as we can but many times they will turn those lessons around on us. Once Ellie told me that I wasn’t listening very well and simply said, "Papaw, you said we should listen. I am talking to you."




The following are a few things that our grand-kids have taught us as we have made every attempt to instill values on them. I truly believe that as you train up a child they will not depart from it even into their adult life.

1. Honesty. (Kids say the darnedest things.)

We’ve often instruct our kids that honesty is always the best policy. They are usually very honest in what they say, and what they repeat hearing us say. Children don’t need to be taught how to lie because it seems as if it is just part of the human nature. As wonderful and delightful as they are we have discovered this far too often. We work hard at helping them to be honest. In the midst of that process sometimes the words and the correction that we share echoes back into our own lives.
I love to tease and tell stories and once Ellie told me that I should tell the truth. Of course, I often tease others and she is finding it hard to know the difference between kidding and being honest. She learns by watching me and I think I need to be a better example. I have learned that integrity is spelled with two eyes!



2. Play. (Crayons & games.)

Seemingly every restaurant has the activity book and crayons to help keep the kids interested. I’ve often learn to play many rounds of connect the dots and Tic-Tac-Toe. How often it is that as we age we also become more serious about work but kids help us to be lighthearted and to enjoy play.
Kids learn to play which teaches them to share, take turns, and keep the rules so that the game fun and fair. These lessons help children to develop healthy understandings of fairness and helpfulness. I am learning that play is just as important as work.

3. Dependence. (Being safe.)

As a parent you can usually see with a different perspective and even the hidden dangers that children often forget. Walking through the parking lot you’re always mindful of the dangers. Meeting strangers is another example of how important it is that your children learn to be careful. Once Jase and Ellie were out on a walk with me and Jase started to cross the street without looking. A truck was nearing our location which caused me to quickly snatch his arm and pull him safely back. It broke Jase’s heart because he didn’t see the danger but only experience my reaction to danger. I tried to explain but all I really could do was hold him and assure him of my love and protective embrace.

I am all too often very independent and self-reliant. There are times when God has to pull me to safety and causing me to question Him. In my independence I try to "go it alone." I am learning that as a child of God I need to depend more on God and not as self-sufficient which sounds a lot like the word selfish.

 

4. Manners. (Be kind and consider others.)

Whether it’s helping children to say things politely or have polite actions, learning manners is a very important social skill. Teaching manners isn’t easy when kids want to have fun, especially when there are two of them competing to get attention. They are naturally self-oriented. Their needs or wants are important and they feel they should come first.

I remember one experience when we took our son Jon with us to a restaurant. It was one of the few times we ate out in a restaurant. He was around three or four years of age. We kept trying to get him to eat his meal but he just wanted to look at everyone around the restaurant. He would try to get their attention. He kept pointing and saying, "People, people." So we told him, "We’re people too!" To our surprise he replied with a look of confusion saying, "You not people!" What I learned that day was the importance of why we teach manners. It has less to do with my behavior and more to do with being courteous to others. Helping children learn proper manners also includes teaching them how to give and care for others. Manners go beyond being polite but modeled after Christ, it teaches others how to love.

5. New experiences are scary. (Learning to trust.)

Every day there are new adventures for our grand-kids. There are so many opportunities to learn and grow. In many cases our grand-kids are adventurous but there are those new experiences that can feel intimidating and scary. Our kids often back away because of fear but we try to help them to trust and to take a risk whether it’s meeting new people or doing new things. Certain fears are healthy like the fear of heights or the fear for your personal safety.

There are far more exciting things that our grand-kids need not be afraid of. They are learning that it’s okay to give a hug to an elderly person or to talk with someone who may be a stranger to them but our friend. As many times as we try to teach them we received just as many reminders to ourselves that new experiences are scary but we can learn to trust. I have also learned from them that the things we fear the most may actually not be frightening after all. Trying new things can be healthy and dispel the FALSE EVIDENCE that APPEARS REAL; making us FEAR what isn’t real.

The Bible has much to say about raising children and perhaps the biggest lesson that could be gained is what Jesus said to a religious leader. He may have even thought that he knew enough as a religious leader yet Nicodemus was reminded that he must receive Jesus as a little child.

John 3:3 -- "Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.’"

That too is the lesson for us. We must receive the Kingdom of God as a little child because, as we grow older we forget the simple things and the innocence of our youth.

Lesson Learned Eavesdropping on Conversations!

You know you’ve done it! It is an impolite act but who would ever call you out? It isn’t like you are peeking out your window like Mrs. Kravitz in Bewitched who spied on the peculiar  behaviors of Samantha. (See this clip Bewitched with Mrs. Kravitz)

I am a people watcher and eavesdropping on conversations is a favorite pastime. You can learn a lot when you quietly observe. I’ve learned plenty as I have perfected my art of listening. 

Leading phrases can peak your interest:

Did you hear what so-and-so did?

Have you heard what they are doing at work?

You wouldn’t believe what I heard! 

In addition to these leading lines, I have heard almost every inappropriate joke. I have heard some of the most insulting opinions you could imagine. I have been shocked by things people say when they think no one is listening! 

The scripture says to not let any unwholesome talk come out from our lips. Say what is only pleasing innGod’s sight. 

Ephesians 5:4 -- Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes--these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.

Gossip, lying, & negative talk can be damaging but what is worse is that our words have the power to create! What we say may become alive in our heart & mind. Proverbs 18:21 reads: "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." We think that we may be just venting frustrations & believe that we are gaining sympathies but in actuality we may be feeding our own negative outlook. 

I love the saying, "Live today in such a way that yesterday becomes jealous." Our outlook and self-talk actually can determine our future. 

Just as I sit to listen to my nearby booth neighbors at restaurants or other places, I am reminded today that God is also eavesdropping on what we say and even think. 

What Will Last.

Rev. Rick Carder | Director of Church Engagement 

Doing what will last beyond ourselves is everyone’s goal and clearly it is in the hands of the mission-minded. Individuals and organizations place a high premium on developing its core value and purpose. It’s as if what we do here today echoes for eternity.

Jesus compelled his disciples to let the little children come to Him.. His intentional act of love shown to children points to our highest priority. James defined true religion as caring for the orphan, those who are the least and most vulnerable among us.

There are nearly 1/2 million children in foster care or waiting to be adopted with as many as 19,000 in the state of Indiana alone. (*) We can imagine fear and anxiety a child or teenager feels when they are in out-of-home placement. Many arrive to a foster home with all of their belongings stuffed into a plastic bag. Our systems of care are overwhelmed by their needs that often become tragic headlines.

Their story doesn’t have to end in headlines. Each of us possess the abilities and resources to make a difference in the lives of those we are called to love and protect. Are there tangible ways that you could make a difference today? Can you shelter just one, offering Christian hospitality? Will you be the catalyst that champions this cause for the least of these? Will you host a discussion or presentation about Foster Care & Adoption?

Together we can pray & make an eternal difference in the name of Christ!

Proverbs 31:8-9 reads; "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

*AFCARS Report / Indiana DCS

Perspective: Christmas Doesn't Mean the Same for Foster Kids!

Waking up early and filled with anticipation on Christmas morning isn't the normative for every child. I have experienced this along with opening Christmas gifts that had shared expressions of love and kindness. I can remember the many Christmas programs I took part in as well as those that I attended with a pride and joy that many other parents  experienced. Christmas is filled with  memories that even today bring about smiles and laughter.

We first came to realize first-hand the differences when we were foster parents of teenagers. We thought we were doing the right thing, after all, everyone had similar experiences, right?  Wrong!  We soon realized that often children and youth in foster care are dealing with a broad spectrum of feelings and experiences that surprised us. There were feelings of loss and separation that we should have anticipated. We were trained for this and I even had experiences in Probation work and had volunteered as a Court Appointed Special Advocate. I worked with families as a pastor and thought I knew enough but not until we experienced foster care first-hand did we have an understanding of what kids and youth may experience.

We often talk about the first time we celebrated Christmas with a foster teen. It was fun to shop for our foster daughter who was fifteen at the time. We were still working though some of the trust factors and made every attempt to create a bond with her. It was curious that the bond and trust was almost instantaneous with our children who were in elementary and preschool at the time. I was told that it may be that often teens connect well with other siblings, especially younger ones because they are children themselves. Socially and emotionally they are delayed in their adolescence because of trauma and abuse. Educationally they are often delayed by years of missing traditional education programs. Inconsistencies occured because of the frequent moves of the family that made it difficult for our foster daughter to keep up with her peers. Having younger siblings makes them feel more comfortable.

One Christmas tradition that we experienced with our own children was the annual Christmas Eve Church Service and the opening of one gift before bed-time. Our children were very familiar with this tradition. "Pajamas again!" the kids often complained. Our tradition dates back to our childhood when our parents would "surprise us" with the Christmas Eve pajamas gift.  We thought that this tradition would be a good one to pass on but not meaning to be insensitive we excused our tradition as if everyone did this. The year that we packaged the Christmas Eve pajamas gift Cindi decided to make them extra special. Our daughter Josslyn and our foster daughter were to wear matching pajamas complete with their favorite Sesame Street character, Elmo. Our children met them with their typical, "Pajama again!" attitude. While our foster daughter, new to this tradition, reacted with excitement. Matching pajamas with Josslyn made this tradition one of goodwill and love. They had to try them on right away and wanted us to take a picture of the two of them in front of the Christmas Tree. It all worked out in the end and the tradition is something that brought about a trust and bond that we still share fondly. It could have turned out negatively however because we made casual assumptions about faith and family values that may not have been true for our foster daughter.  We may have inadvertently brought shame or confusion and even heartache since this was not her tradition. 

We learned that Christmas and other holidays brings with it a variety of negative experiences. We made better attempts in the future to make sure that our foster children would feel love, acceptance, and care during holidays since they could not be with their own family.

On another occasion we hosted Thanksgiving at our home and invited our other foster girl to help us not only prepare the meal but to invite her mother to our home for the annual holiday feast. Learning from our first effort to make the Holidays special we asked our foster daughter what would make Thanksgiving special. After receiving permission from our licensing agency, the County Probation Office, we began to plan. For our foster teen at that time was a remarkable opportunity. She was able to actually assist in making the foods that were served. It brought pride and self-respect to her and her mother loved the opportunity to visit with us which gained trust in our care for her daughter. It was a supervised visit that didn't have the usual uncomfortable setting. It was a Thanksgiving that still today we feel resembled the first community gathering that marks this tradition.

As we furthered our nearly eight years of fostering, we learned to be more inclusive of the differing experiences. Even birthdays were not "as usual". We found that we needed to seek permission with a greater need to be sensitive to their experiences. We found that we needed to ask more questions from counselors and our licensing agency as well as our foster teens. We found that as we respected the history of their experiences that we could enhance the occasion. Once we learned how to best meet the needs of foster teens we were better equipped to enhance their experiences. We learned that it was okay to change our traditions and to be inclusive of other traditions that made the occasion even more special for the foster teen.

Once, while giving gifts one of the foster daughters decided that it would be fun to give us a gift. Using her own money she bought me and Cindi Lottery Tickets. The tradition was something that her family thought nothing about. You may even be asking yourself what the big deal was for me.  If you know me you would know that I am dead-set against gambling in any form. I think that the foster teen knew this and may have even thought this would make for great humor. I am sure that the look on my face was funny enough but she could wait for me to scratch off the ticket. Instead of making this some kind of a lesson Cindi scratched of hers right away and actually won some money. I was a bit more reluctant until my wife said, "Come on, it is a gift!"  I eventually scratch off the ticket. I didn't win any money but I learned that some traditions, while they are not my experience can be fun and it might event create just the bond and trust you have been hoping for.

Keeping Holidays or Birthdays positive and while remaining open-minded can produce experiences that will keep you laughing many years later. I have to say that I have certainly learned how to "lighten up" and "go with the flow" as well as learn how to deepen traditions that build trust and demonstrates love.

The Shortest Verse for the Longest Laugh -- Rejoice Evermore

Hopefully you enjoy reading this article. The verse is a short verse that should promote a long laugh to your soul.

1 Thessalonians 5:16 - "Rejoice Evermore."

C.S. Lewis once noted: "Joy is the serious business of heaven." Billy Graham correctly observed, "When Jesus Christ is the source of our joy, no words can describe it." 

There are many verses in the Bible that describe joy. Over 300 verses....

Deuteronomy 28:47-48 -- If you do not serve the Lord your God with joy and enthusiasm for the abundant benefits you have received, 48 you will serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you. You will be left hungry, thirsty, naked, and lacking in everything. The Lord will put an iron yoke on your neck, oppressing you harshly until he has destroyed you.

1 Chronicles 16:27 -- Honor and majesty surround him; strength and joy fill his dwelling.

1 Chronicles 16:32 32 -- Let the sea and everything in it shout his praise! Let the fields and their crops burst out with joy!

Psalms 4:7 7 -- You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine.

Psalms 32:11 -- So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

Psalms 34:5 -- Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

With over 60 additional verses in the Psalms alone....

Proverbs 2:10 -- For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy.

John 15:11 -- I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!

Acts 13:52 -- And the believers were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

Philippians 4:4 -- Always be full of joy in the Lord, I say it again, rejoice.

I remember having to memorize scripture to board the bus. As a youth we were encouraged to memorize verses of the Bible. My favorite was John 11:35, "Then Jesus wept."

The shortest verse is often thought to be the words that describe Jesus, "Jesus wept". John 11:35 "Then Jesus wept."

Yet when we look to Greek we can actually find a shorter expression.

There are only two words that make up the passage today. We can translate the passage in several ways: Always be joyful forever. Be joyful always. Joy without ceasing. 

The Message: "Be joyful, no matter what, rejoice evermore." 

John Wesley translated it: "Uninterrupted happiness." 

In the People's Bible - "Rejoice evermore". 

"Religion is not sullen and sour, but full of joy; so full that the saint can even be joyous when all the world seems to frown. He has a hidden source of joy, a present Savior, a blessed hope." -- "The Epistles of Paul the Apostle to the Thessalonians," in Ellicott's Commentary on the Whole Bible, vol. 8, p. 145). 

These two words "hpantote chairete" constitute the shortest verse in the Greek New Testament.

HPANTOTE - Pronounced pantote which means, "Always. All the time." or "At each time" CHAIRETE - Pronounced Chaireet which means, simply "Rejoice"

THE FIRST WORD:

1. Rejoice (Chairete)

This is perhaps described as circumstantial happiness. This is in part happiness based on what happens to us. We get HAPPINESS - which is what HAPPENS.

You may have seen how poorly some people act if they aren’t happy. https://youtu.be/-JvtlB_NzI8 (I wanted a blue one not a red one!)

Other examples: The birth of a baby. Winning a contest. A birthday. A TV show.

You may have heard about the naughty parrot. An owner of a parrot is bothered by the bad behaviors of her pet. Her pet says bad words. Might have been the previous owner but her concern is that it says bad things when she has company. She hears about a cure that may solve this problem. She hears the if you place the parrot in a cold environment every time the parrot is bad, that this could cure it. Once the problem was so bad that she place it in the freezer. Exasperated she left it in for a rather long time and even forgot. When she remembered she quickly got the parrot out of the cold. ** As she removed it the parrot said; "What bad word did the turkey say?"

Speaking of Turkeys, why can’t you take a turkey to church? Because he has a "fowl" mouth!

Have you ever written down your "I Believe Statements"? I believe statements are how we can go from circumstantial happiness to the ability to rejoice.

We all have beliefs. They control who we are and what be think. They may be pessimistic or optimistic. Whatever they are, they dictate our feelings, attitudes, reactions, and the way we view what happens to us.

Write out your "I Believe" statement. (... give testimony statement.)

To rejoice is a choice! The word tells us to; "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." --1 Thessalonians 5:18

Take time right now to list one "I believe statement". I believe that God is with me. I believe that I am His child. I believe that God will give me the strength necessary to face life's challenges. ** Daily write your "I believe statements".... Make them Biblical and you have the recipe to find a joy unspeakable and full of glory. A joy that will carry you through life's challenges.

Ever think about the importance of the word: YET? It is an adjective that is defined in the context of the circumstances. 

David said it best when he said in Psalm 27:13 – "Yet will I trust in the Lord!"

As if to say;

.... never-the-less.

.... in spite of.

He knows God to be good at all times; even in difficulties and pain! 

Psalms 27:13: "Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living."

THE SECOND WORD: 

2. Evermore (Pantote)

It means that joy is as a constant!

Ever seen someone you may call, supernaturally joyful. *George Mueller would not preach until his heart was happy in the grace of God. *Jan Ruybroeck would not write while his feelings were low., but would go to a quiet place and wait on God till he felt the spirit inspiration. *John Wesley learned true joy from the Moravians who demonstrated their confidence during a stormy sea carriage. The Christian owes it to the world to be supernaturally joyful." - A. W. Tozer

IN OUR PASSAGE, we learn that this simple verse teaches us many lessons on joy. It is the shortest verse but it does provide the longest laugh!

I heard a story once about the longest smile. A 12-year-old girl in Winnipeg, Canada held a smile on her face for 10 hours and 5 minutes, establishing the new world record. Lisa Lester's exploit won the smiling marathon of the Manitaba Providence Dental Association. Before that, the longest smile was recorded at only 7 hours and 32 minutes.

My friend, Pastor Bruce Howell (my first real church boss), wrote a book "Pushing the Pause Button On Your Life". He has a chapter dealing with joy. He writes: 

"...joy is not the same as happiness. Happenings can lead to happiness. Joy is birthed as a result of a loving relationship. Sad is that people who bases his joy strictly on beneficial circumstances. The events of life are like waves on the sea. They come and they go, depending on the direction and force of the wind (and currents)."

He is right! In order to have an "evermore" to your joy, you will need a deeper experience. Bruce says that "Joy is a state of mind into which four ingredients enter: 

1. A sense of being loved. 

2. Ability to accept our situation in life. 

3. Sense that you have something worth having (family, career, children, hobby...) 

4. Giving away something worth giving. "Giving is a great source of joy. Giving oneself to others is tremendously rewarding."

Isaiah 43:19 is a reminder that each new day brings blessings! 

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will make rivers in the dry wasteland."

Recently I read the story of John Pierpont. Robert Fulghum, wrote a book entitled "It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It". There’s a very good story in that book that touched my life and lingers up to now.

In 1866, at the age of 81, John Pierpont came to the end of his days as a government clerk in Washington, D.C., with a long string of personal defeats.

He began well - a Yale graduate of which his grandfather had helped found. He chose education as his profession; filled with enthusiasm.

His failing begin. He failed as a teacher because he was criticized for being to easy on his students. He entered the legal professions but there too, he failed. He was too generous to his clients and didn't charge enough. 

Next his career was in business. There too he failed because as a merchant he did not charge enough for his dry goods and was too liberal with credit. 

He wrote poetry; although much was published, he did not collect enough royalties. He was ordained (Harvard Divinity School) and pastored in Boston but his position in slavery angered his congregation. He was against slavery. He was forced to resign. 

In politics he was nominated to the Abolition Party of Massachusetts but was defeated. He ran for Congress under the banner of the Free Soil Party. He lost again. 

During the civil war he volunteered as a chaplain for the 22nd Regiment of the Massachusetts Volunteers. Two weeks later he was encouraged to quit; at 72-years old he was not able to keep up. 

Eventually he found an obscure job in the back offices of the Treasury Department in Washington, and he finished the last five years of his life as a menial clerk.

*He died and many considered him a failure. There was a small memorial stone marking his grace in the Mount Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The stone was engraved; "POET, PREACHER, PHILOSOPHER, PHILANTHROPIST."

You see, in the eyes of the world, his success was to his discredit. He was a fool to have gained so much and given it all away. Many of his works were eventually credited to him as successes. **He demonstrated a life of joy in all he did! He gave generously - unending - a joy evermore! ** He forever made an impact on his children! 

We are aware of him through the popularity of his son--JAMES! It is because he authored a famous Christmas tune, once written in poetry to his mother & father. It was one of his fondest memories of a happy home. It was once one of the top 25 songs of all time! He dedicated it as a fond memory of his early days....riding in a "One Horse Open Sleigh."

We know it today as, "Jingle Bells". 

As I wrap up the article, consider the following.

We should have a thankful spirit. Just as the video depicts joy and Christmas Gifts: http://youtu.be/BSxPWpLPN7A

We are encouraged in this verse to laugh. To really laugh! It is God's gift to us - to laugh evermore!

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful..." Proverbs 15:13

First Thing Everyday devotional on Day 29, tells us that of the blessings from God. The author says, "After all, God created laughter for a reason...to use it. So laugh!"

Dennis Swanberg says; "Life goes on. Keep on smiling and the whole world smiles with you."

We need to be transformed; to change from the inside out! Let His Joy become our Happiness - EVERMORE!

Wesley's Commentary makes the connection for us. The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Wesley writes; "Prayer may be said to the the breath of our spiritual life. He that lives cannot possible cease breathing. This shows the way to 'rejoice always.' Our Lord has purchased joy, as well as righteousness, for us."

A few years ago I heard a devotional I call the Metamorphosis. Joan Bardsley shared a story from her personal experience. Teacher at a private Christian school - kindergarten. 

One girl was in class who was physically abuse. Big bright eyes and long blond messy hair. Jessica had deep pain. She seldom smiled. She seldom talked. The kids didn't understand her. 

Joan had a moth cocoon in a glass container. The year was nearly passed when one suggested that they wanted to see the cocoon. Joan shook it...sounded like it dried up. Open it! She partially cut into it and discovered that the small creature was still alive...moving slightly. They repaired the cocoon. Summer passed. At the beginning of the school year she went to her new Kindergarten class, discovering that the moth had hatched. It was a beautifully colored moth. She showed it to her prior class and they want outside to let it go free. 

When the moth flew it circled the group of students then landed gently on Jessica's shoulder...Jessica smiled! The children laughed. They began to call Jessica the Butterfly princes.

God can change our weeping to joy!

**The Christian's joy flows from sympathy and grace of our savior. Jesus wept - so we can rejoice evermore.**

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Kuo3lg-LBU | (The Cathedrals)

Why Christmas Gifts for Vulnerable Kids?

It’s that time of year again. Christmas is just around the corner and the hustle & bustle of this season is in full swing. You notice how many Christmas commercials there are on TV in which there seems no end to all the materialism that is promoted. You notice the increased stress this season brings when Black Friday shopping is at its peak. You notice all the decorations and lighted Christmas trees & displays are hastily assembled.



You may look back with fondness your Christmas traditions. You recall the giving of gifts and celebrated events that ushered in fun & the anticipation of the holiday. Christmas is a very special time for children all over the world who await with great anticipation the morning when gifts are exchanged.

For over a half million children in the United States alone, this tradition is important because it is a tangible way of showing children and teens God‘s love. Children who are vulnerable to abuse & neglect often feel the stress and are physically at risk of harm as mothers and fathers react to stress in abusive ways. Christmas is often a time that raises levels of stress and anxiety, especially with children from homes of the domestic violence, child abuse, and neglect.

Christmas can be a great time to show children in tangible ways the spirit of this holiday. Often missed by vulnerable children, this season can be a great way to demonstrate God’s love, when families are more open to charity & goodwill in the Name of Jesus.

Organizations and community groups promote the collection of funds and opportunities to sponsor children in need with Christmas gifts. International organizations like Samaritan’s Purse will collect millions of shoe boxes filled with tangible items that demonstrate the Love of God in children all over the world. The Salvation Army will have thousands of Bell Ringers collecting donations at Red Kettles across America as well as internationally. Community groups and social service agencies promote the collection of tangible items that can make Christmas possible for at-risk families who struggle to make ends meet. Additionally, foster care and adoption organizations like White's Residential & Family Services (Residential & Foster Care) provide additional opportunities. 

It reminds us today that purchasing gifts for vulnerable children & youth is important. When children are displaced from their homes and places in foster care or other kinship care, they often are bringing everything they have in a black plastic bag! They may own a comfort toy but it will usually be torn, worn, and often looking like it needs replaced. Yet, the bond to their comfort toy is all they have to hold onto when they are frightened and confused especially as  they enter into a stranger’s home; foster care is often a very unfamiliar place. Everything they know is suddenly taken away.


Christmas is one way to tangibly show care in significant ways. While you will never want to replace their existing comfort toy (s), and can introduce a needy child to other toys that bring comfort. Showing God’s love in the giving of good gifts is likened to our God who provided us tangible expressions of His love.

James 1:17 -- Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.

At The Edge of Darkness, When Despair Seems to Overtake.

We’ve all been there; whether it’s personal or in the life of another. We have seen people experience despair. At the very least we too can become discouraged. It may not be deep a despair but it is as if we are at the edge of darkness when despair seems to overtake. 

In the work (ministry) that we do we may see more negative than positive. When positive change seems to come slowly in the life of another; or not at all. 

We pour ourselves out!

We extend ourselves thoroughly.

We may even give all that we could give. 

However heroic, the results don’t seem to happen as we would hope.

I’ve been there. I have pastored in the local church & community or have been in ministry for over 31 years. On more than one occasion, I’ve seen people in despair, depressed, & beyond the edge of darkness; where there seems to be no hope. 

We may even have seen how Proverbs 13:12 is lived out; "Hope deferred is heart ache..."

I think I’m preaching to the choir because we’ve all been there. It’s as if we’ve entered into the edge of darkness and the deeper we go the less we see.

I spend a lot of time with Pastors and often hear a lot of their painful experiences. Disappointments & weary in well-doing creates a sense of loss. 

I’ve worked hard to get certain results only to feel as if I am not getting ahead or seeing enough. Disappointments & weary in well-doing breeds a negative spirit.

I’ve poured myself into someone only to feel as if it was in vain. Disappointment & weary in well-doing causes heart-ache. 

I can’t tell you of the hundreds of times that I’ve invested myself into another but I was not able to celebrate a positive outcome at the time.

David was there too! That is why he wrote the Psalms; as a reminder for himself through music & poetry. It was for himself and also for us at those times of our deepest depths of despair.

We read it in Psalm 27 when he wrote of discouragement; when it seemed that all was lost.

The word, "Yet."

Take a small card or paper and a marker. I want you to write the word in large letters & as big as you can, as creative as you can. Write the word: YET! 

It is an adverb meaning, never-the-less or in spite of. We can use it to make the phrases, Even yet! Further yet! 

That is an interesting word because of it’s context. We can find victory because we know certain things to be true. The context of knowing the promises of God or prayers that have been answered, or the results that have been effective, or even yet, the outcomes that have been achieved.

David had certainty of God’s goodness! So he was able to pen the word in poetry & song, putting it in a word: YET! 

I love being able to say, NOT YET before realizing the TRIUMPHANT impact of what could be if YET I hold out in faith

It is amazing to see the potential in our kids that we serve? Saying, NOT YET to their circumstances, pain, & trauma with a hope set on the future! 

David said it of the worst of times. Read Psalm 27 to fully appreciate the context what David understood of God. 

David said it best when he said in Psalm 27:13 – "Yet will I trust in the Lord!"

As if to say;

.... never-the-less.

.... in spite of.

He knows God to be good at all times; even in difficulties and pain! 

Psalms 27:13: "Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living."

When Christmas Becomes Real

What is your favorite memory?  If you are like me you will may be inclined to say, Christmas. I love everything about the holiday but especially the memories growing up in a large family and seeing how generous my parents were in getting us all gifts. It had to be costly.

At the time, as a child, it was magical. I heard about Santa and having older brothers I quickly learned that my parents were the reason we had gifts. Never-the-less, it was a real magical experience. The tree was decorated and my mother loved to hang many lights on the house. I think that she dressed up the occasion because it was here favorite season as well.


There were several reasons and right-of-passage experiences that made this holiday so special.

1. It was all about the gift. I know that may sound selfish. I can remember circling every item I wanted in the Sears catalog. I loved the food and decorations but it was the gifts under the tree that made it special for me. My sister, Robin always woke us up around 2 AM. We could hardly wait to open the gifts. My parents worked so hard to provide for our happiness but we were merciless on Christmas morning. We tried to be quiet but the excitement got the best of us.

2. The BB Gun. When anyone turned twelve years old we could expect to find a BB Gun under the tree. The year that it was my official birth year, I anticipated my own right-of-passage. There it was, a shiny new BB Gun just for me. I could hardly wait to load it and begin to hit my targets. It is funny that today I don't own a weapon but at 11-years old, it was what marked manhood. I learned to shoot my father's 22-calibar rifle and 357 handgun when I was five but getting my own BB Gun rifle meant that I finally was becoming a man.

3. Oh the aroma. Space around the table was limited but the food was plenty. Our family didn't have plenty through the year. In fact, if you missed the call for dinner you may have to eat dry cereal, the only thing we seemed to have plenty of. Often I missed the main course because I was too busy riding my bike or hiking in the marshlands to hear the dinner call. I did eventually learn to sit at the back stoop when dinner was being prepared so that I could be first to the table.



These sights and sound of Christmas were always some of my favorite memories. I am certain that I was spoiled!  Yet, in the midst of all the festivities that made up my memories, one thing always stuck out to me. It was the ministry of the local church. Christmas eve services and candy corn balls (remember those?) were highlights of the year. The church reminded us that the holiday was not just to meet the needs (or wants) of mine, it was a reminder to care about those that didn't have as much as we did.  The church would tell the story of Christ in a humble manger. The pastor would preach a message of love and good will for all. There were the youth group film night themed with the message of giving not receiving from the Grinch to Scrooge. The message was that we are blessed and should give to others who don't have as much.

I reflect on those years with a keen sense of the real message of Christ in the manger. In a world of commercialization and materialism I can recall how important it is to give to those in need.

Today, I know that I am impacted by the emphasis on giving. I love buying gifts for those less fortunate. I enjoy ringing the bell for the Salvation Army. I enjoy promoting and collecting gifts for needy children. I even carry cash that I have handed out to people in need.



I don't say that to brag. I say that because I know that you too have experienced the joy of Christ in Christmas. I know that you too give to those in need. It is a time of year that reminds all of us to be generous in giving and in our spirit. We may be tempted to be impatient as we stand in long lines at superstores.  We can become impatient waiting on our packages to be delivered to our homes.

Yet, the season of music and good will toward men is refreshing. I am now at an age that I love to see kids get excited about opening gifts, just like I did ages ago.




Make this year a season of giving like never before. Show your love to someone in need. Demonstrate generosity to someone even if they may not deserve it. Do something for someone else that may not have the means to do for themselves. It is in doing for others that Christmas becomes real.

The Sacrifices Moms Make.

This year, in fact this week my mother turned 81 years young. Today I thought I would reflect on the sacrifice that mom’s make, at least as I reflect on my own mother.

Growing up in a large family of eight children is no easy task. Yet, it was the sacrifice of our mother that is extraordinary. There were so many times that her sacrifice meant that her children could be happy and healthy.

Amidst so many memories, one stands out in particular. I can recall the many hours that she would spend sorting laundry and standing at an ironing board while many of her children ran in and out of the home living carefree. The picture of that is forever burned in my memory as I reflect on the joy that my mother would sacrifice for my happiness.

Of course, there were stressful days and difficult times. What home would be complete without those memories as well. Yet, my mother seem to always triumph in her ability to care for our needs. Often, setting aside her own needs in the process of caring for ours.

Three things come to mind as I think about not only my own mother but the many times that moms sacrifice.

1. Picking up after us.

I’ve raised children and I’ve seen the many times that their mother, Cindi would walk behind them picking up as they dropped their clothes in a trail. My mother, with not only have to pick up after us but could’ve easily gotten lost in the midst of all the laundry that would pile up all around the house. 

My mother grew up Dutch and she was always cleaning up after us. She would always keep the house clean and would constantly get after us about leaving dirty dishes or other debris in the wake of our busy little lives. You could imagine that each of us left our fair share for mother to clean up.

2. Teaching us those lessons in real time.

Each my siblings could tell you about the many lessons that we learned because of our mother. We learned to work hard and to be honest. Many time she had to be the judge to deliberate the many times that we accused one another of lying or have to break up a dispute like a boxing referee. 

We learned not too pull the wool over our mother’s eyes. She was often on to us when we thought we could scheme or lie. She would call us into account and often use the threat that many of us have heard, "Wait ‘till your father gets home." I think most of us were more concerned about what our mother would do to us. 

It was a different day when physical punishment was often the norm. I don’t believe our mother was ever abusive but there were those times when we needed correction. She would have us go to the willow tree to obtain the tool of correction. When she said sit down and be quiet we didn’t hesitate but obeyed. 

3. I’ll take care of that.

Since she was a nurturer, many times we would come to her with our difficulties and problems whether it was the neighborhood bully or difficulties at school. On more than one occasion I would hear her say, "I’ll take care of that." 

Hearing those words brought instant relief to the anxiety that we felt. I remember times when she would get on the school bus to issue a fair warning to the neighborhood bully. Of course that was when I was in third grade. It is a reminder of how protective mother can be.

Of course, there were those sick days but I felt I needed to take time off from school. I would wake up in the morning with a cough or fever and my mother would simply say, "I’ll take care of that."

So many times I needed things to be taken care of and I could always depend on my mother stepping in to take care of things that I didn’t know how to do.

All of us could assure tributes about her mothers in their care. She has often been a protector and would nurture, taking care of the needs that we have from skinned knees and bruised egos.

I am grateful that my mother is still living in that we have the opportunity to tell her often that we love her and appreciate her.

Today Will Never Come Again!

My father-in-law, affectionately called, Papa Don often says, "This is a great day. There has never been a day like this one and there will never be a day like this one again." With wild enthusiasm for life, Papa Don is optimistic as he expresses his love for for God’s new day and people often. This is the foundation of my blog today. 

Each new day is a new awakening to the blessings God has given. In the age we live too many waste their day in worry and pass quickly through planning the days to come. We are all guilty of this. Our calendars are full as we anticipate tomorrow. We are often anxious as we look into the future, missing the present. 

Few people are living in the present. Most are anxious for tomorrow. You can spot them because they look hurried. I am one of those. My wife often said that I possessed the "hurried sickness" referring to Dr. James Dodson’s research on this particular illness. 

In recent years I have made every attempt to work on my anxious spirit. I memorized the Bible passages that tell me not to worry; Matthew 6:25, 28; Luke 12:22; Phillipians 4:6; Proverbs 27:1; 1 Corinthians 15:32: James 4:14. 

It is too often that people can rush through their day striving to earn an income and forgetting how God provides. Even though I still make plans for the future, because I know that God would want us to remain active, I attempt to live in the present. Scripture reminds us that God is in control. In Psalm 37:23 we read, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." 

As we seek God‘s will we soon discover opportunities that can only be from the Lord. Each day I pray that the Lord would send a "divine interruption" in my life so that I could be a blessing and encouragement to someone. I define a divine interruption as a situation that is not planned but that God chooses to use to make a divine opportunity for ministry.

Take just a few minutes now and meditate on the Word of God. Take a few minutes to listen to this video originally produced by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, Order My Steps.

Psalm 119:133-136 King James Version (KJV)

133 - Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.

Consider today only. Be in the present and discover the presence of God in all you do. It may surprise you to know that everyone is gaurenteed the same, Christian or non-Christian. We may call this prevenient Grace.

Lamentations 3:22-24

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

You Don’t Need To Believe in God To Go To Church, Do You?

You don’t have to believe in God go to church, do you? Intrigued? Perhaps this goes against everything that you have been taught. You may believe that only those who believe in God through Jesus Christ should even be in church.

If it makes it easier I could’ve entitled this, the benefits of community. Today I want to unpack for you some of the benefits that church offers, even to nonbelievers. Indeed, you may be right because for those that believe in God through Jesus Christ changes everything however, let’s explore a bit about what the church does for its community.

This idea came to me one day when I was ringing the bell for the Salvation Army. A family that I know came out of the store after shopping and I recognized one of the ladies. On occasion I’ve seen her at church but only because her mother made her go. I greeted them in my usual, and sometimes awkward way. I simply said, "Are you behaving yourself?" The 18-year-old woman looked at me as though I was an alien with a bit of a trouble look on her face, as if I knew something that I didn’t. She simply replied, "What do you care?" 

I laughed only because I felt a little bit of tension. Bravely I approached the question with a simple smile and a reminder that I have seen her in church from time to time. I told her that it is good that she attend a church from time to time. In the course of our conversation she blurted out, "I don’t even believe in God so why bother?" Not to let the conversation go I simply replied, "You don’t have to believe in God to go to church."

The look on her face was one of surprise. I wasn’t sure myself that what I said was helpful but it open up a conversation for just a few moments. I continued, "There are lots of reasons to go to church even if you don’t believe in God."

This is the nature of this blog entry. What are the benefits to church for those who don’t believe in God?

There is a statement that I believe and often say in the recruitment of foster care workers: "You may very well be the only reflection of love they see." As you go around living life expressing your love to people in tangible ways you are often confronted by an opportunity to demonstrate care. It is especially helpful if you show your loving attitudes in church as you’ve done in your community. The following are some of the benefits that I gave to the young lady about attend church.

1. You can network for employment. 

As I told the young lady who, at the time was not employed. I stated to her that the church is a place where people are looking for employees. I encouraged her to connect relationally with people so that people know that she is looking for a job.

Perhaps it’s not intended to be a social club yet this does mean that the opportunity is available for anyone at church.

2. You can find friends that care about you.

I told the young lady that it is a place where she can find others who would care about her. Her rough exterior may be more difficult than most to engage with however she can find trusting friends none the less.

3. There are services, beyond the worship service that can help.

Many churches these days have food pantries and other emergency care ministries for people. This is a wonderful place to be able to help people in hopes that they would reciprocate the opportunity.

4. When you have an emergency need, church people can be very helpful.

There have been times even in my own life when an emergency has arisen and the church has come through on my behalf. For nonbelievers it is a way for us as Christians to reflect the love of Christ in the lives of others.

There’s no question that the church is a gathering place for believers. It is also a lighthouse where nonbelievers can also feel comfortable in attending. Our signs on the outside usually convey an attitude of invitation. I’ve read many signs that promote the special events and activities. We even spent time training our greeters and ushers and how to help people feel welcomed. The scripture reminds us that God‘s Word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11) and that the opportunity to witness is around us every day, even on Sundays when we are in church. We know that God‘s Word penetrates into the very soul of an individual and without casting judgment and criticism, we find that the word of God can change peoples lives.

You may be thinking, these are all selfish motivations for going to church. Indeed, you are correct but if the church is more than a museum for the saints but rather a hospital for the sick than this is in-keeping with its mission. The church is a place where people live life becoming caring, loving people of God. 

The church is not just for the super spiritual. It is a place of refuge and love for those in need. 

Have You Not Read?

Approximately 32 million adults in America are considered to be illiterate; about 14% of the entire adult population cannot read. Source.

As startling as a statistic is, my topic today has less to do with illiteracy then you might think. It is a genuine concern that many in America are illiterate yet even more alarming is the number of people that are not reading the Bible. It’s not because they can’t read but that they won’t read. That statistic is proving to be more concerning which goes beyond illiteracy.

LifeWay recently did I study in which they found, "...more than half of Americans have read little or none of the Bible." Lifeway Study. Startled yet? It may be unbelievable as we have so much access to the Word of God in this country. 

In Matthew 19:4, we see Jesus answering a question that has huge implications. He was asked about divorce but gives a broader answer about marriage. He is answering the question of those who are supposedly, well read of the Scriptures. These are the religious leaders that he is answering, "Have you not read?"

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."  (ESV) Matt. 19

Recently a pastor friend of mine gave me a book that he authored on the subject of marriage. As I began to thumb through its contents, I quickly realized that there are parallels that relate to this topic. The instructions for marriage are clearly laid out in scripture yet many debate it’s content. Divorce is at an all-time high and many choose to live together without the covenant before God in marriage. We find that the definition of marriage are hotly debated today with little regard for what the Bible has to say. There are even debate around what Jesus said about marriage in this passage of scripture I am referring to. 

First of all, the prescription for marriage is easily spelled out in the Bible if we only would read it. Second I noticed that God’s plans for marriage went beyond procreation but the boundaries were clearly set by God. The problems we see in our world today have much to do with our lack of understanding God‘s plan. There seems to be the misunderstanding of what the Bible says. 

Rev. Randy Blankenship, Sr. is Pastor of the New Life Church in Kokomo, Indiana. His book made clear God’s plan for healthy relationships and marriage.

Blankenship says; But in reality, while most people may acknowledge what the Bible says, many do not want to accept what the Bible says. I’m not sure this book will change that trend. However, I do believe that most people do not know why the Bible says what it says – and the reasons given by most, listed previously, do not come close to being the main reason why the Bible says what it says.

 Check out the book here! 

I could easily create an illustration on this. Often we receive instructions on how to put something together. It may be a bicycle or in my case, it was putting together a shelf for my daughter’s bathroom. There were only twenty parts to the shelf and all the screws were easily identified but for some reason I couldn’t get everything to fit together correctly. After I had exhausted my efforts and was clearly frustrated, I read the instructions and realized that I had stupidly misread the chart. How can I be so dumb? The paperwork was clear, if I had only read the instructions and directions first.

Back to Blankenship’s book. His book is filled with many illustrations and scriptures but most certainly an illustration for us, God’s children, as the bride awaiting her bridegroom. This mysterious love through a covenant unites the man and woman as one in Christ. The Bible not only spells this out throughout scripture, if we would but read it, but it even illustrates it too, making it easy for anyone to know His divine plan. 

If the designer, God in Jesus, would’ve wanted the Bible to read differently, I believe He would’ve simply stated it that way as to the order of things in marriage. He had every opportunity to "set the record straight" on marriage and divorce. 

Perhaps there are two elements to what is being said by Jesus in Matthew 19 which has implications for us today.

1. The religious leaders missed the essentials because they simply did not read.

The Pharisees were known for making God‘s plan exhaustively difficult to understand. They would create rules without reasons which made knowing God’s simple plan difficult. In an effort to more fully explain they simply missed the essential truth. Perhaps that’s why they asked Jesus such a question about divorce.

Jesus simply answered, "Have you not read?" He was attempting to point out to them that they missed the essential truth. Divorce is certainly not God’s plan but it does happen because people broke God‘s covenant. We also break agreements that are made between each other in the presence of God.

Divorce is not the unforgivable sin but Jesus instructed the man, who had the responsibility to provide appropriate documentation when it comes to divorce. Furthermore He explained what God intended for marriage. The religious leaders are the ones who made things difficult to understand. 

2. We settle for half-baked answers when we do not read.

Once more and just as important for us to realize the implications of reading God’s Word that goes beyond His teaching marriage and divorce. Jesus was concerned about those who would give answers that were not complete. I might call these half-baked answers.

In giving a half-baked answer we might include only partial truth but it is by no means complete. As Jesus taught his followers, by answering the Pharisees, Ge gives a complete understand of what God’s Word and plan truly is.

If we failed to read God‘s Word and fully understand the solutions for our lives, as well as its application to our lives, we may use incomplete answers and therefore not find the solution we need. Similarly, as illustrated by my putting together the bookshelf or even understanding marriage as prescribed by scripture, we miss the designer’s plan. Could it be that Jesus is speaking to us even today, "Have you not read?"

Eight Ain’t Enough!

I loved growing up in a large family! There were eight children under one roof and only one bathroom. In spite of the challenges and the discomforts of sharing bedrooms and even beds, I would never trade it for anything. Not everyone would say that about a large family but for me the benefits of always having something to do and someone to do something with outweighed any of the hangups and difficulties. We weren’t the perfect family but we learned how to get along with each other.

Strict rules and routines with structure made it workable. My favorite day was Saturday because it was laundry day. This usually meant throwing all of our clothes to the bottom of the stairs and for entertainment we would take a running leap into the pile as my mother attempted to sort through various colors. Breakfast was usually on the go as we hurried to catch the bus for school. Sunday meals usually offered plenty to go around but during the week, if you missed the call for supper you may not have anything to eat but a dry bowl of cereal; that is without milk.

We always kept the line of credit at the local country store next door and there were those evening emergency errands in the dark because someone ran out of toilet paper. We were often fighting for leftovers from my dad‘s lunch but we called this family.

All of us were expected to get jobs at an early age to help pay the family bills. My first job was when I was  ljust 9 years old. It was a job helping a neighbor lady every day after school and on weekends trim bushes and mow grass or working at her marina cleaning boats and repairing the docks. We shared responsibility from year-to-year passing down our newspaper route from sibling to sibling. Each of us had a responsibility for custodial work at our church. It’s hard to believe but we did this for over 25-years. Each one of us took turns with the responsibilities from the time we were children until we were adults.

There were times when groceries were delivered to our home from the Salvation Army. When we went shopping our shopping cart was filled with generic foods. I remember seeing mostly black and white cans while all of my friends had colorful carts of food. In that day generic foods were packaged in black-and-white labels. No one will ever forget the annual occasions of living in a floodplain area near the shores of Lake Erie. We got hand-me-downs and second hand clothes. My parents were stressed but we called this home.

We had lots of fun as children making our own entertainment. I can recall times fishing off my back porch as bluegill swim by when creeks would run over and the lake would flood into our backyard. On occasions we would take all of the items we could to the second floor of our home because water was going to come into the house. We loved hiking through the swampy back yard and wet & woodsy playground. We called this an adventure. 

When I started a family of my own, we would eventually have foster teens live with us. At one time we had eight of us living in the same home. I considered it just like my childhood home. My wife called this ministry. The neighbors called us crazy seeing not only our natural children but foster teens as well. Like my childhood, they were plenty of adventures and things to do. 

The home was busy but orderly. Even at times when we would have 15 or more gather around our dining room table as foster kids and their friends along with our own children would sit down for supper. My wife had a standing invitation that welcomed anyone in our home but for meals you had to arrive by 5:30 pm if you wanted to eat supper with us. For a while our table was too small to accommodate everyone. Eventually a member of our congregation brought over pictures of a used but new to us dining room set that was being given away. That was an answer to prayer and an upgrade. That meant that everyone could be at the table at the same time.

Even with having eight in our household at one time there seemed to be room for more. Our home was full but yet we thought, eight ain’t enough. Cindi used her gifts of hospitality and helps to nurture and love those in our family. Even though she didn’t grow up in a large family she seem to adapt comfortably to meet the ever-growing needs of others. There were times where it seemed like chaos, when things were unmanageable but there were timeless when it seemed like the calm before the storm. We grew to depend on the Lord for everything. In a sense, paraphrasing a quote by Chuck Norris, we lived life never knowing what the day would bring but we knew the One who brought the day.

I look back with fondness as I think about those years early in marriage with an appetite for ministry that was bigger than our resources. I believe that everyone in our family was impacted in a positive way through the experiences of ministry life. We each learned to do a lot with very little. In ministry we discovered that the benefits outweigh the sacrifices. Of course we had to share a little more and cooperate to make everything work out in a busy household. Whether it was coordinating transportation for the kids or managing limited resources and even having to manage conflict and crises, we realized the opportunities before us. We called this ministry.

No matter what the opportunities are before you, God will lead and provide for you at the right time and always on-time to meet your every need. You might call it family. Some may call you crazy. You might see it as an adventure. You may even define it as ministry. When you follow God‘s Will you live a life filled with blessings and hopes. It may not always be easy but with God’s help you can make an eternal difference.