Affirmation Is Leadership: #2 Feelings Matter. An 11-Part Series.

Leadership is mostly about affirmation. Over the next several weeks I will be exploring this topic by spelling out principles using the letters for AFFIRMATION. There are many books that have been written on this very topic. Most talk a great deal about leading others but they don’t clearly convey how leaders lead. They assume that there are natural born leaders or that being in a position of authority is equal to leadership.

In this article I propose that feelings matter and leaders need to be aware of this. So often leaders are told that they should not care about what people think or what people feel but I contend that leaders must care about the feelings of others. We are people and we have feelings. This is part of the human condition and in fact it is what makes us very human. Managers often see people as simply utilities, resources that fulfill objectives.

AFFIRMATION #2: FEELINGS matter.

Leaders acknowledge that we have feelings. Leaders don’t make decisions based on feelings however the old adage is true; "People may not remember what you do or say but they will remember how you made them feel." Leaders acknowledge that people are human and that their feelings are part of who they are. People offer themselves with abilities but they also bring feelings. Feelings are necessary when working with others; empathy is vital to successful leadership.

Authenticity is vital for leaders if they want to be trusted. People are not robots, taking orders mindlessly. Many managers miss this essential truth, feelings matter. Being heard is a feeling that creates trust and can lead to further engagement in the mission or objective. Leadership means affirmation that includes feelings of others. In fact, those in authority do better if they also share vulnerabilities of their own. It shows your need of others and this can develop a team spirit.
Doug Sunheim says that leaders often hide their feelings in fear of loosing control staying at arms length. Sunheim says, "But in reality, doing so diminishes our control and weakens our capacity to lead...."

Emotions are critical to everything a leader must do: build trust, strengthen relationships, set a vision, focus energy, get people moving, make tradeoffs, make tough decisions, and learn from failure. Without genuine emotion these things always fall flat and stall. You need emotion on the front end to inform prioritization. You need it on the back end to motivate and inspire. Leadership & Emotions according to Doug Sundheim

Affirming others means being willing to connect with others on an emotional basis. Feelings matter!

Leadership Article #3