What Aunts & Uncles Teach Us About OURSELVES!

Reflections on childhood memories are often a mixed bag of thoughts and feelings. Like me, you may have had a variety of personal experiences. Largely, because of my varied family relationships, it makes this article a curious process. Bear with me as I offer a variety of ideas and perhaps uncharted emotions. Over all, these experiences for me have been very positive. I have had good interactions with cousins and their parents.  This article is reflective because of the many emotional elements that accompany loss. Recently, I have experienced the loss of an uncle and aunt - in a short timeframe. Read on though, this won’t be a "poor me" rendition.

Uncles and aunts offer unique interpersonal experiences. Their role in my life are variable and it spans from my childhood memories throughout my adult life interactions. In my early days, I remember those times as aunts and uncles served as babysitters. They were early-years employers. They are mentors who have taken me to ball games and fishing trips. There were many different special events. Sometimes there are strained relationships that have impacted me in unique ways. Moreover, they are stories that I can never forget - good and not so good.

As an example of the not so good memory, let me tell you of that one time while my uncle George was babysitting me. I was caught doing a very dumb-dumb act of steeling a fistful of dumb-dumb suckers. Well, I got caught and I couldn’t outrun the consequences of my misdeed. I think that my backside still hurts a little. :-)

I grew up in a large family. I have experiences that are very wide and blended. My parents were also from large families and with this, I have had many aunts and uncles growing up. I can recall many different times I have spent with aunts and uncles. Some lived in the same area as my family while others were from out-of-town. What an interesting series of personal memories I have had over the years. You likely have varied experiences as well. Some memories are those while on family vacations while others were more frequent since some aunts and uncles lived just up the road.

There are a variety of things that family teaches us about ourselves. We may not realize it at the time but upon further reflection,  we recognize that their contribution in our lives become who we turn out to be later in life. Aunts and uncles are part of that contribution!

I can think of two specific things I learned about myself through the interactions with aunts and uncles. I see that these are things that I learned about myself because, indeed, these go beyond simple lessons that we all learn from but they become the very fabric of who we become as we grow up.

Think about it for just a moment. Think of your favorite aunt or your favorite uncle. Was it your birthday when you got that special present from your out-of-town relative? Maybe it was at that family gathering or family reunion that taught you the life lesson that sticks with you today? Was it the time you were babysat or even became the person who disciplined you for something that perhaps, your parents never even found out about?

My grandma with my uncle George and two of my aunts. 

Aunts and uncles teach us a lot about ourselves. Let me break down a few of the things they taught me.




1. How to be real.

In most of my childhood, life was about keeping it real. Our family was very transparent about how we felt about one another. Growing up was all about being who you truly are. Aunts and uncles were part of the team that raised you. It is unavoidable because, back in my day, the village raised you, not just your parents.

The role of raising children was extended to others including your aunts and uncles. You couldn’t fake your way or even hide from a watchful eye because everyone kept their eye on you. Most especially where those that were the extended parental unit. Take my uncle George as an example. When he caught me stealing suckers, he kept it very real. He didn’t let that action slide.

During those difficult and often awkward times in your life when it was difficult to talk to your parents, your aunts and  uncles were there to talk to. It’s likely that they took a special interest in you than even your parents could.

Even some of those choices that my parents told me that I couldn’t do, I got away with it from my aunts or uncles. It is not like I was going to snitch on them or anything. It is about being real. Whenever I would go to the home of Aunt Kathleen, she would often say that I can help myself to anything that I wanted in the refrigerator. I remember thinking that was so different from what my parents often said. My parents would say to keep my hands out of the cookie jar but at my aunts house, I can have as many cookies as I wanted.

With family, life is real and very raw. Family knows me better than I know myself. With aunts and uncles, you can’t fake it! It was during the overnighters at their house with cousins or go on their family vacation with family that creates special memories. In those times, life just happened in real  time. Moments happen everyday moments that are unscripted but very real.


2. How to be honest.

I remember when my aunt Kathleen told me to behave myself. It wasn’t like she was my mom but her words penetrated my soul. It was As if she knew that I was doing something that I shouldn’t. Likely, it was just a friendly greeting but it caused me to think differently about my actions. Of course they were those times when she knew exactly what was going on and was correcting me.

My mother with aunt Joey & uncle Bubber.

It’s interesting how our extended family keeps us honest. It may have been more acceptable in my day for the extended family to punish and pronounce judgment but I think even today, they provide a significant role in the raising of children.

This article is a reminder that the extended family is necessary. Our aunts and uncles provide a wealth of knowledge and a place of refuge. They are able to speak into our lives and ways that our parents are unable to. Their role is a very special role. As we grow up that relationship never changes. The way we interact becomes different but their opinions are unscripted and very raw. Their life experience becomes a lesson for us. Often they know more about us than we even know about ourselves but what we can learn is that they keep it real and how to be honest.

Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. (Bible) Titus 2:7

As an uncle myself, it is now my turn to make those contributions in the lives of my nieces and nephews! It reminds me that I need to set a positive example in real time. It’s a reminder that I need to keep it honest as well. There are plenty of opportunities to make a difference in big, but mostly small ways.

It’s those fleeting moments when we can extend our role into the life of another person. Of course there will be those fleeting  opportunities that we need to take advantage of and make a difference.

Throughout my life with the contribution of ants and uncles has taught me a lot about myself. Their  contribution continues but now I also have the opportunity to contribute into the positive welfare of  others.

Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.