A Special Day!

Everyone loves to receive an exclusive invitation. Parties, weddings, birthdays…we want to be a part of the festive occasion. I love parties, don’t you? The taste of food is so good and the conversations are so interesting. Some of the best opportunities happen in such happenings. 

The Bible tells of a special invitation to join God’s family. Being invited to attend a special day is both humbling and honoring. The invite means that you have been chosen as special. A feast is always prepared. Depending on the occasion the host may bring out special dishes or proper etiquette. 

It is always a unique and memorable opportunity. These special events are always exciting. I know that I always feel special when invited to join the event. 

God’s invitation is open to all but few actually RSVP. Jesus paid the entry fee so all we have to do is believe & say yes! (Romans 5:8 is the invitation & 1 John 1:9 is the  RSVP.)

Are you open to receiving a special invitation from God? How will you respond? 

Someone Listened!

When I was just a child I tried to get my parent’s attention. They were busy! They were raising 8 children. They were always working. They always had busy lives. Often I would ask my mother if I could go with her to run errands. I would often ask my mom where she was going. She seemed to always answer with the same expression, “I am going crazy!” It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I understood where she meant.

We all desire to be heard. Perhaps that is why we engage in conversation and activities with others. We all longed for more interactions with others during COVID. Isolation is why so many struggled with mental health issues. We are designed to be in relationship with others. 

During each chapter of my life I needed someone to listen especially in transitions. Going into high school, entering college, getting married, choosing my life profession, having children and many other chapters. Like you, we all need someone to listen. 

Especially as a teenager, I needed someone to listen to me. I had many questions. I needed direction. 

As I chose to head off to college and choose my life’s work and vocation, I needed to sort through my life Calling. I was not that unusual to need counsel. 

My pastor and his wife, Rev. James and Kittie Kreider were instrumental to guide me in knowing what I was good at and how I could use those abilities to choose my vocation. I was raised, in part, in the church. I spent many hours at the church. Not only to attend the church activities like youth group but I was also a custodian. I even did my internship one summer during my college years. I eventually became a pastor and was given opportunity to listen to others. 

During my vocation I was able to do youth ministry at several churches, I was able to give lead as a church planter. I became a mentor to at-risk youth. I also became a probation officers for young people. Eventually getting licensed as a foster parents to at-risk youth. I eventually was credentialed to do jail ministry and a chaplain to police officers. 

I believe that it was because someone listened to me in my time of need that I became able to also listen to others. Each of us have the opportunity to contribute to the lives of others simply by listening.

Related Research.

Generosity is Contagious

It’s that time of year again! It is a most wonderful time of the year! It is for sure a favorite time for me to serve at the Red Kettle for The Salvation Army. As I begin my new series of shifts at my local Walmart, I find that people are generous. It’s fun to interact with people and to show them true joy. 

I’ve been involved in several ministries over the last few years that require me to help find support from local communities. Each time I have been able to build relationships with very generous people. My ministry has focused on low income families, or at-risk youth and children in foster care, or serving the needs of young people everywhere as is the case with Youth for Christ I currently serve. It never ceases to amaze me how generous people are.

I believe something happens within us when we are generous. You know, the old saying that it’s more blessed to give than receive may actually be true.

Studies have shown that people are actually healthier when they are generous. According to Stephen Johnson, “Giving not only helps others, but it also rewards yourself in measurable ways, so much so that it may even increase your lifespan.” 

This research also revealed that volunteering actually makes us healthier. One research showed that seniors who volunteer will live 40% longer than those that don’t.

How generosity changes your brain - Big Think

Volunteering is cool because it offers us an opportunity to promote generosity!

I remember growing up when The Salvation Army came through for my family. People would say that they had joy in helping. Though my dad worked hard, and my mother did everything she could to provide it was still a challenge to make ends-meet.  I have a vivid memory of The Salvation Army bringing a box of food to assist us in our time of need.

I have a very soft spot in my heart for this ministry that goes above, and beyond, in the most efficient of ways. They keep overhead costs and salaries efficiently to do the most good. 

For the last seven years, I had volunteered my time with The Salvation Army as a Bell Ringer. Each year I seem to find a little more joy to give and I’m grateful for the terrific opportunity to minister to people. Just a kind word seems to cheer people up during very stressful times in their lives.

I remember when a father came out with his two young daughters. He put money in the kettle, and I gave candy to his daughters, but what one of his children said was very surprising to me. She said, “My mother died last year.“ WOW! All I could say was that I was sorry to hear that and that I would be praying for them. The dad seems to be doing well, and managing the two daughters, whom he clearly loves!

I remember another occasion when a young mom came to the kettle with her daughter. Her daughter had a jar full of coins. As she was pouring the coins into the small opening of the kettle, the mother said that they save all year to give. It was a joy for me to be there at that time to see this act of generosity. The mother said, “They (Salvation Army) came through for me when I needed them and now that I have a job I’m giving back.” 

Likely people give generously because somebody showed them the way. Someone help them when they were in need and they now have the opportunity to have another. It’s not that they have enough money now to be generous because so often it’s those who seem to have little that gives the most and the red kettle.

I believe people also are generous, because it’s a reflection of their heart. I believe that most people by design are generous. I think God put something within all of us let makes us eager to help our fellow human beings.

I believe that a simple smile or positive comment can change the outcome of giving. Last year I had my grandkids with me, helping me at the red kettle. A man came out to give and chatted with my grandson. What impressed my grandson was when the man pulled out $100 bill. He stuck it in the kettle, unaware that my grandson was watching him. Immediately my grandson commented that that was a lot of money. Well he doesn’t really know the value of money but he does know that $100 bill and buy a lot of things. When we got home, he had to brag about how he was able to get people to give up a $100 bill. 

Generosity is an infectious activity. It is passed on to others like a virus, but in a good way. As one demonstrates kindness and giving it causes others to want to do the same. I believe that’s why the red kettle is such an important reminder in our culture. It is so essential to be reminded of the importance of helping others. The red kettle is a reminder that there are people in need and each of us can do something to help.

Lessons from the Red Kettle

Every year it’s a joy to volunteer my time in the community. This year, I took time out of my schedule to volunteer with Marion’s Salvation Army‘s Red Kettle. For just a couple of hours, I stood outside of the Marion Walmart greeting the patrons as they entered and exited.

Volunteering is a lot of fun and especially when it’s within your particular niche. My niche just happens to be conversation. I love to greet people and listen to their stories. Perhaps that’s why I am enjoying my time in the Indiana Wesleyan University Alumni Association as the Director of Alumni & Church Relations.

Ringing the bell for the Salvation Army is a blast in my opinion. If you enjoy observing people and interacting with them, I would highly recommend this experience. It is most interesting to me to see the reaction of people who either avoid looking at you or make every effort to let you know that they have already donated. I happen to enjoy the former more, because it is a challenge to get people to break out of their comfort zone and offer you at least a gesture of a greeting. It’s usually the nod of the head or a simple wave.

I have observed three different types of people during my time ringing the bell. First, you have the avoiders. These are the people that will go out of their way to look away and pretend they don’t hear your bell ringing and verbal greetings. One lady, who did everything she could to avoid talking to me, pretending to not hear me at first and then when it was all to obvious I was there, looked into her purse as if to grab a cell phone call. I remembered her and when she came out later I loved the opportunity to get her attention. “Hello again, and good evening,” I said. While looking straight at me, she walked past as if I was invisible. Now I’m certain she heard me because her eyes seem to convey an assurance of my existence, but she was not going to communicate with so much as a wave or nod of the head. She simply kept walking. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I’m certain that she had other things on her mind. Perhaps they were burdens or a fear that somehow talking to me would commit her to dropping a few coins in the Red Kettle.

Then there are the people who just simply respond to my greeting with a simple echo of my greeting. “Good afternoon!” I’d say, and they would mutter, “Good afternoon to you as well”. I refer to them as the echo. This is the basis of society called reciprocity, the reciprocating of your smile or kind words but never going beyond that simple response.

You may be like the third person I encountered in my bell ringing. These people represent the true heart of charity and perhaps the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This usually calls for a little special treatment of their response. Perhaps they not only say hello back, but they also say God bless you or thank you for being here and even offer a kind gift of a donation in the Red Kettle.

Scripture speaks often about this golden rule, going the extra mile and give cheerfully. The Christian faith is full of examples both in scripture and in life of how important it is to put others ahead of yourself. In order for a society to better itself, we need to have charity and goodwill with a splash of hope that reflects the love God has for each one of us.

This time of year there are many who are ringing bells, trying to call attention to their favorite cause. They desire to bring goodwill to one and all. It is this time of year that we think of the Christmas carols and even reflect on Charles Dickens, Christmas Scrooge. It is this time of year when charity seems to come to life visibly and in real, tangible ways.

One young lady with her six-year-old stopped at the Red Kettle and told me simply, “I can’t walk past a single one of these Red Kettles without putting something in!” as she stuffed several dollar bills into the kettle. “This organization helped me when I was in great need, and they bought gifts for my son. I am grateful and especially now that I’m on my feet I can give back so that others will have the same opportunity I once needed from this great organization.“

So take note the next time you hear that faint bell ringing; there is much to be gained through charity. There are so many benefits because of it. May that bell ringing remind you that we can do for others as we would have done to us. In this we could reflect the kind of love that God extended to us when we were yet undeserving. It is through our acts of kindness we show others that we best demonstrate the love and goodwill of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

“Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” – (Saint Francis of Assisi) St. Francis of Assisi

Check out my related article here. 

Who Believed in Me?

I loved all the positive relationships in my high school. There were peers for sure!  Yet, they were not enough. There were many positive adults that cared about me, mentored me, helped me "grow up", and those that "spent time" with me. 

One of those was Mr. Tyner. He was a teacher in High School. Our high school was for 4 years. It was a BIG school with large classes. It was built like a prison. We had armed security. To say the least, it was a county school that included great diversity and many complex issues. It was a rough school. 

I grew up in a difficult family. My parents loved me as best they knew how. Yet, they didn't have well-defined boundaries. It was my church that crafted the "rules" for me yet, enforced at times by my parents. They provided me with a home. They cared about my physical needs (for which many parents worked hard just to make ends meet). They were, after all, raising 8 children. We are all expected to have a job!  My first paid job was when I was 9 years of age. (Talk about child labor laws.)  

Yet, it was my teacher in High School that filled in where my parents could not. Mr. Tyner was like a father to me. He often answered my questions. He often guided my choices. (At least he provided someone to talk through the big decisions.)  Mr Tyner was my mentor and friend. He was my music instructor. He was my confidant. 

Many of my peers were influenced by Mr. Tyner. We often gathered in his small office to laugh and learn. He was our positive adult.  Fortunately for us he was a good man who loved his church and cared about his students. 

Mr. Tyner helped me understand the difficult issues we faced in life. He guided me through tough issues. Whether social or spiritual, his insights were helping to shape who I was to become. He was a matter of fact adviser. He was a fun-loving friend. He was willing to take time to listen. 

Mr. Tyner taught me how to have diverse friends. Asking me to join the all-men voice choir was one of those experiences. I was the only white student in that choir. It was easy for my mom to pick me out of the crowd at the school concerts.  I learned how to understand the social issues of our age. I learned how to listen to the complex needs of my diverse friends. I also had bodyguards of my own when I was bullied or found conflict. Did I say that we had armed security in my high school?

One of the most impactful takeaways from this positive role model and mentor was the way he challenged my ability. He was my champion, often saying, "You can do it, Carder!"  He often assigned me responsibilities that were beyond my skills by saying that he believed in me!

To this day, I reflect on the impact of this one solitary life that simply took time to listen, offer good ideas, and helped me to develop confidence in my too often awkward experiences of my youth. 

It set me on a path to also pour into the lives of youth. In my adult life I have entered into my Calling and passion. I love to help youth, like me who just needed someone to believe in me. 

In my adult life, I have been a youth pastor, mentor to at-risk youth in the youth home or on probation. Serving as a probation officer at one time. Finding opportunities to be in juvenile court to share by "voice of reference" on a teen that made bad choices. Having been a foster parent (with my wife) for over 8 years, having teenagers living in our home for 18 years consistently. Serving in Higher Education mentoring and educating young people who themselves are defining their own passion and Calling. 

It was the result of someone that believed in me!  It was because someone took time to listen. It was through the life of a caring adult that mentored me and in spite of my awkward ways yet accepted me and challenged me to reach for great things and helped me reach my potential. (*for which I am still growing to become.)

Thank you Mr. Tyner for doing to me what you may have found naturally and maybe even don't remember what impact you have made on me!  I am a better me because of your faith in God and believe in me. You have given what I can never pay back but I will make every effort to "pay it forward" in the lives of others.

The Impact On Me!

When I was a teenager I would attend special events called Youth for Christ rallies. I was able to hear speakers share relevant messages and hear music to my liking that was filled with words of hope and positive words that encouraged me to "hang in there!"  

I found that these were times that helped me make sense of my world. It helped me to understand the Bible and especially about Jesus. These messages helped me to deal with loss and emotional heartache I was experiences during those hard times.

Years later, I entered into ministry to youth. It was fun to help connect youth to similar messages of hope I once learned. These timeless truths were impactful.

Even during the years my wife and I did foster care in our home we were able to help bring understanding and hope to youth who were dealing with a lot of hardship and loss. For 18 years we had youth in our home (*including raising our own children).

In every year of our ministry --over 35 years now -- we have been involved in the ministry in one way or another, mainly hosting tables at fundraising events. Nothing was ever wasted in those efforts. Now serving full-time with YFC Northern Indiana has brought fulfillment for me and my family.

Our own children in their teen years were impacted by Campus Life leaders who gave of their time to listen and care for them!  Having positive and trusted relationships in their lives through an incredible youth ministry and minister was vital. They impacted our youth in ways we, as parents, were unable.

This movement both impacted me as well as my family. It is my turn to give back for the sake of the next generation. I may not be able to handle overnighter events, athletic activities has passed me by, and running around trying to keep up with youth is not easy anymore yet, this is one way you and I can make a difference. THE MOVEMENT CONTINUES!

When I Was Young!

WOW! Look at that mop of hair? My nickname was “blond-bomb.” Yep, I resisted a haircut! My curly hair was the style. My clothes were not. My hand-me-downs were worn-out and often dirty.

I was not popular but I was a class clown. I was not always polite. I was not always liked. I was beaten up three times by teacher. Yep, teachers. Once I was beaten up by a bus driver. My dad never found out. I didn’t want him to know because he would have assumed, correctly, that my smart mouth got me in trouble.

How was high school for you? It wasn’t always great for me. 

Yet, I had someone who believed in me. I had a caring adult that tolerated me. I had an adult that spent time with me. They encouraged me. 

How about you? Who believed in you?

Go ahead and post your high school picture on social media. I dare you! 

Rest From Labor!

 

Stop and smell the roses (or other flowers). Resting is important if done on purpose. With Labor Day just around the corner I wanted to reserve a space for this topic. 

Rest is easy for many and hard for others. Many times my wife would say that I have a “hurried sickness.” This a a phrase coined by Dr. James Dobson. His challenge was to help people understand that being in a hurry can be addictive. It feeds something unhealthy in our lives. We may be trying to fill a hole in our lives that we think that busyness can fill.

That may be true for me. I group in a home and which work was expected. My first job was when I was nine years of age and I began driving a car around that same year as well. In those days it was not unusual for children to work. I know it’s hard to believe but I assure you that it was not child abuse. I think I’m well adjusted today.

What is true, however, is that we can become workaholics. The idea of being addicted to work as a means of fulfillment is all too dangerous. I know many that have neglected their families. I remember working at a factory in which a guy would work 12 hour shifts consecutively. From time to time I would find him sleeping on one of the rolls of paper taking a nap in between shifts or during his lunch hour. His wife would come in and collect his paycheck. He was certainly every example of being a workaholic.

Labor Day is that day of the year in which the labor unions and our government deemed as a holiday. They encourage their workers to stop working and join the picket lines or other rallies to encourage membership to the Labor Union organization. Though I’m not necessarily a favor or an opposition to the labor unions, I find this practice rather unique. At the turn of the 20th century many Americans would join parades and picnics to celebrate and recruit for the labor industry.

Today, we might have parades but we certainly don’t see as much of the Labor Unions tactics being employed yet it is a public holiday. It’s a day to cease from labor. I love having a long weekend. I certainly enjoy the picnic and parades. But, there’s something more meaningful that should be considered.

The Bible talks about having a Sabbath which is a weekly ritual. It is a time of rest and worship. It’s where we change the focus from ourselves to focus on God in worship. The Sabbath is something that we should practice within our lives. It builds rhythms for a healthy lifestyle. Too often, we can spend too much time working at the sacrifice of our own family or things that are of value.

In Hebrews chapter 4 we find the significance of remembering the Sabbath. It is an example of how the people of God were to inherit the promised land. They were to “enter into God’s rest.” It is an understanding that we would depend on God rather than ourselves. It’s not a bad practice for us to consider. Finding space in our schedule for prayer, devotions, and in fellowship with others as well as God is a good practice. 

This is a practice we should do, at minimum, weekly. Take a break and enjoy the fellowship as the Lord in your life. Stop and smell the flowers will bring peace and spiritual nourishment in your life.

On Purpose.

Living is often based on routines and ruts. Often, they define our rhythms. These aren’t necessarily bad but when life is not lived on purpose it falls short and opportunities are allowed to slip by.

Along my travels by encounter lots of individuals. I stop in and visit with many leaders of churches, organizations, and businesses. I’m always amazed by those experiences each time.

Everyone has a story. Sometimes through tragedy or triumph yet, stories nonetheless. Every business owner and every church or organization is made up of many stories. There’s always a plot and main characters in the drama of life.

Sitting at a coffee shop this morning at a bakery who’s very name to just that it has a purpose. It’s not just about the sweet treats that you can eat but it is more. Son-Rise Bakery is located in Warren, Indiana. 

Having been here several times I can feel the culture and people interactions that make up the people in the goals of this organization.

Living life on purpose is essential. When we live on purpose we wake up each morning asking ourselves questions, how can I make a difference? How do I affect change by my actions? 

Often it’s our purpose that gets us up in the morning or keeps us out late at night. We define that purpose by something internal but the most lasting change is what is done with God‘s kingdom in mind.

Kingdom mindnessness is what makes the difference. It’s not for this world that we strive it is for the next. It is a legacy that we leave for the generations that will pass by. It is to bring God glory and all that we do inside. 

Some people live lives that are transactional. It’s a give-and-take in a fair exchange. It is usually self oriented or personal gain. Life is more than just transactions, isn’t it?

I’m reminded this morning of Colossians that tells us that whatever we do do it wholeheartedly and for the glory of God. As your life is lived on purpose it brings meaning to others that is far lasting. It’s a gift to others that never ceases lives in the hearts and experiences that transform lives.

New Living Translation — And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. - Colossians 3:17

So whether you wake up early or stay up late, ask yourself the question of whether your life will bring meaning to someone else? Do things that are not for yourself that are investments into the lives of others.

See prior article.

Like Leaving Summer Camp!

I always loved going to summer camp. Church conference and training events as an adult have been true highlights. Special events in my life that are filled with energy, creative ideas, great discussions, and being with friends are true highlights that make for incredible experiences. 

Every special event that extends through several days or heightened euphoric experiences are awesome! They are happy places! I even become emotional just reflecting on so many of these experiences! It is like just yesterday as I recall so many great spaces and places!

You too can relate! These experiences are mood-shaping and we often make special notes in our calendars or on social media just to share the experiences! 

Yet, with heavy high is an inevitable low! 

Yep, we all must settle in for the low after a high l, emotional experience. We have to plan for it! 

You might know it weekly. That is why we call it Mondays! We also know it after a celebrated event. We have to anticipate the low for each high. It is hard to go from the heights of a Mount Everest to the valley of dry bones. We resist it but it is going to happen!

If we do not allow for a rhythm of rest in our overly busy lives, illness becomes our Sabbath - our pneumonia, our cancer, our heart attack, our accidents create Sabbath for us.

Wayne Muller, Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives

As I write this article it is after a couple of sequential high points to result in one very lonely low. 

It is in the low that we can experience God in a personal and intimate way. Like Elijah after his great victory agains the prophets of Baal. Like Gideon or Jonah. Even in our time, like winning a difficult debate. Or coming up the victor of a tough fight. Even those “camp-like” experiences in our lives where we thought that it couldn’t get any better.

This past week I enjoyed a couple of victories. I attending the Global Leadership Conference and chatted with many great friends. Our weekend included a family celebration of the “in-person” Wedding ceremony of our son and his wife! Even into Sunday we visited with friends whom we care about. 

But, you guessed it, Monday arrived with a crash! Not just any Monday but a low that didn’t produce more dopamine or adrenalin because of being high on life and emotional experiences. Yup, I crashed! 

So, now what? Here are a few things I plan to do to ease back from the pain for withdrawal. 

1. Start the day early no matter how you feel.

2. Plan to ease back into normal life with a few tasks.

3. Rest but don’t stop doing things. Just do things more slowly and differently. 

4. Don’t isolate except into the prayerful contemplative attitude of fellowship with God.

5. Wake up your brain and make up your mind to remain active. Journal or read, pray or meet with a good friend one-on-one.

I find that as we anticipate the need to rest, we also should recognize the emotional need to decompress. It is okay to “take it easy” but don’t stop! 

Sabbath isn't about resting perfectly; it's about resting in the One who is perfect.

Shelly Miller, Rhythms of Rest: Finding the Spirit of Sabbath in a Busy World

My friend once said that if you are tempted to take the day off, take it half-off not fully off. In other words, build time in your schedule to have a Sabbath. I don’t mean a day to sleep in. I mean a time to dwell with God, the object of our worship and embrace the principles that govern your life. Eternal values are always best! It may be that you do things more slowly yet, never-the-less, be active even after celebrating those “camp-like” experiences. 

So, on this low Monday after the high, make the most of it! Enjoy your fellowship with God. Make the most of this time to regroup your thoughts. Remain focussed on what God has called you to. Remain active in eternal principles while listening for orders to advance the cause. 

One-on-One Awkward Conversation Starters!

Each week I speak with many people. Often I am having a first-time conversation with strangers. It is part of my daily work. I actually enjoy speaking with complete strangers. It is challenging yet fun to engage in these type of conversations. It means thinking on my feet and making the conversation enjoyable for whomever I chat with. 

Most people avoid having conversations with people, especially with strangers. For most it us it is intimidating and produces feelings of dread.

After having hundreds of awkward conversations, I know one thing for sure; leading the conversation with strangers is super weird! I have often have conversations with people who don’t engage in the discussion. The typical one-liner conversations quickly turn awkward. When there aren’t reciprocating discussions or responsive conversations it becomes terribly uncomfortable. (Picture is of my grandkids dressing up and pretending to have adult conversations.)

Questions that often end up as dead-end conversations are, for most, the worst of experiences. How are you? What have you been up-to? How’s it going? These questions and many more like them have the same thing in common. They all end with a common response. Short 1 or 2-word responses: Okay! Nothing! Not bad! Then what do you do?

So, today I wanted to provide a short article on how to have one-on-one awkward conversations the lead to mutually beneficial relationships. There are several ideas that have helped me during these weird exchanges.

1. Instead of asking yes/no questions, ask questions that  require sentence responses.

I have asked many people permission to pray for them. I do this by not asking a yes/no question. I ask, “HOW can I pray for you?” Read further on this topic The key is to assume the affirmative. 

By asking questions that require more than yes/no answers will help engage a deeper, yet meaningful conversation. Of course, you’ll have to consider the circumstances and the timing of the conversation. Just like humor, short stories and quick punchlines our favorites. If someone appears to be in a hurry it is not the time to deepen the conversation. If there is a reciprocating effect that is happening, then you can go deeper. Nevertheless, asking questions that get them to talk about themselves which is more favorable rather than telling them about yourself. In fact, when the conversation ends too quickly we are tempted to talk about ourselves. This is not appropriate, especially at first. 

 

So often, for even the strongest extrovert, the conversation seems to drag and feel uncomfortable. Too often we cut the opportunity short because we feel awkward. I have heard it said which is often associated with Abraham Lincoln; “It is better to remain silent and be thought of as ignorant than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Perhaps our greatest fears is that we will say the wrong thing. These present barriers and often an illusion. We perceive these ideas but often they are not true. Most people are just happy that somebody is willing to chat with them and many are gracious spirits that forgive easily if we are intending to injure the relationship. 

As we assume the affirmative it helps us to further the conversation. Starting with a compliment or discovering something about them is often a positive tactic we could use to engage a healthy interaction.

2. Instead of turning the conversation into an interrogation (the 20-question survey), have a topical discussions.

Many times we make conversations a door-to-door sales survey. It is important for you to feel and appear relaxed. Don’t sweat it! Most people can quickly read into our objective especially when we feel like it’s a set up. Too many of us have received those annoying sales calls or high-pressure experiences and if you come across like a used car dealer then it could be a turn off.

I love church signs. The one here is funny because of the huge social media problem we have today. This one reads: “Tweet others as you want to be tweeted.” I like to think of three significant topics that most people like to talk about. These three topics are easy for any of us to navigate. They include talking about them: the most important topic of all. People also like to talk about simple observations. I find that people most often are okay with talking about values, their values. 

Most people love to talk about themselves so start there. Simple question about them or starting with an observation is a good beginning. While it is cliché, starting a conversation with what do you do or how do you do that engages a persons self interest.

Making quick observations about what you see can turn into a good discussion point. Perhaps it’s the current affairs of the day, that which is in the news or if you are at an event, Ask someone how the organization can improve their experience is a good starting point. Never become defensive if they give negative feedback but they simply offering their insights are both helpful to you and them. Sometimes you might observe that they are or have served in the military or you notice a saying on their clothing or some thing that you can complement about them is a good starting point. Think of ways that you can ask questions related to the genre for which you are observing. 

3. Instead of having in-depth discussions, be okay with simple conversations. 

It’s important to lower your expectations at first. Sometimes we expect that somebody would have a deep insight about a topic. Nevertheless it’s important to be okay with small talk. You have to start somewhere when engaging people. 

As you begin any relationship, it is important to let the conversations be relaxing times of interaction. Don’t rush into the relationship because it is built on trust. To have any relational collateral you have to spend time to build trust. 

Say genuine things that help build up relationships. People can easily see if we are sincere or not. So, therefore be real. Be relaxed. Take the conversational cues carefully so that your impact is felt; don’t try to impress people. I love the saying; “You IMPRESS people from a distance but you IMPACT them up close.”  It is my life statement. I have made every effort to impact people. It is not about you!  It is always about the “other.”

Finally, instead of ending the discussion seek permission to talk again.

As you engage and feel a positive response from your interaction, ask for an opportunity to connect further at another time. Seek to serve their needs as you follow up with relationships. 

Asking for permission to further the discussion you have begun may be a simple as saying, “Are you okay with meeting up in the future?” As you put the controls in the hands of those you engage is important. Making the relationship about them is a key to starting and establishing a good foundation for more discussion. 

Read more on this topic here.

Interesting video you may want to check out. How to avoid socially awkward behaviors. 

Missional One-liners!

My humor often includes a double meaning. I often say to a waitress, "I am fed up now." I also say, as I cash out my ticket, “I came in with an appetite but lost it!” These type of statements have clear double meanings. 

My one-liner statement means that I am full but it can sound negative. In much of my humor I try to weave ways that create a relationship. I love to find connections with people. Asking who they know that I might also know. Trying to discover where they grew up as an attempt to known if we have anything in common. Building trust happens through a relational context.

Classic one-liners are common for many people. My family often says it has to do with my age. I find myself no longer able to prevent the oddly timed jokes. I hope I have not totally lost my filter that happens as you age. My adult kids still feel awkward as they take two steps back from me when I blurt out a dad joke. 

Surprisingly, recently my 32 year old son, now with two children of his own, blurts out silly dad jokes and even talks to strangers. Even his 6 and 7 year old children roll their eyes. What is black and white and “read” all over? Of which even his kids say, “I don’t get it.” (Having grown up with electronics and tablets they no longer read from newspapers or books.) You might even grown at that kind of humor!

The purpose is not lost in the silly humor one-liners. The efforts are intended to build a connection and a relationship that’s meaningful. You might even say that it is a missional one-liners strategy. The end result is hopefully they gained friendship through a friendly smile. Sometimes through silly humor and sometimes through poorly timed jokes yet, the goal is still the same. The goal is to develop an initial relationship that may provide an on-going friend.

Nevertheless, truth matters. In the midst of the poorly timed humor and effort is made to be genuine and friendly. It’s an effort doesn’t require much thinking as you  engage in conversation. Whether the person is your cashier at a checkout or co-worker, a simple effort might turn a smile and provide a bit of levity in the ongoing chore of work. I love the sign I spotted one that reads, “The most important things in life aren’t things at all.” I would add, they are valued relationships.

Authentic relationships matter. They are built on truth and trust. Together, these are values that people need in their day-to-day lives. Humor is a soft answer that can defuse a tense moment or an awkward moment. There are times when our witness of Christ can even demonstrate care for another. I often asks waitresses or store merchants how can I pray for them. It is amazing how open people are. They usually share deep and heart-felt prayer requests; to even me, a stranger.

The Bible makes it clear that Truth matters. You don't ever have to wonder if GOD loves you because it is clear! God wants a relationship with you that provides eternal life through God's Son. (John 3:16) We also find that when Jesus was preparing to leave his disciples (John 14) that He was going to go and prepare a place for them and he would receive them unto himself in a future tense. They clearly marked the value of a relationship.

The relationship that God wants to have with each and everyone is that of both personal and impactful. 

Why does Truth matter? Where do you go for Truth? How can you create an authentic and valued relationship in another? Who do you cross paths with, though a stranger, that you can encourage and witness the Truth of God’s love?

And Then There Were Four!

I don’t know what it would be like to stand completely alone, not just isolated but on my own. There have been times when I felt alone but I was in the presence of many others. There of been times that my opinions had to stand by itself. Those were very different feelings than those who stand completely alone. 

I am perhaps like most of you. We wait for a crowd to gather before we decide to join them. There is perhaps a level of courage to be among the crowd but it’s not the same as being an individual opposite the crowd.

Perhaps, we feel like King David when he felt alone. Often we read of his complaint. The enemy was against him many occasions. His war-like rhetoric is compelling as we read through the Psalms. Many times he cried out to God feeling alone. There is a level of melancholy but David exhibited throughout his leadership. Even his own son stood in opposition to him as he stood isolated from the popularity of the crowd.

“Do not abandon me, O Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God.” Psalms‬ ‭38:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think of political leaders and heroes of the faith who stood all alone against the popularity of the crowd. Patriarchs of the church like Martin Luther or John Wesley or John Calvin, who stood alone. Individuals like Wycliffe or Tyndale whose strong belief was credited to them by historians. At that time, they were stood alone.

I can only imagine what it was like for them. I like the comforts afforded to me in this country. Many who stand in tremendous opposition to dictators are to be credited with tremendous courage! I can only imagine.

I pray that I would have the courage to stand alone if I needed to. Sure, there are strong opinions and persuasive arguments that I could make which might put me in the crosshairs of opposition. Nevertheless, those are simply “fleabites“ in comparison to the real heroes of the faith! 

We live in a time where popular thought dictates! Truth is hidden and hard to discover amidst all the noise of the media, both national and personal social media channels. 

David narrated a Psalm that perhaps speaks to this like none other. He provides truth on how to live a blessed life. While it’s not a life empty of conflict or trouble yet or it is demonstrated by the presence of God in our lives. (Psalm 1; Psalm 37)

You recall the story of the three who stood in opposition to the king? These three Hebrew men would not bow to the idol of the king. Shadrach,  Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel 3) were thrown into the fiery furnace. Their ways were to be canceled and destroyed completely. Of course we know that the story did not end there.

Even the king noticed that in the furnace we’re not just three men but a fourth was present with them. Who was it? It was the presence of God in their midst. He walked with them through the fire. Even king Nebuchadnezzar saw what appeared to be “like that of the son of God.” 

Doesn’t it sound like best of all great novels? 

Even though it wasn’t popular, it was the right thing to do. These men were filled with integrity, having aligned their faith with the living God! 

Pray In CommUNITY!

The First Thursday of May - National Day of Prayer events happening in Wabash. 

The National Day of Prayer is an annual observance held on the first Thursday of May, inviting people of all faiths to pray for the nation. It was created in 1952 by a joint resolution of the United States Congress, and signed into law by President Harry S. Truman. Our Task Force is a privately funded organization whose purpose is to encourage participation on the National Day of Prayer. It exists to communicate with every individual the need for personal repentance and prayer, to create appropriate materials, and to mobilize the Christian community to intercede for America’s leaders and its families. The Task Force represents a Judeo-Christian expression of the national observance, based on our understanding that this country was birthed in prayer and in reverence for the God of the Bible.

Click here to see the history of the National Day of Prayer.

Join together as we meet for "CommUNITY" throughout Wabash County. 

Four Ways To Prepare for Life at Work!

Everyone needs to show up for life. It’s not good enough just to wait for life to come to you but it’s important that you take initiative to engage.

As I’m reading this article I’m well aware of our current economic times. Post Covid, uncertainty about our economy, and a global threat of world powers. The world is a very uncertain place. What matters most is how we respond to these incredible times of which we live.

Nearly 35% of the workforce have retired early. Even if they’re pension and financial portfolio was not complete they found it easier to step out of their jobs. There’s another large cluster which is estimated to be as many as 30% that have also stepped out of the workforce but for very different reasons. These are families with double incomes who have found it easier to step away and live on less. It is estimated that this 30% will return to work. That leaves an estimated number of average Americans working which crops up the economy and continues to build our country‘s wealth. On a global scale, these numbers pail given the average income of the rest of the world is at about 1% of the economic scale.

I’m running into people all the time that are looking for new employment. They are either dissatisfied with their current situation or their current situation has shifted making them eligible for employment. Just this past year I have made personal referrals of over 30 people who approach me looking for new opportunities. There are sincere reasons that people give for leaving. One of the best summaries of this can be found here. There are many who want to help you. All you have to do is ask! 

Therefore, I thought I would take some time to encourage those that are out looking for the next job. There are four categories of which we need to prepare for when entering the application process.

These four categories are not new. They are categories that help an employer properly screen an interview potential employees.

1. Calling. What is your mission and purpose in life? Organizations of all types are looking for people who will fit their business model and work culture. They are looking for a sense of loyalty as they begin the hiring process. It’s expensive for employees when employment transitions occur.

When going into an interview be sure to know why you’re making application and how it fits your life calling and training.

2. Competence. Employees are looking for people with skill and understanding of the marketplace. They need to be certain that you know what you’re doing that can benefit the company. This is a time for you to share what you know and what your certification training demonstrates.

 It’s equally important to understand how your skills have benefited other Employers that you work for. It’s important that you do not come across with a large eco. You can read more of that in a related article that I wrote a while ago. Check it out here.

3. Character. There’s probably other ways of saying this but integrity in the marketplace matters. Can you be trusted and are you reliable. All of us have a reputation that follows us from one job to the next. Of course the company is going to check your references but they’re looking to find out if you could be trusted.

In today’s world these are very complex times. Companies have every right to look into your background to determine if you’re a good fit within their organization. It must be noted that companies cannot call your former employer without your permission although they can ask our references  leading questions the build upon your skills and those things that help determine your character. Strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives will be talked about when citing your references. 

4. Chemistry. Perhaps this is not talked about enough. Are you able to get along with others either on a team or with fellow coworkers? Nobody wants disharmony in the workplace, especially a manager or supervisor. Well conflicts do occur it’s important to understand how you would handle those negative situations.

Uniformity is not the goal but cooperative behavior and a peace filled environment should be expected. One of the greatest pressures that most employees feel is with their supervisor. Research indicates that the number one reason for people leaving jobs has to do with management. While it is never easy, perhaps that’s why they call it work, it’s important to balance the objectives with a sense of harmony through humility.

These thoughts can hopefully enhance your opportunities. I would highly recommend a career coach who can guide you through the principles for finding employment, putting together your cover letter and résumé, as well as better preparing you be at your very best. I also would encourage you to have a life coach who will guide you through my‘s most complex issues  that impact both of your career, your family, and your personal life. 

Bottom line. Every decision is a spiritual one, especially one as important as your life calling. Everyone should consult the top expert (GOD who created you) because He knows you best! (Matthew 6:33-34)