One-on-One Awkward Conversation Starters!

Each week I speak with many people. Often I am having a first-time conversation with strangers. It is part of my daily work. I actually enjoy speaking with complete strangers. It is challenging yet fun to engage in these type of conversations. It means thinking on my feet and making the conversation enjoyable for whomever I chat with. 

Most people avoid having conversations with people, especially with strangers. For most it us it is intimidating and produces feelings of dread.

After having hundreds of awkward conversations, I know one thing for sure; leading the conversation with strangers is super weird! I have often have conversations with people who don’t engage in the discussion. The typical one-liner conversations quickly turn awkward. When there aren’t reciprocating discussions or responsive conversations it becomes terribly uncomfortable. (Picture is of my grandkids dressing up and pretending to have adult conversations.)

Questions that often end up as dead-end conversations are, for most, the worst of experiences. How are you? What have you been up-to? How’s it going? These questions and many more like them have the same thing in common. They all end with a common response. Short 1 or 2-word responses: Okay! Nothing! Not bad! Then what do you do?

So, today I wanted to provide a short article on how to have one-on-one awkward conversations the lead to mutually beneficial relationships. There are several ideas that have helped me during these weird exchanges.

1. Instead of asking yes/no questions, ask questions that  require sentence responses.

I have asked many people permission to pray for them. I do this by not asking a yes/no question. I ask, “HOW can I pray for you?” Read further on this topic The key is to assume the affirmative. 

By asking questions that require more than yes/no answers will help engage a deeper, yet meaningful conversation. Of course, you’ll have to consider the circumstances and the timing of the conversation. Just like humor, short stories and quick punchlines our favorites. If someone appears to be in a hurry it is not the time to deepen the conversation. If there is a reciprocating effect that is happening, then you can go deeper. Nevertheless, asking questions that get them to talk about themselves which is more favorable rather than telling them about yourself. In fact, when the conversation ends too quickly we are tempted to talk about ourselves. This is not appropriate, especially at first. 

 

So often, for even the strongest extrovert, the conversation seems to drag and feel uncomfortable. Too often we cut the opportunity short because we feel awkward. I have heard it said which is often associated with Abraham Lincoln; “It is better to remain silent and be thought of as ignorant than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Perhaps our greatest fears is that we will say the wrong thing. These present barriers and often an illusion. We perceive these ideas but often they are not true. Most people are just happy that somebody is willing to chat with them and many are gracious spirits that forgive easily if we are intending to injure the relationship. 

As we assume the affirmative it helps us to further the conversation. Starting with a compliment or discovering something about them is often a positive tactic we could use to engage a healthy interaction.

2. Instead of turning the conversation into an interrogation (the 20-question survey), have a topical discussions.

Many times we make conversations a door-to-door sales survey. It is important for you to feel and appear relaxed. Don’t sweat it! Most people can quickly read into our objective especially when we feel like it’s a set up. Too many of us have received those annoying sales calls or high-pressure experiences and if you come across like a used car dealer then it could be a turn off.

I love church signs. The one here is funny because of the huge social media problem we have today. This one reads: “Tweet others as you want to be tweeted.” I like to think of three significant topics that most people like to talk about. These three topics are easy for any of us to navigate. They include talking about them: the most important topic of all. People also like to talk about simple observations. I find that people most often are okay with talking about values, their values. 

Most people love to talk about themselves so start there. Simple question about them or starting with an observation is a good beginning. While it is cliché, starting a conversation with what do you do or how do you do that engages a persons self interest.

Making quick observations about what you see can turn into a good discussion point. Perhaps it’s the current affairs of the day, that which is in the news or if you are at an event, Ask someone how the organization can improve their experience is a good starting point. Never become defensive if they give negative feedback but they simply offering their insights are both helpful to you and them. Sometimes you might observe that they are or have served in the military or you notice a saying on their clothing or some thing that you can complement about them is a good starting point. Think of ways that you can ask questions related to the genre for which you are observing. 

3. Instead of having in-depth discussions, be okay with simple conversations. 

It’s important to lower your expectations at first. Sometimes we expect that somebody would have a deep insight about a topic. Nevertheless it’s important to be okay with small talk. You have to start somewhere when engaging people. 

As you begin any relationship, it is important to let the conversations be relaxing times of interaction. Don’t rush into the relationship because it is built on trust. To have any relational collateral you have to spend time to build trust. 

Say genuine things that help build up relationships. People can easily see if we are sincere or not. So, therefore be real. Be relaxed. Take the conversational cues carefully so that your impact is felt; don’t try to impress people. I love the saying; “You IMPRESS people from a distance but you IMPACT them up close.”  It is my life statement. I have made every effort to impact people. It is not about you!  It is always about the “other.”

Finally, instead of ending the discussion seek permission to talk again.

As you engage and feel a positive response from your interaction, ask for an opportunity to connect further at another time. Seek to serve their needs as you follow up with relationships. 

Asking for permission to further the discussion you have begun may be a simple as saying, “Are you okay with meeting up in the future?” As you put the controls in the hands of those you engage is important. Making the relationship about them is a key to starting and establishing a good foundation for more discussion. 

Read more on this topic here.

Interesting video you may want to check out. How to avoid socially awkward behaviors. 

Missional One-liners!

My humor often includes a double meaning. I often say to a waitress, "I am fed up now." I also say, as I cash out my ticket, “I came in with an appetite but lost it!” These type of statements have clear double meanings. 

My one-liner statement means that I am full but it can sound negative. In much of my humor I try to weave ways that create a relationship. I love to find connections with people. Asking who they know that I might also know. Trying to discover where they grew up as an attempt to known if we have anything in common. Building trust happens through a relational context.

Classic one-liners are common for many people. My family often says it has to do with my age. I find myself no longer able to prevent the oddly timed jokes. I hope I have not totally lost my filter that happens as you age. My adult kids still feel awkward as they take two steps back from me when I blurt out a dad joke. 

Surprisingly, recently my 32 year old son, now with two children of his own, blurts out silly dad jokes and even talks to strangers. Even his 6 and 7 year old children roll their eyes. What is black and white and “read” all over? Of which even his kids say, “I don’t get it.” (Having grown up with electronics and tablets they no longer read from newspapers or books.) You might even grown at that kind of humor!

The purpose is not lost in the silly humor one-liners. The efforts are intended to build a connection and a relationship that’s meaningful. You might even say that it is a missional one-liners strategy. The end result is hopefully they gained friendship through a friendly smile. Sometimes through silly humor and sometimes through poorly timed jokes yet, the goal is still the same. The goal is to develop an initial relationship that may provide an on-going friend.

Nevertheless, truth matters. In the midst of the poorly timed humor and effort is made to be genuine and friendly. It’s an effort doesn’t require much thinking as you  engage in conversation. Whether the person is your cashier at a checkout or co-worker, a simple effort might turn a smile and provide a bit of levity in the ongoing chore of work. I love the sign I spotted one that reads, “The most important things in life aren’t things at all.” I would add, they are valued relationships.

Authentic relationships matter. They are built on truth and trust. Together, these are values that people need in their day-to-day lives. Humor is a soft answer that can defuse a tense moment or an awkward moment. There are times when our witness of Christ can even demonstrate care for another. I often asks waitresses or store merchants how can I pray for them. It is amazing how open people are. They usually share deep and heart-felt prayer requests; to even me, a stranger.

The Bible makes it clear that Truth matters. You don't ever have to wonder if GOD loves you because it is clear! God wants a relationship with you that provides eternal life through God's Son. (John 3:16) We also find that when Jesus was preparing to leave his disciples (John 14) that He was going to go and prepare a place for them and he would receive them unto himself in a future tense. They clearly marked the value of a relationship.

The relationship that God wants to have with each and everyone is that of both personal and impactful. 

Why does Truth matter? Where do you go for Truth? How can you create an authentic and valued relationship in another? Who do you cross paths with, though a stranger, that you can encourage and witness the Truth of God’s love?

And Then There Were Four!

I don’t know what it would be like to stand completely alone, not just isolated but on my own. There have been times when I felt alone but I was in the presence of many others. There of been times that my opinions had to stand by itself. Those were very different feelings than those who stand completely alone. 

I am perhaps like most of you. We wait for a crowd to gather before we decide to join them. There is perhaps a level of courage to be among the crowd but it’s not the same as being an individual opposite the crowd.

Perhaps, we feel like King David when he felt alone. Often we read of his complaint. The enemy was against him many occasions. His war-like rhetoric is compelling as we read through the Psalms. Many times he cried out to God feeling alone. There is a level of melancholy but David exhibited throughout his leadership. Even his own son stood in opposition to him as he stood isolated from the popularity of the crowd.

“Do not abandon me, O Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God.” Psalms‬ ‭38:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I think of political leaders and heroes of the faith who stood all alone against the popularity of the crowd. Patriarchs of the church like Martin Luther or John Wesley or John Calvin, who stood alone. Individuals like Wycliffe or Tyndale whose strong belief was credited to them by historians. At that time, they were stood alone.

I can only imagine what it was like for them. I like the comforts afforded to me in this country. Many who stand in tremendous opposition to dictators are to be credited with tremendous courage! I can only imagine.

I pray that I would have the courage to stand alone if I needed to. Sure, there are strong opinions and persuasive arguments that I could make which might put me in the crosshairs of opposition. Nevertheless, those are simply “fleabites“ in comparison to the real heroes of the faith! 

We live in a time where popular thought dictates! Truth is hidden and hard to discover amidst all the noise of the media, both national and personal social media channels. 

David narrated a Psalm that perhaps speaks to this like none other. He provides truth on how to live a blessed life. While it’s not a life empty of conflict or trouble yet or it is demonstrated by the presence of God in our lives. (Psalm 1; Psalm 37)

You recall the story of the three who stood in opposition to the king? These three Hebrew men would not bow to the idol of the king. Shadrach,  Meshach, and Abednego (Daniel 3) were thrown into the fiery furnace. Their ways were to be canceled and destroyed completely. Of course we know that the story did not end there.

Even the king noticed that in the furnace we’re not just three men but a fourth was present with them. Who was it? It was the presence of God in their midst. He walked with them through the fire. Even king Nebuchadnezzar saw what appeared to be “like that of the son of God.” 

Doesn’t it sound like best of all great novels? 

Even though it wasn’t popular, it was the right thing to do. These men were filled with integrity, having aligned their faith with the living God! 

Pray In CommUNITY!

The First Thursday of May - National Day of Prayer events happening in Wabash. 

The National Day of Prayer is an annual observance held on the first Thursday of May, inviting people of all faiths to pray for the nation. It was created in 1952 by a joint resolution of the United States Congress, and signed into law by President Harry S. Truman. Our Task Force is a privately funded organization whose purpose is to encourage participation on the National Day of Prayer. It exists to communicate with every individual the need for personal repentance and prayer, to create appropriate materials, and to mobilize the Christian community to intercede for America’s leaders and its families. The Task Force represents a Judeo-Christian expression of the national observance, based on our understanding that this country was birthed in prayer and in reverence for the God of the Bible.

Click here to see the history of the National Day of Prayer.

Join together as we meet for "CommUNITY" throughout Wabash County. 

Four Ways To Prepare for Life at Work!

Everyone needs to show up for life. It’s not good enough just to wait for life to come to you but it’s important that you take initiative to engage.

As I’m reading this article I’m well aware of our current economic times. Post Covid, uncertainty about our economy, and a global threat of world powers. The world is a very uncertain place. What matters most is how we respond to these incredible times of which we live.

Nearly 35% of the workforce have retired early. Even if they’re pension and financial portfolio was not complete they found it easier to step out of their jobs. There’s another large cluster which is estimated to be as many as 30% that have also stepped out of the workforce but for very different reasons. These are families with double incomes who have found it easier to step away and live on less. It is estimated that this 30% will return to work. That leaves an estimated number of average Americans working which crops up the economy and continues to build our country‘s wealth. On a global scale, these numbers pail given the average income of the rest of the world is at about 1% of the economic scale.

I’m running into people all the time that are looking for new employment. They are either dissatisfied with their current situation or their current situation has shifted making them eligible for employment. Just this past year I have made personal referrals of over 30 people who approach me looking for new opportunities. There are sincere reasons that people give for leaving. One of the best summaries of this can be found here. There are many who want to help you. All you have to do is ask! 

Therefore, I thought I would take some time to encourage those that are out looking for the next job. There are four categories of which we need to prepare for when entering the application process.

These four categories are not new. They are categories that help an employer properly screen an interview potential employees.

1. Calling. What is your mission and purpose in life? Organizations of all types are looking for people who will fit their business model and work culture. They are looking for a sense of loyalty as they begin the hiring process. It’s expensive for employees when employment transitions occur.

When going into an interview be sure to know why you’re making application and how it fits your life calling and training.

2. Competence. Employees are looking for people with skill and understanding of the marketplace. They need to be certain that you know what you’re doing that can benefit the company. This is a time for you to share what you know and what your certification training demonstrates.

 It’s equally important to understand how your skills have benefited other Employers that you work for. It’s important that you do not come across with a large eco. You can read more of that in a related article that I wrote a while ago. Check it out here.

3. Character. There’s probably other ways of saying this but integrity in the marketplace matters. Can you be trusted and are you reliable. All of us have a reputation that follows us from one job to the next. Of course the company is going to check your references but they’re looking to find out if you could be trusted.

In today’s world these are very complex times. Companies have every right to look into your background to determine if you’re a good fit within their organization. It must be noted that companies cannot call your former employer without your permission although they can ask our references  leading questions the build upon your skills and those things that help determine your character. Strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives will be talked about when citing your references. 

4. Chemistry. Perhaps this is not talked about enough. Are you able to get along with others either on a team or with fellow coworkers? Nobody wants disharmony in the workplace, especially a manager or supervisor. Well conflicts do occur it’s important to understand how you would handle those negative situations.

Uniformity is not the goal but cooperative behavior and a peace filled environment should be expected. One of the greatest pressures that most employees feel is with their supervisor. Research indicates that the number one reason for people leaving jobs has to do with management. While it is never easy, perhaps that’s why they call it work, it’s important to balance the objectives with a sense of harmony through humility.

These thoughts can hopefully enhance your opportunities. I would highly recommend a career coach who can guide you through the principles for finding employment, putting together your cover letter and résumé, as well as better preparing you be at your very best. I also would encourage you to have a life coach who will guide you through my‘s most complex issues  that impact both of your career, your family, and your personal life. 

Bottom line. Every decision is a spiritual one, especially one as important as your life calling. Everyone should consult the top expert (GOD who created you) because He knows you best! (Matthew 6:33-34) 

Planned Obsolescence.

Willy Wonka was a genius. His creation of the Everlasting Gobstopper would have been an epic invention if it wasn't just a kids movie. His genius was not only in his invention but this make-believe character also broke the rules. While every other industry makes things that will not last forever, Willy Wonka made things that would last forever!

Products made today become obsolete quickly. It's like a planned obsolescence. Many are surprised to discover that lightbulbs were by design made to not last forever. The history of these inventions might leave you a little cynical as you think about the next time you pick up the purchase of the incandescent.

Curiously, even a council was established internationally to determine how long a lightbulb should last in order to keep competition under control. 1924 a group of investors and inventors met to create a plan so that lightbulbs would fail at a certain point. Watch this video about the planned obsolescence.

Things don't last forever. Of course we know that things don’t last forever yet we hold on tight as if it does. We are often surprised when something fails. Recently I’ve had several things break and I have not been able to repair them. I’ve had to purchase new items to replace that which is worn out. It’s frustrating but true.

Yet, there is something of great value that will last! In God's economy, His Love & Word is eternal. God's promises are everlasting. God has provided eternal hope of salvation in Christ. (Psalm 117:2)

While many look to temporal things that are planned for failing, others can look to God for what will last forever! God’s plan of salvation is eternal. 

What needs fixed or replaced for you? What do you value most?

A New Chapter!

Life is like chapters in a book. Some call these chapters seasons of life. It is always very interesting to me, as I look through the varied chapters that I’ve experienced. I have experienced many opened and closed chapters in life and career.

Each new chapter ushers in a wave of emotion that is both reflective and prospective. I think about my first job that I ever had when I was just a child. I needed to work to support our family needs, I had to get a job early in life starting to work at just 9 years of age.

When I was fifteen I was able to work doing custodial work after school and during the summer. It wasn’t a hard job yet I did not take the job serious enough. I remember when my friends wanted to go swimming, I was scheduled to work at the same time. I called off work to be with my friends but my boss said that if I didn’t show up I could lose my job. After swimming for a while I realized what I had given up. I called my boss and begged for my job back. After being scolded and reminded that I need to do to take my job more seriously, he let me return to work.

Each season teaches us something about ourselves and our relationship with others. Each season has provided me with lifelong friendships that I carry with me even to this day. We have experienced life together in each of those seasons. There are so many life events that happened to us and they created memories and emotions, making those very unique times in my journey. They are like bookmarks at various points along the way.

Just recently, I have experienced yet another season, a chapter that closed and another set of experiences charting another chapter in life. This blog explores both a reflection as well as the opening lines of the new chapter.

If life is to be lived on purpose we should expect change to occur. Not only do we change but so too our opportunities. Each new season teaches us to adapt and grow. We learn to take risks and learn from our prior experiences. Life is a journey worth living, no matter the challenges. Humility is a goal to achieve in the process. It is freedom FROM pride or arrogance! 

In my past experiences, including my most recent chapter, having served four years at Josiah White's. I learned to be vulnerable and to understand my blind spots (those areas that I could not see clearly about my personality). I have learned to remain open to new ideas and have learned how to integrate my experiences into everyday life. 

In this season of change I have learned to trust the Lord. I have learned to relax (somewhat) and trust that God has all things under His control. I am a project that is growing and always learning. Seasons cause us all to adapt. We may not like to change but sometimes we just have to accept the changes in life, those patterns that are important. We learn to trust in God, so we can grow and develop. 

Seasons, like chapters, are meant to provide us with the necessary break from the ongoing challenges or opportunities and to see the horizon. It is worth the risk to stick your head out of the trenches to see and learn from the current season of life. If we remain in the trenches too long we become myopic and risk missing out of all that God has for us. If we risk, we learn to depend more deeply on the work that God is doing both in you and through you. 

I have learned to gain strength from risk and also grow from change. I am always looking for ways to develop on my own but sometimes, God forces a change to help us grow more dependent on Him. We may even become more dependable for another's sake. We risk so that we can rest in His ever-abiding desire to care for your needs. 

This chapter may not be ideal but it is necessary if we are to grow in relationship to God in Christ. 

Season are sometimes welcomed change to hard times. I can assure you that as you trust in the Lord and walk with Him, season can be welcomed perspectives on all that God promises us through His Word. We become more "dialed in" with what He desires and it is for our betterment. 

A passage that has hung with me in the season of change has been a reoccurring theme from my life verse.  Philippians 1:6 reads: "I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (NLT) We learn that our lives are lived on purpose that is not about me or about you but it is all about Christ.

His work in my life is always active. His plans are revealed at the right time when I need to transition from trusting but to also know Him. His work is always meant for good. 

I am excited to see that the Lord has in store for me. I am certain that God is also writing new pages in your life. When He is ready to began a new chapter in the season of life, allow Him to walk with you, guide you, and develop you through the process. 

It is more important what happens IN you than what happens to you. It is not about the destination or final chapter but the journey marked by seasons and even those occasional bookmarks that build context to your experiences. Let God finish His work within you by trusting His next-level experiences in your life. 

Traveling Together for the Vulnerable!

For the last four years I have spent on average of 4-5 days a week on the road traveling across Indiana. The goal was to meet with pastors and ministry leaders in support of vulnerable children and youth in foster care. The message was simple; to provide prayer and support for children and youth in foster care through the love of God in Christ. 

Certainly, this is what is dearest to God‘s heart! He inclines his ear to the children and youth who have no voice need ours to provide justice in the midst of injustice and fear. The church has an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of our most vulnerable of children and youth who are struggling for services, care, and prayer with many of them in foster care. (See Proverbs 30:8-9.)

It is time for us to do more than just impress others from a distance but to make an impact upon those in-need up-close! Today’s post is one that encourages us, as the church, to be real and involved in the lives of others!

In 2020 alone I traveled over 50,000 miles to meet with Pastors from across Indiana. Many church leaders indicated that they wanted to help but did not know how. The complexities of children in care through court services and social agencies makes doing ministry difficult but it is vital for the church to be involved. Churches are often unaware of the tremendous opportunities we have to partner with members of our community for the sake of those that have no one to advocate for them, children and youth! 

The receptivity of pastors and ministry leaders is refreshing as we consider how much has been on their plate and how many obstacles they have had to overcome in these past couple of years in particular. From life‘s uncertainties, the needs of their own churches and organizations as well as the issues of Covid have made their jobs extraordinary! 

Yet, despite those difficulties, many step forward to offer their assistance and to open their doors to the ministry to the least, the last, and the lost of our communities! There have been hundreds of doors that have opened with opportunities to pray together and to work together. In a real sense, you can say that we have traveled this journey together!

With hundreds of churches signing up to participate in care for kids who are all to often lonely while living just down the road from hope! It is indeed refreshing to know that while we haven’t reached every church throughout Indiana, we have a base of support through prayer and participation that will impact the lives of children and youth for eternity. 

The message we have delivered was one that is both biblical and imperative. I’ve had the opportunity on average to be in over 40 churches during worship services just last year alone! I have looked upon the faces of those who have welcomed many whose hope has been deferred. As Proverbs 13:12 reminds us. “Hope deferred is heart-ache, but a dream fulfilled is the Tree of life.” As we invest in others it will yield eternal rewards. What is done for Christ will last for eternity.

I’ve seen the response from God‘s church. It is that of welcomed desire to be involved and then enthusiasm to offer prayer and resources to help children and youth have their dreams fulfilled.

Memorial at Northern Illinois University

I believe that the church stands ready to mobilize on behalf of our children and youth. I believe this is the last generation if we do not act now! It is a generation who don’t understand the sacrifice of Christ nor do they know God’s plan for their lives. It is of great importance that in a society where seemingly nothing matters, especially truth the children and youth hear from God’s people! 

My heart is stirred for the many youth who are in our public schools that need someone to give them answers. We live in a world that provides no lasting foundation or significant values upon which they can build their lives! Our world seems to provide little by way of definitions that could be helpful midst of any, ever-growing issues of our day! 

I’m refreshed by the opportunity to come alongside those who are stakeholders of our communities to make a difference in the lives of youth throughout our community. We can be deacons of hope in families! We can provide ministry to those who

are alone and vulnerable. We can lift up in prayer the families that are struggling with the shifting winds of confusion, heart-ache, and loneliness. Are youth are in the crosshairs of a society that not only rejects God but offers little by way of values and support.

Similarly, I had a wonderful opportunity and several occasions to serve with the Samaritans Purse as a Chaplain. I was a crisis counselor/Chaplain. What are those occasions was when I was called upon to serve after a mass shooting at Northern Illinois University. They were many that were killed which left the campus vulnerable and many stranded by their emotions and fear!

It was remarkable because everyone that we had a chance to talk with needed to find hope beyond this world. They were grieving but needed to hear of the incredible love that God gives in the midst of the broken world. They were looking for real answers. They were hoping that they could find an explanation but more importantly, and understanding of God‘s love in the midst of heartache and loss.  I had the chance to pray with many and to be voice of encouragement. They were looking for a way forward from the chaos and uncertainty as we cried together, prayed together, and looked for hope from scripture.

There’s much to be done! When we can consider that we have youth that have never been more connected through the Internet, video games, social media technology yet never feeling more alone than they do right now. Happiness and self-esteem are are defined by the number of likes on a social media post, Tik-Tok, or related forms of internet messaging systems.

Our battle for the hearts of our children and youth is a worthy one as we consider the needs and opportunities there are.

So today is one of a calling. I am inviting you to join the efforts as we, journey together on behalf of our youth! We cannot wait because all too quickly the opportunity will pass. 

 

 

In Times of Weakness!

I remember when I was around ten years old and I was confronted by fear in a way I had not experienced before. I grew up in a pretty tough home environment. I always had the protection of an older brothers. In this moment I was on my own. I was confronted by a bully and there was no one there to help me. I discovered something about fear. You can either steal from you or produce steel with-in you. 

I had dealings with this particular bully. It wasn’t the first time in but in this case I was by myself. Previously the bully would just taunted me issuing threats. It was typically in front of others as he was trying to look important in front of others. It seem that I could always reason with him and talk him down through humor mostly. 

Yet, in this moment he confronted me and his threats came with a reality I nearly froze. I didn’t know what to say or do in this latest attack. 

Inside I was afraid. Fear seized me. All I could think about was the fact that I was all alone having to deal with the situation on my own. Today I would call it a fight or flight reaction but left me with few options. Those moments seem to drag out in slow motion.

Perhaps something snapped within me because in a flash a new reality came over me that I cannot explain even to this day. I knew better than to him simply run away because I thought for sure he would see that as a weakness and it would fuel his aggression. But in that moment I stood my ground.

I told him that I did not want to fight him and then I’m certain that we could be friends. I tried my simply negotiation tactics but they fell short. I tried to humor him with a couple of laughs stating that it would be embarrassing if I actually beat him up. It seem to backfire while encouraging him all the more.

I was only left with one option. I would simply stand my ground and hope that it was enough.  Courage seem to take over. I said to him but I was getting tired of his persistent taunting and never taking action. I said, “It’s time to do something or shut up!“ I stepped forward expecting to be met with a fist to my face but instead he stepped back. I again stepped forward and he again stepped back. I knew at that moment that though I was weaker than he was and unlikely to win a fight but he was not ready for a battle. Ironically enough, at that moment it began to rain. Also at that moment, he back down. He said that he was wearing new clothes and that he couldn’t get them wet and then simply turned to head for home.

I tell that story because it applies to what I read in Psalm 8. We find all through scripture how God used our weaknesses. In the Psalm it clearly identifies that God is majestic and powerful. Yet, he chooses to use our weaknesses. There are times in our lives when we feel as though it is too great a battle and we want to run away.

Psalms 8:2 — You have taught children and infants to tell of your strength, silencing your enemies and all who oppose you.

God uses weak vessels to carry his message. Often it is through our weakness that we find strength through Christ. All throughout Scripture we find that God who is infinite and great desires to use us to accomplish his work in this world.

The Lord said to Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV). In order for Christ’s power to work in us we must be in submission to Him, even when we are weak. When we are weak, we are allowing ourselves to humbly depend on a God who is able to align our will to His. It is an opportunity for us to participate in the divine plans God has for the world. Read more here. 

We read further in Psalm 8 that God is infinitely greater than we are yet he chooses to use mere mortals. Humans are the carry out his work here on earth. God has given us authority over all of his creation. Another words that God has entrusted us in the care in welfare of others. That is clearly amazing!m

Psalms 8:6 — You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority. 

Whether we are confronted by temptation or intimidated by others or overwhelmed by life‘s circumstance, God is giving us victory by His Spirit and through our lives. As Christians, we should understand that in our weakness we could be made strong.  God uses the foolish things of this world to shame the proud. 

I love the lyrics to the song by Matthew West. Strong Enough is the title of the song that reminds us that he will carry us through. Though we may not feel strong enough, God will give us what we need. The lyrics speak to our soul of the insecurities we feel. “You must think I’m strong enough to give me what I’m going through.”

When we are confronted by negative situations that are beyond our control or discouragement that seems to overwhelm, we need to look to the Lord because He is the source of our strength. He carries us when there seems to be no way.

Like you, I love sunrise and sunset. I love the majestic beauty of the of the sun reflecting on the horizon and the diverse colors that it produces. It is majestic and awe-inspiring to see those colors reflected in the clouds.

Even though I have seen a thousand sunrises and sunsets, I am always amazed by each one of them.

Psalms 8:3-4 When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers — the moon and the stars you set in place— what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?

God chooses to display his glory and his majesty yet GOD desires to work through you and me as we confront wife’s most difficult moments.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is the verse that reads, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.“ (Philippians 4:13)

Matthew West concludes his lyrics of the song Strong Enough to remind us that God is with us and in us when we’re not strong enough.

Again the lyrics from strong enough: 

“When I am weak, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And I don’t have to be strong enough.”

We All Have It But Few See It!

Today’s article speaks of a concern that I have, even among Christians. It’s likely that I have certain Blindspot’s that prevent me from seeing this problem with it myself but I am certain that I too have this problem.

We all have it but few see it. You might wonder what I’m talking about yet you won’t be surprised when I actually tell you. Perhaps it’s because I may cynic to human nature but I can see it in others clearly. It’s common to everyone. It can interfere with relationships and it can even get in the way enough to cause problems at work. It can even get in the way enough that we cannot see passed it.

What is it? Why is it such a glaring blindspot? How does it keep getting in the way. It is noticeable but we keep tripping over it.

It is our ego. It is that selfish nature within us. For some it is a protector so we do not get hurt. For others it stems from low self-esteem. Yet for others it may even flow from areas of strength. In a recent article that I published on the subject of pride and humility I speak a little bit related to this similar topic today. Read more here.

I find it everywhere I go. In fact it is a bit of an advantage for me when it is clear. I find that few are those that take the road less traveled but that most trip over it almost every time. I think it is what causes conflict in relationships.

While others may respond out of fear. Many respond out of pride. An article that I published previously gives tactical ideas on the advantages of a healthy degree of personal ego. Many want to make a difference yet few know why. Check out that article here. 

The Scriptures seem to affirm the need for humility. Psalm 84 Reminds us that it is better to be a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord. Proverbs 16:18 encourages us to have humility since pride leads to destruction.

So if we see this issue in others, what should we do about it? For me, I choose the road less traveled with the desire to love and bless others. Most of what I do in my current role could be called sales or public relations. It is a role that allows me to engage in the interpersonal development of relationships or strategic purpose. Typically the cause is a represent as they were the pursuit in my goal is often to match my cause with another persons need or desire to make a difference. 

When I first meet someone I employ several of these tactics to engage a relationship that may earn me the right to talk about my agenda. My agenda being usually the cause of which I represent that is a worthy endeavor.

Every year I ring the bell for the Salvation Army. I use some classic oneliners that help engage the relationship of people or people that I have never met. I have but a few seconds to somehow connect with someone. Often they are patrons on their way to do shopping along my path. The cause is a simple to understand. I want them to give donations to those less fortunate in our community. 

How do I efforts to increase donations for the Salvation Army in those brief seconds of engagement I’m attempting to connect with an individual. Sometimes I will make statements as they enter in order to gain a sense of recognition or even an awareness of my cause. I find it an improvement to donations if people can feel good about themselves and perhaps even see themselves as making a difference. I will often say statements like, “Now don’t spend all your money in there!” Or, “Brother can you spare a dime?“ and to the embarrassment of my children I may even say, “Greetings! Make this a joyous season of giving for everyone!” 

On a more sincere approach I genuinely wish them a “erry Christmas!” And a “God bless you!” I have been known to say to folks, “How might I pray for you?”

Typically, as we become aware of the need of others enables us to build a bridge that increases, what I called the relational collateral in the lives of others. Relational collateral is an investment into the lives of people without expecting anything in return. It is typically a kind smile or a loving expression offered to someone else. It is a natural tendency for people to reciprocate either the action or the kind expression offered.

Society is built on reciprocity. Christians even go beyond a simple exchange we call reciprocation by expressing the golden rule that tells us to do one to others as we would have them do unto us. It’s an extension of a credit without expecting a return on the investment. I believe it is best to porn do people what you desire in return!

As I interact with others I have found out that you could make deposits into the lives of people through kindness and genuine expressions of care. In the book written by Covey, “The Speed of Trust,” you discover how you can build a pond your efforts and gain greater trust from others.

Ego is central to how most of us are. If we’re not acting out of pride and there’s a good chance we are acting out of fear nevertheless it is our ego that often take center stage. As a professional who is working with people, it’s important to elevate the status of someone because of the nature of who many of us are. With that, you can build relational collateral by investing in them through listening, genuine compliments, ND sincerity and appreciation for their role & title.

The next time you are trying to engage in a relationship, it is always good to remember to be a servant first. Learn as much as you can about the individual so that you could identify ways in which you could connect further on areas where they have interest. In developing these tactics always be authentic, positive, and honest. The old adage that is not what you know that really matters but who you come to know. It’s equally true that people will never remember what you say but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Ain’t No Way!

We’ve all been there when we think there just ain’t no way. Sometimes we limit our opportunities because of the barriers and obstacles that stand in the way. Sometimes we even doubt ourselves or our ability to accomplish a goal and objective. Sometimes the price seems too high to pay. Yet, the Bible tells us that there is always a way and we can expect more than we can ever ask, think, or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

I’m intrigued by the fact that scripture seems to always point to what is beyond our human capacity. The Bible speaks of optimism and all things positive. We read in scripture that all things are possible through Christ who gives us strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Why is it that we set limits when the Bible says that it is indeed possible?

Perhaps it’s fear. Fear of the unknown or fear of failure that keeps us trapped. Maybe it’s fear of success as well. What if it does succeed after all? We then wonder, what’s next? We ask what will it cost me?

Typically people stop short when God is limitless. We’ve heard the phrase that the sky is the limit but often we set the cap a lot lower than it should be.

The sky is the limit!

In 2 Kings 13 we find that the king came to the prophet complaining and looking for a miracle. The prophet could have made it possible but he put the control of the outcome in the hands of a king. The armies had surrounded gods people in the king needed an answer from God.

The prophet Elisha simply put the answer to the dilemma in the hands of a mere mortal. Often God chooses us, simple human beans to do the extraordinary so that God receives glory. I’m always amazed by the story because it simply illustrates God‘s capacity through human hands.

Elisha simply told the king to shoot the arrow but he did not tell him how many times. He let the king decide that one on his own. Certainly the king should’ve known that to defeat an army he needed to shoot more than what he actually did.

When the king finally realized that he did not shoot with maximum impact, he withdrew from the goal and lost the fight. Prophet gave him every opportunity to succeed but when he shrunk back from the goal, he limited himself.

Sometimes we set limits that God never intended. Whatever the motivation, hopefully God can further develop and help us to see his willingness to grow our faith independence on him, after all, it’s for His glory.

The next time you feel challenged to take a bold step of faith for the Lord, listen to the instruction that is given to the king and apply to your own life. Verse 17 reads, “Elisha proclaimed, ‘This is the LORD’s arrow, an arrow of victory over Aram, for you will completely conquer the Arameans at Aphek.’” The instructions were clear that this was an arrow of victory over the enemy but the king fell short.

Mindset!

The very word mindset is a common understanding in psychological terms today. There are trainings equipped with resources to help develop the mindset. Often it’s a formula or an activity that builds mental motor skills for how to deal with situations that are often beyond our control.

 The mindset principal, according to Kendra Cherry is a set of practices and behaviors.

Your mindset is a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of the world and yourself. It influences how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation. Kendra Cherry

These techniques and habits enable someone to control their attitude. Attitudes often dictate our actions. Whether internal or external, we would either lash out or self loathe.

All throughout the Scriptures we find these truths weather in principle or proverb. I love reading through Psalm and Proverbs passages because they are filled with mindset principles. Often these expressions are contrasted with two ideas as if to compare one with another.

As you read through the books of wisdom, that include Psalms and Proverbs you’ll find “if - then” statements. The choice of these is fairly obvious as you would likely be able to figure out. It is a contrast of two opposing views with one producing good. The choice is yours to make.

Today’s article is simply a reminder that we should develop the coping skills for life. We find biblical answers to these popular expressions. Centuries have passed but life and it’s series of choices remain constant. Ancient literature and especially the Bible provide a firm foundation of which we can build upon. 

These past few years have stretched each of us. It is caused us to test and challenge our assumptions. We have taken much for granted but now we can apply truth in the midst of confusion. Having the right attitude clearly makes the difference.

Let me challenge you to develop a biblical mindset which can guide your thoughts and actions. It’s important to know truth in the midst of chaos and confusion. Memorizing scripture is a powerful technique when times of testing and trial occur.

Let me also encourage you to remain positive and faith-filled. It is important that we look to God through prayer and belief that God will see us through. Though troubles come, we can know that God will walk with us.

Let me also invite you to let past hurt and disappointment go. Just because something negative has happened to you in the past does not mean it will repeat itself in the future. Sometimes we carry a previous trauma with us causing us to have a false sense of insecurity. It may cause us to have a doubt and fear. We may further drudge up something from the past that has absolutely nothing to do with your present circumstance. 

What is your mindset? John Maxwell simply says that your attitude determines your altitude. You may be afraid to soar because you are afraid of heights (metaphorically) but you must trust God to carry you.

Even though the world may want to hold you back, it doesn’t mean you have to surrender it. Though the barriers are before you does it mean that it’s the end of the road. Though there are limitations it doesn’t mean that you have to respond in limited ways.

I love what the prophet of old says when we read Isaiah 40:31.

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

The Scriptures are undeniable and filled with truth which we could build upon. If we would Commit our actions to the Lord we are more likely to succeed. See Proverbs 16:3)

Knowing Why.

I may not have traveled the years of experience that others have yet, there are a few things that I have discovered along the way

One of those is that within all of us is a desire to make a difference. I believe that many desire to help others and  are motivated by a deep or more meaningful experience in life. It seems to be within our nature to help another.

Look for example, the many times that people have stepped up to help others in-need during a national crisis or global tragedy. We all have a desire to be helpful. Look at any organization and you will see that. Organizations experience an increase in volunteerism and donations that are abundant.

Hopefully we can say that growth of philanthropy is up when we reflect upon our global response to the pandemic but, only time will tell. Early in 2020 we did see an increase in financial contributions.

Today I want to explore this a little deeper. It’s a curious thing to me. I often wonder what motivates us to become more philanthropic. Certainly, it appears as though many have the resources to give. We also know that people seem to set aside time to help one another when called upon. I believe that everyone wants to make an impact.

It seems as though helping others is within our DNA. Maybe it’s because at sometime in our past we were in-need and someone helped us. Perhaps we responded with a level of thankfulness. Perhaps it’s because we are much more aware than we have ever been of the incredible need of others. We have sources through social media like never before. Our phone sends us notifications at an unprecedented level. 

Yet, I am curious of the motivation. Perhaps there is a part of God’s design within His creation that motivates us to act. I don’t believe that everyone is motivated by what they get out of it financially or through status. Call me a purist but I believe that people have a genuine desire to make a difference in others.

Some might even call me naïve to believe in the purest intent of humanity. It could be that I am looking at life with rose colored glasses. Of course, I see how selfish we can be as well. Look at how many times people have stocked up on supplies, emptying shelves of toilet paper and other necessities in order to hoard these items for themselves. 

A few years back when the world seem to be concerned about Y2K. (1999) I remember when our Boys Brigade ministry went out to collect our annual food campaign. Within a few weeks of the new year (2000) we scheduled an additional collection thinking that since we survived Y2K, the power systems didn’t crash and Banks did not fail that perhaps there are a few people that have a surplus. That year was a goal-setting year, a bumper crop! We collected more food than we had ever done before and much of it was in bulk supplies. We received canisters and buckets filled with grain & other goods. It was remarkable. So, I’m not that naïve to believe that people do hoard for themselves.

I do believe that people want to make a difference. I believe that Christians know why!

Yet, no matter the motivation or level of philanthropy, I believe that God has instilled this within all of us as a part of his creation. Many use this to promote their status. Perhaps many others use it like a drug; feeling good about themselves.

I do believe that the goodwill of mankind is something that God has instilled within us and it was not lost because of the Fall & disobedience of Adam. Scripture seems to support this idea when I read passages like: Matthew 25 or 2 Corinthians 9 or Luke 10. These passage give direct evidence of our humanity and desire to help others.

Matthew 25:35 I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger, and you took me into your home.

2 Corinthians 9:8 reads; And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

Luke 10:35 The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.

Even throughout the Old Testament are passages the talk about having a generous spirit. Consider: Proverbs 11:24–25 or Proverbs 22:9. Read more HERE.

I believe Christians understand why we are generous. Christians have a good understanding, or at least should have an understanding that our goodness is for God’s  glory. We also should understand that no amount of goodness will gain us access into heaven. We must be born again by the spirit of God.

As we gain our understanding of why we do ministry and are charitable, we better communicate the hope that we have through Christ Jesus. It is not for ourselves nor for any kind of personal satisfaction or gain. As Christians, we know why because of our relationship with Christ. All that we do is for gods glory and for the building up of His kingdom here on earth.

We should never let our ego get the best of us or have a false doctrine is if , somehow, it will gain any extra favor from God. We love because God loves us. We give because it has been given to us through Christ Jesus. We, as Christians know why!

2-22-22 Bible Passages for Twos-Day!!

Today I couldn’t help but share with you some of the references of the scripture on this Tuesday filled with “two’s-day” on 2-22-22.

Genesis 2:2

And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.

Psalms 2:2

The kings of the earth set themselves,

and the rulers take counsel together,

against the LORD and against his Anointed, saying….

Psalms 22:22

I will tell of your name to my brothers;

in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:

Proverbs 2:2

making your ear attentive to wisdom

and inclining your heart to understanding;

Jeremiah 22:2

and say, Hear the word of the LORD, O king of Judah, who sits on the throne of David, you, and your servants, and your people who enter these gates.

Mark 2:22

And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins—and the wine is destroyed, and so are the skins. But new wine is for fresh wineskins.”

Acts 2:2

And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting.

Acts 2:22

“Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a man attested to you by God with mighty works and wonders and signs that God did through him in your midst, as you yourselves know—

1 Corinthians 2:2

For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.

Philippians 2:2

complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Colossians 2:2

that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ,

1 Timothy 2:2

for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.

2 Timothy 2:22

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

1 Peter 2:22

He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.

1 John 2:2

He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

Jude 1:22

And have mercy on those who doubt;