Nervous Chatter.

It seems as if you can put people into two categories. There are those who remain quiet and reserved and then there are the others. They are the individuals who will tell you their whole life story the very first time you meet them. 

I enjoy talking to people. There are times when I am reserved in an effort to become better acquainted with someone, asking the right questions. Yet, there are other times that I am like a nervous chatterbox. I can’t seem to help myself and talk too much.

I tell people that I don’t mind meeting and engage in conversation with strangers. It’s true that I still get nervous when I first meet someone. Sometimes the awkwardness of that first engagement means that I have to fill the gap in conversation. If I discipline myself, then I will ask more questions and stay focused on their needs resident my own. 

I’m sure you met someone like me who seems to fill the space where there should be silence. My hope is to be helpful because I think most people are quiet and reserved. I try to ease the tension of those awkward moments through conversation. A few laughs and a short story typically breaks the ice of awkward silence. At least I hope it does.

And a recent article that I wrote I talked about the importance of letting God help you. I needed that article more than anyone else because it’s a reminder of how often I forget that God is my present help in times of difficulty or need. Sometimes my relationship with the Lord has similarities. In an awkward time of silence in my prayer time, I tend to fill the silence with chatter. Might even come to the Lord with a list of request rather than waiting for his direction. I tend to tell him what I want rather than listen for what is best.

I suppose I’m like a nervous chatterbox within those awkward, silent moments and become noisy. Not necessarily in what I say, but in my own attempt to solve my own issues. Rather than waiting on the Lord for help, I tend to take matters into my own hands.

Feeling a bit convicted, going into 2023. I asked the Lord to give me one word that could guide my devotional time, as well as my need to make a list of objectives. The word that the Lord gave me is, patience. It’s a word that I feel is defined best by the phrase, “waiting on the Lord.“

It’s a profound word for me because I don’t like to wait, and I like to solve problems quickly. For me, putting a Band-Aid on a problem is enough. I want to get to the conclusion quickly and unfortunately, I believe that I want to be the hero in the drama.

I’ve wrestled with this for many years. I have struggled over the years and it is often a reoccurring theme in my life. I hold onto the hope that I am not who I once was but I’m not yet who I am yet to become! 

A friend appearing to hold up this solo 
on his own. Thank you Cindy Hall.

Even in my attempt for self improvement, I tend to quickly go to a knowledge base on my own, rather than the Word of God, depending upon the Lord. 

How about you? Do you draw your identity from what you do rather than from who God is?

Without a doubt we have similarities. Since our world is performance driven we tend to accommodate it and take to the performance.

Like the picture, we believe that we can hold up the silo all on her own!

Spring Forward

Spring is just around the corner. We notice the subtle changes. The Robin bird, rising temperatures, Spring showers, longer daylight, & trees budding…. We all welcome the life that Spring offers. It offers up a new beginning, fresh opportunities, and new life. 

 

My friend works in construction. He prefers nice weather as much of his work outside. The picture shown here is him hanging from a crane 200 feet above the ground. “I wonder, it takes an awful lot of faith to do that”, I asked him. He replied, “It is not faith but trust. Trust in the crane operator!”

We can trust in God in the same way. Faith initiates while trust provides for our action! (Hebrews 11:1) It produced hope! 

The Bible is filled with examples of hope. We hope for new life as Spring begins.  (Zachariah 10:1) Hope is produced in Christ. Like Spring, new life in Christ is available. Watch for the signs of hope eternal: Peace, patience, joy, kindness…. (Galatians 6)

 

What do you hope for? What brings you joy? How can Christ bring forth new life in you?

Love & Poetry.

Roses are red … that is the way most love stories begin. So too poetry. Many poems have been written with rhyming words. 

Yet, true love and good poetry go deeper than that.

My granddaughter surprised us once when she took hold out a family decoration. Each week we would write a verse on the board. Apparently it made an impression in her. She once secretly wrote her own verse (paraphrased for sure). “You should love and help ‘peopel’ all ways. Ellie. 3.16.”
  
The Bible tells of a love that is not conditional, rules based, or controlling. Love is the gift of sacrifice and service. We can know true love because God first loved us even enough to provide for our greatest need – grace and forgiveness. 

John 3:16-17 reminds us: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

Who do you love-unconditionally? How does it feel to be loved beyond condition? Have you received God’s love?

The God of All Hope!

We can live without a lot of things but we cannot live one day without hope! As the New Year begins remember to align priorities and put first things first.

The Bible offers hope eternal based on priorities that are aligned with God’s Will and values. (Matthew 6:33 & 1 John 4:19) Seek first His Kingdom in 2023. Discover  hope – you will not be disappointed!

I love the saying, “Live is such a way that yesterday becomes jealous.” (Unknown) As the new year is underway, consider what God has in store for you. While we do not know what the future holds, we know the One who does (God). Here are a few brief ideas. 

Pray! It is how God chooses to help us to align our will with God’s Will.  

Choose your word or your verse of the year. For me that word for 2023 is Patience - meaning waiting on God. Never be in a hurried posture but stand ready to respond to God’s plan.

Identify the top value that you want to lead by in the coming year. This value will help you stay focused. 

 What will you say NO to in order to be able to say YES to? What do you value most worth investing in?

A Special Day!

Everyone loves to receive an exclusive invitation. Parties, weddings, birthdays…we want to be a part of the festive occasion. I love parties, don’t you? The taste of food is so good and the conversations are so interesting. Some of the best opportunities happen in such happenings. 

The Bible tells of a special invitation to join God’s family. Being invited to attend a special day is both humbling and honoring. The invite means that you have been chosen as special. A feast is always prepared. Depending on the occasion the host may bring out special dishes or proper etiquette. 

It is always a unique and memorable opportunity. These special events are always exciting. I know that I always feel special when invited to join the event. 

God’s invitation is open to all but few actually RSVP. Jesus paid the entry fee so all we have to do is believe & say yes! (Romans 5:8 is the invitation & 1 John 1:9 is the  RSVP.)

Are you open to receiving a special invitation from God? How will you respond? 

Someone Listened!

When I was just a child I tried to get my parent’s attention. They were busy! They were raising 8 children. They were always working. They always had busy lives. Often I would ask my mother if I could go with her to run errands. I would often ask my mom where she was going. She seemed to always answer with the same expression, “I am going crazy!” It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I understood where she meant.

We all desire to be heard. Perhaps that is why we engage in conversation and activities with others. We all longed for more interactions with others during COVID. Isolation is why so many struggled with mental health issues. We are designed to be in relationship with others. 

During each chapter of my life I needed someone to listen especially in transitions. Going into high school, entering college, getting married, choosing my life profession, having children and many other chapters. Like you, we all need someone to listen. 

Especially as a teenager, I needed someone to listen to me. I had many questions. I needed direction. 

As I chose to head off to college and choose my life’s work and vocation, I needed to sort through my life Calling. I was not that unusual to need counsel. 

My pastor and his wife, Rev. James and Kittie Kreider were instrumental to guide me in knowing what I was good at and how I could use those abilities to choose my vocation. I was raised, in part, in the church. I spent many hours at the church. Not only to attend the church activities like youth group but I was also a custodian. I even did my internship one summer during my college years. I eventually became a pastor and was given opportunity to listen to others. 

During my vocation I was able to do youth ministry at several churches, I was able to give lead as a church planter. I became a mentor to at-risk youth. I also became a probation officers for young people. Eventually getting licensed as a foster parents to at-risk youth. I eventually was credentialed to do jail ministry and a chaplain to police officers. 

I believe that it was because someone listened to me in my time of need that I became able to also listen to others. Each of us have the opportunity to contribute to the lives of others simply by listening.

Related Research.

Generosity is Contagious

It’s that time of year again! It is a most wonderful time of the year! It is for sure a favorite time for me to serve at the Red Kettle for The Salvation Army. As I begin my new series of shifts at my local Walmart, I find that people are generous. It’s fun to interact with people and to show them true joy. 

I’ve been involved in several ministries over the last few years that require me to help find support from local communities. Each time I have been able to build relationships with very generous people. My ministry has focused on low income families, or at-risk youth and children in foster care, or serving the needs of young people everywhere as is the case with Youth for Christ I currently serve. It never ceases to amaze me how generous people are.

I believe something happens within us when we are generous. You know, the old saying that it’s more blessed to give than receive may actually be true.

Studies have shown that people are actually healthier when they are generous. According to Stephen Johnson, “Giving not only helps others, but it also rewards yourself in measurable ways, so much so that it may even increase your lifespan.” 

This research also revealed that volunteering actually makes us healthier. One research showed that seniors who volunteer will live 40% longer than those that don’t.

How generosity changes your brain - Big Think

Volunteering is cool because it offers us an opportunity to promote generosity!

I remember growing up when The Salvation Army came through for my family. People would say that they had joy in helping. Though my dad worked hard, and my mother did everything she could to provide it was still a challenge to make ends-meet.  I have a vivid memory of The Salvation Army bringing a box of food to assist us in our time of need.

I have a very soft spot in my heart for this ministry that goes above, and beyond, in the most efficient of ways. They keep overhead costs and salaries efficiently to do the most good. 

For the last seven years, I had volunteered my time with The Salvation Army as a Bell Ringer. Each year I seem to find a little more joy to give and I’m grateful for the terrific opportunity to minister to people. Just a kind word seems to cheer people up during very stressful times in their lives.

I remember when a father came out with his two young daughters. He put money in the kettle, and I gave candy to his daughters, but what one of his children said was very surprising to me. She said, “My mother died last year.“ WOW! All I could say was that I was sorry to hear that and that I would be praying for them. The dad seems to be doing well, and managing the two daughters, whom he clearly loves!

I remember another occasion when a young mom came to the kettle with her daughter. Her daughter had a jar full of coins. As she was pouring the coins into the small opening of the kettle, the mother said that they save all year to give. It was a joy for me to be there at that time to see this act of generosity. The mother said, “They (Salvation Army) came through for me when I needed them and now that I have a job I’m giving back.” 

Likely people give generously because somebody showed them the way. Someone help them when they were in need and they now have the opportunity to have another. It’s not that they have enough money now to be generous because so often it’s those who seem to have little that gives the most and the red kettle.

I believe people also are generous, because it’s a reflection of their heart. I believe that most people by design are generous. I think God put something within all of us let makes us eager to help our fellow human beings.

I believe that a simple smile or positive comment can change the outcome of giving. Last year I had my grandkids with me, helping me at the red kettle. A man came out to give and chatted with my grandson. What impressed my grandson was when the man pulled out $100 bill. He stuck it in the kettle, unaware that my grandson was watching him. Immediately my grandson commented that that was a lot of money. Well he doesn’t really know the value of money but he does know that $100 bill and buy a lot of things. When we got home, he had to brag about how he was able to get people to give up a $100 bill. 

Generosity is an infectious activity. It is passed on to others like a virus, but in a good way. As one demonstrates kindness and giving it causes others to want to do the same. I believe that’s why the red kettle is such an important reminder in our culture. It is so essential to be reminded of the importance of helping others. The red kettle is a reminder that there are people in need and each of us can do something to help.

Lessons from the Red Kettle

Every year it’s a joy to volunteer my time in the community. This year, I took time out of my schedule to volunteer with Marion’s Salvation Army‘s Red Kettle. For just a couple of hours, I stood outside of the Marion Walmart greeting the patrons as they entered and exited.

Volunteering is a lot of fun and especially when it’s within your particular niche. My niche just happens to be conversation. I love to greet people and listen to their stories. Perhaps that’s why I am enjoying my time in the Indiana Wesleyan University Alumni Association as the Director of Alumni & Church Relations.

Ringing the bell for the Salvation Army is a blast in my opinion. If you enjoy observing people and interacting with them, I would highly recommend this experience. It is most interesting to me to see the reaction of people who either avoid looking at you or make every effort to let you know that they have already donated. I happen to enjoy the former more, because it is a challenge to get people to break out of their comfort zone and offer you at least a gesture of a greeting. It’s usually the nod of the head or a simple wave.

I have observed three different types of people during my time ringing the bell. First, you have the avoiders. These are the people that will go out of their way to look away and pretend they don’t hear your bell ringing and verbal greetings. One lady, who did everything she could to avoid talking to me, pretending to not hear me at first and then when it was all to obvious I was there, looked into her purse as if to grab a cell phone call. I remembered her and when she came out later I loved the opportunity to get her attention. “Hello again, and good evening,” I said. While looking straight at me, she walked past as if I was invisible. Now I’m certain she heard me because her eyes seem to convey an assurance of my existence, but she was not going to communicate with so much as a wave or nod of the head. She simply kept walking. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I’m certain that she had other things on her mind. Perhaps they were burdens or a fear that somehow talking to me would commit her to dropping a few coins in the Red Kettle.

Then there are the people who just simply respond to my greeting with a simple echo of my greeting. “Good afternoon!” I’d say, and they would mutter, “Good afternoon to you as well”. I refer to them as the echo. This is the basis of society called reciprocity, the reciprocating of your smile or kind words but never going beyond that simple response.

You may be like the third person I encountered in my bell ringing. These people represent the true heart of charity and perhaps the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This usually calls for a little special treatment of their response. Perhaps they not only say hello back, but they also say God bless you or thank you for being here and even offer a kind gift of a donation in the Red Kettle.

Scripture speaks often about this golden rule, going the extra mile and give cheerfully. The Christian faith is full of examples both in scripture and in life of how important it is to put others ahead of yourself. In order for a society to better itself, we need to have charity and goodwill with a splash of hope that reflects the love God has for each one of us.

This time of year there are many who are ringing bells, trying to call attention to their favorite cause. They desire to bring goodwill to one and all. It is this time of year that we think of the Christmas carols and even reflect on Charles Dickens, Christmas Scrooge. It is this time of year when charity seems to come to life visibly and in real, tangible ways.

One young lady with her six-year-old stopped at the Red Kettle and told me simply, “I can’t walk past a single one of these Red Kettles without putting something in!” as she stuffed several dollar bills into the kettle. “This organization helped me when I was in great need, and they bought gifts for my son. I am grateful and especially now that I’m on my feet I can give back so that others will have the same opportunity I once needed from this great organization.“

So take note the next time you hear that faint bell ringing; there is much to be gained through charity. There are so many benefits because of it. May that bell ringing remind you that we can do for others as we would have done to us. In this we could reflect the kind of love that God extended to us when we were yet undeserving. It is through our acts of kindness we show others that we best demonstrate the love and goodwill of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

“Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” – (Saint Francis of Assisi) St. Francis of Assisi

Check out my related article here. 

Who Believed in Me?

I loved all the positive relationships in my high school. There were peers for sure!  Yet, they were not enough. There were many positive adults that cared about me, mentored me, helped me "grow up", and those that "spent time" with me. 

One of those was Mr. Tyner. He was a teacher in High School. Our high school was for 4 years. It was a BIG school with large classes. It was built like a prison. We had armed security. To say the least, it was a county school that included great diversity and many complex issues. It was a rough school. 

I grew up in a difficult family. My parents loved me as best they knew how. Yet, they didn't have well-defined boundaries. It was my church that crafted the "rules" for me yet, enforced at times by my parents. They provided me with a home. They cared about my physical needs (for which many parents worked hard just to make ends meet). They were, after all, raising 8 children. We are all expected to have a job!  My first paid job was when I was 9 years of age. (Talk about child labor laws.)  

Yet, it was my teacher in High School that filled in where my parents could not. Mr. Tyner was like a father to me. He often answered my questions. He often guided my choices. (At least he provided someone to talk through the big decisions.)  Mr Tyner was my mentor and friend. He was my music instructor. He was my confidant. 

Many of my peers were influenced by Mr. Tyner. We often gathered in his small office to laugh and learn. He was our positive adult.  Fortunately for us he was a good man who loved his church and cared about his students. 

Mr. Tyner helped me understand the difficult issues we faced in life. He guided me through tough issues. Whether social or spiritual, his insights were helping to shape who I was to become. He was a matter of fact adviser. He was a fun-loving friend. He was willing to take time to listen. 

Mr. Tyner taught me how to have diverse friends. Asking me to join the all-men voice choir was one of those experiences. I was the only white student in that choir. It was easy for my mom to pick me out of the crowd at the school concerts.  I learned how to understand the social issues of our age. I learned how to listen to the complex needs of my diverse friends. I also had bodyguards of my own when I was bullied or found conflict. Did I say that we had armed security in my high school?

One of the most impactful takeaways from this positive role model and mentor was the way he challenged my ability. He was my champion, often saying, "You can do it, Carder!"  He often assigned me responsibilities that were beyond my skills by saying that he believed in me!

To this day, I reflect on the impact of this one solitary life that simply took time to listen, offer good ideas, and helped me to develop confidence in my too often awkward experiences of my youth. 

It set me on a path to also pour into the lives of youth. In my adult life I have entered into my Calling and passion. I love to help youth, like me who just needed someone to believe in me. 

In my adult life, I have been a youth pastor, mentor to at-risk youth in the youth home or on probation. Serving as a probation officer at one time. Finding opportunities to be in juvenile court to share by "voice of reference" on a teen that made bad choices. Having been a foster parent (with my wife) for over 8 years, having teenagers living in our home for 18 years consistently. Serving in Higher Education mentoring and educating young people who themselves are defining their own passion and Calling. 

It was the result of someone that believed in me!  It was because someone took time to listen. It was through the life of a caring adult that mentored me and in spite of my awkward ways yet accepted me and challenged me to reach for great things and helped me reach my potential. (*for which I am still growing to become.)

Thank you Mr. Tyner for doing to me what you may have found naturally and maybe even don't remember what impact you have made on me!  I am a better me because of your faith in God and believe in me. You have given what I can never pay back but I will make every effort to "pay it forward" in the lives of others.

The Impact On Me!

When I was a teenager I would attend special events called Youth for Christ rallies. I was able to hear speakers share relevant messages and hear music to my liking that was filled with words of hope and positive words that encouraged me to "hang in there!"  

I found that these were times that helped me make sense of my world. It helped me to understand the Bible and especially about Jesus. These messages helped me to deal with loss and emotional heartache I was experiences during those hard times.

Years later, I entered into ministry to youth. It was fun to help connect youth to similar messages of hope I once learned. These timeless truths were impactful.

Even during the years my wife and I did foster care in our home we were able to help bring understanding and hope to youth who were dealing with a lot of hardship and loss. For 18 years we had youth in our home (*including raising our own children).

In every year of our ministry --over 35 years now -- we have been involved in the ministry in one way or another, mainly hosting tables at fundraising events. Nothing was ever wasted in those efforts. Now serving full-time with YFC Northern Indiana has brought fulfillment for me and my family.

Our own children in their teen years were impacted by Campus Life leaders who gave of their time to listen and care for them!  Having positive and trusted relationships in their lives through an incredible youth ministry and minister was vital. They impacted our youth in ways we, as parents, were unable.

This movement both impacted me as well as my family. It is my turn to give back for the sake of the next generation. I may not be able to handle overnighter events, athletic activities has passed me by, and running around trying to keep up with youth is not easy anymore yet, this is one way you and I can make a difference. THE MOVEMENT CONTINUES!

When I Was Young!

WOW! Look at that mop of hair? My nickname was “blond-bomb.” Yep, I resisted a haircut! My curly hair was the style. My clothes were not. My hand-me-downs were worn-out and often dirty.

I was not popular but I was a class clown. I was not always polite. I was not always liked. I was beaten up three times by teacher. Yep, teachers. Once I was beaten up by a bus driver. My dad never found out. I didn’t want him to know because he would have assumed, correctly, that my smart mouth got me in trouble.

How was high school for you? It wasn’t always great for me. 

Yet, I had someone who believed in me. I had a caring adult that tolerated me. I had an adult that spent time with me. They encouraged me. 

How about you? Who believed in you?

Go ahead and post your high school picture on social media. I dare you! 

Rest From Labor!

 

Stop and smell the roses (or other flowers). Resting is important if done on purpose. With Labor Day just around the corner I wanted to reserve a space for this topic. 

Rest is easy for many and hard for others. Many times my wife would say that I have a “hurried sickness.” This a a phrase coined by Dr. James Dobson. His challenge was to help people understand that being in a hurry can be addictive. It feeds something unhealthy in our lives. We may be trying to fill a hole in our lives that we think that busyness can fill.

That may be true for me. I group in a home and which work was expected. My first job was when I was nine years of age and I began driving a car around that same year as well. In those days it was not unusual for children to work. I know it’s hard to believe but I assure you that it was not child abuse. I think I’m well adjusted today.

What is true, however, is that we can become workaholics. The idea of being addicted to work as a means of fulfillment is all too dangerous. I know many that have neglected their families. I remember working at a factory in which a guy would work 12 hour shifts consecutively. From time to time I would find him sleeping on one of the rolls of paper taking a nap in between shifts or during his lunch hour. His wife would come in and collect his paycheck. He was certainly every example of being a workaholic.

Labor Day is that day of the year in which the labor unions and our government deemed as a holiday. They encourage their workers to stop working and join the picket lines or other rallies to encourage membership to the Labor Union organization. Though I’m not necessarily a favor or an opposition to the labor unions, I find this practice rather unique. At the turn of the 20th century many Americans would join parades and picnics to celebrate and recruit for the labor industry.

Today, we might have parades but we certainly don’t see as much of the Labor Unions tactics being employed yet it is a public holiday. It’s a day to cease from labor. I love having a long weekend. I certainly enjoy the picnic and parades. But, there’s something more meaningful that should be considered.

The Bible talks about having a Sabbath which is a weekly ritual. It is a time of rest and worship. It’s where we change the focus from ourselves to focus on God in worship. The Sabbath is something that we should practice within our lives. It builds rhythms for a healthy lifestyle. Too often, we can spend too much time working at the sacrifice of our own family or things that are of value.

In Hebrews chapter 4 we find the significance of remembering the Sabbath. It is an example of how the people of God were to inherit the promised land. They were to “enter into God’s rest.” It is an understanding that we would depend on God rather than ourselves. It’s not a bad practice for us to consider. Finding space in our schedule for prayer, devotions, and in fellowship with others as well as God is a good practice. 

This is a practice we should do, at minimum, weekly. Take a break and enjoy the fellowship as the Lord in your life. Stop and smell the flowers will bring peace and spiritual nourishment in your life.

On Purpose.

Living is often based on routines and ruts. Often, they define our rhythms. These aren’t necessarily bad but when life is not lived on purpose it falls short and opportunities are allowed to slip by.

Along my travels by encounter lots of individuals. I stop in and visit with many leaders of churches, organizations, and businesses. I’m always amazed by those experiences each time.

Everyone has a story. Sometimes through tragedy or triumph yet, stories nonetheless. Every business owner and every church or organization is made up of many stories. There’s always a plot and main characters in the drama of life.

Sitting at a coffee shop this morning at a bakery who’s very name to just that it has a purpose. It’s not just about the sweet treats that you can eat but it is more. Son-Rise Bakery is located in Warren, Indiana. 

Having been here several times I can feel the culture and people interactions that make up the people in the goals of this organization.

Living life on purpose is essential. When we live on purpose we wake up each morning asking ourselves questions, how can I make a difference? How do I affect change by my actions? 

Often it’s our purpose that gets us up in the morning or keeps us out late at night. We define that purpose by something internal but the most lasting change is what is done with God‘s kingdom in mind.

Kingdom mindnessness is what makes the difference. It’s not for this world that we strive it is for the next. It is a legacy that we leave for the generations that will pass by. It is to bring God glory and all that we do inside. 

Some people live lives that are transactional. It’s a give-and-take in a fair exchange. It is usually self oriented or personal gain. Life is more than just transactions, isn’t it?

I’m reminded this morning of Colossians that tells us that whatever we do do it wholeheartedly and for the glory of God. As your life is lived on purpose it brings meaning to others that is far lasting. It’s a gift to others that never ceases lives in the hearts and experiences that transform lives.

New Living Translation — And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. - Colossians 3:17

So whether you wake up early or stay up late, ask yourself the question of whether your life will bring meaning to someone else? Do things that are not for yourself that are investments into the lives of others.

See prior article.

Like Leaving Summer Camp!

I always loved going to summer camp. Church conference and training events as an adult have been true highlights. Special events in my life that are filled with energy, creative ideas, great discussions, and being with friends are true highlights that make for incredible experiences. 

Every special event that extends through several days or heightened euphoric experiences are awesome! They are happy places! I even become emotional just reflecting on so many of these experiences! It is like just yesterday as I recall so many great spaces and places!

You too can relate! These experiences are mood-shaping and we often make special notes in our calendars or on social media just to share the experiences! 

Yet, with heavy high is an inevitable low! 

Yep, we all must settle in for the low after a high l, emotional experience. We have to plan for it! 

You might know it weekly. That is why we call it Mondays! We also know it after a celebrated event. We have to anticipate the low for each high. It is hard to go from the heights of a Mount Everest to the valley of dry bones. We resist it but it is going to happen!

If we do not allow for a rhythm of rest in our overly busy lives, illness becomes our Sabbath - our pneumonia, our cancer, our heart attack, our accidents create Sabbath for us.

Wayne Muller, Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives

As I write this article it is after a couple of sequential high points to result in one very lonely low. 

It is in the low that we can experience God in a personal and intimate way. Like Elijah after his great victory agains the prophets of Baal. Like Gideon or Jonah. Even in our time, like winning a difficult debate. Or coming up the victor of a tough fight. Even those “camp-like” experiences in our lives where we thought that it couldn’t get any better.

This past week I enjoyed a couple of victories. I attending the Global Leadership Conference and chatted with many great friends. Our weekend included a family celebration of the “in-person” Wedding ceremony of our son and his wife! Even into Sunday we visited with friends whom we care about. 

But, you guessed it, Monday arrived with a crash! Not just any Monday but a low that didn’t produce more dopamine or adrenalin because of being high on life and emotional experiences. Yup, I crashed! 

So, now what? Here are a few things I plan to do to ease back from the pain for withdrawal. 

1. Start the day early no matter how you feel.

2. Plan to ease back into normal life with a few tasks.

3. Rest but don’t stop doing things. Just do things more slowly and differently. 

4. Don’t isolate except into the prayerful contemplative attitude of fellowship with God.

5. Wake up your brain and make up your mind to remain active. Journal or read, pray or meet with a good friend one-on-one.

I find that as we anticipate the need to rest, we also should recognize the emotional need to decompress. It is okay to “take it easy” but don’t stop! 

Sabbath isn't about resting perfectly; it's about resting in the One who is perfect.

Shelly Miller, Rhythms of Rest: Finding the Spirit of Sabbath in a Busy World

My friend once said that if you are tempted to take the day off, take it half-off not fully off. In other words, build time in your schedule to have a Sabbath. I don’t mean a day to sleep in. I mean a time to dwell with God, the object of our worship and embrace the principles that govern your life. Eternal values are always best! It may be that you do things more slowly yet, never-the-less, be active even after celebrating those “camp-like” experiences. 

So, on this low Monday after the high, make the most of it! Enjoy your fellowship with God. Make the most of this time to regroup your thoughts. Remain focussed on what God has called you to. Remain active in eternal principles while listening for orders to advance the cause. 

One-on-One Awkward Conversation Starters!

Each week I speak with many people. Often I am having a first-time conversation with strangers. It is part of my daily work. I actually enjoy speaking with complete strangers. It is challenging yet fun to engage in these type of conversations. It means thinking on my feet and making the conversation enjoyable for whomever I chat with. 

Most people avoid having conversations with people, especially with strangers. For most it us it is intimidating and produces feelings of dread.

After having hundreds of awkward conversations, I know one thing for sure; leading the conversation with strangers is super weird! I have often have conversations with people who don’t engage in the discussion. The typical one-liner conversations quickly turn awkward. When there aren’t reciprocating discussions or responsive conversations it becomes terribly uncomfortable. (Picture is of my grandkids dressing up and pretending to have adult conversations.)

Questions that often end up as dead-end conversations are, for most, the worst of experiences. How are you? What have you been up-to? How’s it going? These questions and many more like them have the same thing in common. They all end with a common response. Short 1 or 2-word responses: Okay! Nothing! Not bad! Then what do you do?

So, today I wanted to provide a short article on how to have one-on-one awkward conversations the lead to mutually beneficial relationships. There are several ideas that have helped me during these weird exchanges.

1. Instead of asking yes/no questions, ask questions that  require sentence responses.

I have asked many people permission to pray for them. I do this by not asking a yes/no question. I ask, “HOW can I pray for you?” Read further on this topic The key is to assume the affirmative. 

By asking questions that require more than yes/no answers will help engage a deeper, yet meaningful conversation. Of course, you’ll have to consider the circumstances and the timing of the conversation. Just like humor, short stories and quick punchlines our favorites. If someone appears to be in a hurry it is not the time to deepen the conversation. If there is a reciprocating effect that is happening, then you can go deeper. Nevertheless, asking questions that get them to talk about themselves which is more favorable rather than telling them about yourself. In fact, when the conversation ends too quickly we are tempted to talk about ourselves. This is not appropriate, especially at first. 

 

So often, for even the strongest extrovert, the conversation seems to drag and feel uncomfortable. Too often we cut the opportunity short because we feel awkward. I have heard it said which is often associated with Abraham Lincoln; “It is better to remain silent and be thought of as ignorant than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Perhaps our greatest fears is that we will say the wrong thing. These present barriers and often an illusion. We perceive these ideas but often they are not true. Most people are just happy that somebody is willing to chat with them and many are gracious spirits that forgive easily if we are intending to injure the relationship. 

As we assume the affirmative it helps us to further the conversation. Starting with a compliment or discovering something about them is often a positive tactic we could use to engage a healthy interaction.

2. Instead of turning the conversation into an interrogation (the 20-question survey), have a topical discussions.

Many times we make conversations a door-to-door sales survey. It is important for you to feel and appear relaxed. Don’t sweat it! Most people can quickly read into our objective especially when we feel like it’s a set up. Too many of us have received those annoying sales calls or high-pressure experiences and if you come across like a used car dealer then it could be a turn off.

I love church signs. The one here is funny because of the huge social media problem we have today. This one reads: “Tweet others as you want to be tweeted.” I like to think of three significant topics that most people like to talk about. These three topics are easy for any of us to navigate. They include talking about them: the most important topic of all. People also like to talk about simple observations. I find that people most often are okay with talking about values, their values. 

Most people love to talk about themselves so start there. Simple question about them or starting with an observation is a good beginning. While it is cliché, starting a conversation with what do you do or how do you do that engages a persons self interest.

Making quick observations about what you see can turn into a good discussion point. Perhaps it’s the current affairs of the day, that which is in the news or if you are at an event, Ask someone how the organization can improve their experience is a good starting point. Never become defensive if they give negative feedback but they simply offering their insights are both helpful to you and them. Sometimes you might observe that they are or have served in the military or you notice a saying on their clothing or some thing that you can complement about them is a good starting point. Think of ways that you can ask questions related to the genre for which you are observing. 

3. Instead of having in-depth discussions, be okay with simple conversations. 

It’s important to lower your expectations at first. Sometimes we expect that somebody would have a deep insight about a topic. Nevertheless it’s important to be okay with small talk. You have to start somewhere when engaging people. 

As you begin any relationship, it is important to let the conversations be relaxing times of interaction. Don’t rush into the relationship because it is built on trust. To have any relational collateral you have to spend time to build trust. 

Say genuine things that help build up relationships. People can easily see if we are sincere or not. So, therefore be real. Be relaxed. Take the conversational cues carefully so that your impact is felt; don’t try to impress people. I love the saying; “You IMPRESS people from a distance but you IMPACT them up close.”  It is my life statement. I have made every effort to impact people. It is not about you!  It is always about the “other.”

Finally, instead of ending the discussion seek permission to talk again.

As you engage and feel a positive response from your interaction, ask for an opportunity to connect further at another time. Seek to serve their needs as you follow up with relationships. 

Asking for permission to further the discussion you have begun may be a simple as saying, “Are you okay with meeting up in the future?” As you put the controls in the hands of those you engage is important. Making the relationship about them is a key to starting and establishing a good foundation for more discussion. 

Read more on this topic here.

Interesting video you may want to check out. How to avoid socially awkward behaviors. 

Missional One-liners!

My humor often includes a double meaning. I often say to a waitress, "I am fed up now." I also say, as I cash out my ticket, “I came in with an appetite but lost it!” These type of statements have clear double meanings. 

My one-liner statement means that I am full but it can sound negative. In much of my humor I try to weave ways that create a relationship. I love to find connections with people. Asking who they know that I might also know. Trying to discover where they grew up as an attempt to known if we have anything in common. Building trust happens through a relational context.

Classic one-liners are common for many people. My family often says it has to do with my age. I find myself no longer able to prevent the oddly timed jokes. I hope I have not totally lost my filter that happens as you age. My adult kids still feel awkward as they take two steps back from me when I blurt out a dad joke. 

Surprisingly, recently my 32 year old son, now with two children of his own, blurts out silly dad jokes and even talks to strangers. Even his 6 and 7 year old children roll their eyes. What is black and white and “read” all over? Of which even his kids say, “I don’t get it.” (Having grown up with electronics and tablets they no longer read from newspapers or books.) You might even grown at that kind of humor!

The purpose is not lost in the silly humor one-liners. The efforts are intended to build a connection and a relationship that’s meaningful. You might even say that it is a missional one-liners strategy. The end result is hopefully they gained friendship through a friendly smile. Sometimes through silly humor and sometimes through poorly timed jokes yet, the goal is still the same. The goal is to develop an initial relationship that may provide an on-going friend.

Nevertheless, truth matters. In the midst of the poorly timed humor and effort is made to be genuine and friendly. It’s an effort doesn’t require much thinking as you  engage in conversation. Whether the person is your cashier at a checkout or co-worker, a simple effort might turn a smile and provide a bit of levity in the ongoing chore of work. I love the sign I spotted one that reads, “The most important things in life aren’t things at all.” I would add, they are valued relationships.

Authentic relationships matter. They are built on truth and trust. Together, these are values that people need in their day-to-day lives. Humor is a soft answer that can defuse a tense moment or an awkward moment. There are times when our witness of Christ can even demonstrate care for another. I often asks waitresses or store merchants how can I pray for them. It is amazing how open people are. They usually share deep and heart-felt prayer requests; to even me, a stranger.

The Bible makes it clear that Truth matters. You don't ever have to wonder if GOD loves you because it is clear! God wants a relationship with you that provides eternal life through God's Son. (John 3:16) We also find that when Jesus was preparing to leave his disciples (John 14) that He was going to go and prepare a place for them and he would receive them unto himself in a future tense. They clearly marked the value of a relationship.

The relationship that God wants to have with each and everyone is that of both personal and impactful. 

Why does Truth matter? Where do you go for Truth? How can you create an authentic and valued relationship in another? Who do you cross paths with, though a stranger, that you can encourage and witness the Truth of God’s love?