Foster Care: From Day One!

Growing up in a large family it wasn’t at all unusual for there to be extra people at the dinner table and even some overnight. I grew up in a family of eight children. Throughout those years it seems as though there were extraordinary experiences but as I would reflect years later I wondered how that experience shaped me and develop me into who I am today.

Our family was not perfect. In fact, it was not even ideal by anyone’s standard. Being raised with six brothers and one sister, you can imagine the incredible conflicts that could occur. Raising so many children must’ve been a stressful experience for my parents.

During most of those years my father worked a factory job, often taking overtime just to make ends meet. All of us were expected to have a job. I can remember learning how to drive by age 9. Even earlier I had a job working for a neighbor pulling up weeds or work in the marina and bringing home the cash to help sustain the family’s needs. Many of us had our jobs including the standard family job which was working as a custodian at our local church. For nearly 30 years our family worked cleaning the church. Equally, we had a paper route that was handed down from sibling to sibling and all of the proceeds helping to benefit the needs of the family. Each of our paychecks were cashed and we were given an allowance but the expectation was that we would meet the needs of the family by pulling our moneys together.

Those experiences helped shape who I am today. For good or for bad, those experiences framed my ministry philosophies. Those  experiences helped plant the idea of doing foster care. 

I am discovering the love is an invitation for God to show up. His love is what we try to represent for each teenager. @RickECarder

Moving to Chicago and getting involved in the local community eventually lead to mentoring at-risk youth and becoming a foster parent. My wife and I prayed about the opportunity and looked into what foster care was all about. We were unaware of all the implications and tremendous experiences we would have as a result. For eight years we involved ourselves with at-risk youth through the probation department. We often said that we were the last stop before the department of corrections.

One such experience lead us to a teenage girl who came to our home as an emergency placement. We knew very little and had very little time to decide whether we could accommodate her needs. We prayed about it and decided that we would give it a try. Throughout this article I will refer to our teenage foster daughter as, "she" or "her" in an effort to protect identity.

We had other foster children in the home but the needs of this teenager was quite unique to us. She came to us after having a mental and psychological breakdown. She was taking her medicine that helps her cope with the various issues of mental health but this also involved a confusing diagnosis. Some professionals thought she had bi-polar others thought schizophrenia. When she arrived we weren't certain we had what it would take to help. Never-the-less, we had a support system in place and our faith that helped guide us.

Upon her arrival we were almost immediately alarmed. She was hallucinating and often drifting between fantasy and reality. Our job is to keep her safe until her medicines could be adjusted or she could receive the proper treatment. No one knew exactly what to do. We were committed and made the best of it even though we didn’t sleep much and we were constantly on guard.

I did my best to reassure my family that it would be okay. I’m sure that my children were not so sure and the look on my wife’s face was one of uncertainty as well. We made daily calls to the supervising agency. We only took teens who were on probation. At times we were on the phone every hour attempting to make any necessary changes so that it would be a good experience for this young and very vulnerable teenage girl.

For me it was much easier because I had grown up in a rather confusing and chaotic world. Being from a large family, this situation was sometimes compared to those days. There were many unsettled situations that occurred from my childhood. Often I wondered if we had made a mistake only because we did have the training necessary to provide the best care we though our foster teen needed.

These were extraordinary times.  At times she was manic and within moments she would be extremely depressed. They were times when she would talk aloud with no one present. She would have seemingly conversations with groups of people with no one around her.

That week seem like months at times. We would stay away, taking shifts. When we did catch a nap we would wake up tired. Many within our community of support and Church stepped in to allow us to take a break and to care for the needs of our own children and the other foster girls.

One of the deepest lessons learned was to be patient and thoughtful. It wasn’t easy for our foster teen either! I remember her asking me, "If I get better, can I come back to live with you?" as she was leaving our home to be placed in a special hospital with specialist to deal with her mental health needs.

What was a tremendous challenge was also an incredible blessing. We learned so much from this young lady and her impact in our lives was definitely enriching for us as well. It was by no means perfect but God seem to see us through each and every day.

Eventually she receive the help that she needed but as she left us I often wondered what more we could’ve done. Weeks past into months but eventually she came back to our home and more permanent basis. She had received treatment and care and it was much more manageable for us. She was able to return to our home on a more permanent basis. Our efforts and desire was to provide for her daily needs and eventually getting her through school and receiving her high school diploma made it seem worth it all.

Children like her are broken and damaged. They require a lot of healing. Our goal was to offer hope that things would get better. We did our best with what we knew and in the midst we hope we represented God’s love through Jesus Christ. Foster Care for us was a ministry to help the most vulnerable in our community.

Our home was a place where teen girls could find hope and given a chance to make healthy decisions that would guide them for the rest of their lives. We felt like we were stewarding grace and protection to at-risk youth. We felt that if given the chance they could flourish and be better prepared to face being an adult.

My wife and I often think about our time being foster parents. We tried to look ahead at the horizon and not just their first day. In many occasions, which we will always remember fondly, at-risk youth could develop. 

We hoped that after her first day being with us would provide time for healing and maturing that could benefit her into her adult life. You just never know what seeds you are planting will develop into. Our aim was in doing the right thing and love is the fertilizer that nurtured growth in her as well as in us!