Diversity of Friendship.

When I was in High School I had many friends from all different backgrounds including diverse ethnic backgrounds. Like everyone, we want good grades. One way I knew I could get an easy A was joining the all-male choir. It was monolithic in only one way, we were all males but we were not all the same in our race. I was the exception. 

I was the ‘token’ white member. Out of 15-20 members, I stood out! It was easy to know which one I was. My nicknamed was ‘the blond bomb’. My 80’s - style hair was long and disheveled. I did not have rhythm nor could I relate to the lifestyles of my fellow choir boys. I wanted to know them and eventually became friends with them.

When I pastored in the western suburbs of Chicago years later, I often reflected on my choir boy days while living in a community of 53 languages and many ethnically diverse people. I found my thoughts similarly curious as I compared my experiences on the topic of diversity. 

Today, I want to share just a couple of thoughts related to diversity of friendship. If we are going to make our connections more diverse, I needed to listen more and commit to diversity as an objective and in relational ways.

1. Diversity means that I need to listen more. 

I was not the only person in the room during my High School choir practice. One of the important factors of singing as a group is to listen to others so that you can harmonize and sing your part. No one ever expected our choir to all sing the melody. They expect us to have harmony by signing our separte parts. No one is to standout (unless it is a solo part). 

If I am to gain diverse friendships, I will need to listen better.  Not only was this true in the music score but also in gaining friendship. No one wants to be a friend of the loudmouth! Everyone avoids the narcissistic, selfish person. Why, because they are always taking and seldom listening. A relationship is a two-way street.

Think of how you make friends today. You join clubs or organizations to meet people. Even with the many social media channels, it is about joining groups and following people. Your goal is to find those that agree with you but if you are to gain diverse relationships you have to learn to listen effectively. You will find more channels if you want to listen better. Homogenous connections will only give you single-minded input. Listening in the age of Facebook changes how we get our information. Too many make comments as reactions to what others post and fewer are listening effectively. 

Listening habits shouldn’t change just because it is social media. Unfortunately, many of us simply scroll through our newsfeeds. Few stop and read. 

I believe that as we listen better, we can speak more effectively. Just talking is not good and healthy communication. Taking time to listen means investing in the lives of others. 

2. Having diverse friendship means being intentional. 

Diversity does not just happen. We need to make friends on purpose!  Go with the flow means gathering with those like yourself. It is easy to have friends. All you have to do is look around to connect with those like yourself. 

Connecting with others means doing things differently. It means connecting with those who don’t look like yourself! 

Dr. Mark DeYmaz once said on this subject, in criticism, "explosive homogeneous growth means staying home." Yet, he challenges the status quo in his message and what he had written that the Apostle Paul reached beyond himself. He continues, in a recent message I heard, that the gospel is not just for "white people." 

Similarly, we too must be intentional. Gaining diverse friendship means that we have to develop relationships on purpose? If we want to have diverse friendships, we have to go to places and join causes that are different than your own.

Too often we make division based on political positions alone while not talking about your values. Many will agree with your values and differ on how to solve your concerns. 

Racially diverse friendships means listening to discover people that are not like you! It doesn’t mean that you have to be in conflict. All causes are not yours but there are causes that are value-centered that you can agree with. Political, social, ethnic, economic are just a few opportunities that we can do better at through listening. 

In order to gain diverse friendships, you will need to be intentional. You have to develop a purposeful objective if you are going to have diverse friendships.