A (Not-so-new) Kind of Social Politeness!

Take your shoes off at the door. Stand back a little and give me space. Wait until the person has spoken before sharing your opinion. Don't drink and drive. Always wash your hands. No elbows on the table during dinner. Wait until everyone has been served before eating. 

These and many other phrases are often understood as being socially polite. They are a part of the very culture of a society or social group. These, often unwritten rules are a part of the very fabric of a healthy community. As long as we honor principles of polite manners and social norms, we show the value of others.

Today, we live in a complex society. Western society, by in large, have shaped rules of engagement and social order in a common language that is passed on from one generation to the other. It is what we teach our children. It is what we learn in kindergarten. These are a sort of code language that expresses value and establishes trust. If we break simple polite manners we are usually corrected and reminded. 

Yet, today we are seeing order and "a way of life" challenged. We are seeing excessive force and those in authority violate our desired way of life. We are seeing peaceful protest to call attention of injustice turn into a display of an angry mob, even looting and destruction of property. We are seeing that reciprocity as meaningless and chaos become the new order. We are witnessing the emergence of new social politeness. 

Another example is how we are seeing more people wear mask as a result of the Corona Virus. Many are increasingly concerned and other could care less.  I speak to pastor all the time and know of their ministry hardships. Pastors are telling me that as they begin to come together and attend church in person that there are those that are the mask-wearers and those that are in the non-mask people. Some have even told me that the one group is fighting and threatening the other to wear or not wear a mask. People even threaten to never come back to church until everyone is wearing the mask and ironically, so too the non-mask people. 

It is so challenging today to know how to respond to such extreme views. You may be judged harshly no matter what you do.

I think that there is a (not-so-new) kind of social politeness that is emerging. I am seeing more-and-more a social shaming on those that do not comply to their form of order.  I am seeing more-and-more people getting angry because of what they see as right. Today, we are even seeing many flex a mussel for a demonstration of "their rights".  These issues will not be settled soon or easily. 

I want to offer another (not-so-new) idea about how to expand the conversation, calling for harmony (that does not mean uniformity). Like in a choir or orchestra, the many diverse instruments and voices can create a beautiful harmony. While occasionally dissonance (the clashing of sounds) can be part of the musical melody, it is the harmony that we expect and we are left feeling uneasy if we are left with clashing symbols. 

Jesus reinforces the Biblical understanding of reciprocity. We know that all of society needs this to effectively manage conflict. The secular view of this is to do to others as they do to you. A kind of believe that simply means, "an eye for an eye". A kind of do unto others as they do to you. 

However, Jesus also went deeper as we see more clearly in the New Testament. He was challenged to state which of the 10 Commandments was the greatest. He was often placed in awkward conversations. A form of dissonance. What he responded is a not-so-new idea when He responded that the greatest are the two that is to "Love the Lord your God and to love your neighbor as yourself". This is a not-so-new kind of social politeness.  It is what we call the golden rule. We read elsewhere in the New Testament that we should "do unto others as we would like done to us."  It is a step beyond a kind of social politeness. 

Today, we see how road-rage is likened to the first and basic kind of community. It is a reciprocating of what has been done to us. We call this self-justified vindication. In the Old Testament there were cities of refuge that were places that the accused can go to for a judgement of the crime and punishment. This has developed in Western societies as our court systems and the making of laws. The understanding of "innocent until proven guilty" has always stood the test of time. 

I remember first learning in a high school business ethics class that the symbol of the Lady of Justice stood as a beacon of these ideals. She stands with a scale of justice to represent fair and equality. She also is blindfolded so that her bias is blinded. Today we see challenges to injustice but we need to look to the highest ideal, The Golden Rule. 

In the age of instant justice, by way of social media and live video, we are all becoming self-justified vigilantes. We act self-righteous and act on pure emotion without due process and consideration of the rule of law. 

I caution our society to a not-so-new kind of social politeness. Yes, it take more time and thought. Indeed it means listening. Of course it means pushing for change in healthy and fair ways. Freedom is not self-righteous living, it is taking responsibility for the change that begins at home. In fact, in writing this article I understand that I too may have offer bias persuasion. Yet, I believe that revisiting the Golden Rule can and should help us resolve matters of conflict, if we truly love one another in community. Am I naive? 

Perhaps a bit of a pie in the sky with rose colored glasses but I am certain that as we want for good for ourselves and act in love toward our neighbor, we can get a little closer to the highest ideal of man - to the Glory of God. 

My challenge: Take the next 7-days and live out the not-so-new social politeness. If your wearing a mask helps another to feel more comfortable, why not put it on?  Perhaps, if slowing down to let another pass you on the road prevents road rage, why not slow down? If taking your agenda and inviting others to help contribute can strengthen the outcome, why not listen more intently?