“The Need to Talk It Out”
When I was in my pre-teen years an incident occurred that has forever shaped my view of life. Like most pre-teens today, I was no different. I had my friends that I hung out with. I had a desire to play “kid’s games” while knowing that I was expected to be a teen. I had my activities and social activities as well as my responsibilities and chores. I grew up along the shores of Lake Erie in Michigan. I loved fishing, hunting small game, tromping through the marsh, playing baseball and going out in my row boat. Life seemed perfect! I was sheltered from the problems of the inner-city of Detroit. Life has it usual disappointments…like doing the dishes. Living is a large family with six brothers and one sister, there was always someone willing to do something with you or even just to provide the usual “follow the bigger brother” and be a nuisance game.
One day while I was riding my bike with a friend, life forever changed. As I rode my bike on Bayside Drive I came upon a most unusual site. While changing a tire a man laid over the spare in a very curious position. I called out to him but there was no reply. I went closer to discover that the man was not resting but looked dead. I shook him with little result. I was stunned. I ran down the street calling for help.
Within minutes the neighborhood was swarming with neighbors and soon several Sheriff Deputies and medical people. I watched as they worked on the man to revive him. Their efforts did not produce results. The man’s wife was crying nearby as they announced to the crowd that the man was dead. I watched as they loaded his lifeless body into the ambulance and drove off. The officers asked me some questions and wrote down my name.
Within an hour my world had suddenly changed. I was now aware of something that I had never seen before. Sure, I knew of death. My grandparents had died and I attended their funeral. My friend’s uncle died and I remember the ambulance coming to his house. But up until now, death was something different. It was not so eventful to me. It seemed to be peaceful and a quiet hush overshadowed it. It was something that happened but no one really ever talked about it.
The crowd began to disperse and people went back to their homes. Life seemed to just go on for most people but not for me. I needed to talk to someone about what had just happened but there I stood, alone. I too eventually went home but before I could talk about it, my family already knew. My mother was on the phone telling my father and my siblings were chatting with others about it. No one asked me anything. I was left to deal with this life-shattering event seemingly alone.
Several days went by before the incident was brought up again. I was asked by my pastor to tell him about the old man. I told him everything I experienced. He asked me if I was doing okay. He wanted to know if I slept okay. He asked if I had any nightmares. He asked me if I was afraid in any way. I answered him the best I could. It was a good feeling because he talked with me about the old man. He let me know that God was a good God and knew of the incident. He made me feel special by telling me that I was God’s special messenger when I called out for help for the old man. He said that I was brave for waiting for help to come. Perhaps the best feeling came because someone actually let me talk about the old man.
Today we call this debriefing and defusing. It is a technique that provides an outlet for healing the stress of a crisis event. Chaplains, police officers, medical personnel, counselors and other professionals utilize this strategy to limit the results of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (ptsd). PTSD is a long-term psychological disorder that comes as a result of an untreated stressful crisis experience. Problems that result could cause “flashbacks” or reliving the experiences in an unhealthy manor or unresolved fear or even unhealthy angry outburst can result.
What my pastor provided for me was a closure to the negative experience. He didn’t minimize the incident but helped me find peace and ways to deal with my fears. Churches are providing small group discussions for people dealing with crises in their lives. These small group discussions are part of Crisis Evangelism. They provide good news in bad times! Churches that provide a caring community of people demonstrating empathy and compassion is Crisis Evangelism. People have a need to talk it out! Join the discussion today.
