I Almost Didn’t Do It! Investing in God’s Kingdom!

What I’m about to tell you may actually shock you. It’s a story that’s very personal to me. It’s an example of a truth of God’s Kingdom. It’s a story about an investment that almost did not happen. The implications of which may have had permanent negative implications in my life and in the lives of others.

This is not about a financial story of how someone got rich because they made a small investment that yielded a large payout. It’s not about someone who took a risk and in return gained everything. This is truly a remarkable story because it’s about the intangible impact of one life that made the difference in many other lives. It’s about how one simple decision made an incredible difference.

This is a story about how one person almost didn’t do it!

I’m not sure how to begin the story because it actually happened before I was born. Remarkably, however, it made a significant difference on me as well as others. It’s the story of generosity but could have ended different.

I heard the story of when my family first started attending church. It was before I was born so to me it was like a fable. You know, one of those stories that could have been exaggerated or the facts could have been blown out of proportion. It’s like a fish story but each time it is told, the fish gets larger and larger. It started with, once upon a time.

A grew up in a large family. I was number 7 until my brother Mike came home from the Hospital. Our family was not wealthy, though my dad worked hard to care for our needs. We supplemented our income without jobs but each of us were expected to have including being custodians at a local Wesleyan Church. My older siblings were expected to carry out the task each week from about 1965, when I was just a baby. Our family had the responsibility of cleaning the church through the mid-90’s. As remarkable as that is, that is not the story!

Before our family was hired the church had to come up with the extra funds to pay us; so the  alleged fable goes.

The minister of that day decided to take a risk. Even though it meant stretching the church budget, he hired our family to help us, make ends meet financially. Dr. Rev. Joppe was well known for having a great deal of faith. Having authored books and taught college courses, he practiced his faith in real time as a local pastor. It was because of that generosity that our family not only had our physical needs met but in reality, it connected us to the local church that remarkably changed our lives!

In the words of the famous storyteller and radio personality, Paul Harvey, "Here’s the rest of the story."

Only recently did I learn how truly remarkable and generous someone could be. while attending a special event in Florida, I came across a family connection and remarkable individual that gave me the full length version of the story. As I sat down with Ben, over a bowl of ice cream, I begin to reflect about my days growing up at the Monroe Wesleyan church. I know it one time he was a part of the church but what he told me that day, I will never forget!

Without skipping a beat Ben shared with me an incredible backstory. I watched as his eyes filled with tears! He simply stated, "I almost didn’t do it!"

Leaning in a little closer as Ben began to quietly tell me how embarrassed he was to tell me the rest of the story. He told me about how the pastor wanted to provide additional income for a large family that were new to the church. he told me how the pastor wanted to fund the additional need for paying our family the additional income we would receive. "It wasn’t much money, " he said, "but, I refused to do it." all these many years later I had no idea. Neither did I even think about where the money came from to pay a simple salary for the work we were doing at the church. Sometimes you just take things for granted I thought, as he shared his involvement in my life, even before I was born.

Ben continued, "The pastor needed someone to give an extra $25 a week to help support a custodial service." He told me that even though it wasn’t much money, at first he refused. With tears in his eyes he told me that the Lord convicted him that he ought to give the extra money.  Looking me in my water-soaked eyes,  he said, "Look at what my small investment did." He continued, "I often think about it. I almost said no to God and almost didn’t do it!"

In an instant and at that very moment, I realized that someone (and that someone was sitting right in front of me) made an investment in me and my family that have benefited ever since! Quietly and anonymously he responded to God and shared what he knew he could not keep, to make an eternal investment.

Several years later, I sat at a church service which was Ben’s funeral. I reflected on these incredible moments he and I shared over a bow of ice cream, when I discovered what just one person could do to make an eternal difference in the many!

His words burn deep in my heart today, "I almost didn’t do it." I’m so glad that he invested something that I couldn’t earn. His investment is something I cannot pay back. He did this so that I could receive the incredible gift of eternal life!

For me, it’s convicting that every day I want to make sure that I can say yes to what the Lord is asking me to do. I wonder how many have said no and have missed out on the incredible opportunity to see their investment grow in the lives of others. Next time that the Lord prompts your heart to proceed, I hope that you, like me, can echo the words, "I almost didn’t do it!" Instead, you will celebrate because others will hear those incredible words echoed throughout all eternity, "Well done!"

Period - New Paragragh! How Technology Is Impacting Us.

You’ve been there! You get on the phone to make an important phone call only to leave voicemail messages with nearly every call. I hope that people will call me back but it seems as though fewer and fewer people actually will. There’s no question that they receive your voicemail but in this technological age, people seem to be inundated with messages of all types.

So, I make those phone calls and, as is often the case, I forget that I’m leaving a voicemail and think that speaking talk-to-text, my verbal words become odd messages. Just as I come to the conclusion of my message, I will often say, "period" or "new paragraph". Just like that, I want to retract those words because the person hearing that voicemail is undoubtedly going to laugh. Or, at least I hope so. If they could see my face they would undoubtedly see an instant red-faced embarrassment. The emoji would be hilarious.

We are conditioned by the electronic environment. Just as new Apple iPhone is released we recognize that we are far from escaping the use of technology in our every day life. Study, after study seems to indicate that we are never more connected and yet disconnected from one another than we have ever been. We can find ourselves attempting to adapt to the new ways of doing things that is equally limiting our relational well-being.

We are incorporating more and more of technology into our every day life. It’s in everything including our cars, our home appliances, our televisions, our telephones, and, unbelievably, even in our medicines and medical procedures. I read recently that surgeries are now being done by robotic instruments and can be completed by a surgeon hundreds of miles away from the patient.

We are making the excuse that we are more efficient and therefore effective. I have to ask, are we?
Nothing really replaces the human connection. Ever since we were created by a loving God, we become dependent upon that deeply physical, human and interpersonal connection. There’s just something about being human that requires the personal touch and interpersonal connection.

Have you ever been in the room crowded with people and yet feeling all alone? Many do! I remember attending a meeting and having to laugh quietly to myself, because everyone was on their cell phone and no one was interacting with any one else! Though the room was crowded with people and there were plenty of opportunities to interact in a very personal way everyone was on their mobile device!

Studies are showing that with all of this technology, and it is particularly impacting the millennial generation and those younger, that we are forgetting the etiquette of human interaction. Even in the middle of a conversation we are tempted to pull out our cell phones and check for messages. It’s a terrible habit! I know for me, I have tried to form a new discipline of putting away my cell phone when I come home from work. I make every effort to keep my tethering devices away for me so that I can interact "humanly"; that is to be human – like, tethered to people interactions.

I have sat in church and have observed often how many people are on their cell phones, doing all sorts of things instead of interacting with those around them or even the sermon being preached. I too, admittedly, am guilty as well. I once saw someone on their iPad with earbuds in his ears watching a full-length motion picture movie as the pastor spoke. Perhaps he was multitasking but I would bet that he could not pass a written exam about what was shared by the pastor.

Let me share with you four simple words that hopefully, as you incorporate this in your life, you will become much more tethered to human interactions than ever before.


1. Disconnect. Stop what you are doing! Put the phone down. Back away from the screen. Your first step in becoming humanly is to unplug.

You might think that this is simple but it’s not easy. I don’t mean to imply that this is the cure-all to the symptoms that are causing you to feel less human. It’s only one step toward developing personal and human-like. Break away from being conditioned to always think that what is in your hand, that little tool of technology, is your answer to feeling alive.


2. Feel. Second step is to be present; that means to feel. You have seen people who are so caught up with reading their messages that  they have no idea what is happening around them. They are sitting in a crowded café yet all alone in a world of isolation.
In order to feel you’ll have to listen and respond appropriately. You will have to look at somebody in the eye and to feel what they are feeling; to listen to what they are saying. You can’t do that without writing many adjectives to describe what you are attempting to say in print. When you’re in the room, with someone, you will have to feel.


3. Re-engage. The third one makes sense. It’s about plugging into human interaction that is both physical and personal. It is not only setting aside electronic distractions and beginning to feel but it also means to engage with someone. I call it, re-engage.

As you connect with others you are forced to exchange words and ideas. As you interact, you are thinking and feeling your way through a conversation. As you re-engage, you are finding fulfillment in that moment and in that space. There are so many times when we have knowledge of things with very little understanding of how to incorporate that knowledge into our relationships with others. Technology gives us plenty of information but human interaction shows us how to use that information appropriately.


4. Act. What is it that compels you?  What is it that inspires you? What is it that causes you to take action? Recently I was sitting in a meeting with a group of individuals when someone shared a very personal story. It was the kind of story that would cause most people to immediately want to act. Interestingly, however, this group received the information but is if they had no emotional attachment simply dismissed the story and moved onto the next item on the agenda. I observed how many in the room seemed to be remarkably detached from that experience.

The fourth word that we need to understand is the word, act or take action. When we are interacting on a personal level with others and we are engaged in the conversation and we feel, we immediately want to take action. There’s something that is unique about being human that causes us to want to take action. Yet, could it be that because we are receiving so many messages with so much news that we are overwhelming ourselves to the point of becoming fatigued? It seems that in an instant but information will travel to electronic devices like our phones as simply information.

We are wired as human beings to respond to the needs of those around us. It is natural for us to have empathy and to be concerned rather than consumed by the amount of messages that our smart phones can produce.

In my line of work I talk to hundreds of people every month. I am either on the phone or sending emails and text messages and even making personal calls on people at their office. It is becoming much more clear to me that unless I invest myself into a personal relationship with people, that is to be humanly, I will be unable to convince anyone of what I have to offer them. I spoke once to a friend of mine who told me that at his office he receives at least ten interruptions a day from telephone calls to individuals stopping by asking for something. He’s come to a place where he has decided that unless he has a deep concern or interest in there cause or a deep interpersonal connection with the person that he is not likely to respond to their inquiry.

It seems as though everyone has something to sell or information to give rather than a willingness to invest themselves into a relationship that matters.

Since we are on information overload and likely dealing with technology fatigue, we have to disconnect in order to feel again so that we can humanly re-engage that stirs us to action. Ask yourself the following questions and if there is a yes to any one of them, I recommend that you need to take time off from technology.

When you receive bad news over your phone, is it just information to you?

When you are in a personal conversation or in a meeting with colleagues, are you tempted to check your messages on your mobile device?

Do you find it hard to put your phone away or turn it off when you get home?

Do you surf the web or scan your mobile device while in the room with others?

Do you place your phone on the table in front of you while meeting with others?

Do you take phone calls while having a conversation with someone else?

Do you sit in a café looking at your telephone or computer with little interaction with those around
you?

Did you answer yes to any of these questions? How many did you say yes to? The higher the number, the longer you should set technology aside. Technology is merely a tool. In the hand of the builder, you can develop linkage to others; you can regain your status as a human being.

Raise The Bar -- For God’s Sake!

Each day and every day each of us have the same opportunity. We are given the same amount of time, 86,400 seconds. These are moments that are fleeting by each and every day. These are opportunities, if given the opportunity can develop and foster into remarkable achievements, lasting memories, and an incredible impact.

I live in the country where seeing the sunrise and sunset provides a perfect venue because I can see the horizon so clearly. It’s not surprising that I take pictures of many sunrises and sunsets. Each display of colors are a remarkable expression of God‘s glory in His creation. For me, I am reminded and often overwhelmed by the incredible majesty on display in all of the shades and variations of color on display. While these are fleeting expressions, I try to capture something from those moments.

Our days are filled with moments just like those of a sunrise or sunset. Throughout the day we have incredible opportunities to represent the meaning of The Golden Rule. We have every opportunity to demonstrate what Christ meant when He told us to be good neighbors. As He delivered His Sermon on the Mount He spoke on many things including what we now refer to as The Golden Rule.

The Golden Rule was a supplemental teaching from the Old Testament way of life that stated an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Perhaps completing the teaching that clearly was one of retribution to a step beyond reciprocity. In fact, this teaching was so powerful that many cultures, over the centuries have adopted it’s precept in many societies that are healthy and carry the idea of reciprocating relationships.

Researcher and author, Jan Tullberg provides more of an insight and this teaching. See passages referenced from; Luke 6:31 respectively Matthew 7:12. 6 Luke 6:27-6:34.

As seen from the larger quote the context of the Golden Rule is an assertive altruistic argumentation for altruistic deeds and altruistic deeds only. The Golden Rule itself might give a reciprocal impression, but that is not in line with the content. The advice is to be altruistic and act according to the egoistic demands of the other. Tullberg, Jan (2012) "The Golden Rule of Benevolence versus the Silver Rule of Reciprocity," Journal of Religion and Business Ethics: Vol. 3 , Article 2. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/jrbe/vol3/iss1/2 

The author goes on to describe this as extraordinary benevolence that Jesus‘ teachings command. It’s not a tit-for-tat arrangement as we would normally find in a society based on reciprocity alone. The application is rather simple because it is a biblical and Christ-centered approach that sets the bar high, setting the standard on things above.

It’s not enough just to know that the idea exist but it is based on principles that exceed equality and law. It is above standard ethics and something that every Christian should represent.

One of the clearest examples of this is the success story of Chick-fil-A. S. Truett Cathy offered up the idea that is now a famous expression, "My Pleasure." This phrase is spoken by every employee and every opportunity they take in serving others. It is more than a company motto but it is a way of life. They offer quality at an above standard; raising the bar.

You have to imagine, if you are like me, what this would be like if every church, in every community, with every neighbor would offer these simple gestures of kindness. It’s not about responding in-kind but it’s about raising the standard and setting the bar. What if, instead of waiting for your neighbor to be nice to you, that you demonstrate kindness toward them?

Allow me to offer some suggestions and invite you to take on one simple act of caring benevolence toward another. Let me know how it goes.

• Purchase or bake a pie for your neighbor.
• Offer to do a simple chore for someone you know.
• Think of a tangible way you could assist someone in need.
• Complement your waitress service as she serves your meal
• Give not only a tip but an act of benevolence through extraordinary generosity.
• Extend a helping hand before you are called upon to do so.
• Ask your neighbor how you could pray for them and proceed to do that in their presence.
• Offer your tempered response with humility the next time you are asked for your opinion.
• Pay for the person’s coffee or a meal in line behind you at a drive-through restaurant.
• Take a favorite dessert for your coworkers to eat in the break room.
• Demonstrate an act of kindness to a stranger.
• Demonstrate humility to someone you know well.

The scripture says that we should do good works so that in our good efforts we are pointing to God so that He receives glory. (Read more on this from John Piper.) It will enhance our witness while also fully expressing what Jesus meant by The Golden Rule. (1 Peter 2:12)

Raise the bar for God’s sake!

What Happens When You Share The Plan of Salvation?

I knew it was something that I should do but I was rather frightened by the prospect. My love for Christ compelled me to act, but I hesitated, believing that I needed to wait. After being stirred up in my spirit during breakfast with my friend, I took a big gulp, calmly took a deep breath, I  proceeded to share my faith and a biblical plan of salvation with my friend. Believe me, it was not an easy task, at first. Eventually, however, I found the conversation to be uplifting and I could see that my friend was responding well to our conversation. Norm was not easy to talk to you about spiritual matters.

Even though Norm and I worked together for weeks, making repairs at the small church I was pastoring. Norm knew how to make repairs and renovations and I supplied the labor. He simply told me what to do. He was not interested in "churchy things" as he would often say. He was a man that drove a truck for a living and never backed-down from a fight. On one of his deliveries I tagged along and during the trip he was confronted by a threat as we drove through a large city in the roughest part of the area. I remember Norm saying something about being ready for a fight as he pulled out his revolver, waiving off the potential altercation.

Remembering this incident and knowing that Norm could potential get angry as his voice got louder as we sat at the restaurant for breakfast. Knowing this, created fear in my heart as I proceeded to recite Bible verses and weave in my testimony. I carefully shared with him because I wanted him to know the good news that I had experienced in Christ. Eventually the conversation led to a time of prayer and Norm prayed aloud (in fact, loud enough that everyone could hear him). He prayed a deep, sincere prayer asking for God's forgiveness which began a new life in Christ.

Sharing the plan of salvation is often a very difficult thing for people to do. There are many concerns, including feeling inhibited and afraid that somebody will counter their proposal with a question or a position that is hard to debate. You may be like I was year earlier as I pressed in on the subject with Norm. I felt fear and increased anxiety but eventually God responded in answer to my prayers.

I believe the three things happen when we share our faith with others, especially when the recipient responds favorably and may even receive Christ as their personal savior.


1. Your Faith is Strengthened.

It’s interesting how God chooses to use us to share the message of God's good news and at the same time strengthen our faith in the process. As we encounter difficult conversations, we learn more and more of God’s grace. While others may challenge our suppositions it causes us to dig deeper to find the answers. In this process, our faith deepens.

God also gave me courage and strength to speak to Norm. In every situation I have found God developing me and deepening my own faith. As we depend on God for help, He always provides. He gives us wisdom to share the hope we have with others.

I often think about my experiences over the years as building blocks for later opportunities to share my faith. I have come to believe that as I depend on God to help me that He has always been faithful. I have been able to share my faith and a biblical plan of salvation with hundreds of people over the years. (Read more from 1 Peter 1:23-25.)


2. Hope is Released.

We know that it is the work of the Holy Spirit and not of man that people come to faith in Jesus Christ. We recognize that we are merely an instrument, a mouthpiece, and an example that God chooses to use to bring others to faith. In the moment we share our faith and testimony, I find that hope is released. I see it on the face of those I share with. I find that people are looking for answers and longing for hope, and God always delivers.

What can occur, if we share God's message, is that Hope is released. We know that the gospel message is good news and we also know that the Holy Spirit is at work. If our messages one of love, not condemnation we will discover that hope is released on others who hear this good news. There of been many times that I’ve seen it on the faces of others as this message of love and concern is shared. We find that often, the Holy Spirit is already at work in the life of another.

Our message should be shared through love and this message will produce a hope. Eventually hope will not disappoint. Hope becomes the reality of others as we share His good news.  (Read more from 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17.)


3. God Receives His Glory.

There is a third, extraordinary thing that happens as we share our faith. Not only does it strengthen our faith and it brings hope in the life of another. Yet, there is one more thing that happens. God receives glory while all of heaven rejoices!

The ironic thing is that what really matters in evangelism is that God is glorified. It matters most that what we share with others and what other experience through hope originate with God. It is His message! Sharing our faith has very little to do with us and, it doesn’t matter whether our message is received or rejected in the process. The message we carry is not our own, though the Lord does allow us to use our story as a testament of this good news.

It is likened to a musician. The violinist may be exceptional in their art. They may even offer beautiful music to those that listen. Yet, in reality is is not the art of the music or the appreciation one may have for such incredible music. It is actually in the instrument and it's creator. The careful craftsmanship of the violin and it's design point to the creator. It is to the applause of the creator that the artist and the instrument perform. It was designed to bring glory to the creator.

As we allow God to use us to share the message of God and we see the hope that is realized in others which also points to God, we find that God is glorified while all of heaven is rejoicing.  As we share this good news, we are doing what we were created to do!  We point to God, the creator and God is glorified which causes all of heaven to rejoice! Just as Jesus describes this as illustrated that the shepherd leaves the 99 to rescue the 1. (Read more in Luke 15:3-7.)

Back to the story of Norm that I shared with you earlier. I often wonder how I would’ve felt had I not shared my testimony and God's word with him. I can't imagine what regret I could have felt has I not pushed passed my fear to bring hope to Norm. I was able to say to Norm that he would see his grandson, whom he loved deeply, again in heaven on day. As Norm held a picture of his grandson he prayed a simple prayer for faith and God delivered what He promises.

Stained Glass Windows at God's House, Marion

It was to everyone's surprise that Norm made dramatic changes in his life. It was clear to everyone that he was different. He came to church that following Sunday wearing a new suit. He was different. He carried a smile and walked a little taller. He was making careful inspection of his life and began to make a difference. I recall receiving a phone call from Norm on the date of his wedding anniversary. He was never happier as he told me that he was a new man and this anniversary was going to be different.

That phone call was the last one I had with Norm. Just a few days earlier he and I found a new day in our relationship. It was a powerful experience that has forever changed how I minister today. It was a miracle both for me as well as for him. To everyone's surprise, within a few days of Norm coming to know the Lord he suffered a massive heart attack and died on his anniversary.

I often think that had I not shared my faith with him at that time he would’ve gone into eternity without a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. That day forever changed my life and I was able to lead his funeral giving the good news of the eternal hope Norm experienced through salvation. (Read more from Philippians 2:7-11.)

I won't let a day go by without somehow planting seeds for Christ. It may be in my actions, or in my conversations, or through my faith that I plant seeds. Why?  I want to bring God glory, this is the purpose of why I was created. I want to reflect the craftsmanship of my creator. 

See more: Revive Motivates Us To Evangelism.

What If The Church Got Involved in Foster Care?

Just imagine, for just a few moments what could happen as churches get involved. What if, your church got involved in the lives of those in foster care and adoption? I don’t mean just promoting and encouraging people to get licensed to provide the care of our most vulnerable children in their homes. As good as that is, what if this became a ministry of the local church? What if, one out of every other church took a sincere interest in the lives of children and youth through foster care? What if, a church came along side every foster parent and provided support and a break through mentoring and other activities?

Church is the right place for this kind of ministry. We can not deny the biblical evidence of the role the church should play in this ministry! We only need to look up Orphan in the Bible dictionary to read the about the high importance the God places in those most vulnerable!

There are over 400,000 children throughout the United States that are in foster care and adoption ready. The church could have a profound impact on the very lives of the next generation! The need is great and the message is clear, as Francis Chan teaches on the book of James, saying, What if, (paraphrased) every church in the United States took an interest in one child, we could end this statistic. Read more.

There are several reasons that the church could make a profound impact on the lives of such a precious natural resource, our children and youth.

1. Mission-fit Ministry.

The Bible makes it clear that the Church has a responsibility to care for Orphans. In much of Western Culture the Orphan are not only those needing adopted but also those in Foster Care. This is "the church's next mission" as Dr. John DeGarmo suggests in his article of the same title.

Today’s churches have a tremendous mission opportunity before them; the mission to help children in foster care. Sadly, with roughly 500,000 children in foster care in the United States, the need is so very strong. - DeGarmo

The church is a design that was formed out of the early book of Acts as a helping ministry (see Act 2). Beyond this, we find much of the mandate of the church is to love the world and care for the needy. 

2. Compassion Runs Deep.

The church is a place where compassion runs deeply (mostly). Not every church does this well but most do. When there is a national crisis or emergency, it is the church that steps up first and gives the necessary charity.

Still, religious people, those with at least some college education and families with college students were more likely to donate and to volunteer than everyone else.  American Generosity After Disaster.

The church is a front line of defense in the defense of the vulnerable. They are the organizations that have historically started more Orphan ministries, Hospitals, Social Services, and Justice Reform than others in the U.S. The very ethos of the church is a response to what the Bible has to say about compassionate ministries. The story of the Good Samaritan is a key to this ethos. The idea to love your neighbor as part of the Golden Rule is etched into it's very identity.  They read James 1:27 and take it to mean that they are to literally get involved in the needs of the Orphan.

3. Resources are Available.

Along with generosity is the idea of abundance. The church is filled with generous people yet, as an organization they are united to provide resources that can make a difference in it's mission. The Christian Church us filled with many ministry-minded objectives that are based on Jesus and His ministry of care and compassion yet we also see that they are resourceful. They have the ability to get involved.

Resources are vital in the care and cause of the most vulnerable. They have the ability to utilize their united calling. Dr. John DeGarmo, in his book, Faith and Foster Care, he documents how the church can respond to needs. He quotes Romans 12:6-8 and highlights the talents of people that make up the organization of the church. He outlines several ministries the church could easily get involved in and often lead to help the Orphan and those in Foster Care. He first of all states that prayer is foremost. He writes;

There are a number of ways a church can pray for a foster child and his foster family....A prayer team can also begin praying for the children even before he is placed into his foster home, praying that the transition is as smooth and as comfortable as possible. (Page 126)

The church has the capacity to understand prayer in response to the needs that there are in foster care.  They read passages from the Bible like Matthew 25:36-37 and immediately make the connection that serving the Orphan is likened to serving Christ. This becomes a key religious experience and practice for the church.

4. Preserving the Future.

In addition, the ministry to vulnerable children and youth involves everyone! The church recognizes that every generation needs to be impacted and be a world changer for Christ. Many, if not most churches have a children's ministry. If they don't they make this one of the first ministries they start!
They see their role as investors into the lives of others. The church is likened unto the Friends Church which saw the need of Orphaned children through Josiah White. He stated several ministries including White's Residential and Family Services to care for the most vulnerable. Today, this organization carried on his Will and testament to care for children and youth as Christ instructed his disciples. Jesus said to let the children come unto Himself (Matthew 19:14). More can be read here.

Therefore, what if is not just a phrase woven into this article asking us to think and dream of an active church in the ministry to the most vulnerable. It is lived out as a mission and purpose of existing. It is representing Christ in the ministry of the local church.

The following are three simple acts the church can do today in response to the needs of the most vulnerable; children and youth in Foster Care and Adoption Ministries.


A. Daily Prayer.

A healthy church prays.  The first line of defense for churches and it's community is prayer. The church can reach out to God in prayer on behalf of needs.  As a reminder of this, Dr. John DeGarmo says that, "Prayer is a powerful tool." (Pg 57) In his book, Faith and Foster Care, he cites John 15:7 that reads, "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."  Certainly the care of vulnerable children is in His Will.  It is what God expects us to do.  Just google "bible and orphan and see what I mean. In my case I was given over 13 million results of which one cited 41 Bible versus about Orphans.


B. Demonstrated Care.

The Bible, as the guidebook for the church offers hundreds of ideas on ministry and most prominent is the ministry to widows and orphans. Yes, these two social groups are tied together. Perhaps it is because those are the groups that often has no rights and were most vulnerable in every community. This is not much different today.

The church can demonstrate in relevant and practical ways. There is something everyone can do to affect change.

The church can meet the needs of the foster child without it even costing them anything!  The people of the church can get involved in hundreds of ways to help demonstrate the love of God to those in need. Dr. John DeGarmo offers one of many ideas. He simply says we can bring "HOPE. A future. As a foster parent, you have the potential of bringing a future home to a child." (Pg 47)

He further offers a simple, yet effective way to demonstrate God's love. He writes;

"Are you aware that hundreds of thousands of foster children have never had a present to open on Christmas Day? This reality alone makes me sad. To think that a child is sitting in a home, right now, on his birthday, and there is no one who will sing "Happy Birthday" to him, no cake or ice cream party, no presents with his name on them, no one to make him feel special." (Pg 47)

C. Devoted Concern.

The final idea that I want to express is that no one may even think about the plight of an Orphaned child or a child in Foster Care. That is until a church decides to devote just a little bit of concern. I speak in churches all the time and everyday I speak to pastors. I know that the majority of those I connect with have not even given the slightest thought in recent days of the plight of a vulnerable child. Ministry is just too busy for people to think about every need that there is.

I am not raising this concern because I want to make people feel guilty. It is a fact that unless someone tell them, they will not know. Many have a misunderstanding of the issues of Foster Care. See my article on the Myths of Foster Care. Unless they hear someone talk about it or see advertisement, they will not likely even think about those whom Jesus cared for most. I can prove that Jesus thought of the needs of vulnerable children. In John 3 we find Jesus using children as an example of His Kingdom. He could have likened this to anything but when he spoke of His Kingdom, He spoke of children. He even helps us to understand (as does the Apostle Paul) that we too are adopted into His Kingdom. We become His child.

I offer that the church should have Foster Care and adoption ministries woven like a thread in all they do around the world as well as in their neighborhood.

I like what Dr. Krish Kandiah said at the Global Leadership Conference regarding ministry to those in Foster Care or Adoption; "As leaders, we are called to see potential in people when others only see problems, hope when others see chaos, opportunities when others see obstacles." Some may say that this ministry is hard and complex but I say, as quoted from Edgar Allan Poe; "Never to suffer would never to have been blessed."

These are the options before the church. We should and can get involved so that we too can have a greater understanding of the love and grace of Christ who adopted us into His Kingdom. 

You Forgot Your Tequila!

I was awakened early one morning by my wife. "What’s going on?" I asked her. She was startled by the electronic device that monitored the tethering device of one of our foster teens. She was concerned and shared that One of our foster daughter’s had run away, setting off the device. I assured her that it wasn’t likely but, perhaps she stepped just outside. The device seemed indicate that she was nearby the house.

I told my wife that I would just take a peek outside and call her in. As I stepped outside wearing my traditional, yet modest pajamas I was surprised at what I discovered. Through the quiet echo of whispers, I peered into the dark to discover that there were quite a few other teens that gathered just outside our home. I think that I startled them as much as they startled me. To all of our surprise, I ran toward them! They scattered in six different directions, setting off neighborhood spotlights and even surprising the dogs in the neighborhood.

Coming to my senses, I suddenly remembered that they must’ve driven and park their car nearby. Upon further investigation, sure enough, I found their car. I also found some of the alcohol that they left behind. After getting our foster daughter into the house I proceed to taunt to them from their car. I shouted into the woods, loud enough for them to hear, "You can come out now, it’s a long walk home!"

After a while, my little game lacked the fun. On my way back to the house, suddenly the car roared with enthusiasm as they made their escape. Holding the bottle of tequila that they left behind, I turned to chase the car. Yelling and shaking the bottle of tequila I begin to yell, "You forgot your tequila! You forgot your tequila!" Again, coming to my senses, I begin to hear the faint echo of my wife’s whispers as she said, "The neighbors are watching you!"

Through that experience we felt as if we had failed somehow. Our efforts and desire was to help foster teen girls maintain good conditions and seek improvements to their situation. Our home was considered the last stop before the Department of Corrections. Many of the girls knew this yet, maintained at-risk behaviors.

Early the next day the inevitable did occur. It was clearly a violation of the rules of probation and She was going to be relocated. Our hearts sank as she packed up her belongings to move to the juvenile youth home. That location provided more security and supervision, being that it was a lockdown facility. We maintained a connection as best we could but eventually we were only reading headlines.

One such headline that caught our attention was in the form of a phone call. Someone called to inform us that a tragic event had occurred and one of our former foster daughter’s family. (Eventually, she did return home where this tragedy had occurred.) Sparing you the details let me get to the story. I was immediately caught up in the drama and drove to the nearby hospital where she had been taken. I learned that she suffered to gunshot wounds to the head, while others in her family were severely impacted as well. Her father ended up taking his own life thinking that he had completed his dreadful act.

The bright spot in all of this tragic series of events was that Our foster daughter’s injuries did not do severe damage. In fact, she was out of the hospital within days, some incredible miracle. Unfortunately, her siblings we’re not as fortunate. One dead, others recovering from severe injuries.

A few years passed and we continued to take in foster teens. We often thought about our opportunity to foster at-risk girls and we did our best to try to keep up with happenings in her life. Eventually, however we had lost touch.

One morning, my fellow minister and I got together for breakfast. We talked about the ministry and the opportunities we have in life to be light and salt in our world. We would get together on occasion to share about our ministry experiences and offer insights and accountability. We talked about how often we plant seeds that we never know what could develop.

Often I’m reminded even today, that the problem is never the sower nor the seed. We know that the soil comes in different forms. Yet, we believe that God‘s word never returns void and his love is eternal. I believe that our role in doing foster care was to plant seeds. Through appropriate love and simple acts of kindness we were able to make a difference in the lives of others. The issues and life circumstances are always different in those that we attempt to care for. We never know just what God is up to as we remain faithful to our Calling and ministry.

As me and my friend finished our meal, as often was our practice, we prayed to uplift each other in our ministry. We argued over who would pay the check but, in this instance, I had won that fight.
As I took out my wallet and begin to handover my payment for breakfast, a voice from my past whispered to my hearing. The voice came from a young woman, "Pastor Rick, do you remember me?" Looking up, and to my surprise stood a young woman. My mind immediately connected and which I responded, "Yes! How are you doing?"

We exchanged a few words and the update was so refreshing to me as she shared with me. This was a new job for her and she was still learning but we were both happy she was scheduled today because we were able to reconnect. I cannot get over how mature she appeared. I complemented her and gave her a few updates of my own.

As we ended our conversation, much too quickly, she startled me by her next question, "May I give you a hug?" I was never more blessed because in that moment, everything that we had hoped for in her seem to be realized in that fleeting moment. I responded quickly, "Of course you can." I continued, "You will have to give me two hugs because I’ve got to take one home with me to give to Cindi."

Sometimes the Lord allows us a glimpse of what He is up to in the lives of others. I’ve often heard it said, and it has become a life quote for me, "You impress people from a distance but you impact them up close." In our efforts to care for others we want to make an impact that has eternal consequences, bringing hope and transformation in their lives. We are merely passing on the  blessings that God has given to us in the form of a glorious seed that God will nurture and develop.

Our role is to be faithful and little and allow God to produce a great harvest.

Revival Motivates Us To Evangelism.

If you read my last two entries on the subject of revival, you will learn the definition of revival and the impact on the church. Today, I want to share with you a third article related to revival. This time, I believe that an additional benefit to revival as well as the inclusion of others includes evangelism.

In biblical terms, Evangelism is proclaiming the coming of the Lord. (Luke 10) It is illustrated by the Parable of the Sower. (Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, and Luke 8:4-15) We can understand the impact of this as we read the book of Acts.

Stained Glass of the Sower at
God’s House, Marion

Revival is the what that creates the how that develops the who to meet the spiritual needs of everyone in your community. Let me break that down.


1. The What.

Revival is the work of God that makes our faith real. The result of God’s presence stirs the church to be renewed; some may say, "set a fire." Whatever the metaphor or illustration, we can sense God’s presence in new ways. Revival draws us to the heart of God. It is what happens as people seek God.

ReviveIndiana is a group that is positioned to lead the church and community in revival. Their three values they look for as they come into a community include: Hunger, Humble, and Unity. (I like to think of it as H2U.)

These three values help define the tone and depth of readiness. As we include these values into community, we can find the ingredients that help us discern so that the next steps can be taken.

I have observed that in every community, there are many different churches. Even in the smallest town, there are usually two or more. This is a good thing but especially if there is cooperation on Spiritual matters; on the essentials of our faith.

In my early years in pastoral ministry I lived in Elkhart, Indiana. I got involved in a community initiative called, March for Jesus. Helping to lead this initiative provided me with an interesting insight. I saw how churches came together under the unified banner of Jesus. Internationally, it was a tremendous witness as we worshipped from the rising of the sun to it’s setting.

The what is revival that is community-wide. March for Jesus was one expression of revival. It brought a renewed and meaningful expression of renewal.


2. The How.

The strategy of God at work becomes the how. God has a plan and calls upon His people to act. I can remember many times developing strategies with teams of people that falls outside of the purpose of the initiative. We can create a lot of work for ourselves that’s unnecessary.

However, as we come to understand God‘s purpose and mission, we further gain a deeper understanding of just how he endeavors to work. God chooses to use us in ways that are developed through his Spirit and by our giftedness. Sometimes we wait to plan and sometimes we plan on waiting but neither are good options when it comes to how God chooses to plan. Certainly, there is a timetable and we must do our best to find out what that is but we should always be inclined to act as God spirit directs.

Sunflower grown in my
home backyard.

Details come together as people work together. The conversation goes from pointing fingers at others to hands of involvement, bringing our talents and spiritual gifts together. When done right, the question is never on scarcity but one of abundance! We find that reaching the who is much easier! The harvest is ready for the those that gather to work together in bringing in others needing discipled.

It is likened to a sunflower. Though it can start as just one seed, it produces many, many more.



3. The Who.

The who are those that God wants to reach. They are the harvest that is ready. In fact, it is a "white harvest." It is defined as a white harvest. "a harvest when the ground is white from hoarfrost: a late  harvest." (Merriam-Webster) Consider reading this article related to white harvest.

Evangelism is not just an outflow of a movement that God is working. It is a lifestyle that is transformed by God. It is demonstrated by our desire to share our faith of Christ with everyone we meet.

I like to imaging this part of the movement as blessing others. It is one beggar showing other beggars where to find bread! That is the bread of life, Jesus. This is optimistic and hope-filled. This draws others. This returns an abundance from our investment.

Evangelism is about sharing our faith, through testimony but, most importantly, through the Word of God. Acts of service is in-part but our works must include the Word of God.

The sower and the seed are never the problem. It is the soil where it falls. It is the soil that is prepared and carefully cultivated that can produce best results.

Bottom line: Revival is what we should pray for and seek, which leads to how God chooses to work, in and through us, which always leads to who He wants to reach! The question remaining is when? That is ultimately up to you! Remember, He said that the fields are "white harvest" ripe and ready for you.

Will you participate?

My Rejection Therapy With a Purpose List!

Recently I heard an inspiring message given by Jia Jiang who spoke at the Global Leadership Summit on rejection. His powerful and funny message is so very helpful. Watch his Ted Talk. His talk challenged his listeners to take a dare to be rejected. In doing this we can learn to cope with rejection. I am impressed and inspired so I am creating a few of my own. I call my list, "couragiosity". It is both courageous and curious. 

Over the years I have taken risks and plugged into the unknown. In ministry and for the sake of others, I have attempted to overcome my fears and reach many who are have been forgotten in society. Though, I am not the most courageous person, I have made efforts to do the unusual. I have been known to do challenging things, almost like taking a dare. I am not talking about doing dangerous stunts, nevertheless I found myself in unusual places. Taking risks can be purposeful, if you dare to care about other's needs.

Let me share a few daring efforts I have done over the years. You might call these items "Rejection Therapy with a purpose!"

1. Going to jail and prisons. I’ve come to enjoy the ministry of going beyond prison bars to reach people who are often forgotten.

2. Eating a meal with inmates prepared over prison cell toilet. Others thought I was crazy when I sat down to share a meal at the Chowchilla Correctional facility in California. When I said down with a group of ladies who were sharing their commissary meal together, I decided to join them. While I was eating they told me how the meal was made by gathering together different items and cooking it over an open toilet in their prison cell.

3. Walking into a home of drug dealers. I was used to going into the inner-city to mentor at risk youth. On one such occasion I walked into the house only to be met by quite a few gang members who are sorting out drugs and guns. We scared each other! After I explained that I was a pastor they escorted me to the right home of the at risk youth that I was wanting to meet up with.

4. Having a gun drawn on me. The story will take more time than necessary but let me just simply summarize to say that when you decide to confront somebody for the wrong doing you just never know what could happen. After talking to man out of shooting me I was able to pray with him. Let’s just say that my wife was not too happy when I told her the details.

5. Being a CASA. Thousands of people are court appointed special advocates in the court systems for at-risk children. I’m not that unusual to have been involved in looking out for the needs of children in the court room. I’m on my friends however, very few have participated.

6. Being a foster care parent. Each and every day there are incredible needs of children and youth being placed in Foster Care. While there are risks, There are great rewards. We did foster care for eight years for at-risk youth.

7. Serving the homeless. Connecting one on one with homelessness is something that many people avoid. Over the years I have come to enjoy meeting the needs of such people. You could imagine that many are intimidated by the overwhelming needs.

8. Picking up hitch-hikers. There were many times that I saw this as an opportunity to engage in the relationships of those I provide transportation for. My wife wasn’t always thrilled that I was giving rides to complete strangers and especially having my young children in the car with me. Sometimes taking a risk is rewarding when you think about meeting the needs of others.

9. Ringing the Salvation Army Red Kettle Bell. It really doesn’t sound that difficult yet there are so many who are intimidated by this simple act. You come across a lot of strangers and you gee strange looks yet this is such a worthy cause be involved in.

10. Praying aloud publicly with strangers. Perhaps it’s because I like people that I find it easier than most to chat with complete strangers. Many struggle to develop conversations with them. I’d like to take it one step further and offered to pray for people, even if they are complete strangers. It takes a little bit more boldness to do this but it’s well worth it.

It’s interesting to note that the more times that I practice these habits how much easier it is to do them in the future. The first few times I can recall how uncomfortable I felt but over time I found strategies that made it easier.

Here is my new list of the top 10 risks I plan to take in the coming months. You can call these  "Rejection Therapy with a purpose." Or, as I have already said, "couragiosity".

1. Asking a pilot if I can fly their airplane! Besides being afraid of heights and only flown in a small plane one other time, this makes me very nervous. I have flown commercial on large jets with ease. Little pints make me sick. Having the courage to ask a seasoned pilot if I could fly his plane makes me really nervous.

2. Choose to stay the night at a local homeless shelter. Sleeping in the barracks-style dorm with homeless people will take a great deal of courage.

3. Take the challenge from DareMe.com. I can’t wait to take a look at some of the incredible opportunities before me, I dare myself to take a leap

4. Hold up a cardboard sign on the street corner reading, "Give $1 for the homeless!" We’ve all seen them standing outside of the grocery stores in on street corners holding up signs. I wonder what this will feel like!

5. Ask a farmer if I could drive his combine tractor. Driving large farm equipment is very intimidating. Equally intimidating is asking the farmer that you don’t really know if you can drive his farm equipment.

6. Going to my local Dunkin’ Donuts and asking for a free dozen of donuts so that could give them away to patrons in the store. I’m pretty sure they’re asking for donuts will be easy but giving them away to complete strangers may be a little weird.

7. Knocking on several neighborhood doors of complete strangers asking if I could display a yard sign in their yard about foster care.

8. Post on Facebook & other social media asking if people would be willing to ....

9. Ask a police official if they would lock me up in a jail cell for one night.

10. Asking people during church service to write down three items they dare me to do and then do as many as I can - legally!

Taking a dare can be challenging. It stretches your comfort zones and deepens your experiences. I am not always willing to take on new challenges but as I do I find that it gets easier. As I take on the "Rejection Therapy" challenge I want to do it with purpose. The growth I experience will hopefully be a positive experience in others.

6° of Separation: Making The Most Important Connection!

We’ve all heard the theory about 6° of separation. Invented in 1929, the commonly known concept says that we are six or fewer connections away from meeting key relationships. Check out this history here. Even  more impressive is the popular game called, "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon."

Today, I want to focus this blog entry on the concept of 6° of separation but with a bit of a twist. From a spiritual standpoint, there is something to be gained as we consider how we can connect with the greatest of relationships, God the Creator of the universe. Of course, this relationship is simple. It is through prayer, but, there’s more to it than just the religious action of folding our hands and closing our eyes.

Follow along with me on a journey to a personal connection that we all can experience through 6° of separation. In truth, we may want to even say 6° to making an incredible connection with the incredible God!

I’m a connector. One of the traits that I’m known for is networking and making connections with others. I enjoy building relationships with new people and even more, having the opportunity to deepen those relationships in a significant way. I like to think that I have a desire to bring something into the relationship, not just take something away.

In the work that I do now, I am continually reaching out to pastors and ministry leaders for the sake of connecting foster children with loving homes. At times, I have the opportunity to take the relationship deeper as children and youth are fostered and adopted into loving homes. Perhaps in the same way, we too can become adopted into a loving eternal family, God’s family.

How does that happen? How is it that we can become a part of the incredible inheritance that God has for us?

Romans 8:17
And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

The Bible talks about adoption through so many examples in the Old Testament and a significant theological understanding throughout the New Testament. It’s impossible to fully understand this until we have recognized that we are abandoned and that God, through his infinite love, has brought us into his family.

Romans 8:15 reads; So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."

Let’s take a journey as I share with you the 6° of separation; principally speaking, those things which bring your connection with God closer!


1° For All Have Sinned.

Something happened and it wasn’t our fault. It happened long before you and I entered the world as we know it today. It was a decision that was made by those who God created in which we are now descendants of many generations later.

You may think to yourself that it’s not fair but the effects of sin are all around us nevertheless. The decision of one couple, Adam and Eve who sharing in the blame of a terrible decision to disobey the perfect order God had established for them in a wonderful garden.

Before you become self-righteous we should realize that we likely would have made a similar decision. The choice was before them which impacted countless generations leading up to our very own. The world is now broken and there is brokenness in every aspect of this world including the family.

Romans 3:23
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

It’s a realization that we must accept. In fact, it is our current reality. Just look around or read any newspaper headline and it’s unavoidable. Soon this generation. This world is broken. It’s not even God‘s fault because the decision was made that broke his plan and also his heart.


2° I Sin.

You’re just like me. We compare ourselves  with others to find a way to justify who we are. We may even say that we’re not as bad as someone else. We compare ourselves to those that have murdered or those who are purely evil and say that we are better than "those kind of people."

That maybe true that we do things better, but it doesn’t, by any means, make us righteous. We too sin. Each and every day we may find ourselves tempted in-which results in sinful actions in thought or in deed.

Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus   our Lord.

As we personalize this theology, we look at ourselves in the mirror and recognize the sin in our lives. If we humble ourselves and recognize this it will bring us one step closer to the relationship and connection we long for.


3° The Gift of God.
A cruel creator would’ve left us in this state of disconnection and chaos. We would’ve been abandoned. Yet, God our Creator did not. He worked at developing a way to restore this relationship. He came up with a plan B.

Romans 5:8
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Throughout the old testament he called out to average people to communicate His message of love and restoration. He chose leaders and prophets and kings in order to get His message across. He created a system of sacrifice through the priest in order to pay for their transgressions. He went so far as to send His only begotten son to pay the price for our sin.
We all like to receive gifts but it is ironic that so many of us try to take care of this sin problem ourselves. The gift that God offers can take care of the sin problem as well as the sins we commit. The journey doesn’t end here.

4° Confess.
Along with humility is an action we need to take that I call submission. We need to be submissive to the point of confession. We need to recognize the importance of confession. By confessing that we are born into sin and that we also practice sin, we then start the process of reconciliation. We have a need we cannot solve by ourselves.
We need to begin by recognizing that we have needs, and that gets us to the place of knowing that the solution is beyond ourselves.

Ephesians 2:8-9
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a  gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

Consider the following. You are in a relationship with someone who loves you, and you love them. If you do something to offend them, you will not hesitate to confess your offense with a simple phrase, "I am sorry." We do this because we value the relationship. We don’t want something to get in the way of our connection. Similarly, we don’t mean to create a separation in relationships. We try to build the connection because we know that building connections are key to all relationships.


5° Receive.
I love birthdays and Christmas. It doesn’t have to be my special day; I enjoy watching the excitement others experience when they open an unexpected gift. Recently my daughter graduated from college. She attended Indiana Wesleyan University. On graduation, she brought a gift for the President, Dr. David Wright. It was a graduation that occurred on graduation day! Watch how the President responded here.

Romans 10:9
If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Gifts are personal and unique. They are given with an expectation of any return on receiving a gift. I enjoy being involved in foster care and adoption. It is like receiving a gift when children feel connected. Even more when they are adopted!

The message of salvation in Christ (being connected to God in grace) is about being adopted. We receive His gift of love and belonging. As we understand that we are orphans or as we are fatherless, we realize that belonging to Him is a gift! If we receive His love, we are receiving a gift of eternal life.


6° Rejoice in Telling Others!
How would you respond if you won a contest? What if you accomplished a significant challenge like a marathon race? What if you won $1 million through the Publisher’s Clearinghouse? You would tell someone, wouldn’t you? You would post this on Facebook or Instagram. You want everyone to know.
In this journey of 6-degrees you come to a place when this new-found faith be one personal and real. It is so exciting to us to know that we are adopted; we belong.

Matthew 28:18-20
Jesus came and told his disciples, "I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth.  Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the  Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

As we discover belonging to God’s Kingdom, we naturally tell others. As we find this new family, we call the family of God; we tell others. Our joy in this connection causes us to let others know.
I am always finding ways to to share my faith! You could say that because of what I realize God has done in my life I want others also to have the realization of this profound difference he can make in their lives as well.

Each of these may be considered steps toward a personal relationship with God, the creator. As we develop further our relationship in faith, I am reminded of Philippians 1:11. It’s a verse that reminds me that there is fruit from my relationship with him. We call this salvation.

Philippians 1:11 -- May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation--the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ--for this will bring much glory and praise to God. 

What Fostering Teens Taught Me!

Our motives were pure enough. We reason that we could make a difference if we opened our home to foster children. We believed that we could make a difference in the lives of foster children and teens. What we discover, however, is that they teach us so much more!

You might call me naïve. I had little knowledge and lots of idea about making a difference. You, like me, thought that what we had to offer was far better, but in reality, humility is more important.
Let me share a few ways that foster teens have contributed in my life.

1. Don’t take my blessings for granted.

It didn’t matter any experiences I’ve ever had before. Each foster teen we had reminded me how blessed I am. Having had similar issues growing up, I thought that I knew enough to relate. In all reality, I discovered that my circumstances were a blessing in comparison.

Most foster parents are well intended as they take children and youth into their home. Most of us believe that we have something to offer. Well, this is true, but it is only part of the story. We learn very quickly, just how blessed we were by comparison. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we were better but that our experience pales in comparison to the circumstances of many foster children. Our life experience has only taught us in-part, but if we listen, we can gain so much more.

2. Being resilient is a strength.

Children and youth who enter into foster care are amazing people. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to go from moments of confusion and fear only to be placed in the home of another stranger. No matter how well we prepare to receive a child or teenager into our house, nothing can make a child for that experience.

The statistics reveal that children who enter into foster care early in life may be in over ten placements throughout their young life. They develop skills that none of us can relate to unless we have experienced this ourselves. Not even those that have moved around a lot like military kids can relate. Foster children are entering into a strange and new experience on a regular basis.

One of the things that foster children develop over time is resilience. Along with being cynical and frustrated, and even fearful, children develop this trait over time. It helps them to cope with surprises.  They may have trouble bonding and relating and also entering into "table talk" around the dinner table. These may seem like weaknesses, but in reality, they have learned to become resilient. Resilience is defined as the ability to "withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions."

We might even call it shell-shocked as we think about it from a military expression. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is often the by-product of these critical incidents in their lives. Children not only face neglect and abuse at home but even being placed in the loving, caring home environment of a foster parent can be traumatic. It’s hard to put yourself in their shoes, but you would likely respond in very similar ways. When children have to transition constantly, they come into a new environment like a foster home. You might think to yourself that you have one of the most loving and healthy environments, filled with all kinds of comforts, but for a child, or even a teen, it can be stressful.

Over the eight years that we did foster care for at-risk teens that we have in our home, we thought that if we bought their favorite food or bought them a nice outfit and even comfort blankets appropriate for the age, that this would solve everything. It is not like our children. As they came home from an exhausting day at school, a bowl of ice cream seems to make everything better. For foster children, it is not that simple.

I was so amazed as we would learn their story about how incredible these youth were. The foster teens were resilient.  Indeed, they react differently than my own children, but as I came to understand, this is a strength! They use their resilience for coping with change and out-of-control situations. As I saw this in them, the better I became as a foster parent. In fact, the better I grow as a person.

3. Defenses are self-protective responses.

This brings me to another topic that I have learned from foster teens in my home. Early on in my ministry with at-risk youth, who had been abused and severely neglected, I discovered that they have strong defenses. You might say that they created a shell around themselves.

Defenses are protective layers that are necessary to maintain mental stability and keep them from on-going abuse. Children and youth who have been abused will often carry this trait with them no matter how loving the environment can be where they reside. I write this knowing that I’m not a counselor nor a therapist by training, but my basic observation is that defenses are necessary until something can replace it that is healthy and wholesome.

Many of the girls that lived with us as foster teens had a little positive experience with men and often a very negative experience with their fathers. At first, I had very little understanding of why it was difficult for them to bond with me. I seemed like a likable guy, but often it was the fact that I was a man and my role that created the obstacle for them. Their defenses we're heightened, creating that hard shell.

Once I could recognize this, it helped me to become a better listener and softened posture and attitude. I had to learn how to be a better father figure. I didn’t have to always to be right. I didn’t have to always have an answer. I didn’t have to always be protective. I didn’t always have to be harsh. I learned, over time, that I could develop trust. This is something that I continue to work on in my life, but I certainly had several excellent teachers in those foster teens.

4. Time heals.

I could not fix what was broken. I don’t know what it is about men (and even women), but we tend to be fixers. Perhaps this is why any of us do foster care. We have customary about how we believe things can be repaired. I continue to learn this through the school of hard knocks. I fail often. Yet, something that I had to learn as a foster parent was that time heals.  Indeed it may take a lifetime for many of the scars and wounds that foster children carry with them, but over time, their perspectives change.

Trying to rush into the woundedness can be very dangerous. Somehow we believe that we can fix things quickly that took a lifetime to develop. As we unravel the pain, we can actually do more damage. Foster children teach us that we must allow time for them to heal.

Even in my own life, I know that I cannot be hurried along toward help and wholeness. Even more so with foster children. We must allow time, and properly trained professionals are vital.

Thankfully I’ve never said the harsh words, "just get over it." Perhaps by my actions, I have not allowed time to heal. I have probably placed too many expectations too early in this process. Somehow I believed that if I just set up the right kind of structure and rules that it would cure almost any issue. How wrong I was!

5. Love is patient.

Love is one of those topics; it seems to need careful definition to understand its meaning and implications. Appropriate love is perhaps a better statement as I pursue an understanding of what I have learned from foster children and youth.  Prope rlove sets boundaries that are healthy in a relationship. It is not meant to manipulate someone into action. It is not intended to place guilt or expectations that are inappropriate.

As a point of reference, I reflect on the definition the Bible gives as it says that love is patient. Read no further because we must pause right here on the word patient. To be patient doesn’t mean waiting, but it is better understood as a choice to rest in God’s plan. As we rest in Him, we discover how to love His way.

Love is always in context. It is understanding how God fits into everything. As this relates to lessons learned doing foster care is knowing that even when it seems nothing is happening, God is up to something.

I can’t tell you all the times that we have experienced this. It includes those difficult tines. It involves the unknown. It is insightful to know that God is always at work. In our resting, we learn to let go of control and let God work as only He can. It is that time when we thought we failed that God revealed to us years later how He was at work.

For us, doing foster care meant serving at-risk youth without knowing what the future holds. It meant receiving hugs from foster teens long after serving their needs. It means seeing them as adults being successful and making their own decisions that are healthy and hope-filled.
They taught us to rest in future hopes!

6. I don’t have to be perfect.

I have made my share of mistakes! You knew that, didn’t you? I have not done everything correctly. As we work with people, we will make mistakes. As we work with agencies and court services, who work with us in foster care, we will often remain humbled. Systems of care are complex. Solving problems are not easy. The depth of disappointment and pain in foster children are years in the making. It only stands to reason that these concerns will not be repaired overnight.

Though I am not perfect, nor are you, we play an important part in the process. As we commit to receive children and youth into our homes, we must remain humble and recognize that perfection is not the goal. If ever there is a target, it is not doing things correctly and rightly. It is more about staying humble and learn to listen better. It is acting as examples that are not perfect but being willing to learn more. It is saying things with caution and speaking better words of encouragement.

We have the incredible opportunity to enter into close proximity to fragile lives. It is an outstanding experience to offer what little we have in exchange for seeing the potential of foster children develop. We don’t need to be perfect, and those in our care don’t need to be either. We are working to be in partnership with the hope of healing. If we dare chose to remain less-than-perfect, we will be enriched as we journey together.

7. It is okay to pace yourself.

Foster children and youth teach us many things. Each lesson reminds us to remain humble and confident at the same time. Our confidence is not in ourselves but in the process. There are many specialists who enter into the lives of others. I have learned that I am only part of the team.

It is tempting for Foster Parents to either see themselves as miracle workers or martyrs. These two belief systems are very self-oriented. There are many sacrifices we hope others will see and even reward. There are many perspectives that we believe we have had the right perspective. We might even think that "if," "they" would do "it" a certain way that "everything" would be okay.

Can I offer that we need to pace our expectations? One of the best lessons I have learned from our foster teens is that it is okay to not have all the answers. I have learned that I need to pace my expectations! The road that people walk is so very different from mine. I have learned that as I pace myself, my expectations, and my solutions that I am actually reducing the stress of thinking and acting as if the solution is just around the corner.

In reality, the answer is in the process. The foster teens taught me to take time to resolve the complexities, and as I admit this, I can actually be a part of the solution. Just as the at-risk teens have to work through these complexities, so do we.

I’ve seen over and over how many foster parents burn out because this is a wearisome task. Perhaps the greatest lesson for me is to pace myself so that I do not grow weary in well-doing. It does no one any good if I burn out because I have put too much on my shoulders and placed too great an expectation on the foster children. We are needed for the long-haul because it will take longer than expected to remedy and unravel the mystery of healing that brings hope along the way.

Doing foster care is like the sunrise or the sunset. If we patiently rest in this experience, we can take in the beautiful array of colors and shadows, the transition of one day into the next. We might say that it is a moment by moment, day by day experience. We journey in an unknown process, but it is in that journey that we experience tremendous satisfaction knowing that we did our part. If we allow foster children and teens to teach us some things along the way, we will be better, not bitter, and develop a greater depth of love and grace.

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