Untruths: What NOT to Say at a Funeral.

I have said things at funerals that are not really true. Yep, I knew that what I said was not really true but I was making an effort to be caring and supportive. It was an awkward moment that I know you have experienced as well. Go ahead, admit it, you are like me.

You have said untruths like me, albeit with good intentions. An untruth is something we believe that if we say it long enough, it will be true.

It is not just at funerals that we can espouse untruths. Sometimes we carry these ideas into our lifestyle! A famous one I have heard often and maybe you have said it too is, "God helps those that help themselves."  We think that this is biblical but it in reality it is an untruth; it isn't found anywhere is the Bible. I dare you to try to find it in the scriptures.

Untruths are half-truths at best. These are ideas that we might state that changes the focus from God’s promise to our own will and self-help philosophy. Yet, we know for sure that we can always share the promises of God in every situation. (See below for a few of these promises.)

When it comes to funerals, we have the best of motivations. We may have even thought that if we said comforting words that it would help those that are grieving because of incredible loss. We try to bring soothing expressions of love but in reality we are saying things that are not true.

Here are a few saying that I have heard often repeated at funerals but in reality they are untruths.

It will be okay (or even saying that it will get better).

God must have wanted him/her in heaven.

He/She is in a better place.

You will get over it.

God uses all things for good. 

God doesn't give us more than we can bear.(We will look more intently at this phrase later.)

Comforting those who are dealing with loss and grief means choosing our words carefully. Like me you may be those who provided council to the old testament patriarch Job. He went through some of the worst times ever and all his friends could do is find ways to blame the problem on Job. They said thinks like, "It will get better!"  I think that Job would have seen otherwise in the midst of his grief.

When my brother, Glen died I was rather shocked at what people said at his funeral. His death was the result of a suicide. It has been over 10 years now since his death. It was such an unforeseen event. It was troubling and terrible all rolled up into a state of shock and sadness. Family gathered with attempts to comfort and care. Our words were mixed with grief and attempts to bring comfort to siblings and our parents. (No parents should ever have to live with the grief of seeing their children die before they do.)  It is awful and overwhelming.

Someone close to the family offered up the cliche, "God must have needed him in heaven."  Perhaps the person was not aware that Glen committed suicide. Perhaps the person felt that those words would bring us comfort. Maybe he thought that speaking of eternity in such a manner would provide a final closure to such tragic circumstances. Well, it did none of the above!

I have officiated at many funerals. I have been at visitations on plenty more such occasions. I have done funerals for people I have never known. I have grieved as well as I buried good friends and family members. Each of these times I have often wondered what I could say that would be a healing remedy to such a terrible loss. Death is never convenient nor does it come to upon grieving family and friends at the most optimal of settings. It always takes and never does it give!

Recently I officiated at the funeral of my uncle. I was tempted to say some of these untruths: It will get better.... or, God must have needed him in heaven.... or, God doesn't give us more than we can bear! In an effort to provide comfort and care, I was thinking that saying simple phrases could ease the pain of loss. I thought that if only a simple phrase could make everything better!  All I could do was sit silently and offer a patient, caring, and listening presence.  My cousin, who was impacted the most felt the stinging pain of not only the untimely death of our uncle but just two weeks prior the family gathered for the funeral of her mother, my aunt. (In a recent blog entry I shared an entry of what aunts and uncles teach us.)

Over the many years that I have pastored and conducted funerals, sat near to the family of the dying, and visited those at funeral visitations, I have learned one significant lesson. It is our words that actually make the difference!

Memorial of the victims at the Norther
Illinois University school shooting.

In reality it isn't our words that make things better but it is our presence that brings comfort. It is in fact God's presence that brings hope and healing. It is in those times of deep despair that we find friendship necessary. We can easily become isolated due to the awkwardness of the moment and forget that just being present is the source of comfort and care. Words can all to often get in the way.

Few understand the senseless tragedies of school shootings. They all created fear and incredible loss! Just over 11-years ago I served with the Samaritan's Crisis Care Chaplain Network responding to the Northern Illinois University mass shooting. I was dispatched to the first Chaplain Response team. It was there that I came to understand that words matter and that listening matters more! There were no cliche phrases that would have worked in this incident.
In times of loss, like during the funeral of a special friends or family member, we can find that simply sharing memories and experiences we have with the deceased is comforting. Funerals are not a time to breakout into our latest philosophies or ideas of death and dying. It is not a time to espouse doctrine but it is equally not a time to give false narratives either. We need to share truth in times of loss but by doing this carefully and appropriately can be a hard balance.

In a recent article on the pain of Job's loss, I found an answer to my own searching heart.

Job’s crisis was completely unexpected and utterly incomprehensible.  This blameless and upright man who feared God and shunned evil lost everything; every sheep, camel, ox, and donkey that he owned.  A total of 11,500 animals died along with the servants who kept them.  And as if the loss of these possessions and people were not enough, Job’s seven sons and three daughters died when a mighty windstorm destroyed the house they were in.  All of these events occurred within the span of a single day.  The emotional misery and grief was compounded as Job was stricken with boils from head to toe and his only remaining family member, his wife, urged him to curse God and die. No matter what our circumstances, Job’s tragedy reminds us of a few unshakable truths.

Our words and actions reveal our hearts.

In a crisis, a person’s response is significant. Job’s response was striking.  In the midst of a grief that brought him to his knees, Job worshipped.  This act reveals a heart that was as God described it, upright and God-fearing.  Job’s words confirmed his deeds when he spoke to his wife saying, "shall we indeed accept good from God and shall we not accept adversity?  In all this Job did not sin with his lips."  (Job 2:10)  - Written by Cheryl Bell -- Learning from Grief, Listening to Job

I think that being honest is most appropriate but with love and care for those that need comfort is most acceptable. Many times we may feel inclined to share good news in bad times that should demonstrate love and good will toward those in greatest need. Being present is always the right prescription. I call this the ministry of presence in times of trouble. While this is an active ministry, you may feel that you are doing very little to help someone who is dealing with grief and sadness. However, be assured, there is much to be gained by having your simply be present during times of crisis or pain.

I remember having such an overwhelming need to say the right things while visiting a family after a tragic incident that caused the death of a father and friend of mine. The accident was sudden and shocking. It was both tragic and unavoidable but nevertheless many felt the nagging feeling of "what if". They all felt that if only why had come home sooner the accident could have been avoided. Many felt that if only they stuck around to help with the project that was being handled when the accident occurred. I remember thinking some of the same things. I had my own "what if" feelings.

During the hours just after the accident occurred, there I was sitting with the family trying to make sense of the whole event. I was wrestling with what to say. There I sat with the children, ages 5 and 8. I had nothing to offer in answer to their questions. Everyone was asking, why? I thought of scriptures that I could read. I thought of prayers I could have prayed. I often, even today wonder if I did my best to bring hope and healing to a hurting family.

It was during this time and many other tragic scenarios that came to understand that it is okay to say, "I don't know."  Perhaps this is the greatest of all temptations to believe that you must have the answers. It is so tempting to be the hero with not only the answers but also the ability to heal the broken. Yet, not having the answers is actually the best way to be because you are being honest and you don't find yourself giving untruths and passive cliches. 

There are three perspectives that I believe that we can talk about that is very true. These are perspectives that are supported in scripture. I offer these three perspectives so that you can feel a bit of relief as you provide a ministry of presence in times of crisis and pain. I know that these categories have helped me as I minister to people in pain during funerals and visitations or any other type of crisis event that we find ourselves having to give comfort and care.

1. Help Eternal.

I really don't know how families go through such heart-ache and pain without knowing the Lord, Jesus Christ?  It is such a tremendous painful experience to lose a loved one, no matter the circumstance.

Sometimes we think that we can be comforted by the ideas that someone was aged in years or their illness was long.  In reality, death is not ever comforted by such things.

I did the funeral for Merle Phillips. She was 111 and 1/2 years old. Her death was deeply felt by all who were in attendance. The church was packed!  She was loved my many and her contribution was profound. Children and adults were impacted by her. At her funeral we all recalled our stories of remembrance. There were plenty of fond memories that made us laugh to the point of tears! Our loss was not comforted by her years.  We all felt the pain of our loss.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 New International Version (NIV) reads:

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

The God-breathed passage reminds us that though we suffer, yet in our faith we are not destroyed! Paul, who faced death many times reminds us that there is HELP ETERNAL. 

We can bring the truth of God's loving hand into our grieving heart. No matter the suffering, we can find God's presence is with us. Paul testifies to this. We too can tell others that God is not unaware nor is He not concerned. What we see here in our grief is not the end of the story. There is a narrative beyond our pain and suffering.

For us today, we need to seek to provide help in times of trouble. It is not what we say that makes the difference, it is being present that does make the difference. We are agents of God's design for help. We need to continue to be the friend and one who continues to care!  We need to stand ready to help!

Even as others sink deep into grief, we need to be the ones that offer support and the counsel that helps bring people to the loving care of Jesus Christ. He too suffered and is acquainted with our grief.  I recently wrote an article on this subject of depression. As a start, we need to offer support groups and wise counsel to help those who are in a cycle of pain. Consider this article as well: "When You are Feeling BLUE."

Back to the phrase, God will not give you more than you can bear is not biblical. It resembles the passage from 1 Corinthians 10:13b. Yet, it is not in the same context as we might think. You see, the biblical passage is referring to temptation not trouble. Job would have argued this point because he suffered far more than humanly possible to bear. It is a misinterpretation that even Job’s friends might have made. The difference is that in temptation, God provides a way of escape!

In trials, as in the case of Job, there was no escape but there was (and is) God’s Grace that is all-sufficient!

To answer all of that and to give my answer to the question, let’s just look at the key texts that I think he probably has in mind. 1 Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation" -- or test, since it is the same word in Greek -- "has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted [tested] beyond your ability [beyond what you are able], but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 

When Paul says that God won’t give what is beyond what you are able, he means not beyond what you are able with God’s help. We know that because of a couple of other things he says. For example, in 2 Corinthians 9:8 he says, "God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."

In other words, in every test or temptation, the question is, Will I do what I ought to do? Paul says, "There will be grace." He does not merely say, "I am depending on you to use your resources without depending on grace." Rather, God is telling us, "I am giving you grace so that there will be grace to do it, but you are not independent of my powers to help." - Desiring God article.

The bottom line is that we need to offer HELP ETERNAL. At minimum we listen and show patience and care. We too can encourage the grieving to seek help from counselors. We must always offer biblical comfort through the word of God. We too need to be agents of God's help, pointing to eternal truths that God loves us, that Jesus understands our pain, and that while this situation is not fair, God's mercy is very real!


2. Hope Eternal.

This leads me to my next point. We might look to it as a source of comfort in times of trial and distress. I call it HOPE ETERNAL. The relationship we have with God, through Jesus Christ is a bedrock of support. Our confidence can be very essential to help someone who is dealing with grief. Instead of saying that it will get better, we need to demonstrate a hope that is beyond ourselves. We need to point to God's eternal hope.

Let me break this down for us. We need to be willing to come alongside those that are grieving. We further need to represent the eternal love our God, through Christ. We are God's ambassadors that point to the eternal hope we have in Jesus Christ.


We can essentially say three things to those that are grieving.


1. God loves and cares for you.  He tells us through Peter that we can cast ALL our cares on Him because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7 -- "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Also: 1 John 4:8b -- "God is love."

2. God is also grieving your loss. He too feels your pain. While we cannot undo the pain we feel, it does mean that he made you a person who feels because you are created in His image. (Isaiah 53:3 --

"He was despised and rejected-- a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.")

3. God can handle our doubt, questions, and anger.  God is not offended by our feelings of loss. He in fact, whats us to go to Him. (Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) --"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." Also: Psalm 103:8 -- "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love")

While we don't have all the answers and it is okay to say that we just don't know, we can assure those that are grieving that it is not about the answers we have or don't have. It is about walking through pain and being honest with God in our times of doubt and despair.  He wants us to be real and not just fake it. 


3. Home Eternal.


Back to the funeral I just did for my uncle. It was really a wonderful occasion to be with family and to share the simple truth of God's love and His plan for our lives. I believe that God was present in all occasions at the funeral.


One of the major theme's I lifted from the Bible is found in John 14. It is perhaps the second most popular passage next to the 23rd Psalm. It is when he told his disciples that he was leaving them and that He was going to prepare a place for them when He comes again. It is a HOME ETERNAL.

Funerals Are a time to share the glorious truth of an eternal home. You may not know where the soul of a stranger may be in eternity but you can share this glorious good news of a HOME ETERNAL with the living!
Among the believers, we can celebrate the eternal riches of a home eternal that is promised in scripture!

The perspective that Job echoes for us today is one of being faithful NO MATTER the circumstance. It is realizing the eternal destiny of our future home. It is seeing the way God sees it. It is knowing that both good and bad befall every person!
Consider the final perspective of Job. See how he remains faithful no matter the trial that came his way! He sees his goal as bring glory to God!

Job 19: 25-27 -- "For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see him with my own eyes."

Study some passages that remind people of God's incredible promises. There are well over 3,000 promises that we can count on. Consider picking up a copy of the book by Clint Byers, "God Says Yes To Over 3,000 Promises."

Here are a few:
2 Peter 1:4 And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Isaiah 40:29-31

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired,

and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

Philippians 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:37-39 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below--indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Proverbs 1:33 But all who listen to me will live in peace,untroubled by fear of harm."

John 14:27 "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

Romans 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. The promises of God are powerful and awesome to grasp. I pray that these scriptures about God’s promises were helpful to you today.

Identity: Not Who Am I, But Whose I Am?

The question of identity is top of mind these days. We have so many who identify themselves in a variety of different ways. That identity is very personal for each individual. Today, I’m not making a political stump speech, nor am I making any effort to denigrate individuals in this post. However, what I am attempting to do is to frame that question of identity in a different way.

I’m reminded of the futile effort to say that this is just the way it is, which becomes the dominant frame of how we define ourselves. The old cartoon Popeye comes to mind in which it depicted him gaining strength to overpower Bluto so that he can rescue and impress Olive Oyl. He would eat spinach to be strong. His famous saying, "I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam" was not the total substance of his identity. When he ate spinach, he became much more!

Throughout my travels, it is fascinating to me how many different ways we choose to talk about ourselves. I know that it may be a stereotype, but often men identify themselves according to their jobs. They start by saying what they do rather than who they are. Our identity is not defined by the roles that we serve in, but it is perhaps the most complicated question of all. Mother, father, work skill, profession, gender, orientation, political party, the origin of the family, or even where we live often define our identity.

Consider Facebook with all of their many ways to set up your profile and a variety of associations and definitions of who you claim you are. In 2014, ABC News reported that Facebook permitted over 50 different definitions of sexual orientation. There are even more identifiers today. If that’s not complicated enough, there are millions of users with hundreds of other ways to identify yourself in our profile alone.

Recently, I was discussing this very topic with someone. The person stated to me that he are trying to discover who he is.  It was a great conversation, but in the end, it was very self-centered. We live in a world where individuality marks our identity. We hear less and less about how communities or families or any other cluster of people form their identity in which we occupy. People today identify themselves through many individual statements.

It might be that our ancestry can define our origin. Many people are paying top dollars to discover their lineage in an attempt to find out where they came from. Hundreds of thousands of people are taking DNA tests like "23 and Me" to discover their heritage. In part, the question of where we come from is a deep-seated and emotional experience that make up who we are.

Let me change up the paradigm where we typically look to as we discover our identity. What if, instead of asking the question, "who am I?" we began our quest with "whose I am?"

I confess that often I think about my identity. I spent far too much time caring for myself by looking in the mirror and putting on the right clothes or aligning myself with a particular group. We can often define ourselves in subculture arenas because we feel comfortable, by what other people think and act. You know the old adage, birds of a feather flock together. Well, that could be any number of influences that we use to define our individuality.

Let me suggest that we broaden our horizons by thinking less of ourselves. I don’t mean to think less of ourselves but simply think of ourselves less. In our quest to discover ourselves through selfish means, we can often define an identity that has less to do with others and every to do with ourselves alone. We can isolate ourselves in trying to define ourselves. The quest of identity has less to do with me after all.

You see, I believe that people by nature are very selfish. The word "we" is not a part of our vocabulary, but "I" is central! To answer the question of identity based  on selfish motives and selfish means is a circular argument that is artificial at best. Because of our self-centered motivation, we often disregard many other expressions that should feed into our identity.

Let me quickly explain this idea. I recognize that I am the son of my father and mother. I know that not everyone has that identity. Some may not know or have been adopted. These identities are complex. I also know that my identity is based on my city of origin through the relationship and influences of my extended family. It might be that my identity has something to do with my Church or spirituality. We might even say that our identity is based on gender. Different versions and forms of discrimination quickly come to mind in some of these identities. Even as I write this article, the Supreme Court is taking up the definition of sex as a relates to employment and discrimination.

You might say that my quest to discover who I am is rather narrow when I consider my Christian influence or family of origin or even where and how I was raised. You may wonder if I’m somehow missing out because it seems that I have narrowly chosen from a menu of multiple choices.

In our quest to discover who I am, I think that opens up an entirely new set of options. For me, I defined that externally. Let me try to explain this. By gaining an understanding of my spiritual being and not my physical alone I go beyond the constraints of my physical properties and I look externally to the origin of life itself. In faith, of which I define that from a Christian ethos, it helps me to recognize that there is something greater that I need to be aware of. I can understand that a grand designer was involved in the origin of life, even my life. My spirituality is defined by the creator and I look for wisdom through the Bible.

Ultimately though it’s not a question of who I am by selecting from a multiple-choice table of many options but who’s I am as it relates to my identity in my creator.

There is a sense of comfort and relief as my identity is not as important as it is who I identify with. To understand that I am special and I have been created for a purpose and that I have a mission that is beyond these natural boundaries is of comfort to me. As I think of myself less and define my understanding from beyond my physical limitations, I gain a greater understanding in the question of who’s I am is profound and incredibly intriguing to me.

My identity comes from God, the creator. Furthermore it is revealed to me through scripture that through Jesus Christ I can be reconciled to God. It is a gift called salvation and I can find peace in the promises of God‘s word. It is not a list of rules and regulations that somehow define me but it is freeing to know that God is my Father.

The quest of identity has less to do with me after all. Since I am a child of the living God I discover my purpose is in the care and love for others. It is in understanding why I even exist at all at this time and not somehow during all the many millennial of times past.

A very common biblical patriarch that many religions trace their heritage to is in Moses. In the time when Moses was to deliver his people from slavery, a place for they drew their identity from in Egypt, the people lost a sense of who they are and settled with hundreds of years of slavery. When Moses was to tell the people but they would be delivered God told them to tell them that the great "I AM" has sent them!  It was in essence telling them that their identity was no longer going to be a slave to the bounds of this world‘s identity. They are not to be bound by the flesh and other earthly possessions. The God of all creation has called them out and that they are to be freely identified as belonging to The God of all other gods. They are to be a people set a part as His very own!

Rather than spend an entire lifetime searching for the self-centered and earthly definitions, what if we spent our time asking the question of who I belong to rather than a deceptive identity of earthly origin? I can guarantee you that rather than defending your earthly identity you it’s been far more time in the quest that is far more optimal and it seeks to answer the biggest questions of our potential which is beyond this simple human and selfish question.

Finding peace that passes all understanding has come to me from outside of myself. I have a peace that only God can give because I have discovered whose I am!

What Aunts & Uncles Teach Us About OURSELVES!

Reflections on childhood memories are often a mixed bag of thoughts and feelings. Like me, you may have had a variety of personal experiences. Largely, because of my varied family relationships, it makes this article a curious process. Bear with me as I offer a variety of ideas and perhaps uncharted emotions. Over all, these experiences for me have been very positive. I have had good interactions with cousins and their parents.  This article is reflective because of the many emotional elements that accompany loss. Recently, I have experienced the loss of an uncle and aunt - in a short timeframe. Read on though, this won’t be a "poor me" rendition.

Uncles and aunts offer unique interpersonal experiences. Their role in my life are variable and it spans from my childhood memories throughout my adult life interactions. In my early days, I remember those times as aunts and uncles served as babysitters. They were early-years employers. They are mentors who have taken me to ball games and fishing trips. There were many different special events. Sometimes there are strained relationships that have impacted me in unique ways. Moreover, they are stories that I can never forget - good and not so good.

As an example of the not so good memory, let me tell you of that one time while my uncle George was babysitting me. I was caught doing a very dumb-dumb act of steeling a fistful of dumb-dumb suckers. Well, I got caught and I couldn’t outrun the consequences of my misdeed. I think that my backside still hurts a little. :-)

I grew up in a large family. I have experiences that are very wide and blended. My parents were also from large families and with this, I have had many aunts and uncles growing up. I can recall many different times I have spent with aunts and uncles. Some lived in the same area as my family while others were from out-of-town. What an interesting series of personal memories I have had over the years. You likely have varied experiences as well. Some memories are those while on family vacations while others were more frequent since some aunts and uncles lived just up the road.

There are a variety of things that family teaches us about ourselves. We may not realize it at the time but upon further reflection,  we recognize that their contribution in our lives become who we turn out to be later in life. Aunts and uncles are part of that contribution!

I can think of two specific things I learned about myself through the interactions with aunts and uncles. I see that these are things that I learned about myself because, indeed, these go beyond simple lessons that we all learn from but they become the very fabric of who we become as we grow up.

Think about it for just a moment. Think of your favorite aunt or your favorite uncle. Was it your birthday when you got that special present from your out-of-town relative? Maybe it was at that family gathering or family reunion that taught you the life lesson that sticks with you today? Was it the time you were babysat or even became the person who disciplined you for something that perhaps, your parents never even found out about?

My grandma with my uncle George and two of my aunts. 

Aunts and uncles teach us a lot about ourselves. Let me break down a few of the things they taught me.




1. How to be real.

In most of my childhood, life was about keeping it real. Our family was very transparent about how we felt about one another. Growing up was all about being who you truly are. Aunts and uncles were part of the team that raised you. It is unavoidable because, back in my day, the village raised you, not just your parents.

The role of raising children was extended to others including your aunts and uncles. You couldn’t fake your way or even hide from a watchful eye because everyone kept their eye on you. Most especially where those that were the extended parental unit. Take my uncle George as an example. When he caught me stealing suckers, he kept it very real. He didn’t let that action slide.

During those difficult and often awkward times in your life when it was difficult to talk to your parents, your aunts and  uncles were there to talk to. It’s likely that they took a special interest in you than even your parents could.

Even some of those choices that my parents told me that I couldn’t do, I got away with it from my aunts or uncles. It is not like I was going to snitch on them or anything. It is about being real. Whenever I would go to the home of Aunt Kathleen, she would often say that I can help myself to anything that I wanted in the refrigerator. I remember thinking that was so different from what my parents often said. My parents would say to keep my hands out of the cookie jar but at my aunts house, I can have as many cookies as I wanted.

With family, life is real and very raw. Family knows me better than I know myself. With aunts and uncles, you can’t fake it! It was during the overnighters at their house with cousins or go on their family vacation with family that creates special memories. In those times, life just happened in real  time. Moments happen everyday moments that are unscripted but very real.


2. How to be honest.

I remember when my aunt Kathleen told me to behave myself. It wasn’t like she was my mom but her words penetrated my soul. It was As if she knew that I was doing something that I shouldn’t. Likely, it was just a friendly greeting but it caused me to think differently about my actions. Of course they were those times when she knew exactly what was going on and was correcting me.

My mother with aunt Joey & uncle Bubber.

It’s interesting how our extended family keeps us honest. It may have been more acceptable in my day for the extended family to punish and pronounce judgment but I think even today, they provide a significant role in the raising of children.

This article is a reminder that the extended family is necessary. Our aunts and uncles provide a wealth of knowledge and a place of refuge. They are able to speak into our lives and ways that our parents are unable to. Their role is a very special role. As we grow up that relationship never changes. The way we interact becomes different but their opinions are unscripted and very raw. Their life experience becomes a lesson for us. Often they know more about us than we even know about ourselves but what we can learn is that they keep it real and how to be honest.

Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. (Bible) Titus 2:7

As an uncle myself, it is now my turn to make those contributions in the lives of my nieces and nephews! It reminds me that I need to set a positive example in real time. It’s a reminder that I need to keep it honest as well. There are plenty of opportunities to make a difference in big, but mostly small ways.

It’s those fleeting moments when we can extend our role into the life of another person. Of course there will be those fleeting  opportunities that we need to take advantage of and make a difference.

Throughout my life with the contribution of ants and uncles has taught me a lot about myself. Their  contribution continues but now I also have the opportunity to contribute into the positive welfare of  others.

Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.

Revival Unifies The Church & Mission.

They gathered to complain. They even called in the denominational leader, hoping that their complaint would be validated at the highest level. The pastor led a small congregation that was nearly closed. He desired to grow the church to the point that it could be sustainable. New people started to attend but had not yet assimilated into leadership. Their complaint? He preached too long; no, he didn’t preach long enough. Some complained that he spent too much time in outreach, while others complained that he was starting new things. Yet, others fussed that he rearrange the furniture. Their complaints rolled off their tongues so easily.

This story could be my experience or almost any pastor could share similar. We hear complaints about preferences while avoiding the topic, God’s Mission. Pastors are always developing Mission as the lead their local church. They’re making every effort to get their people on the same page so that together they could accomplish a unified effort.

This situation leads me to ask questions of revival. What would happen if the church sought revival and acted on it?

Here it is in plain sight. Acts 1:8 reminds us of our mission. Even as you turn over one page you will find Pentecost. These are the very acts of revival that included the disciples gathering  to pray and proclaim (witness of the Spirit).

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere--in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." - Acts 1:8

Revival is the very act of God working in and on His  people, calling them to a place on Purpose. He brings them to the mission. Undoubtedly this happens through corporate prayer. We find evidence of that during Pentecost. Yet, it brings us to a distinctive purpose.

"It is not always clear when prayer meetings are part of the revival itself or are proceeding it. But the distinction does not matter too much. Prayer is both the cause and result of the coming of the Spirit in revival." ~ Brian H. Edwards, Revival! A People Saturated With God, 78.

Revival does bring renewal to our soul. I believe it also does one more thing that I want to focus on in this article.

Revival brings the church together. Revival unifies the church and mission. Throughout the history of the Bible we find that gods people not only came together to pray but to also seek His Word.

One of my favorite books is, "A People Saturated with God." It was written by Brian H. Edwards, author of many books on revival and church history. His study on how revival happened in the Old Testament is remarkable. I highly recommend picking up a copy of the book and discovering what biblical revival really is.

I contend, as I read the scripture and study this book by Brian H. Edwards that revival unifies the church. We are forever, chronicled through history, dividing but revival will unite us on a common purpose. It is God‘s purpose to be his witnesses.

I am reminded of a story that you likely have heard. It is the story of a man who was stranded on a deserted island for years. After many years he was miraculously rescued. As the case revealed, he showed them where he had lived in the three huts that he had built. Each of them were magnificent structures and furnished well through the craftsmanship of many years, using only the provisions of his shipwreck and items available on the island.

"Wow!" They asked him, "What are these three magnificent structures?"  He replied, " The first one is where I live. This is where I spent much of my time dreaming of this wonderful opportunity to be rescued. The second structure is where I go to church." He told them, "I am a spiritual man and love God and every Sunday I would go and worship in this magnificent place!" They just had to marvel but asked about the third structure, "What is this third building?" He answered, "Oh, that building. That is where I used to go to church!"

He answered, "Oh, that building. That is where I used to go to church!"

You may laugh at the story but it is what the world sees in us. We are a divided house. In truth there is only one church (the church of Christ Jesus) but in reality we meet in many different locations! Those on the inside act as if they cannot see what is happening outside. Those who are on the outside see division which leads to confusion.

I enjoy the incredible idea of the church working in harmony and in unity to bring the message of the gospel to each one in our community. ReviveINDIANA brings a fresh wind of God Spirit that can unite the church and the proclamation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Their answer to revival is simple: "ONE Church. ONE Message. ONE At A Time."

For these reasons I’ve always try to get involved in community events and networks as a pastor. It reminds me that in spite of our differences, we are still one body in Christ who is the head.

Revive Indiana is an example of what can happen when God’s people gather to pray together. - KPCNews Article.

Today, my ministry is with pastors. I am always attending minister meetings, in which I attended 17 groups in the month of September alone. When I pastored in Elkhart, Indiana in the 90’s, I was part of the ministry of March for Jesus which sought to unite the church in worship. At that time, I led and attended at least a dozen pastor prayer groups throughout the region.

Today, I even help lead a pastor’s group in my own community through the Marion-Grant County Ministries Fellowship. Through my local ministry and desire is to promote Christian foster care and adoption, which I believe should be a ministry of the local church, I also enjoy seeing the church work together in harmony. I’m challenged to ask the question, what if our churches came together to wipe out the growing orphan and foster care need by working together? Each one of our churches are filled with different gifts and abilities that together would make a significant impact on the over 17,000 children and out-of-home placement in Indiana today.

To the point, revival isn’t just something that makes us more religious, it is something that radically motivates our witness for Christ! We respond to the inner work of the Holy Spirit which causes us to love one another with great intensity and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

In November we have the opportunity to see revival and our own community as we come together,  facilitated by the ministry of: ReviveINDIANA :: Grant County. This is our time!

Read more about the incredible stories from ReviveINDIANA through the book, Fire Within by Jesse Eisenhour

It’s a B-I-G Deal.

You’ve heard the phrase before, it’s a big deal! Often someone wants you to sign on the dotted line as if you will miss out if you don’t agree with such a big deal. You can’t wait to tell everyone because you just got a really good deal on your purchase. That phrase often offers up a celebration and some high-fives.

Yet, there’s another way of looking at it. Perhaps it’s not as celebrated but the information that you read causes you to say, it’s a big deal. News that’s not so great is given to you and you don’t act little because it’s a big deal. Sometimes you even lean in a little closer to make sure that you’ve heard all the details because it is such a big deal.

Today I want to give us three things to think about related to the word, B-I-G. In contacts two are thinking about the phrase, it’s a big deal, I want us to imagine what God expects of us when we see how big of an issue something really is.

You may have even read the headlines or read the column on Facebook and you say to yourself, that’s a big deal. Of course, there are those times when it is no big deal at all. However, sometimes you read something that is remarkable, impressive, overwhelming, or outstanding. And your response you can’t help but say, wow! That’s a big deal!

In the state of information overload it is awfully hard to evoke emotion out of anyone anymore. It seems as though we are over exposed and nothing really impresses us anymore. Sure, there are those sensational times that catch us off guard but it must matter. It is a big deal.
I want to remind you today I have a topic that is a big deal!

You might look around your neighborhood and see nothing too impressive. In fact, in most cases it is hidden behind closed doors and only the headlines are we read. Sometimes we are shocked but it is in every neighborhood, not so visible but, nevertheless real!

In Indiana there are over 17,000 children and out of home placement. Many of whom are placed with relatives but most are not. Children, who have no fault of their own, or placed into foster care. Often waiting hours or days and potentially held in shelter care or in the office of a case manager.
The number 17,000 is just a headliner but it doesn’t get to the very depths of the issue. It’s usually the tragic headlines that wake us from our slumber and indifference.

I speak to hundreds of pastors a year about this very topic. I try not to impress but simply try to tell the truth about how important it is for the church to step in while others are stepping out. This type of discussion needs no headliner. Children in foster care need loving and caring adults to step in and open their homes to children in need.

My wife and I did foster care for nearly eight years in the suburbs of Chicago. It was frightening and rewarding. It was a time in our lives when we felt we could make a difference by opening our home to at-risk youth.We did what we thought was right by setting guidelines and parameters that would help you thrive as they prepared for the reality of becoming a young adult, when the system of care after ended.

It was a big deal to us. It was important to step in, as an adequate as we were, to help those in need. It is a big deal to those who step up to do foster care for vulnerable children and youth today. It is a big deal to those who enter into care through foster care and adoption.
Just how big is it? Let me break it down for you.

B-I-G

1. B stands for BEING AWARE of the needs of a lost generation of children and youth!

We shouldn’t look away and pretend that it’s no big deal. While the need is overwhelming it’s important that we truly make ourselves aware that today, countless lives are being impacted at no fault of their own! They are placed with family and in foster homes. We could see the statistics but we must go beyond the headlines. It means becoming aware!

"Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless…." Isaiah 1:17

2. I stands for INCREDIBLE MINISTRY to children and youth from every community!

There is an amazing amount of opportunity to impact the lives of children and youth who, I’ve no fault of their own, or placed in out of home placement. They are our most vulnerable and we must do everything we can to protect them and provide for their needs.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Proverbs 31:8-9 

3. G stands for GOD, who loves it when we act in response to this need!

God would be pleased with us because these are orphans among us. They are children and youth whom we should not turn our backs on. We know that God would be pleased if we were to simply act in response to these needs. Simplex of caring and loving can look like collecting Christmas gifts or clothing or coming alongside foster parents who need us to build support around them as they care
for our most precious resource, children and youth.

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me." Mark 9:37

The next time you think to yourself that it’s no big deal, join me as we make it a B-I-G deal.

Forgiveness: An Act of the Will That Impacts the Heart!

"You want me to do what?" That was my response when I was prompted in prayer by the Lord to forgive. I thought to myself, "But, you don’t understand what he did to me!" I reasoned that if God knew the extent of personal pain and heartache that I felt that He would not of asked me to do such a natural thing. None of my arguments seem to work because I came to understood the gospel that if God could forgive me, how can I withhold forgiveness from someone else?

The personal anguish and pain that I felt was heavy and that I had carried it with me for so long had invoked emotions of anger and frustration. At times it brought anxiety and fear from my past which affected my motivations in my spirit. It even became a part of my identity. I told people that this is just the way I am.

That was many years ago. While I was in college and beginning my own young adult life, I realize that I had become what I despised in the other person. Anger was often present. Fear became a guiding emotion. Hurt often motivated me to act out in negative ways. I carried it as a burden slumped over my shoulder, weighing me down. Sadness and depression visited me often. I’m sure that many can relate with what I’m saying. I have grown up in the church and even renewed my commitment to Christ, yet, I carried this is a deep wound that tour at my spirit. The more I thought about it, the more it hurt. Without going into detail, let me just say that we all can become prisoners by what negative things have happened to us! We can pretend for only so long.

Today, because of the work of God’s loving spirit in my life, I have learned to forgive. No, it didn’t change the circumstances nor the person that had hurt me. It didn’t punish the deserving abuser or bring justice to me. I don’t expect that everyone is ready to forgive. I felt as if my holding onto the anger and bitterness that would bring justice. I reason that if I simply let it go and forgive that I am somehow rewarding the one who caused me so much pain. I reason that I was letting someone off the hook. I’m not even saying that in your forgiveness you should allow someone to continue to bring abuse and harm to you.

In reality, I was hurting myself. Anger has a way of turning inward and bringing bitterness along with it. I was digging in deeper, believing that I was building a defense and shutting people out which somehow prevent me from being hurt again. To forgive is like cutting loose the burdens that bound your heart. I don’t represent myself to be a professional but in my case, my journey, it begin with prayer. Deep wounds can often be helped through professional counseling. It can often be unraveled by a professional Who is trained to help me learn to cope and deal with what was going on inside.

It is through forgiveness that I was able to find freedom. It was in letting go that I was able to find freedom. It brought hope as I learned to forgive, even those undeserving and those that I felt such anger over. It wasn’t immediate but it was a turning point.

So often that there are times when I must practice a discipline to forgive. It seems as though that as I learn to forgive others that I gain a deeper understanding of the grace that God has given me through his forgiveness. I believe that forgiveness is an act of the will. I understand nothing until I choose forgiveness.

My challenge is that we need to forgive! We were not created to hold recentment and bitterness. We were made to forgive.

Take note of the following article that outline the 6 Steps on How to forgive.

One of the most remarkable activities done during the Prison Ministry of Kairos is to ask participants to write down the name of those they need to forgive including their own name. They write the names on rice paper. During the special weekend of Kairos they are invited to place the rice paper in warm water, watching the names dissolve. This is to symbolize letting go of the pain, fear, shame, and hurt of those unresolved experiences that have happened. This act of the will impacts the heart.

Monitor Your Speed: Rest Stops Are Just Ahead!

Reclining my seat to a comfortable position and setting my cruise control is part of a daily routine for me as I zigzag across Indiana. I am looking for opportunities to build relationships and engage the church in the ministry to vulnerable children and youth.

Most days are filled with anticipation as I meet with ministerial groups and ministry leaders from across Indiana. The opportunities are endless. Typically I will set my cruise control along with my GPS as I calculate my next destination. I have a lot of time to pray and to process during these trips. I often think about who I could connect with that I already know and who I could develop a new relationship with.

Each month is filled with meetings with pastors both one-on-one and with ministerial clusters. Even this month I have had as many of 17 minister meetings but I’ve had the opportunity to make presentations and pray with ministry leaders. Most of the time I don’t dwell on any personal matters during the writing of my blog. Yet, today I feel led to talk about the importance of rest while monitoring my speed.

There is a particular hunger that I have as I engage pastors. I hunger for hope in the midst of so much brokenness. I hunger to help pastors and ministry leaders as well as a deep desire to educate the church about the need of foster care. I hunger to recruit helpers and ministry leaders to do what the scripture tells us for the week and vulnerable, the orphan and those in need of a caring foster homes!
It’s so easy to be overwhelmed by the endless need that is pervasive throughout our communities.

The statistics alone are incredible. With over 13,000 children and out of home placement and a never ending need for caring communities and loving homes. I find myself sounding like a broken record as I explain the compelling vision in need. I repeat the same stories in the same statistics looking for like-minded, caring adults to respond.

I hear foster parents often speak about it. I hear social workers who are overwhelmed to the point that they desire it. I often see it on the faces of those that work diligently because they truly care about the needs.They desire a respite, I’ll break where they can shut down the burden of their heavy hearts and to care for their own needs.

In the social work field they call it self care. In the ministry we use different terms but, nevertheless, it meant the same thing. We need to retreat from the front lines in order to care more effectively.

So today, I’m reminded that I need to Monitor my speed and look for those rest up so long the way. I need to find that space within my schedule, a sanctuary where I can renew myself. It’s not just a physical need but emotionally and spiritually, I need to find time to rest.

I am discovering that even taking a few minutes each day or setting aside a short term break is important. I’ve discovered that I can find a renewed spirit if I would let the Lord into my life in meaningful ways. He appears like a consuming fire!

Here’s a few ideas that I was contemplating doing myself and would encourage you as well.

1. Take an afternoon nap. (I know that needs to be explained because your supervisor would likely wonder what that screen on your door window represents.) sometimes even on our day off we occupy ourselves with so many task but relaxing and even taking a 30 minute nap can be one of the most refreshing things you can do.

2. Spend a few minutes with someone that cares about you just to debrief. Go ahead, I dare you. Identify somebody that you can trust in that you could be honest with. Take time over lunch to just decompress and allow them to pray for you.

3. Take a mini-vacation away from your schedule to do something fun and different. it doesn’t have to be a week vacation but simply taking a day away to rest is important. Set up a small campfire and just sit around relaxing and letting the Lord‘s presence fill you in more meaningful ways.

4. Do something that gets your blood pumping and your adrenaline going. It could be exercise or could be an activity that revitalizes your spirit.

5. Go for a walk or even a hike so that you can be alone to take in the beauty of God’s creation.

6. Sit down alone and simply read the Psalms, reflecting on the incredible God whom we serve.

7. Do something selfish. It seems as if we are always giving out to others but taking care of yourself is important too!

8. Schedule yourself to come to work late or schedule yourself to leave early.

9. Volunteer your time to do something totally different than what your work demands. I volunteer every year for the Salvation Army ringing the bell at Christmas. I only take two or three scheduled shifts but I find it to be some of the most relaxing and uplifting experiences.

10. Attend a small group or Bible study that helps you to grow spiritually as well as deepening relationships with those around you. Be completely honest with your small group about what you are doing that physically drained you and ask them to pray for you.

As always, consult your HR department or talk to your supervisor to make sure that what you are doing is an approved activity and appropriate time off is scheduled. You may be thinking to yourself, I deserve it but in reality good communication goes a long way.

I remember taking a half hour off early one day after a busy travel day, and not feeling physically well at the time. I shot a text to my boss to say that I was taking a few minutes off early. His response? He wrote back, "Good for you! Take off what you need!"

Psalms 23:2-3
He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name.

When We Pray -- Revive Us!

 Let me take a few moments in this blog to let you take a peek into a very intimate gathering of ministers who have gathered today from counties all over the northern state of Indiana. I am sitting with pastors and church leaders just now as prayers are spoken and passionately shared. It is so good to gathered in prayer! From across northern Indiana pastors and ministry leaders gathered on September 19, 2019 at Plymouth Crossroads Church. The invitation was sent and over 50 showed up to do nothing but pray!

This was a very personal and intimate gathering that quickly because a sacred space where many shared concerns in prayer. Many offered very personal requests and offered up the most vulnerable of concerns.

They did not gather to plan. They did not meet with an agenda. They did not even where name tags to include the name of their church. Instructions were simple, "Only put your name and county of origin on your name tag and pray!"

Three categories were prayed about: The Nation, the State of Indiana, and the Church. No one dominated! No one dictated! No one focused on themselves. Those that prayed were worshipful and prayed scripture. Only praise to God was given up!

Representing many churches, coming from many different counties, and many nations were present, we came to pray. As I write this blog, I am also stopping to pray and write, prayer a little more and write.

Pastors and ministry leaders are some of the most passionate when they pray! They are transparent in their time of prayer! They are not instructive but inspired by God’s presence! They are not guarded but confessed failings and faults. They humbled themselves among strangers that gathered.

Scattered around the intimate room, they gathered comfortably in sacred spaces throughout the room. This room was a sanctuary of hope and thanksgiving! Many prayed for peace, patience, and petitioned for others!

There were honest to God and prayed faith-filled words! Speak life - Pour out Yourself - We give You praise - Let us abide in You  - No matter the cost ... 

Prayers were spoken for those in local leadership; those in government leadership. Non-partisan and non-political, they prayer that God would bless this nation! They prayed for vision and hope!

It was truly remarkable as they prayed for the state in for one another as pastors. The leader that brought everyone together is Gordon Henke. He concluded the meeting by reminding everyone that, “The glory goes to God. It is not about ownership, it’s about obedience.”

One of the pastors stated that we are, “Pastoring not a church, but a region. We are united as the body of Christ.” There were those that shared visions and dreams that provide hope and healing for this land! There is no way this article could capture all that happened today in this prayer movement but it continues!

 This gathering will continue on a quarterly basis. Pastors are encouraged to sign up and be further engaged if they are pastoring from the counties in the northern state. They would go to Northern Indiana Pastors on Facebook.

When You’re Feeling BLUE: Thoughts Along the Way.

We’ve all been there from time to time. There are always days when we feel blue in a little down. It’s never pleasant but it is a reality that we must face before it has deep implications.

Just recently I heard about a pastor who was very involved in his community and to the surprise of everyone, took his life. Clinical specialist work with people or dealing with depression every day. Clinical depression is at all-time epidemic levels. Often times I share my thoughts with you and they are usually very positive and hopefully this one will end on an upswing. Hang in there as you read.

I meet new people every day. Many times people say to me, "How are you doing?" Perhaps to their surprise I often give the response, "I have no complaints but, I’m open to suggestions!" I try to remain optimistic as I interact with others. I have an intentional goal of making other people feel better when I’m with them. It works most of the time. Sometimes my quirky response doesn’t come across as well as I hoped. Sometimes my humor isn’t appreciated.

Nevertheless, I enjoy speaking to restaurant waitresses or convenient store clerks or even a stranger that I come across in my travels. If you’ve read any of my previous post you’ll know that I always ask people how I can pray for them. Sometimes I don’t even know who they are but, I hope that my sincere request is meaningful to them. Just yesterday, I said this to a waitress who wept as she told me her life circumstance and what she was dealing with. I told her that what she said was very confidential and she need not worry about the impression she left with me.

People are hurting! Often hidden behind a mask people are dealing with discouragement and even depression. I’ve been there too. I think we all can relate to times when we are overwhelmed or impacted by life circumstances in negative ways. There are surprises await us that seem to jump out from nowhere causing this hardship and pain.

Given the day and age that we live, I thought I would write about it and offer you four simple thoughts that perhaps you can use to monitor yourself and perhaps there is a solution just around the corner. Using the letters of BLUE, let me offer some ideas.


1. Believe. The first letter that I want to encourage you with offers up the word believe. The thread that perhaps weaves throughout our lives that offers us hope and even encourages our faith is to believe.

Nestled within that word is another word, lie. Yes, in the midst of our desire to believe is a reminder that lies are more painful than we would like to think. To believe is to wrestle with lies and deception. In fact, it is a hurdle that we must overcome.

In simple terms, I want to remind you that you can push through the terrible deception of our own negative thoughts or difficult circumstances and Deepend upon the truth of God’s love. It is what we build upon. It is the bedrock of what we can believe in.


2. Laugh. There are some people who are very serious and believe that if they open up that part of their lives, to be vulnerable that it will be negative. To laugh or to cry, it is an emotion that we must include in our every day activities in life. I saw sign once at a restaurant when I was having breakfast that offer three simple words; eat, love, pray. I like those three simple words because they are indeed simple. Each of them a bear a resemblance of connection with others. To demonstrate emotions is important. To encourage others is paramount. To laugh with others is the pentacle of life!

I always carry with me at least one joke that I can talk to people. The good news is that because I meet different people at different times I can usually tell the same joke hundreds of times before it gets old. As long as that joke is affirming and doesn’t denigrate anyone, in the firms and doesn’t destroy.

Whether it is laughter or tears, it’s important to express your feelings with others so that you could be an encourager, touching the very heart and soul of another.



3. Understand. Take time to do an inventory in your own life. Thank deeply so that you may gain understanding of why you feel the way you do. Gaining understanding of what is causing you to feel negative or down so that you can build a perspective about what is really going on. In reality, it may be  just a temporary host of a negative emotion that will pass in a few days but if it is much deeper in ongoing, seek a deeper understanding with a counselor or your physician. Chronic and clinical depression is something that we can learn from and seek help with.

Many times there are those that we see in isolation that we should come in contact with and simply ask how can I help you? Asking people to share what is heavy on their heart doesn’t take long. It’s so important that we pray for people but that we also "listen, listen" first before giving pat answers or superficial advice.

Never hesitate To offer your assistance. Never hesitate to listen. Never hesitate to respond.


4. Engage. I’ve often said that as a pastor that if I ever fell down or discouraged about my circumstances that I would take time to make a hospital call or to visit a shut-in or to provide care and comfort to someone in need. It is pretty remarkable how my concerns seem to fade into the background as I help others in need.

Unfortunate that as we deal with depression how insidious this disease is. It often causes people to isolate themselves from others rather than engage with others. Too often we set ourselves apart from others when indeed the very solution may be to reach out to others!

I write this knowing that I am not a licensed social worker or clinical psychiatrist. In fact, you may be reading this and neither are you. Nevertheless, it’s important to address this topic and to be willing to be responsive to the needs of others. Allow them to share their feelings whether it be in anger, or tears, or complaints. Be a buffer to listen, listen first. Do not be quick to answer. Do not be quick to solve their problem. Ask questions so that you can gain an understanding of how you can best care
for them. Bring a specialist into your conversation. Let someone know that you care enough to bring someone who can help.

Remind yourself as well, when you feel alone and depression becomes a reality, you can also look to these for ideas and begin to unpack the concern that weighs heavy on your own heart. As Christians we can look to 1 Peter 5:7 -- "Cast all your cares on God because he cares for you."

Believe. Laugh. Understand. Engage.

Not Because I’m Good.

I have the tremendous opportunity to travel around the state of Indiana meeting with pastors and ministry leaders. On any given month, I can average between 17 and 20 ministerial groups that gather for prayer and encouragement as well as planning community events. I consider it a real honor to be able to eavesdrop on these special meetings with pastors. I know for me, in my own community of Grant County, Indiana, I enjoy the fellowship of ministry leaders who gather for prayer and encouragement that lifts my spirit!

So many are unaware of the tremendous load the pastors carry and these gatherings are an opportunity to lift each other up as they lead ministries throughout their community. As part of these gatherings, they talk about some incredible ministry that they provide including emergency funding to low income families or services to meet the needs of those who are their neighbors. Many of these groups collect funds in support food pantries that are literally helping thousands of people, while also demonstrating the love of Christ through these ministries.

It’s also an opportunity for ministry updates and to be encouraged as stories are shared. I’m always inspired as I attend these groups because I see the sacrificial commitment of pastors and community leaders who give of their own resources to help others.

While attending one of these meetings a story was told that truly is remarkable. It's a story written by Daniel Montgomery and Timothy Paul Jones in the book, PROOF: Finding Freedom through the Intoxicating Joy of Irresistible Grace. It is a story of adoption that clearly conveys the love that Christ has for us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. It’s a statement of love and grace.  I read a quote recently that reminds me that our past is a piece of reference not a place of residence. This simple reminder, in part, is what we all need to remember. Let me summarize the story as it was shared with me.

The story is of an adopted child who was not allowed to participate in all of the family activities. Yes, that’s remarkable to think about. As it turned out, that child was placed back into foster care and eventually the opportunity became available to be adopted. Yet, the pain and difficulty of the previous home was dramatic and difficult for such a young child. Quite often the child’s activities were limited to only natural children in this home. One trip was to Disney World where the adopted child was not allowed to be in attendance because this was a "family event." As you can imagine, this child was further traumatize through this exclusion. The child often felt that it was because she was a bad child or that she had done something wrong and she was not able to participate.

Observing this was another family, who knew of this child and eventually had the opportunity to adopt that child into their family through foster care. One of the trips that they planned was particularly developed so that this adopted child could experience a family vacation. They planned a trip to go to Disney as a family. The adoptive child was included in those plans.

Leading up to the trip however, the adopted child begin to act out in negative ways. As the trip neared and the packing began, this child begin to act negatively and cause trouble for the other siblings in the family. Even during the first few days of the trip, the adopted child acted very poorly and would often create trouble and a fuss. Eventually the child presented less and less of a problem and was better behaved. It was as if the child ran out of fuel and all the fuss.

Later, during one of those evenings during the trip to Disney, the father sat on the bed of the young child who was adopted into their family. He simply said, "What do you think of the trip so far?" A little girl, very much aware of her fuss and misbehavior, responded by telling of some of the exciting things that she saw and did during the trip. The father affirmed the little girl by talking about some of the things that he also enjoyed about having her along for the family vacation.

To the father’s surprised, the adopted daughter quieted and softly said, "I am not on this trip because I’m good but because I’m yours."

Remarkably, the story demonstrates the grace that our Lord has for us that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. It’s such a remarkable story about his love and grace. The meaning of the story is significant. Sometimes we tend to believe that the Lord response to us and rewards us because we are good but in reality, we cannot earn his love. At some point in our Christian journey we discover that we could never be good enough but, He accepts us into His family because He chooses to! We become His through the incredible gift of Grace and mercy, not because we are good but because we are His!

Love Wins Out!

I was sitting with a group of people recently when an interesting statement was made. It caused me to think about how positive the statement was. It was like a refreshing breeze. It was like a shooting star. It was like a surprising gift that comes unexpectedly.

This message came by way of negative circumstances, like the ones we may often have. We were listening to people recitr problem that were significantly large. The problems we were talking about was overwhelming.

All of a sudden the statement uttered was a game-changer. The man broke our negative tone by saying, "Love wins out!" That simple statement changed the atmosphere! That statement increased our hope! That statement gave us more faith! That simple phrase pointed to the solution!

That phrase came out of some life experience that was helpful in our discussion. The gentleman that offered that phrase had gone through experiences that were very difficult when his grandson and granddaughter got involved in foster care. Knowing a bit of the story helped lay the foundation of a healthy discussion that ultimately brought us hope during our conversation.

The backdrop offered the context before believe system that love wins out. Win this gentleman‘s grandson got involved in foster care, there were tremendous amount of difficulty that ensued. Children in their care came from a very broken family dynamic where there was certainly neglect and likely abuse. As he observed the incredible dynamics he was able to witness how, as he expressed love of the brokenness that could’ve been generational begin to be healed.

Incredible results occurred because they allowed love to dictate and especially in the lives of the foster children. It wasn’t being patient nor was it being too restrictive. It was allowing for grace through God’s love to bring a solution in those relationships.

Love wins out is not only a belief system that brings hope but life-style motto about how to demonstrate God’s love. Love wins out says that no matter the difficulty or the personal struggle, you will always love. Love wins out is the opportunity to allow healing hope. Love wins out says that you will provide love, unconditionally. Love wins out means that you will always be as supportive as you can, no matter the difficulties.

Later I was able to have lunch with the individual who authored such a profound and meaningful expression. The gentleman stated that he would always tell his children and grandchildren that no matter how difficult it gets, love wins out.

I am reflecting on how much hope this man has. Even in the most desperate situations, love wins out. I’m also reflecting on the words of Jesus who said of Himself,"I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me..." (John 10:14) what a terrific message that we all can use to encourage our own walk with Jesus. Love wins out.

The message of this good shepherd throughout the New Testament is a message of eternal life, a hope that knows no boundaries. Because of the generous sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we can be filled with an everlasting hope, an optimism about God’s kingdom; through Jesus we know that love wins out!