What If The Church Got Involved in Foster Care?

Just imagine, for just a few moments what could happen as churches get involved. What if, your church got involved in the lives of those in foster care and adoption? I don’t mean just promoting and encouraging people to get licensed to provide the care of our most vulnerable children in their homes. As good as that is, what if this became a ministry of the local church? What if, one out of every other church took a sincere interest in the lives of children and youth through foster care? What if, a church came along side every foster parent and provided support and a break through mentoring and other activities?

Church is the right place for this kind of ministry. We can not deny the biblical evidence of the role the church should play in this ministry! We only need to look up Orphan in the Bible dictionary to read the about the high importance the God places in those most vulnerable!

There are over 400,000 children throughout the United States that are in foster care and adoption ready. The church could have a profound impact on the very lives of the next generation! The need is great and the message is clear, as Francis Chan teaches on the book of James, saying, What if, (paraphrased) every church in the United States took an interest in one child, we could end this statistic. Read more.

There are several reasons that the church could make a profound impact on the lives of such a precious natural resource, our children and youth.

1. Mission-fit Ministry.

The Bible makes it clear that the Church has a responsibility to care for Orphans. In much of Western Culture the Orphan are not only those needing adopted but also those in Foster Care. This is "the church's next mission" as Dr. John DeGarmo suggests in his article of the same title.

Today’s churches have a tremendous mission opportunity before them; the mission to help children in foster care. Sadly, with roughly 500,000 children in foster care in the United States, the need is so very strong. - DeGarmo

The church is a design that was formed out of the early book of Acts as a helping ministry (see Act 2). Beyond this, we find much of the mandate of the church is to love the world and care for the needy. 

2. Compassion Runs Deep.

The church is a place where compassion runs deeply (mostly). Not every church does this well but most do. When there is a national crisis or emergency, it is the church that steps up first and gives the necessary charity.

Still, religious people, those with at least some college education and families with college students were more likely to donate and to volunteer than everyone else.  American Generosity After Disaster.

The church is a front line of defense in the defense of the vulnerable. They are the organizations that have historically started more Orphan ministries, Hospitals, Social Services, and Justice Reform than others in the U.S. The very ethos of the church is a response to what the Bible has to say about compassionate ministries. The story of the Good Samaritan is a key to this ethos. The idea to love your neighbor as part of the Golden Rule is etched into it's very identity.  They read James 1:27 and take it to mean that they are to literally get involved in the needs of the Orphan.

3. Resources are Available.

Along with generosity is the idea of abundance. The church is filled with generous people yet, as an organization they are united to provide resources that can make a difference in it's mission. The Christian Church us filled with many ministry-minded objectives that are based on Jesus and His ministry of care and compassion yet we also see that they are resourceful. They have the ability to get involved.

Resources are vital in the care and cause of the most vulnerable. They have the ability to utilize their united calling. Dr. John DeGarmo, in his book, Faith and Foster Care, he documents how the church can respond to needs. He quotes Romans 12:6-8 and highlights the talents of people that make up the organization of the church. He outlines several ministries the church could easily get involved in and often lead to help the Orphan and those in Foster Care. He first of all states that prayer is foremost. He writes;

There are a number of ways a church can pray for a foster child and his foster family....A prayer team can also begin praying for the children even before he is placed into his foster home, praying that the transition is as smooth and as comfortable as possible. (Page 126)

The church has the capacity to understand prayer in response to the needs that there are in foster care.  They read passages from the Bible like Matthew 25:36-37 and immediately make the connection that serving the Orphan is likened to serving Christ. This becomes a key religious experience and practice for the church.

4. Preserving the Future.

In addition, the ministry to vulnerable children and youth involves everyone! The church recognizes that every generation needs to be impacted and be a world changer for Christ. Many, if not most churches have a children's ministry. If they don't they make this one of the first ministries they start!
They see their role as investors into the lives of others. The church is likened unto the Friends Church which saw the need of Orphaned children through Josiah White. He stated several ministries including White's Residential and Family Services to care for the most vulnerable. Today, this organization carried on his Will and testament to care for children and youth as Christ instructed his disciples. Jesus said to let the children come unto Himself (Matthew 19:14). More can be read here.

Therefore, what if is not just a phrase woven into this article asking us to think and dream of an active church in the ministry to the most vulnerable. It is lived out as a mission and purpose of existing. It is representing Christ in the ministry of the local church.

The following are three simple acts the church can do today in response to the needs of the most vulnerable; children and youth in Foster Care and Adoption Ministries.


A. Daily Prayer.

A healthy church prays.  The first line of defense for churches and it's community is prayer. The church can reach out to God in prayer on behalf of needs.  As a reminder of this, Dr. John DeGarmo says that, "Prayer is a powerful tool." (Pg 57) In his book, Faith and Foster Care, he cites John 15:7 that reads, "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."  Certainly the care of vulnerable children is in His Will.  It is what God expects us to do.  Just google "bible and orphan and see what I mean. In my case I was given over 13 million results of which one cited 41 Bible versus about Orphans.


B. Demonstrated Care.

The Bible, as the guidebook for the church offers hundreds of ideas on ministry and most prominent is the ministry to widows and orphans. Yes, these two social groups are tied together. Perhaps it is because those are the groups that often has no rights and were most vulnerable in every community. This is not much different today.

The church can demonstrate in relevant and practical ways. There is something everyone can do to affect change.

The church can meet the needs of the foster child without it even costing them anything!  The people of the church can get involved in hundreds of ways to help demonstrate the love of God to those in need. Dr. John DeGarmo offers one of many ideas. He simply says we can bring "HOPE. A future. As a foster parent, you have the potential of bringing a future home to a child." (Pg 47)

He further offers a simple, yet effective way to demonstrate God's love. He writes;

"Are you aware that hundreds of thousands of foster children have never had a present to open on Christmas Day? This reality alone makes me sad. To think that a child is sitting in a home, right now, on his birthday, and there is no one who will sing "Happy Birthday" to him, no cake or ice cream party, no presents with his name on them, no one to make him feel special." (Pg 47)

C. Devoted Concern.

The final idea that I want to express is that no one may even think about the plight of an Orphaned child or a child in Foster Care. That is until a church decides to devote just a little bit of concern. I speak in churches all the time and everyday I speak to pastors. I know that the majority of those I connect with have not even given the slightest thought in recent days of the plight of a vulnerable child. Ministry is just too busy for people to think about every need that there is.

I am not raising this concern because I want to make people feel guilty. It is a fact that unless someone tell them, they will not know. Many have a misunderstanding of the issues of Foster Care. See my article on the Myths of Foster Care. Unless they hear someone talk about it or see advertisement, they will not likely even think about those whom Jesus cared for most. I can prove that Jesus thought of the needs of vulnerable children. In John 3 we find Jesus using children as an example of His Kingdom. He could have likened this to anything but when he spoke of His Kingdom, He spoke of children. He even helps us to understand (as does the Apostle Paul) that we too are adopted into His Kingdom. We become His child.

I offer that the church should have Foster Care and adoption ministries woven like a thread in all they do around the world as well as in their neighborhood.

I like what Dr. Krish Kandiah said at the Global Leadership Conference regarding ministry to those in Foster Care or Adoption; "As leaders, we are called to see potential in people when others only see problems, hope when others see chaos, opportunities when others see obstacles." Some may say that this ministry is hard and complex but I say, as quoted from Edgar Allan Poe; "Never to suffer would never to have been blessed."

These are the options before the church. We should and can get involved so that we too can have a greater understanding of the love and grace of Christ who adopted us into His Kingdom. 

You Forgot Your Tequila!

I was awakened early one morning by my wife. "What’s going on?" I asked her. She was startled by the electronic device that monitored the tethering device of one of our foster teens. She was concerned and shared that One of our foster daughter’s had run away, setting off the device. I assured her that it wasn’t likely but, perhaps she stepped just outside. The device seemed indicate that she was nearby the house.

I told my wife that I would just take a peek outside and call her in. As I stepped outside wearing my traditional, yet modest pajamas I was surprised at what I discovered. Through the quiet echo of whispers, I peered into the dark to discover that there were quite a few other teens that gathered just outside our home. I think that I startled them as much as they startled me. To all of our surprise, I ran toward them! They scattered in six different directions, setting off neighborhood spotlights and even surprising the dogs in the neighborhood.

Coming to my senses, I suddenly remembered that they must’ve driven and park their car nearby. Upon further investigation, sure enough, I found their car. I also found some of the alcohol that they left behind. After getting our foster daughter into the house I proceed to taunt to them from their car. I shouted into the woods, loud enough for them to hear, "You can come out now, it’s a long walk home!"

After a while, my little game lacked the fun. On my way back to the house, suddenly the car roared with enthusiasm as they made their escape. Holding the bottle of tequila that they left behind, I turned to chase the car. Yelling and shaking the bottle of tequila I begin to yell, "You forgot your tequila! You forgot your tequila!" Again, coming to my senses, I begin to hear the faint echo of my wife’s whispers as she said, "The neighbors are watching you!"

Through that experience we felt as if we had failed somehow. Our efforts and desire was to help foster teen girls maintain good conditions and seek improvements to their situation. Our home was considered the last stop before the Department of Corrections. Many of the girls knew this yet, maintained at-risk behaviors.

Early the next day the inevitable did occur. It was clearly a violation of the rules of probation and She was going to be relocated. Our hearts sank as she packed up her belongings to move to the juvenile youth home. That location provided more security and supervision, being that it was a lockdown facility. We maintained a connection as best we could but eventually we were only reading headlines.

One such headline that caught our attention was in the form of a phone call. Someone called to inform us that a tragic event had occurred and one of our former foster daughter’s family. (Eventually, she did return home where this tragedy had occurred.) Sparing you the details let me get to the story. I was immediately caught up in the drama and drove to the nearby hospital where she had been taken. I learned that she suffered to gunshot wounds to the head, while others in her family were severely impacted as well. Her father ended up taking his own life thinking that he had completed his dreadful act.

The bright spot in all of this tragic series of events was that Our foster daughter’s injuries did not do severe damage. In fact, she was out of the hospital within days, some incredible miracle. Unfortunately, her siblings we’re not as fortunate. One dead, others recovering from severe injuries.

A few years passed and we continued to take in foster teens. We often thought about our opportunity to foster at-risk girls and we did our best to try to keep up with happenings in her life. Eventually, however we had lost touch.

One morning, my fellow minister and I got together for breakfast. We talked about the ministry and the opportunities we have in life to be light and salt in our world. We would get together on occasion to share about our ministry experiences and offer insights and accountability. We talked about how often we plant seeds that we never know what could develop.

Often I’m reminded even today, that the problem is never the sower nor the seed. We know that the soil comes in different forms. Yet, we believe that God‘s word never returns void and his love is eternal. I believe that our role in doing foster care was to plant seeds. Through appropriate love and simple acts of kindness we were able to make a difference in the lives of others. The issues and life circumstances are always different in those that we attempt to care for. We never know just what God is up to as we remain faithful to our Calling and ministry.

As me and my friend finished our meal, as often was our practice, we prayed to uplift each other in our ministry. We argued over who would pay the check but, in this instance, I had won that fight.
As I took out my wallet and begin to handover my payment for breakfast, a voice from my past whispered to my hearing. The voice came from a young woman, "Pastor Rick, do you remember me?" Looking up, and to my surprise stood a young woman. My mind immediately connected and which I responded, "Yes! How are you doing?"

We exchanged a few words and the update was so refreshing to me as she shared with me. This was a new job for her and she was still learning but we were both happy she was scheduled today because we were able to reconnect. I cannot get over how mature she appeared. I complemented her and gave her a few updates of my own.

As we ended our conversation, much too quickly, she startled me by her next question, "May I give you a hug?" I was never more blessed because in that moment, everything that we had hoped for in her seem to be realized in that fleeting moment. I responded quickly, "Of course you can." I continued, "You will have to give me two hugs because I’ve got to take one home with me to give to Cindi."

Sometimes the Lord allows us a glimpse of what He is up to in the lives of others. I’ve often heard it said, and it has become a life quote for me, "You impress people from a distance but you impact them up close." In our efforts to care for others we want to make an impact that has eternal consequences, bringing hope and transformation in their lives. We are merely passing on the  blessings that God has given to us in the form of a glorious seed that God will nurture and develop.

Our role is to be faithful and little and allow God to produce a great harvest.

Revival Motivates Us To Evangelism.

If you read my last two entries on the subject of revival, you will learn the definition of revival and the impact on the church. Today, I want to share with you a third article related to revival. This time, I believe that an additional benefit to revival as well as the inclusion of others includes evangelism.

In biblical terms, Evangelism is proclaiming the coming of the Lord. (Luke 10) It is illustrated by the Parable of the Sower. (Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, and Luke 8:4-15) We can understand the impact of this as we read the book of Acts.

Stained Glass of the Sower at
God’s House, Marion

Revival is the what that creates the how that develops the who to meet the spiritual needs of everyone in your community. Let me break that down.


1. The What.

Revival is the work of God that makes our faith real. The result of God’s presence stirs the church to be renewed; some may say, "set a fire." Whatever the metaphor or illustration, we can sense God’s presence in new ways. Revival draws us to the heart of God. It is what happens as people seek God.

ReviveIndiana is a group that is positioned to lead the church and community in revival. Their three values they look for as they come into a community include: Hunger, Humble, and Unity. (I like to think of it as H2U.)

These three values help define the tone and depth of readiness. As we include these values into community, we can find the ingredients that help us discern so that the next steps can be taken.

I have observed that in every community, there are many different churches. Even in the smallest town, there are usually two or more. This is a good thing but especially if there is cooperation on Spiritual matters; on the essentials of our faith.

In my early years in pastoral ministry I lived in Elkhart, Indiana. I got involved in a community initiative called, March for Jesus. Helping to lead this initiative provided me with an interesting insight. I saw how churches came together under the unified banner of Jesus. Internationally, it was a tremendous witness as we worshipped from the rising of the sun to it’s setting.

The what is revival that is community-wide. March for Jesus was one expression of revival. It brought a renewed and meaningful expression of renewal.


2. The How.

The strategy of God at work becomes the how. God has a plan and calls upon His people to act. I can remember many times developing strategies with teams of people that falls outside of the purpose of the initiative. We can create a lot of work for ourselves that’s unnecessary.

However, as we come to understand God‘s purpose and mission, we further gain a deeper understanding of just how he endeavors to work. God chooses to use us in ways that are developed through his Spirit and by our giftedness. Sometimes we wait to plan and sometimes we plan on waiting but neither are good options when it comes to how God chooses to plan. Certainly, there is a timetable and we must do our best to find out what that is but we should always be inclined to act as God spirit directs.

Sunflower grown in my
home backyard.

Details come together as people work together. The conversation goes from pointing fingers at others to hands of involvement, bringing our talents and spiritual gifts together. When done right, the question is never on scarcity but one of abundance! We find that reaching the who is much easier! The harvest is ready for the those that gather to work together in bringing in others needing discipled.

It is likened to a sunflower. Though it can start as just one seed, it produces many, many more.



3. The Who.

The who are those that God wants to reach. They are the harvest that is ready. In fact, it is a "white harvest." It is defined as a white harvest. "a harvest when the ground is white from hoarfrost: a late  harvest." (Merriam-Webster) Consider reading this article related to white harvest.

Evangelism is not just an outflow of a movement that God is working. It is a lifestyle that is transformed by God. It is demonstrated by our desire to share our faith of Christ with everyone we meet.

I like to imaging this part of the movement as blessing others. It is one beggar showing other beggars where to find bread! That is the bread of life, Jesus. This is optimistic and hope-filled. This draws others. This returns an abundance from our investment.

Evangelism is about sharing our faith, through testimony but, most importantly, through the Word of God. Acts of service is in-part but our works must include the Word of God.

The sower and the seed are never the problem. It is the soil where it falls. It is the soil that is prepared and carefully cultivated that can produce best results.

Bottom line: Revival is what we should pray for and seek, which leads to how God chooses to work, in and through us, which always leads to who He wants to reach! The question remaining is when? That is ultimately up to you! Remember, He said that the fields are "white harvest" ripe and ready for you.

Will you participate?

My Rejection Therapy With a Purpose List!

Recently I heard an inspiring message given by Jia Jiang who spoke at the Global Leadership Summit on rejection. His powerful and funny message is so very helpful. Watch his Ted Talk. His talk challenged his listeners to take a dare to be rejected. In doing this we can learn to cope with rejection. I am impressed and inspired so I am creating a few of my own. I call my list, "couragiosity". It is both courageous and curious. 

Over the years I have taken risks and plugged into the unknown. In ministry and for the sake of others, I have attempted to overcome my fears and reach many who are have been forgotten in society. Though, I am not the most courageous person, I have made efforts to do the unusual. I have been known to do challenging things, almost like taking a dare. I am not talking about doing dangerous stunts, nevertheless I found myself in unusual places. Taking risks can be purposeful, if you dare to care about other's needs.

Let me share a few daring efforts I have done over the years. You might call these items "Rejection Therapy with a purpose!"

1. Going to jail and prisons. I’ve come to enjoy the ministry of going beyond prison bars to reach people who are often forgotten.

2. Eating a meal with inmates prepared over prison cell toilet. Others thought I was crazy when I sat down to share a meal at the Chowchilla Correctional facility in California. When I said down with a group of ladies who were sharing their commissary meal together, I decided to join them. While I was eating they told me how the meal was made by gathering together different items and cooking it over an open toilet in their prison cell.

3. Walking into a home of drug dealers. I was used to going into the inner-city to mentor at risk youth. On one such occasion I walked into the house only to be met by quite a few gang members who are sorting out drugs and guns. We scared each other! After I explained that I was a pastor they escorted me to the right home of the at risk youth that I was wanting to meet up with.

4. Having a gun drawn on me. The story will take more time than necessary but let me just simply summarize to say that when you decide to confront somebody for the wrong doing you just never know what could happen. After talking to man out of shooting me I was able to pray with him. Let’s just say that my wife was not too happy when I told her the details.

5. Being a CASA. Thousands of people are court appointed special advocates in the court systems for at-risk children. I’m not that unusual to have been involved in looking out for the needs of children in the court room. I’m on my friends however, very few have participated.

6. Being a foster care parent. Each and every day there are incredible needs of children and youth being placed in Foster Care. While there are risks, There are great rewards. We did foster care for eight years for at-risk youth.

7. Serving the homeless. Connecting one on one with homelessness is something that many people avoid. Over the years I have come to enjoy meeting the needs of such people. You could imagine that many are intimidated by the overwhelming needs.

8. Picking up hitch-hikers. There were many times that I saw this as an opportunity to engage in the relationships of those I provide transportation for. My wife wasn’t always thrilled that I was giving rides to complete strangers and especially having my young children in the car with me. Sometimes taking a risk is rewarding when you think about meeting the needs of others.

9. Ringing the Salvation Army Red Kettle Bell. It really doesn’t sound that difficult yet there are so many who are intimidated by this simple act. You come across a lot of strangers and you gee strange looks yet this is such a worthy cause be involved in.

10. Praying aloud publicly with strangers. Perhaps it’s because I like people that I find it easier than most to chat with complete strangers. Many struggle to develop conversations with them. I’d like to take it one step further and offered to pray for people, even if they are complete strangers. It takes a little bit more boldness to do this but it’s well worth it.

It’s interesting to note that the more times that I practice these habits how much easier it is to do them in the future. The first few times I can recall how uncomfortable I felt but over time I found strategies that made it easier.

Here is my new list of the top 10 risks I plan to take in the coming months. You can call these  "Rejection Therapy with a purpose." Or, as I have already said, "couragiosity".

1. Asking a pilot if I can fly their airplane! Besides being afraid of heights and only flown in a small plane one other time, this makes me very nervous. I have flown commercial on large jets with ease. Little pints make me sick. Having the courage to ask a seasoned pilot if I could fly his plane makes me really nervous.

2. Choose to stay the night at a local homeless shelter. Sleeping in the barracks-style dorm with homeless people will take a great deal of courage.

3. Take the challenge from DareMe.com. I can’t wait to take a look at some of the incredible opportunities before me, I dare myself to take a leap

4. Hold up a cardboard sign on the street corner reading, "Give $1 for the homeless!" We’ve all seen them standing outside of the grocery stores in on street corners holding up signs. I wonder what this will feel like!

5. Ask a farmer if I could drive his combine tractor. Driving large farm equipment is very intimidating. Equally intimidating is asking the farmer that you don’t really know if you can drive his farm equipment.

6. Going to my local Dunkin’ Donuts and asking for a free dozen of donuts so that could give them away to patrons in the store. I’m pretty sure they’re asking for donuts will be easy but giving them away to complete strangers may be a little weird.

7. Knocking on several neighborhood doors of complete strangers asking if I could display a yard sign in their yard about foster care.

8. Post on Facebook & other social media asking if people would be willing to ....

9. Ask a police official if they would lock me up in a jail cell for one night.

10. Asking people during church service to write down three items they dare me to do and then do as many as I can - legally!

Taking a dare can be challenging. It stretches your comfort zones and deepens your experiences. I am not always willing to take on new challenges but as I do I find that it gets easier. As I take on the "Rejection Therapy" challenge I want to do it with purpose. The growth I experience will hopefully be a positive experience in others.

6° of Separation: Making The Most Important Connection!

We’ve all heard the theory about 6° of separation. Invented in 1929, the commonly known concept says that we are six or fewer connections away from meeting key relationships. Check out this history here. Even  more impressive is the popular game called, "6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon."

Today, I want to focus this blog entry on the concept of 6° of separation but with a bit of a twist. From a spiritual standpoint, there is something to be gained as we consider how we can connect with the greatest of relationships, God the Creator of the universe. Of course, this relationship is simple. It is through prayer, but, there’s more to it than just the religious action of folding our hands and closing our eyes.

Follow along with me on a journey to a personal connection that we all can experience through 6° of separation. In truth, we may want to even say 6° to making an incredible connection with the incredible God!

I’m a connector. One of the traits that I’m known for is networking and making connections with others. I enjoy building relationships with new people and even more, having the opportunity to deepen those relationships in a significant way. I like to think that I have a desire to bring something into the relationship, not just take something away.

In the work that I do now, I am continually reaching out to pastors and ministry leaders for the sake of connecting foster children with loving homes. At times, I have the opportunity to take the relationship deeper as children and youth are fostered and adopted into loving homes. Perhaps in the same way, we too can become adopted into a loving eternal family, God’s family.

How does that happen? How is it that we can become a part of the incredible inheritance that God has for us?

Romans 8:17
And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

The Bible talks about adoption through so many examples in the Old Testament and a significant theological understanding throughout the New Testament. It’s impossible to fully understand this until we have recognized that we are abandoned and that God, through his infinite love, has brought us into his family.

Romans 8:15 reads; So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."

Let’s take a journey as I share with you the 6° of separation; principally speaking, those things which bring your connection with God closer!


1° For All Have Sinned.

Something happened and it wasn’t our fault. It happened long before you and I entered the world as we know it today. It was a decision that was made by those who God created in which we are now descendants of many generations later.

You may think to yourself that it’s not fair but the effects of sin are all around us nevertheless. The decision of one couple, Adam and Eve who sharing in the blame of a terrible decision to disobey the perfect order God had established for them in a wonderful garden.

Before you become self-righteous we should realize that we likely would have made a similar decision. The choice was before them which impacted countless generations leading up to our very own. The world is now broken and there is brokenness in every aspect of this world including the family.

Romans 3:23
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

It’s a realization that we must accept. In fact, it is our current reality. Just look around or read any newspaper headline and it’s unavoidable. Soon this generation. This world is broken. It’s not even God‘s fault because the decision was made that broke his plan and also his heart.


2° I Sin.

You’re just like me. We compare ourselves  with others to find a way to justify who we are. We may even say that we’re not as bad as someone else. We compare ourselves to those that have murdered or those who are purely evil and say that we are better than "those kind of people."

That maybe true that we do things better, but it doesn’t, by any means, make us righteous. We too sin. Each and every day we may find ourselves tempted in-which results in sinful actions in thought or in deed.

Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus   our Lord.

As we personalize this theology, we look at ourselves in the mirror and recognize the sin in our lives. If we humble ourselves and recognize this it will bring us one step closer to the relationship and connection we long for.


3° The Gift of God.
A cruel creator would’ve left us in this state of disconnection and chaos. We would’ve been abandoned. Yet, God our Creator did not. He worked at developing a way to restore this relationship. He came up with a plan B.

Romans 5:8
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Throughout the old testament he called out to average people to communicate His message of love and restoration. He chose leaders and prophets and kings in order to get His message across. He created a system of sacrifice through the priest in order to pay for their transgressions. He went so far as to send His only begotten son to pay the price for our sin.
We all like to receive gifts but it is ironic that so many of us try to take care of this sin problem ourselves. The gift that God offers can take care of the sin problem as well as the sins we commit. The journey doesn’t end here.

4° Confess.
Along with humility is an action we need to take that I call submission. We need to be submissive to the point of confession. We need to recognize the importance of confession. By confessing that we are born into sin and that we also practice sin, we then start the process of reconciliation. We have a need we cannot solve by ourselves.
We need to begin by recognizing that we have needs, and that gets us to the place of knowing that the solution is beyond ourselves.

Ephesians 2:8-9
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a  gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

Consider the following. You are in a relationship with someone who loves you, and you love them. If you do something to offend them, you will not hesitate to confess your offense with a simple phrase, "I am sorry." We do this because we value the relationship. We don’t want something to get in the way of our connection. Similarly, we don’t mean to create a separation in relationships. We try to build the connection because we know that building connections are key to all relationships.


5° Receive.
I love birthdays and Christmas. It doesn’t have to be my special day; I enjoy watching the excitement others experience when they open an unexpected gift. Recently my daughter graduated from college. She attended Indiana Wesleyan University. On graduation, she brought a gift for the President, Dr. David Wright. It was a graduation that occurred on graduation day! Watch how the President responded here.

Romans 10:9
If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Gifts are personal and unique. They are given with an expectation of any return on receiving a gift. I enjoy being involved in foster care and adoption. It is like receiving a gift when children feel connected. Even more when they are adopted!

The message of salvation in Christ (being connected to God in grace) is about being adopted. We receive His gift of love and belonging. As we understand that we are orphans or as we are fatherless, we realize that belonging to Him is a gift! If we receive His love, we are receiving a gift of eternal life.


6° Rejoice in Telling Others!
How would you respond if you won a contest? What if you accomplished a significant challenge like a marathon race? What if you won $1 million through the Publisher’s Clearinghouse? You would tell someone, wouldn’t you? You would post this on Facebook or Instagram. You want everyone to know.
In this journey of 6-degrees you come to a place when this new-found faith be one personal and real. It is so exciting to us to know that we are adopted; we belong.

Matthew 28:18-20
Jesus came and told his disciples, "I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth.  Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the  Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

As we discover belonging to God’s Kingdom, we naturally tell others. As we find this new family, we call the family of God; we tell others. Our joy in this connection causes us to let others know.
I am always finding ways to to share my faith! You could say that because of what I realize God has done in my life I want others also to have the realization of this profound difference he can make in their lives as well.

Each of these may be considered steps toward a personal relationship with God, the creator. As we develop further our relationship in faith, I am reminded of Philippians 1:11. It’s a verse that reminds me that there is fruit from my relationship with him. We call this salvation.

Philippians 1:11 -- May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation--the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ--for this will bring much glory and praise to God. 

What Fostering Teens Taught Me!

Our motives were pure enough. We reason that we could make a difference if we opened our home to foster children. We believed that we could make a difference in the lives of foster children and teens. What we discover, however, is that they teach us so much more!

You might call me naïve. I had little knowledge and lots of idea about making a difference. You, like me, thought that what we had to offer was far better, but in reality, humility is more important.
Let me share a few ways that foster teens have contributed in my life.

1. Don’t take my blessings for granted.

It didn’t matter any experiences I’ve ever had before. Each foster teen we had reminded me how blessed I am. Having had similar issues growing up, I thought that I knew enough to relate. In all reality, I discovered that my circumstances were a blessing in comparison.

Most foster parents are well intended as they take children and youth into their home. Most of us believe that we have something to offer. Well, this is true, but it is only part of the story. We learn very quickly, just how blessed we were by comparison. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we were better but that our experience pales in comparison to the circumstances of many foster children. Our life experience has only taught us in-part, but if we listen, we can gain so much more.

2. Being resilient is a strength.

Children and youth who enter into foster care are amazing people. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to go from moments of confusion and fear only to be placed in the home of another stranger. No matter how well we prepare to receive a child or teenager into our house, nothing can make a child for that experience.

The statistics reveal that children who enter into foster care early in life may be in over ten placements throughout their young life. They develop skills that none of us can relate to unless we have experienced this ourselves. Not even those that have moved around a lot like military kids can relate. Foster children are entering into a strange and new experience on a regular basis.

One of the things that foster children develop over time is resilience. Along with being cynical and frustrated, and even fearful, children develop this trait over time. It helps them to cope with surprises.  They may have trouble bonding and relating and also entering into "table talk" around the dinner table. These may seem like weaknesses, but in reality, they have learned to become resilient. Resilience is defined as the ability to "withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions."

We might even call it shell-shocked as we think about it from a military expression. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is often the by-product of these critical incidents in their lives. Children not only face neglect and abuse at home but even being placed in the loving, caring home environment of a foster parent can be traumatic. It’s hard to put yourself in their shoes, but you would likely respond in very similar ways. When children have to transition constantly, they come into a new environment like a foster home. You might think to yourself that you have one of the most loving and healthy environments, filled with all kinds of comforts, but for a child, or even a teen, it can be stressful.

Over the eight years that we did foster care for at-risk teens that we have in our home, we thought that if we bought their favorite food or bought them a nice outfit and even comfort blankets appropriate for the age, that this would solve everything. It is not like our children. As they came home from an exhausting day at school, a bowl of ice cream seems to make everything better. For foster children, it is not that simple.

I was so amazed as we would learn their story about how incredible these youth were. The foster teens were resilient.  Indeed, they react differently than my own children, but as I came to understand, this is a strength! They use their resilience for coping with change and out-of-control situations. As I saw this in them, the better I became as a foster parent. In fact, the better I grow as a person.

3. Defenses are self-protective responses.

This brings me to another topic that I have learned from foster teens in my home. Early on in my ministry with at-risk youth, who had been abused and severely neglected, I discovered that they have strong defenses. You might say that they created a shell around themselves.

Defenses are protective layers that are necessary to maintain mental stability and keep them from on-going abuse. Children and youth who have been abused will often carry this trait with them no matter how loving the environment can be where they reside. I write this knowing that I’m not a counselor nor a therapist by training, but my basic observation is that defenses are necessary until something can replace it that is healthy and wholesome.

Many of the girls that lived with us as foster teens had a little positive experience with men and often a very negative experience with their fathers. At first, I had very little understanding of why it was difficult for them to bond with me. I seemed like a likable guy, but often it was the fact that I was a man and my role that created the obstacle for them. Their defenses we're heightened, creating that hard shell.

Once I could recognize this, it helped me to become a better listener and softened posture and attitude. I had to learn how to be a better father figure. I didn’t have to always to be right. I didn’t have to always have an answer. I didn’t have to always be protective. I didn’t always have to be harsh. I learned, over time, that I could develop trust. This is something that I continue to work on in my life, but I certainly had several excellent teachers in those foster teens.

4. Time heals.

I could not fix what was broken. I don’t know what it is about men (and even women), but we tend to be fixers. Perhaps this is why any of us do foster care. We have customary about how we believe things can be repaired. I continue to learn this through the school of hard knocks. I fail often. Yet, something that I had to learn as a foster parent was that time heals.  Indeed it may take a lifetime for many of the scars and wounds that foster children carry with them, but over time, their perspectives change.

Trying to rush into the woundedness can be very dangerous. Somehow we believe that we can fix things quickly that took a lifetime to develop. As we unravel the pain, we can actually do more damage. Foster children teach us that we must allow time for them to heal.

Even in my own life, I know that I cannot be hurried along toward help and wholeness. Even more so with foster children. We must allow time, and properly trained professionals are vital.

Thankfully I’ve never said the harsh words, "just get over it." Perhaps by my actions, I have not allowed time to heal. I have probably placed too many expectations too early in this process. Somehow I believed that if I just set up the right kind of structure and rules that it would cure almost any issue. How wrong I was!

5. Love is patient.

Love is one of those topics; it seems to need careful definition to understand its meaning and implications. Appropriate love is perhaps a better statement as I pursue an understanding of what I have learned from foster children and youth.  Prope rlove sets boundaries that are healthy in a relationship. It is not meant to manipulate someone into action. It is not intended to place guilt or expectations that are inappropriate.

As a point of reference, I reflect on the definition the Bible gives as it says that love is patient. Read no further because we must pause right here on the word patient. To be patient doesn’t mean waiting, but it is better understood as a choice to rest in God’s plan. As we rest in Him, we discover how to love His way.

Love is always in context. It is understanding how God fits into everything. As this relates to lessons learned doing foster care is knowing that even when it seems nothing is happening, God is up to something.

I can’t tell you all the times that we have experienced this. It includes those difficult tines. It involves the unknown. It is insightful to know that God is always at work. In our resting, we learn to let go of control and let God work as only He can. It is that time when we thought we failed that God revealed to us years later how He was at work.

For us, doing foster care meant serving at-risk youth without knowing what the future holds. It meant receiving hugs from foster teens long after serving their needs. It means seeing them as adults being successful and making their own decisions that are healthy and hope-filled.
They taught us to rest in future hopes!

6. I don’t have to be perfect.

I have made my share of mistakes! You knew that, didn’t you? I have not done everything correctly. As we work with people, we will make mistakes. As we work with agencies and court services, who work with us in foster care, we will often remain humbled. Systems of care are complex. Solving problems are not easy. The depth of disappointment and pain in foster children are years in the making. It only stands to reason that these concerns will not be repaired overnight.

Though I am not perfect, nor are you, we play an important part in the process. As we commit to receive children and youth into our homes, we must remain humble and recognize that perfection is not the goal. If ever there is a target, it is not doing things correctly and rightly. It is more about staying humble and learn to listen better. It is acting as examples that are not perfect but being willing to learn more. It is saying things with caution and speaking better words of encouragement.

We have the incredible opportunity to enter into close proximity to fragile lives. It is an outstanding experience to offer what little we have in exchange for seeing the potential of foster children develop. We don’t need to be perfect, and those in our care don’t need to be either. We are working to be in partnership with the hope of healing. If we dare chose to remain less-than-perfect, we will be enriched as we journey together.

7. It is okay to pace yourself.

Foster children and youth teach us many things. Each lesson reminds us to remain humble and confident at the same time. Our confidence is not in ourselves but in the process. There are many specialists who enter into the lives of others. I have learned that I am only part of the team.

It is tempting for Foster Parents to either see themselves as miracle workers or martyrs. These two belief systems are very self-oriented. There are many sacrifices we hope others will see and even reward. There are many perspectives that we believe we have had the right perspective. We might even think that "if," "they" would do "it" a certain way that "everything" would be okay.

Can I offer that we need to pace our expectations? One of the best lessons I have learned from our foster teens is that it is okay to not have all the answers. I have learned that I need to pace my expectations! The road that people walk is so very different from mine. I have learned that as I pace myself, my expectations, and my solutions that I am actually reducing the stress of thinking and acting as if the solution is just around the corner.

In reality, the answer is in the process. The foster teens taught me to take time to resolve the complexities, and as I admit this, I can actually be a part of the solution. Just as the at-risk teens have to work through these complexities, so do we.

I’ve seen over and over how many foster parents burn out because this is a wearisome task. Perhaps the greatest lesson for me is to pace myself so that I do not grow weary in well-doing. It does no one any good if I burn out because I have put too much on my shoulders and placed too great an expectation on the foster children. We are needed for the long-haul because it will take longer than expected to remedy and unravel the mystery of healing that brings hope along the way.

Doing foster care is like the sunrise or the sunset. If we patiently rest in this experience, we can take in the beautiful array of colors and shadows, the transition of one day into the next. We might say that it is a moment by moment, day by day experience. We journey in an unknown process, but it is in that journey that we experience tremendous satisfaction knowing that we did our part. If we allow foster children and teens to teach us some things along the way, we will be better, not bitter, and develop a greater depth of love and grace.

​

Foster Care: 3 AM.

The phone rang early one morning as my wife, and I attempted to sleep. I was startled! I began to stumble as I reached for the phone. Looking at the alarm clock, it was precisely 3:00 AM. I thought, "Who could that be?" Being groggy, I answered the phone with a groan, "Hello."

The voice on the other end was unfamiliar to me; unclear as to who it was. Speaking in Spanish mixed with a little English, the caller wanted to talk to one of our foster daughters. I interrupted the caller in mid-sentence, "Do you know what time it is?" I added, "What do you want to talk to her for at this hour?"

The man on the other end of the phone attempted to tell me about how important it was that he speak with our foster daughter. He said over-and-over, "I love her!" Of course, my immediate response was "No-ooo w-a-y!" We went back-and-forth in the conversation.

Over time I came to learn that this man was from Mexico. I quickly went to the internet to do a reverse look-up on the phone number. The call came from a tiny town at the southernmost Texas border. This man was from Mexico. As he continued on the phone call, he stated that he got to know our foster daughter and was even dating her on a few of his trips in our area. We had no idea, but we learned later that they would visit with each other during school hours when we thought that she was attending classes. It turns out after further investigation that he was carrying drugs into the region from Mexico. As an aside, I served as a chaplain with the police department, and this information was eventually sent to a contact I had with an investigator. 

I reasoned that his phone call was not intended for me. He didn't want to speak with me after all. He had hoped that our fostered daughter would have picked up the phone. Likely he was in the neighborhood, so I quickly took notice by looking out the window to see if his car was in the driveway or down the road.

As bizarre as that call came was it brought to mind how at-risk these girls were who lived with us. Had they lived with their parents or any others, they would have been putting themselves at-risk more often. We were concerned about this young lady being kidnapped and maybe even taken into Mexico against her will as a part of human trafficking. At least that night, our foster daughter was safe at home.

One of the most basic requirements of being a foster parent to at-risk youth is to keep them safe and help them grow from the experience. We hoped that they would make better decisions for their future. Getting their education completed and staying off drugs as well as not putting themselves at-risk was our defining responsibility.

There’s so much that could be said as we think of each of the girls that lived with us, but we discovered through those times that our attempt to keep them safe and even demonstrate an appropriate love was not going to be easy.  It was the message we hoped would eventually sink into those extraordinary lives.

As we further gained a sense of respect and formed a bond, we would begin to see more and more positive results. I didn’t mean that there weren’t issues to work through, but it was getting better.

We grew as well in the process. We learned so much from these relationships. Our faith also improved as we listened and learned from them. We learned certainly to have compassion, but we also learned insightful values from these young people as well. They certainly helped us to understand prayer more deeply and how to have patience.

In this particular case, we learned the risk of human trafficking and drug abuse. We learned a bit more about what compels at-risk youth to search for acceptance and love in so many different ways.

Whether the phone rang at 3 AM or during the day, surprises lured all around.  We desire to demonstrate a healthy family dynamic while also respecting them as people. We made every effort to offer advice while setting healthy boundaries and defining roles that could be principles they could live by in their adult life. We worked very closely with their probation officer do help them succeed. We spent many hours in case management as well as working with their natural parent (s).

They were challenges, and there were rewards. We felt like the rewards were worth the risks and difficulties. We remained open to learning throughout the process, and over time, became better at what we did well also forming unique bonds that exist even to this day.

Foster Care: From Day One!

Growing up in a large family it wasn’t at all unusual for there to be extra people at the dinner table and even some overnight. I grew up in a family of eight children. Throughout those years it seems as though there were extraordinary experiences but as I would reflect years later I wondered how that experience shaped me and develop me into who I am today.

Our family was not perfect. In fact, it was not even ideal by anyone’s standard. Being raised with six brothers and one sister, you can imagine the incredible conflicts that could occur. Raising so many children must’ve been a stressful experience for my parents.

During most of those years my father worked a factory job, often taking overtime just to make ends meet. All of us were expected to have a job. I can remember learning how to drive by age 9. Even earlier I had a job working for a neighbor pulling up weeds or work in the marina and bringing home the cash to help sustain the family’s needs. Many of us had our jobs including the standard family job which was working as a custodian at our local church. For nearly 30 years our family worked cleaning the church. Equally, we had a paper route that was handed down from sibling to sibling and all of the proceeds helping to benefit the needs of the family. Each of our paychecks were cashed and we were given an allowance but the expectation was that we would meet the needs of the family by pulling our moneys together.

Those experiences helped shape who I am today. For good or for bad, those experiences framed my ministry philosophies. Those  experiences helped plant the idea of doing foster care. 

I am discovering the love is an invitation for God to show up. His love is what we try to represent for each teenager. @RickECarder

Moving to Chicago and getting involved in the local community eventually lead to mentoring at-risk youth and becoming a foster parent. My wife and I prayed about the opportunity and looked into what foster care was all about. We were unaware of all the implications and tremendous experiences we would have as a result. For eight years we involved ourselves with at-risk youth through the probation department. We often said that we were the last stop before the department of corrections.

One such experience lead us to a teenage girl who came to our home as an emergency placement. We knew very little and had very little time to decide whether we could accommodate her needs. We prayed about it and decided that we would give it a try. Throughout this article I will refer to our teenage foster daughter as, "she" or "her" in an effort to protect identity.

We had other foster children in the home but the needs of this teenager was quite unique to us. She came to us after having a mental and psychological breakdown. She was taking her medicine that helps her cope with the various issues of mental health but this also involved a confusing diagnosis. Some professionals thought she had bi-polar others thought schizophrenia. When she arrived we weren't certain we had what it would take to help. Never-the-less, we had a support system in place and our faith that helped guide us.

Upon her arrival we were almost immediately alarmed. She was hallucinating and often drifting between fantasy and reality. Our job is to keep her safe until her medicines could be adjusted or she could receive the proper treatment. No one knew exactly what to do. We were committed and made the best of it even though we didn’t sleep much and we were constantly on guard.

I did my best to reassure my family that it would be okay. I’m sure that my children were not so sure and the look on my wife’s face was one of uncertainty as well. We made daily calls to the supervising agency. We only took teens who were on probation. At times we were on the phone every hour attempting to make any necessary changes so that it would be a good experience for this young and very vulnerable teenage girl.

For me it was much easier because I had grown up in a rather confusing and chaotic world. Being from a large family, this situation was sometimes compared to those days. There were many unsettled situations that occurred from my childhood. Often I wondered if we had made a mistake only because we did have the training necessary to provide the best care we though our foster teen needed.

These were extraordinary times.  At times she was manic and within moments she would be extremely depressed. They were times when she would talk aloud with no one present. She would have seemingly conversations with groups of people with no one around her.

That week seem like months at times. We would stay away, taking shifts. When we did catch a nap we would wake up tired. Many within our community of support and Church stepped in to allow us to take a break and to care for the needs of our own children and the other foster girls.

One of the deepest lessons learned was to be patient and thoughtful. It wasn’t easy for our foster teen either! I remember her asking me, "If I get better, can I come back to live with you?" as she was leaving our home to be placed in a special hospital with specialist to deal with her mental health needs.

What was a tremendous challenge was also an incredible blessing. We learned so much from this young lady and her impact in our lives was definitely enriching for us as well. It was by no means perfect but God seem to see us through each and every day.

Eventually she receive the help that she needed but as she left us I often wondered what more we could’ve done. Weeks past into months but eventually she came back to our home and more permanent basis. She had received treatment and care and it was much more manageable for us. She was able to return to our home on a more permanent basis. Our efforts and desire was to provide for her daily needs and eventually getting her through school and receiving her high school diploma made it seem worth it all.

Children like her are broken and damaged. They require a lot of healing. Our goal was to offer hope that things would get better. We did our best with what we knew and in the midst we hope we represented God’s love through Jesus Christ. Foster Care for us was a ministry to help the most vulnerable in our community.

Our home was a place where teen girls could find hope and given a chance to make healthy decisions that would guide them for the rest of their lives. We felt like we were stewarding grace and protection to at-risk youth. We felt that if given the chance they could flourish and be better prepared to face being an adult.

My wife and I often think about our time being foster parents. We tried to look ahead at the horizon and not just their first day. In many occasions, which we will always remember fondly, at-risk youth could develop. 

We hoped that after her first day being with us would provide time for healing and maturing that could benefit her into her adult life. You just never know what seeds you are planting will develop into. Our aim was in doing the right thing and love is the fertilizer that nurtured growth in her as well as in us!

Take Happiness Seriously!

I don’t know if you ever knew someone who seldom displayed joy and who represented themselves as a Christian. I have met them, many times. I don’t understand it but their religious piety is defined by stoicism and seriousness. They believe that happiness is shallow and lacks spiritual depth. They frown. They appear grumpy. They look angry.

Somehow these Christians missed what the Word of God says about happiness. They may have even passed over passages that include the word blessing. You may be surprised to learn that happiness is central to the Bible. It is central to Christianity. It is central to Catholicism. Read more: Catholic Blessing. It is central to Judaism as well. Read more: Jewish Blessing. It is universally understood as a religious experience. Read more: Cline, Austin. "What Is a Blessing?" Learn Religions, Apr. 17, 2019, learnreligions.com/how-are-people-in-the-bible-248643.

Today I want to encourage us to reflect on this wonderful expression. I want us to take happiness seriously! It should be central to your lives! The Bible is filled with expressions of happiness and blessing. These terms are interchangeable.

Whenever I send email or letter correspondence I sign it with the word, blessings. I intend to hopefully reinforce my understanding of happiness as well as a reminder about being a blessing. I want to be a blessing to those I encounter as well.

Randy Alcorn spent an entire book, some 60 chapters on such happy thoughts. Hannah Whitehall Smith’s notable book dating back to 1885, The Christian Secret to a Happy Life is filled with incredible insights to this notion of happiness.

Make no mistake about it, trouble is ever-present. Happiness is not the absence of trouble. It is in-spite of difficulties. The Bible makes this clear! For starters, there are well over 72 passages you can get started with. Read more: Daily Verses - Blessing!  "As Christians, our happiness makes the gospel contagiously appealing." Randy Alcorn, Happiness.

Just as important as this notion is to our Christian witness we also need to recognize that we are not just talking about being happy but I am talking about joy, blessing, & happiness. It is both internal as well as expressed externally through our actions and demeanor. The old Sunday School children’s song is true, "If you are happy and you know than your face ought to show it!"

It is more than superficial. It is in inner depth of joy that originated with God! Think of ways you can display joy and happiness! Not just in your humor but most important, in your faith journey.

Think of ways you can be a blessing to others! It is something that is contagious. You should be a blessing to others!

With so many who are dealing with mental health challenges including depression, your joy can make a difference. In fact, happiness can be a positive impact in the lives of others.
When should you start? Start today! I love what S. Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A once said; "How do you know if someone needs encouragement? If they are still breathing!"

We have heard it said that even saying the tune, the joy of the Lord is my strength. We can draw strength in our joy and be a blessing to others who need us to strengthen them in their journey.

Psalms 28:7 -- The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

Take Happiness Seriously!

Secret Visitor: The Tell-All Exposé on Being a Church Visitor.

You’ve heard about secret shoppers. These are people who are paid to secretly shop and share their experiences with the public unwittingly revealing weaknesses in the competition. Today I want to reveal my experiences as I have visited churches of a variety of denominations. These are not criticism that are meant to be negative but hopefully what church leaders can learn from.

In my travels I have been like a secret visitor. I am generally invited to attend and even speak in the service but to the general audience, at first I am simply someone unfamiliar. My first impression obviously leaves a lasting feeling. It is obvious to me what is lacking while to the regular attendee, it is often missed. I often wonder if there needs to be a survey taken as people exit the church on their first visit.

This is a tell-all exposé; that is exposing something others don’t usually see. It may even be scandalous to think about the issues that may convey the opposite of it’s intended purpose.

I visit churches everyday. In my travels I may "drop-in" on churches without an appointment. In those times I keenly observe some interesting things that the regular attendee may overlook. The visitor who attends the church may notice many things regular attendees have long forgotten. For example, the average attendee and maybe even church leaders often overlook these items. If I pointed them out they will likely remember seeing these things but grew apathetic to the seriousness of the blemish.

Here are a few. Weeds are over-grown. Entrance signage is lacking. Restrooms are not clearly marked.

For visitors, especially the unchurched (those who seldom attend) these kinds of things are very important. These are things, that if not cared for may create distractions and could even turn visitors off.

1. Your website. 
Often the very first visitor you ever have is made in the secret of their own web surfing. People check your church out first online.

According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, nearly 60% of people who are 30 or younger will search online before visiting a church.
First Impressions Online.

When those seeking your church find you online, they develop a judgement of what they may experience if coming to your church for the first few times. It colors their perspective of you.

Ask yourself:
What are we trying to convey on your website?
Do you use language that is common Christian lingo or code?

If you could clear your mind of all you know about your church what might you need to know?

2. You speak a strange language.
I remember attending a church for the very first time. Although I attend many different experiences this one experience totally threw even me off.

As I approach the church entrance I was greeted by someone, though well-intended m, who obviously wasn’t expecting a visitor. Perhaps the church had very few outsiders. This person attempted to be helpful actually turned me off. Just as I approached the entrance he greeted my by saying, "You have never been here before, have you? At this church we wear a tie and carry a Bible! May I offer you this King James Bible? It is the only book for me."

If I had never been to church I would have likely turned around and left. Since I am a season veteran of church attendance, I simply replied, "You must own the place! May I have your permission to attend?" Later, after speaking a sermon, I think that they wanted a do-over.

It’s not likely that your greeters would have come across that badly but there are things that potential he can turn a visitor off within the first 60 seconds of their arrival. Throughout the experience a visitor may hear a lot of different words they had never experienced or heard before. It may be that they wished somebody handed them the code book. Bear in-mind that as Christians we often use familiar phrases and gestures that a visit or may not understand but ultimately we need to make them feel welcomed and a feeling of belonging.

3. Your parking fails. 
Something that most church leaders fail to recognize is the experience that visitors have when they first pull into your parking lot. Most of the leaders arrive early enough to park wherever they like with plenty of spaces bailable. For visitors, the parking lot matters First in their experience on your campus. If they have trouble finding a parking spot or it seems that all of the good parking, that is parking close to the entrance has been taken they are likely to simply drive out and go to a different church or have an early lunch.

That used to be said that seating capacity determined your attendance but in actuality it is the parking. According to Chuck Lawless, your parking lot is communicating a negative or positive message to your visitor. I highly recommend you read 12 Parking Lot Problems.

Like every other ministry, your parking lot is a ministry. Lawless says that you must pray for this ministry like every other ministry. I believe because it is a chief problem, and maybe an accident waiting to happen (pun intended).

4. Your sacred seat. 
I remember one of the church I attended one Sunday and was asked to move my seat on three different occasions. It was hard to believe but this particular church, though it was small and there was plenty of seating, people had their preference and their seating chart. Ironically, I ended up sitting in the very front row since no one really ever declared that to be their seat.

You might find this humorous but in reality people stick to their turf in their church. While this is more than just a seating problem it is an attitude that is pervasive in the church. We often hear people not wanting to delegate the task or even give up something because it is after all "their" ministry.

The danger of those who have attended a long time is that they become comfortable and even complacent and settle with a rut that could become I distraction to visitors while also creating distance in their relationships. Too often we worry about the style and color and preferences well forgetting about the most central ministry of the church and that is to the community around their neighborhood. I think we find that Jesus could be disappointed that some of the experiences he would have if he was the first time guest in your church.

5. ALL your music is unfamiliar. 
Now this leads me to another point that is likely to be a double edge sword and perhaps a source of irritation for many.

We have to argue about the style of music or we desire to have new music to appeal to the younger but it actuality we’re really missing something significant. We forgot the visitor.

To the visitor, all of the music is unfamiliar! Put yourself in the shoes of someone who seldom attend your church. I remember attending a church one time when they did a special emphasis on visitors. What was interesting to me is that they’ve worked very hard to have all of the right music and prep everyone for visitors. I observed from the balcony as the music was underway. All of the new music was loud and melodic. The worship leaders worked very hard to choose music that would make young people feel welcomed. It was even designed so that visitors would not be put off by stale and uncomfortable lyrics. I observed that the visitors did not sing at all.

Ironically, as the worship continued they sang one song from the hymnal. Perhaps it was to make some of the older people feel more comfortable but what I observed, perched in the balcony, the old hymn made even the visitor want to sing. It was the ever-familiar, Amazing Grace.

It’s not just the music but it is the form of worship order. Well I don’t think that we need to take out every thing familiar to worship we just need to recognize that visitors don’t always have the experience to keep up with everyone else. Whether it’s the standing and sitting at the appropriate times or the ever awkward greeting time, it’s important that we consider how the visitor feels.

6. You pay "special attention" on visitors while neglecting their needs.
Many churches try to find clever ways to identify visitors. It becomes increasingly difficult to identify "outsiders" because so many people move from church to church, like window shopping. Since there is a large frequency of these tactics, I thought I would also share my thoughts from my visitors perspective.

You might call these gimmicks that are used in nearly every church, big or small. The attempt is to make a visitor feel welcomed but from a visitor standpoint it actually may do the opposite. I’ve been there when I’ve been offered a special cup with some candy in it if I would stop at the welcome center before leaving church. It’s these kind of tactics that can become detrimental in your attempt to connect with visitors.

For those that have been to church and may even be visiting from another church it feels very different than the first time guest who has very little experience in the local church. Some churches may even have a welcome packet that you carry with you throughout the day, including a button that you wear that identifies you as being new to church.

Years ago I remember John Maxwell using the tactics of asking visitors to stand at a certain part in the service. Perhaps in those days it was a little more acceptable but today that would be embarrassing and even detrimental. Visitors often want to remain under the radar while taking in the experience.

I remember one Sunday when the pastor not only pointed out who was visiting but he called them up on the platform in and attempt to make them feel welcomed. As you can imagine, it had quite the opposite effect.

I believe that those who are visitors, especially first time guest would rather have authentic and genuine expressions that are kind expressions. A gentle acknowledgment of their attendance may be just the ticket and allow each person to respond as they feel comfortable. Having door greeters can be the perfect solution by simply asking, "Is this your first time?" Or asking, "how often have you attended here?" Perhaps there’s a risk of offending a regular attender but by properly training your congregation can understand this new tactic that can alleviate any of those negative impressions.

Ask yourself:
What do visitors need? Perhaps the most helpful thing you can do is tell people where to find the restrooms, nursery for their kids, and escort them to seating.

How can you provide the best hospitality for people? How have a gift ready for those that self-identify as visitors without making an announcement.

What would make you feel more accepted if it were your first Sunday as a guest? It is more important that you treat people fairly and have a proper follow up that personalizes their experience.

7. You convey the wrong message. 

Visitors are like everyone else. They are just as special as the regular attendee! As churches work overtime to meet new people they may actually be sending the wrong message.

Are you sending the wrong message? Did you know that it is cheaper and more effective to retain people than reach outsiders?

Treat people as you would want to be treated is far more effective than creative gimmicks.

While the church tries to meet the mission it is also important to help your existing congregation to be trained in the process.  It is part of the Great Commission to disciple your people as well. Most of your church people will understand if you explain your motive and responsibilities to help the "others" to find the hope they have in Christ.

Promote your values and you will be amazed by how people respond. They too have needs that your values can meet. Think about it and state with one central question; How is what we do going to bring people into a personal experience with a loving God no matter who they are?

8. Your mission (for insiders) is not consistent with their (outsider) experience. 

Every church usually has a stated mission. Most churches have referred to the Great Commission in Matthew 28 as their mission. While many use other, creative language yet they essentially use the same idea. The idea to reach the lost and the least of the community; those who are outside the church.

It is usually well-intended. No church sets out to convey inconsistent messaging. Yet, never-the-less, they have misaligned messages.  For those on the inside the meaning is an encouragement to be people of outreach. To those that are visiting the message may actually be misunderstood. Even for the passive and non-active attendees the message is that those on the outside are more important than those on the inside.

Pastors may actually believe that this message is motivating but to visitors it is uncomfortable. They are the target and not in personally ways. Visitors are made to feel like they are being sold something. Those who are seldom connected to the church may actually feel strange attending since most seem to understand the meaning of the message. While outsiders often are like the one who hears the joke and punchline but don't get it. They are embarrassed and it reinforces their feeling of not belonging.

I recommend that the mission express the need to love people not just see people as a target. The mission of the Great Commission is that of belonging and by conveying this to outsiders will actually help them to feel more of a part of the organization.


9. Your insiders playbook. 
This brings me to the code book. For those on the outside, our customs and traditions are confusing and we need to define our "churchy" language. When we use ritual or tradition we are conveying culture and tradition that is not at all the experience of those on the outside.

Sure, we may need to educate those who question these activities. This is called discipleship. As new people join in a deeper way many will accept these tradition and conform. It may be the goal of your programs but in reality fewer are attending the deeper walk of faith through Sunday School. We are not surprised to learn that church attendance, especially Sunday School attendance is shrinking.

What is the answer?  It may be that we need to explain more as we lead worship. We may need to use the Sunday Morning Worship time as a form of discipleship. I attended a Catholic Wedding recently. My nephew was joining the Church as part of the tradition and the whole wedding structure was unknown to me and most of my family who grew up Protestant. What was impressive was the way the Priest explained each part of the ritual and activities. I was impressed. He was gentle and gave us the insider's code to each part of the service.

It may be that most of what we do is easily understood but there are some things that we need to explain. As the church spends time in worship, we may need to explain some of the traditions like Communion, Baptism, and most especially the Offering. Simply sharing the "why" we do things is important. We need to go beyond just saying that this is an act of worship for members. We need to explain that generosity is a value we hold to. We need to let everyone know that giving is something everyone can do because it means "sharing" what we have with others. These are consistent with what everyone expects.

I also think that we may need to even explain the many times we "open our altar" up for prayer. This phrase is common to the attendee but for visitors we need to explain that the altar is a symbol of grace and that it is where many meet God in prayer. It is a place of total surrender of our needs to a loving God who deeply cares for the things that concern us most.

Ask yourself: What part of our worship service may feel strange to someone who has not grown up with this tradition?  How can I put into plain language for those that may not understand.


10. Your welcome message sounds canned. 

I cannot explain the importance of this point better that to say, STOP SAYING THE SAME THING OVER-AND-OVER. We have our canned pitch that we may think works but in reality it comes across as a canned statement. It may feel like a script that is read. Most will overlook it if they have heard it so many times.  For those that are new to your church, it may not feel personal. Common phrases I have heard include:

"Please fill out the contact card."
"Please complete the pew pad..."
"Let us know you are here by signing in..."
"If you are visiting with us..."

It may be difficult to track people attending but in reality we may need to explain this activity in simple terms that don't sound like a canned speech. We might want to consider using warm expressions that speak personally to those that are guests. Try saying something like, "Now let me speak to those that may be new here with us. I am glad you are here and I want to meet you. Please meet me after church at the Welcome Center. I want to know how we may meet your needs." Using the "I" word and personally meeting them is an easy and helpful approach for those who  are new.

You may also want to have a designated scout or two looking for visitors or maybe being directed to those that are new by ushers or door greeters can be helpful. Depending on the size of the church you may have to delegate this task but ultimately you want everyone to feel welcomed, not just newbies.

Conclusion. Taking time to re-evaluate the experience of being new is important. Take a vacation from your church and be a visitor a few Sunday's a year. As you observe the parking lot experience or the feeling you have entering the church building, take note and bring those impressions to your leadership team. Make improvements based on what you needed when you were a visitor.

Focus your guest relations on the needs people have not your church needs. Sure you need to know who is attending but in reality your guests need to feel comfortable and relaxed. The church needs to listen and understand that most guests are nervous and often confused about this new environment. They need to feel secure about bringing their children with them. They need to feel safe that no one will call them out during the service. They need to feel certain that they will be treated with normal hospitality that everyone else feels as well.