Foster Care: 3 AM.

The phone rang early one morning as my wife, and I attempted to sleep. I was startled! I began to stumble as I reached for the phone. Looking at the alarm clock, it was precisely 3:00 AM. I thought, "Who could that be?" Being groggy, I answered the phone with a groan, "Hello."

The voice on the other end was unfamiliar to me; unclear as to who it was. Speaking in Spanish mixed with a little English, the caller wanted to talk to one of our foster daughters. I interrupted the caller in mid-sentence, "Do you know what time it is?" I added, "What do you want to talk to her for at this hour?"

The man on the other end of the phone attempted to tell me about how important it was that he speak with our foster daughter. He said over-and-over, "I love her!" Of course, my immediate response was "No-ooo w-a-y!" We went back-and-forth in the conversation.

Over time I came to learn that this man was from Mexico. I quickly went to the internet to do a reverse look-up on the phone number. The call came from a tiny town at the southernmost Texas border. This man was from Mexico. As he continued on the phone call, he stated that he got to know our foster daughter and was even dating her on a few of his trips in our area. We had no idea, but we learned later that they would visit with each other during school hours when we thought that she was attending classes. It turns out after further investigation that he was carrying drugs into the region from Mexico. As an aside, I served as a chaplain with the police department, and this information was eventually sent to a contact I had with an investigator. 

I reasoned that his phone call was not intended for me. He didn't want to speak with me after all. He had hoped that our fostered daughter would have picked up the phone. Likely he was in the neighborhood, so I quickly took notice by looking out the window to see if his car was in the driveway or down the road.

As bizarre as that call came was it brought to mind how at-risk these girls were who lived with us. Had they lived with their parents or any others, they would have been putting themselves at-risk more often. We were concerned about this young lady being kidnapped and maybe even taken into Mexico against her will as a part of human trafficking. At least that night, our foster daughter was safe at home.

One of the most basic requirements of being a foster parent to at-risk youth is to keep them safe and help them grow from the experience. We hoped that they would make better decisions for their future. Getting their education completed and staying off drugs as well as not putting themselves at-risk was our defining responsibility.

There’s so much that could be said as we think of each of the girls that lived with us, but we discovered through those times that our attempt to keep them safe and even demonstrate an appropriate love was not going to be easy.  It was the message we hoped would eventually sink into those extraordinary lives.

As we further gained a sense of respect and formed a bond, we would begin to see more and more positive results. I didn’t mean that there weren’t issues to work through, but it was getting better.

We grew as well in the process. We learned so much from these relationships. Our faith also improved as we listened and learned from them. We learned certainly to have compassion, but we also learned insightful values from these young people as well. They certainly helped us to understand prayer more deeply and how to have patience.

In this particular case, we learned the risk of human trafficking and drug abuse. We learned a bit more about what compels at-risk youth to search for acceptance and love in so many different ways.

Whether the phone rang at 3 AM or during the day, surprises lured all around.  We desire to demonstrate a healthy family dynamic while also respecting them as people. We made every effort to offer advice while setting healthy boundaries and defining roles that could be principles they could live by in their adult life. We worked very closely with their probation officer do help them succeed. We spent many hours in case management as well as working with their natural parent (s).

They were challenges, and there were rewards. We felt like the rewards were worth the risks and difficulties. We remained open to learning throughout the process, and over time, became better at what we did well also forming unique bonds that exist even to this day.

Foster Care: From Day One!

Growing up in a large family it wasn’t at all unusual for there to be extra people at the dinner table and even some overnight. I grew up in a family of eight children. Throughout those years it seems as though there were extraordinary experiences but as I would reflect years later I wondered how that experience shaped me and develop me into who I am today.

Our family was not perfect. In fact, it was not even ideal by anyone’s standard. Being raised with six brothers and one sister, you can imagine the incredible conflicts that could occur. Raising so many children must’ve been a stressful experience for my parents.

During most of those years my father worked a factory job, often taking overtime just to make ends meet. All of us were expected to have a job. I can remember learning how to drive by age 9. Even earlier I had a job working for a neighbor pulling up weeds or work in the marina and bringing home the cash to help sustain the family’s needs. Many of us had our jobs including the standard family job which was working as a custodian at our local church. For nearly 30 years our family worked cleaning the church. Equally, we had a paper route that was handed down from sibling to sibling and all of the proceeds helping to benefit the needs of the family. Each of our paychecks were cashed and we were given an allowance but the expectation was that we would meet the needs of the family by pulling our moneys together.

Those experiences helped shape who I am today. For good or for bad, those experiences framed my ministry philosophies. Those  experiences helped plant the idea of doing foster care. 

I am discovering the love is an invitation for God to show up. His love is what we try to represent for each teenager. @RickECarder

Moving to Chicago and getting involved in the local community eventually lead to mentoring at-risk youth and becoming a foster parent. My wife and I prayed about the opportunity and looked into what foster care was all about. We were unaware of all the implications and tremendous experiences we would have as a result. For eight years we involved ourselves with at-risk youth through the probation department. We often said that we were the last stop before the department of corrections.

One such experience lead us to a teenage girl who came to our home as an emergency placement. We knew very little and had very little time to decide whether we could accommodate her needs. We prayed about it and decided that we would give it a try. Throughout this article I will refer to our teenage foster daughter as, "she" or "her" in an effort to protect identity.

We had other foster children in the home but the needs of this teenager was quite unique to us. She came to us after having a mental and psychological breakdown. She was taking her medicine that helps her cope with the various issues of mental health but this also involved a confusing diagnosis. Some professionals thought she had bi-polar others thought schizophrenia. When she arrived we weren't certain we had what it would take to help. Never-the-less, we had a support system in place and our faith that helped guide us.

Upon her arrival we were almost immediately alarmed. She was hallucinating and often drifting between fantasy and reality. Our job is to keep her safe until her medicines could be adjusted or she could receive the proper treatment. No one knew exactly what to do. We were committed and made the best of it even though we didn’t sleep much and we were constantly on guard.

I did my best to reassure my family that it would be okay. I’m sure that my children were not so sure and the look on my wife’s face was one of uncertainty as well. We made daily calls to the supervising agency. We only took teens who were on probation. At times we were on the phone every hour attempting to make any necessary changes so that it would be a good experience for this young and very vulnerable teenage girl.

For me it was much easier because I had grown up in a rather confusing and chaotic world. Being from a large family, this situation was sometimes compared to those days. There were many unsettled situations that occurred from my childhood. Often I wondered if we had made a mistake only because we did have the training necessary to provide the best care we though our foster teen needed.

These were extraordinary times.  At times she was manic and within moments she would be extremely depressed. They were times when she would talk aloud with no one present. She would have seemingly conversations with groups of people with no one around her.

That week seem like months at times. We would stay away, taking shifts. When we did catch a nap we would wake up tired. Many within our community of support and Church stepped in to allow us to take a break and to care for the needs of our own children and the other foster girls.

One of the deepest lessons learned was to be patient and thoughtful. It wasn’t easy for our foster teen either! I remember her asking me, "If I get better, can I come back to live with you?" as she was leaving our home to be placed in a special hospital with specialist to deal with her mental health needs.

What was a tremendous challenge was also an incredible blessing. We learned so much from this young lady and her impact in our lives was definitely enriching for us as well. It was by no means perfect but God seem to see us through each and every day.

Eventually she receive the help that she needed but as she left us I often wondered what more we could’ve done. Weeks past into months but eventually she came back to our home and more permanent basis. She had received treatment and care and it was much more manageable for us. She was able to return to our home on a more permanent basis. Our efforts and desire was to provide for her daily needs and eventually getting her through school and receiving her high school diploma made it seem worth it all.

Children like her are broken and damaged. They require a lot of healing. Our goal was to offer hope that things would get better. We did our best with what we knew and in the midst we hope we represented God’s love through Jesus Christ. Foster Care for us was a ministry to help the most vulnerable in our community.

Our home was a place where teen girls could find hope and given a chance to make healthy decisions that would guide them for the rest of their lives. We felt like we were stewarding grace and protection to at-risk youth. We felt that if given the chance they could flourish and be better prepared to face being an adult.

My wife and I often think about our time being foster parents. We tried to look ahead at the horizon and not just their first day. In many occasions, which we will always remember fondly, at-risk youth could develop. 

We hoped that after her first day being with us would provide time for healing and maturing that could benefit her into her adult life. You just never know what seeds you are planting will develop into. Our aim was in doing the right thing and love is the fertilizer that nurtured growth in her as well as in us!

Take Happiness Seriously!

I don’t know if you ever knew someone who seldom displayed joy and who represented themselves as a Christian. I have met them, many times. I don’t understand it but their religious piety is defined by stoicism and seriousness. They believe that happiness is shallow and lacks spiritual depth. They frown. They appear grumpy. They look angry.

Somehow these Christians missed what the Word of God says about happiness. They may have even passed over passages that include the word blessing. You may be surprised to learn that happiness is central to the Bible. It is central to Christianity. It is central to Catholicism. Read more: Catholic Blessing. It is central to Judaism as well. Read more: Jewish Blessing. It is universally understood as a religious experience. Read more: Cline, Austin. "What Is a Blessing?" Learn Religions, Apr. 17, 2019, learnreligions.com/how-are-people-in-the-bible-248643.

Today I want to encourage us to reflect on this wonderful expression. I want us to take happiness seriously! It should be central to your lives! The Bible is filled with expressions of happiness and blessing. These terms are interchangeable.

Whenever I send email or letter correspondence I sign it with the word, blessings. I intend to hopefully reinforce my understanding of happiness as well as a reminder about being a blessing. I want to be a blessing to those I encounter as well.

Randy Alcorn spent an entire book, some 60 chapters on such happy thoughts. Hannah Whitehall Smith’s notable book dating back to 1885, The Christian Secret to a Happy Life is filled with incredible insights to this notion of happiness.

Make no mistake about it, trouble is ever-present. Happiness is not the absence of trouble. It is in-spite of difficulties. The Bible makes this clear! For starters, there are well over 72 passages you can get started with. Read more: Daily Verses - Blessing!  "As Christians, our happiness makes the gospel contagiously appealing." Randy Alcorn, Happiness.

Just as important as this notion is to our Christian witness we also need to recognize that we are not just talking about being happy but I am talking about joy, blessing, & happiness. It is both internal as well as expressed externally through our actions and demeanor. The old Sunday School children’s song is true, "If you are happy and you know than your face ought to show it!"

It is more than superficial. It is in inner depth of joy that originated with God! Think of ways you can display joy and happiness! Not just in your humor but most important, in your faith journey.

Think of ways you can be a blessing to others! It is something that is contagious. You should be a blessing to others!

With so many who are dealing with mental health challenges including depression, your joy can make a difference. In fact, happiness can be a positive impact in the lives of others.
When should you start? Start today! I love what S. Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A once said; "How do you know if someone needs encouragement? If they are still breathing!"

We have heard it said that even saying the tune, the joy of the Lord is my strength. We can draw strength in our joy and be a blessing to others who need us to strengthen them in their journey.

Psalms 28:7 -- The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

Take Happiness Seriously!

Secret Visitor: The Tell-All Exposé on Being a Church Visitor.

You’ve heard about secret shoppers. These are people who are paid to secretly shop and share their experiences with the public unwittingly revealing weaknesses in the competition. Today I want to reveal my experiences as I have visited churches of a variety of denominations. These are not criticism that are meant to be negative but hopefully what church leaders can learn from.

In my travels I have been like a secret visitor. I am generally invited to attend and even speak in the service but to the general audience, at first I am simply someone unfamiliar. My first impression obviously leaves a lasting feeling. It is obvious to me what is lacking while to the regular attendee, it is often missed. I often wonder if there needs to be a survey taken as people exit the church on their first visit.

This is a tell-all exposé; that is exposing something others don’t usually see. It may even be scandalous to think about the issues that may convey the opposite of it’s intended purpose.

I visit churches everyday. In my travels I may "drop-in" on churches without an appointment. In those times I keenly observe some interesting things that the regular attendee may overlook. The visitor who attends the church may notice many things regular attendees have long forgotten. For example, the average attendee and maybe even church leaders often overlook these items. If I pointed them out they will likely remember seeing these things but grew apathetic to the seriousness of the blemish.

Here are a few. Weeds are over-grown. Entrance signage is lacking. Restrooms are not clearly marked.

For visitors, especially the unchurched (those who seldom attend) these kinds of things are very important. These are things, that if not cared for may create distractions and could even turn visitors off.

1. Your website. 
Often the very first visitor you ever have is made in the secret of their own web surfing. People check your church out first online.

According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, nearly 60% of people who are 30 or younger will search online before visiting a church.
First Impressions Online.

When those seeking your church find you online, they develop a judgement of what they may experience if coming to your church for the first few times. It colors their perspective of you.

Ask yourself:
What are we trying to convey on your website?
Do you use language that is common Christian lingo or code?

If you could clear your mind of all you know about your church what might you need to know?

2. You speak a strange language.
I remember attending a church for the very first time. Although I attend many different experiences this one experience totally threw even me off.

As I approach the church entrance I was greeted by someone, though well-intended m, who obviously wasn’t expecting a visitor. Perhaps the church had very few outsiders. This person attempted to be helpful actually turned me off. Just as I approached the entrance he greeted my by saying, "You have never been here before, have you? At this church we wear a tie and carry a Bible! May I offer you this King James Bible? It is the only book for me."

If I had never been to church I would have likely turned around and left. Since I am a season veteran of church attendance, I simply replied, "You must own the place! May I have your permission to attend?" Later, after speaking a sermon, I think that they wanted a do-over.

It’s not likely that your greeters would have come across that badly but there are things that potential he can turn a visitor off within the first 60 seconds of their arrival. Throughout the experience a visitor may hear a lot of different words they had never experienced or heard before. It may be that they wished somebody handed them the code book. Bear in-mind that as Christians we often use familiar phrases and gestures that a visit or may not understand but ultimately we need to make them feel welcomed and a feeling of belonging.

3. Your parking fails. 
Something that most church leaders fail to recognize is the experience that visitors have when they first pull into your parking lot. Most of the leaders arrive early enough to park wherever they like with plenty of spaces bailable. For visitors, the parking lot matters First in their experience on your campus. If they have trouble finding a parking spot or it seems that all of the good parking, that is parking close to the entrance has been taken they are likely to simply drive out and go to a different church or have an early lunch.

That used to be said that seating capacity determined your attendance but in actuality it is the parking. According to Chuck Lawless, your parking lot is communicating a negative or positive message to your visitor. I highly recommend you read 12 Parking Lot Problems.

Like every other ministry, your parking lot is a ministry. Lawless says that you must pray for this ministry like every other ministry. I believe because it is a chief problem, and maybe an accident waiting to happen (pun intended).

4. Your sacred seat. 
I remember one of the church I attended one Sunday and was asked to move my seat on three different occasions. It was hard to believe but this particular church, though it was small and there was plenty of seating, people had their preference and their seating chart. Ironically, I ended up sitting in the very front row since no one really ever declared that to be their seat.

You might find this humorous but in reality people stick to their turf in their church. While this is more than just a seating problem it is an attitude that is pervasive in the church. We often hear people not wanting to delegate the task or even give up something because it is after all "their" ministry.

The danger of those who have attended a long time is that they become comfortable and even complacent and settle with a rut that could become I distraction to visitors while also creating distance in their relationships. Too often we worry about the style and color and preferences well forgetting about the most central ministry of the church and that is to the community around their neighborhood. I think we find that Jesus could be disappointed that some of the experiences he would have if he was the first time guest in your church.

5. ALL your music is unfamiliar. 
Now this leads me to another point that is likely to be a double edge sword and perhaps a source of irritation for many.

We have to argue about the style of music or we desire to have new music to appeal to the younger but it actuality we’re really missing something significant. We forgot the visitor.

To the visitor, all of the music is unfamiliar! Put yourself in the shoes of someone who seldom attend your church. I remember attending a church one time when they did a special emphasis on visitors. What was interesting to me is that they’ve worked very hard to have all of the right music and prep everyone for visitors. I observed from the balcony as the music was underway. All of the new music was loud and melodic. The worship leaders worked very hard to choose music that would make young people feel welcomed. It was even designed so that visitors would not be put off by stale and uncomfortable lyrics. I observed that the visitors did not sing at all.

Ironically, as the worship continued they sang one song from the hymnal. Perhaps it was to make some of the older people feel more comfortable but what I observed, perched in the balcony, the old hymn made even the visitor want to sing. It was the ever-familiar, Amazing Grace.

It’s not just the music but it is the form of worship order. Well I don’t think that we need to take out every thing familiar to worship we just need to recognize that visitors don’t always have the experience to keep up with everyone else. Whether it’s the standing and sitting at the appropriate times or the ever awkward greeting time, it’s important that we consider how the visitor feels.

6. You pay "special attention" on visitors while neglecting their needs.
Many churches try to find clever ways to identify visitors. It becomes increasingly difficult to identify "outsiders" because so many people move from church to church, like window shopping. Since there is a large frequency of these tactics, I thought I would also share my thoughts from my visitors perspective.

You might call these gimmicks that are used in nearly every church, big or small. The attempt is to make a visitor feel welcomed but from a visitor standpoint it actually may do the opposite. I’ve been there when I’ve been offered a special cup with some candy in it if I would stop at the welcome center before leaving church. It’s these kind of tactics that can become detrimental in your attempt to connect with visitors.

For those that have been to church and may even be visiting from another church it feels very different than the first time guest who has very little experience in the local church. Some churches may even have a welcome packet that you carry with you throughout the day, including a button that you wear that identifies you as being new to church.

Years ago I remember John Maxwell using the tactics of asking visitors to stand at a certain part in the service. Perhaps in those days it was a little more acceptable but today that would be embarrassing and even detrimental. Visitors often want to remain under the radar while taking in the experience.

I remember one Sunday when the pastor not only pointed out who was visiting but he called them up on the platform in and attempt to make them feel welcomed. As you can imagine, it had quite the opposite effect.

I believe that those who are visitors, especially first time guest would rather have authentic and genuine expressions that are kind expressions. A gentle acknowledgment of their attendance may be just the ticket and allow each person to respond as they feel comfortable. Having door greeters can be the perfect solution by simply asking, "Is this your first time?" Or asking, "how often have you attended here?" Perhaps there’s a risk of offending a regular attender but by properly training your congregation can understand this new tactic that can alleviate any of those negative impressions.

Ask yourself:
What do visitors need? Perhaps the most helpful thing you can do is tell people where to find the restrooms, nursery for their kids, and escort them to seating.

How can you provide the best hospitality for people? How have a gift ready for those that self-identify as visitors without making an announcement.

What would make you feel more accepted if it were your first Sunday as a guest? It is more important that you treat people fairly and have a proper follow up that personalizes their experience.

7. You convey the wrong message. 

Visitors are like everyone else. They are just as special as the regular attendee! As churches work overtime to meet new people they may actually be sending the wrong message.

Are you sending the wrong message? Did you know that it is cheaper and more effective to retain people than reach outsiders?

Treat people as you would want to be treated is far more effective than creative gimmicks.

While the church tries to meet the mission it is also important to help your existing congregation to be trained in the process.  It is part of the Great Commission to disciple your people as well. Most of your church people will understand if you explain your motive and responsibilities to help the "others" to find the hope they have in Christ.

Promote your values and you will be amazed by how people respond. They too have needs that your values can meet. Think about it and state with one central question; How is what we do going to bring people into a personal experience with a loving God no matter who they are?

8. Your mission (for insiders) is not consistent with their (outsider) experience. 

Every church usually has a stated mission. Most churches have referred to the Great Commission in Matthew 28 as their mission. While many use other, creative language yet they essentially use the same idea. The idea to reach the lost and the least of the community; those who are outside the church.

It is usually well-intended. No church sets out to convey inconsistent messaging. Yet, never-the-less, they have misaligned messages.  For those on the inside the meaning is an encouragement to be people of outreach. To those that are visiting the message may actually be misunderstood. Even for the passive and non-active attendees the message is that those on the outside are more important than those on the inside.

Pastors may actually believe that this message is motivating but to visitors it is uncomfortable. They are the target and not in personally ways. Visitors are made to feel like they are being sold something. Those who are seldom connected to the church may actually feel strange attending since most seem to understand the meaning of the message. While outsiders often are like the one who hears the joke and punchline but don't get it. They are embarrassed and it reinforces their feeling of not belonging.

I recommend that the mission express the need to love people not just see people as a target. The mission of the Great Commission is that of belonging and by conveying this to outsiders will actually help them to feel more of a part of the organization.


9. Your insiders playbook. 
This brings me to the code book. For those on the outside, our customs and traditions are confusing and we need to define our "churchy" language. When we use ritual or tradition we are conveying culture and tradition that is not at all the experience of those on the outside.

Sure, we may need to educate those who question these activities. This is called discipleship. As new people join in a deeper way many will accept these tradition and conform. It may be the goal of your programs but in reality fewer are attending the deeper walk of faith through Sunday School. We are not surprised to learn that church attendance, especially Sunday School attendance is shrinking.

What is the answer?  It may be that we need to explain more as we lead worship. We may need to use the Sunday Morning Worship time as a form of discipleship. I attended a Catholic Wedding recently. My nephew was joining the Church as part of the tradition and the whole wedding structure was unknown to me and most of my family who grew up Protestant. What was impressive was the way the Priest explained each part of the ritual and activities. I was impressed. He was gentle and gave us the insider's code to each part of the service.

It may be that most of what we do is easily understood but there are some things that we need to explain. As the church spends time in worship, we may need to explain some of the traditions like Communion, Baptism, and most especially the Offering. Simply sharing the "why" we do things is important. We need to go beyond just saying that this is an act of worship for members. We need to explain that generosity is a value we hold to. We need to let everyone know that giving is something everyone can do because it means "sharing" what we have with others. These are consistent with what everyone expects.

I also think that we may need to even explain the many times we "open our altar" up for prayer. This phrase is common to the attendee but for visitors we need to explain that the altar is a symbol of grace and that it is where many meet God in prayer. It is a place of total surrender of our needs to a loving God who deeply cares for the things that concern us most.

Ask yourself: What part of our worship service may feel strange to someone who has not grown up with this tradition?  How can I put into plain language for those that may not understand.


10. Your welcome message sounds canned. 

I cannot explain the importance of this point better that to say, STOP SAYING THE SAME THING OVER-AND-OVER. We have our canned pitch that we may think works but in reality it comes across as a canned statement. It may feel like a script that is read. Most will overlook it if they have heard it so many times.  For those that are new to your church, it may not feel personal. Common phrases I have heard include:

"Please fill out the contact card."
"Please complete the pew pad..."
"Let us know you are here by signing in..."
"If you are visiting with us..."

It may be difficult to track people attending but in reality we may need to explain this activity in simple terms that don't sound like a canned speech. We might want to consider using warm expressions that speak personally to those that are guests. Try saying something like, "Now let me speak to those that may be new here with us. I am glad you are here and I want to meet you. Please meet me after church at the Welcome Center. I want to know how we may meet your needs." Using the "I" word and personally meeting them is an easy and helpful approach for those who  are new.

You may also want to have a designated scout or two looking for visitors or maybe being directed to those that are new by ushers or door greeters can be helpful. Depending on the size of the church you may have to delegate this task but ultimately you want everyone to feel welcomed, not just newbies.

Conclusion. Taking time to re-evaluate the experience of being new is important. Take a vacation from your church and be a visitor a few Sunday's a year. As you observe the parking lot experience or the feeling you have entering the church building, take note and bring those impressions to your leadership team. Make improvements based on what you needed when you were a visitor.

Focus your guest relations on the needs people have not your church needs. Sure you need to know who is attending but in reality your guests need to feel comfortable and relaxed. The church needs to listen and understand that most guests are nervous and often confused about this new environment. They need to feel secure about bringing their children with them. They need to feel safe that no one will call them out during the service. They need to feel certain that they will be treated with normal hospitality that everyone else feels as well.

Cold Turkey Connecting That Builds Your Market Outreach Effectively.

Another day goes by as the clock ticks on-and-on. You find yourself shuffling the papers and re-organizing the table again. In my case, I have time to pen another article on my blog. There are slow times and a flood of contacts that are seemingly streaming passed your space. Yep, it is being a vendor at another conference in an exhibit hall.

If you are like me, you have brought enough items with you for your booth that could fund a small village with provisions for a month. In this case, you are not selling but giving away small items and literature just to get connected with people. You use freebies just for the opportunity to engage with others.

Today I was thinking about ideas that I have found helpful while stewarding a display booth. There are at least three ideas that you too can use to develop relationships no matter what you are promoting. Even those most awkward cold turkey interactions can become your most engaged connections.

1. Be confident and engaged personally.

Think about this, as you are in your booth; if you are shy and held back from engaging others, you will likely make others feel as if they have to extend themselves to discover your goods and services. If they have to do all the work, they will probably walk passed you!

Demonstrate confidence as you extend yourself beyond the invisible boundaries. As you work to connect with people, you will need to remove as many barriers as you can. Starting with the booth table, push that barrier to the back of your display.

People who pass by your display are site-seeing and window shopping. If you are to gain connections, you will need to get their attention somehow!  Being outgoing and confident is always essential for an effective outreach. For starters, you will need to break out of your discomforts and move into the space of other people comfort zones. You will need to create a friendly environment as quickly as possible.

2. Get out in-front and use friendly conversations.

This brings me to next point. You will need to get outside of your box. While it may be uncomfortable at first you will find ease the more you get out front of your booth. Don’t hide behind your display. Remove all the barriers in order to connect. Others are shy and need you to nudge them to engage.


You may even notice that as you stand in-front if your booth you will stand out from the other vendors. Many sit behind a table or display and look distracted. If you need to sit, order a tall chair and sit in front of your booth but stay engaged with people as they walk by you.

Use opening lines and eye contact t to draw people into conversations. You focus us on them at first! Later you can draw them into what you offer. By asking easy engaging questions you can find linkage to your goods and services. You are like a investigator discovering how to serve them further.

Try asking them softball questions like:

Where are you from?
What is your role at your organization?
How does this conference help you meet your goals?
What where you hoping to get out of this event?

These simple questions begins the more in-depth conversations leading to how you can serve them.

3. Define your strategy with multiple, re-engaging ideas that bring people back.

As you think about your booth, strategize ways that you can build engaging opportunities. You may want to give away items but chose fun items and even create interactive play in your booth.

Here are a few ideas:

Create a give away drawing.

Add a rest-stop area using comfy chairs with simple games that creates a warm environment.

Have a fun activity that is easy to play. Simple table card game can be engaging. Make a bingo board out of paper and every hour on the hour offer a 5-min contest with fun rewards for all!

Bring out something to giveaway every 30-minutes or during breaks. People will return to see what you are offering.

Have fun and unique candy that people will return to get more. I use Twizzlers because it is a popular candy and fun for all ages.

Put candy or items is a basket and walk around giving samples and teaser items that invite people to come to your booth to get more.

Always have a surprise items that creates curiosity or even an invited popular guest who may do a book signing and giveaway. Meet the author is something everyone would love!

Create a photo booth that can capture groups of people. Everyone loves to have a take home souvenir especially when it captures a family or coworkers. Put your logo on the image or send the picture electronically with an introduction of your services. Use a selfie stick to let people take photos and even post them to your social media feed or picture contest for laughs.

Ask your creative team or marketing to give you ideas! They are a wealth of fun!

Conclusion.  As you develop quick-thinking interactions that build connections who can further your mission whether in your sales or non-profit efforts. By centralizing your message you can help people to quickly know how what you offer can make a difference to what they are looking for. In my case, our non-profit organization serves at-risk children and youth and we invite people of good will to learn how we can help. We motivate people by discovering their deepest needs and show how we can help meet the need to help those in-greatest need. In other words we are identifying the needs of Conference attendees so that we can use those motivators to meet the needs of vulnerable children.

The bottom line is that people want to make a difference and bring their talents as a solution to a problem or need. Always be positive about how what you offer can better the life of people and especially those you are engaging. Demonstrate that you and your organization is a solution to their needs or desires. Have fun in the process of developing contacts and building a better network.

Evangelism: How to Talk About Politics While Sharing Your Faith!

It’s been said that the two topics that cause the most conflict are politics and religion but I want to share with you today that you can talk about politics and still have a positive witness for Christ. I’ve discovered that it’s nearly impossible to talk about one and not the other in our society. Religion and politics are so interwoven.

There are two primary opportunities that help frame the discussion of politics without entering into a negative debate. In all honesty, I believe that politics are so wrapped up in news cycles that it’s nearly impossible to avoid the discussion of such hot topics. Having a positive witness is possible no matter the political climate you find yourself.

In recent years, especially in the presidential elections, conflicts have created many extraordinary issues of wide debate. It seems as though people are very touchy and reactive today. Yet, I believe that there were missed opportunities to peacefully express a positive witness for Christ. Today, I want to attempt to address how we can bridge healthy conversation that reaches across the great chasm of division and  extreme hostility.

I have been there when someone I am trying to witness to states a position on a topic that I am on the polar opposite of that view. In those times, I have had to translate the political view into a value that I may agree with in order to find a common ground for discussion. In this case I attempt to uncover a value that I can agree with to deepen the conversation and find room for a healthy discussion.

For example, someone may state a strong view on the topic of immigration that I may disagree with. The shared value that I may find common ground may be on safety or family concerns or even border control. I might ask, why is this a concern for you? How does this impact you personally? 

As I find a safe zone to discuss and share a similar concerns I can engage discussion without coming across judgmental or angry. As a Christian we ought to have views that are both biblical and healthy on politically divided topics. A moral position is important otherwise our faith doesn’t mean much.

I find that there are two primary ways that we can have a positive witness while talking g about politics. It is likely that it will require a great deal of discipline and openness without changing your testimony or  political position. I’m not talking about having to make compromises but rather encouraging developing "talking-points" through tolerance that stays focused on building a positive relationship.

I’ve heard it said that the word politics derives its meaning from two Latin expressions. Poli - meaning many and tics meaning ticking people off. All kidding aside, it seems as though Christians especially have trouble debating the topics and sharing a positive witness. We either come across too intolerant and angry or setting aside our convictions and even avoiding the discussion altogether. The word apologetics is a way to explain the truth of your position while also encouraging intellectual and honest debate.

My two points:

1. Listen First (And Learn To Ask Good Questions). 

Learn to ask good questions. Attempting to understand a person’s beliefs system is complex but as you ask good questions you discover the back-story of why someone holds to their views. You might even find that deep within a person’s believe structure are hidden gems that bring value to the relationship you are attempting to develop.

What I’m encouraging is the art of active listening. Often we formulate answers before fully developing an understanding of a person’s viewpoint. Likely this causes a great deal of conflict right away because we draw upon certain assumptions without fully developing our understanding.

Active listening means setting aside our personal agenda in hopes to gain an opportunity to fully explore and express your viewpoint. This takes time. Nothing is solved quickly. In fact, you’re not going to solve every world crisis but you will gain a friend if done well.

You don’t have to win every argument. In fact, you don’t have to win any. 

Often we find ourselves thinking that in order to be a positive witness we have to win over a person from their viewpoints or even winning debates as we hold to our own strong viewpoints. In fact, it’s just the opposite. As we come across in a disarming manner we actually will gain opportunities to further our discussion about Christ. Too often we want to express our views but I want to encourage you to set aside your viewpoint, at least temporarily. That may even mean being more selective on what you promote and push over social media.

Every good relationship reciprocates and if you are having a healthy dialogue and ask good questions it is very likely that you will have a reciprocating opportunity to express your viewpoints. You will have your time to shine and share your viewpoint. In fact, it may you how receptive others can be.

Let me offer at least one caution. Do not put yourself in a corner having to defend a viewpoint that likely doesn’t matter in the overall context of your witness. Too often we create conflict by either answering too quickly or forming a rigid response. Be disciplined in your listening and ask questions that clarify as well as guide the conversations.

Here are a few questions you may consider asking:

Can you clarify your position in that topic?
How did you come to that position on the topic?
What lead you to take this position on this topic?
Who has influenced you most in life?
How does your viewpoint help inform your position on other topics?
What are a few opposing viewpoints on your position on the topic?

2. Focus on Values (And Learn To Look For Needs). 

Over the years I have found that as you focus on values you can gain greater opportunity to engage in healthy interactions. We all have similar value structures that include family, faith, and friends. We all have needs that are similar and by including values in your discussion you can eventually discover ways to deepen the opportunity to talk about Christ and Christian values. Many times we get stuck on topics and repeat the rhetoric we have heard from others including your favorite news cycle.

You must always remember that you’re looking to gain a friend not a political adversary. It’s more important for you to identify the needs of others in order to introduce Christ.

Every organization sets up a set of values that serve to guide the mission. It is through an accepted set of values that help keep people on track to ideas they hold up as important. You may even have defined set of family values that guide your children and help others to understand what drives you.

Values are guided by needs. We should place value on people, not property. We should place value on family, not fortunes. We should place value on faith, not fables. These are generally similar to the values of most. Even those that have these backwards we can find out that fear is what often drives people.

Some values may include love, liberty, and life. You may find that you have things in common. This is the start of being able to weave your faith journey into the discussion. If you are with things you disagree about you cannot develop the opportunity to represent Christ. If you start with ideas (as broad strokes) you can enter into a relationship that is enriching.

This becomes an open door to leading people to a discussion about what Christ values. In the book Tribal Leadership you learn that be are all wired around similar motivations that can be the formula for engaging conversations around spiritual matters. 

The book on values offers 5-stages of Tribal Leadership that helps companies and individuals determine the kind of agreeable values that can guide your discussion. Author David Logan describes how each stage can either bring people together to create points of separation or shared values. He states that there are five stages. He says, "At Stage Three, the focus is "my" values. At Four, it’s "our" values. At Five, it’s "global"--or "resonant"--values, so the only important factor is that values can work together."

As you identify values that bring the conversation in harmony with like-minded values, you can deepen the opportunity to address topics you might find challenging. You can find openings to relate your faith journey in the conversation.

We need to put people before ideas and opinions. Never do you want to compromise Truth. Using wisdom when you confront unhealthy ideas or harmful ideology.

"...Tribal Leader’s set of concerns: a love for people, empathy for their problems, and putting the institution before ego."
Excerpt From Tribal Leadership, Dave Logan, John King & Halee Fischer-wright
https://books.apple.com/us/book/tribal-leadership/id360609881
This material may be protected by copyright.

In conclusion, while the political topics seem to create a frenzy of extreme social positions, it is still possible to represent a positive Christian faith and be a good witness for Christ.
As you listen, by asking good questions and define similar values that guide your relationship, you can weave your faith values into the discussion. It may take time to further this kind of relationship but it is an investment you cannot afford to make. Try it, you may even discover that, as you pray about your conversation, that you will have greater opportunity to share your witness of Christ.

It is always a good to be in prayer as you interact with people.

The Bible encourages us to pray for and love our neighbors and be people if grace. How can we do any less for others since God’s love was extended to us through His incredible grace?!

Declaration of DEPENDENCE!

This time of year  many Americans celebrate the Declaration of Independence with fireworks and picnics yet many haven't even realized the significance of such a historic day. We hear calls for freedom all across America yet we don't understand that with freedom comes responsibility; responsibility to faith and family and the challenge for the future.

Many will invoke an outcry when freedoms seem to be restricted; stating that freedom means that I can do whatever I choose to do. Yet, our founding fathers would suggest otherwise.

The freedom we celebrate in the Declaration of Independence is a witness to a proclamation that reads in part;

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. That they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness..."

This document provided a path for which the United States of America became "FREE" from tyranny to a system to self-govern.

After the words were signed by the delegates on that fateful day in 1776, it was Samuel Adams that declared:

"We have this day restored the Sovereign to Whom all men ought to be obedient. He reigns in heaven and from the rising to the setting of the sun, let His kingdom come." 

Clearly recognizing that God was the source of their declaration. (Pg 143, Quotes from Founding Fathers.)

I am not an expert on the History of America, I do believe that this nation was founded on Godly and even Christian values that guided it's establishment and formed it fundamentals. Many founding fathers recognized that the freedom being declared was not of individual choice but that of breaking from a system where rulers were kings but rather the people, through representation could establish responsibility for actions.

We can read over and over again that this country was establishment by the divine and Godly influence. (Quotes from Founding Fathers) -- Here are a few that spoke on this newly formed governance: Excerpts taken from the book,"America's God and Country. Encyclopedia of Quotations"

In his diary entry dated February 22, 1756, John Adams wrote:

"Suppose a nation in some distant region should take the Bible for their only law book, and every member should regulate his conduct by the precepts there exhibited! Every member would be obliged in conscience....charity toward his fellow men; and to piety, love, and reverence toward Almighty God....What a Utopia, what a Paradise would this region be." (Pg. 5)

On July 4, 1821, John Quincy Adams (son of the former) stated:

"From the day of the Declaration... they (the American people) were bound by laws of God, which they all, and by the laws of the Gospel, which they nearly all, acknowledge as the rules of their conduct."(Pg. 18)

"The Colonist grew in their resilience and confidence in God, to the point where one Crown-appointed Governor wrote of the condition to the Board of Trade back in England: 'If you ask an American, who is his master? He will tell you he has none, nor any governor but Jesus Christ.'" This expression soon became a motto statement in merchant trade: "No King but King Jesus!" (Pg. 59)

"The first general order to his troops, General George Washington called on:
'Every officer and man...to live, and act, as becomes a Christian Soldier defending the dearest Rights and Liberties of his country.'" (Pg. 146)

At the establishment of the Inauguration of George Washington as the first President of the United States Congress passed a resolution:

"Resolved, That after the oath shall have been administered to the President, he, attended by the Vice President, and the members of the Senate, and House of Representatives, proceed to St. Paul's Chapel, to hear divine service, to be performed by the Chaplain of Congress already appointed." (Pg. 155)

On October 4, 1982, in a Joint Resolution of the 97th Congress, signed by President Reagan, declared 1983 as the "Year of the Bible," Public Law 97-280:

"Whereas the Bible, the Word of God, has made a unique contribution in shaping the United States as a distinctive and blessed nation and people; ... deeply held religious convictions ... inspired concepts of civil government ... 1983 as a national 'Year of the Bible' in recognition of both the formative influence the Bible has been for our Nation, and our national need to study and apply the teachings of the Holy Scriptures." (Pg. 175)

(John) Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the U.S. once stated on May 31, 1923 (then Vice President) in a message "The Destiny of America".

"....They (the founding fathers) were intent upon establishing a Christian commonwealth in accordance with the principles of self-government. They were an inspired body of men."

Later we see in history that on August 4, 1923 (after being sworn into office as President following the death of Warren G. Harding proclaimed that there should be a National Day of Mourning and Prayer saying; "To bow down in submission to the will of Almighty God." (Pg. 180-181)

On June 14, 1954, President Eisenhower support and signed into law the Congressional act, Joint resolution 243, which added the phrase "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance. He stated:

"In this way we are affirming the transcendence of religious faith in America's heritage and future; in this way we shall constantly strengthen those spiritual weapons which forever will be our country's most powerful resource in peace and war." (Pg. 226)

President Gerald Ford upheld that:

"Without God there could be no America form of government, nor an American Way of life. Recognition of the Supreme Being is the first - and most basic - expression of Americanism. Thus the founding father of America saw it, and thus with God's help, it will continue to be." (Pg. 237)

Even quoting President Martin Van Buren (of which the town of Van Buren derives it name) once declared;

"I only look to the gracious protection of that Divine Being whose strengthening support I humbly solicit, and whom I fervently pray to look down upon us all. May it be among the dispensations of His Providence to bless our beloved country...." (Pg. 621)

While this is not a history class, it is important to understand that the founding of this nation was set apart and a Declaration of Dependence upon God was set in motion.....The founding fathers were dependent on God, the Bible and Christ.

Are we now living in the day of a Christ-less America?

Dr. James Garlow, former Pastor at Skyline and now leading national efforts and heritage revival movement, and author of many books speaks on the American spiritual heritage. His messages are widely sought! He spoke at Indiana Wesleyan University Chapel several years ago and declared of our once great influence in America as Christians. In a rather pessimistic yet prophetic message he stood at the edge of the platform. In summary he said;

"Up through the 1800's we were a dominate influence. Up through 1963 we were sub-dominate. Up through 1980 we were marginalized. Up through 1999 we were pushed to the edge of society, considered persecuted."

While we stand in greater opposition to our faith, many of the politics are contrary to our biblical morals and principles, and yes, much persecution can be expected; yet, we have a message that I believe is welcomed today. It is a message of dependence upon the Lord.

We may argue about many things yet it is our testimony that people cannot argue with. Yet it is all too important to keep God in our country. Someone once said: "...without God, the state and its leaders were free to shape morality for themselves." (Sean Hannity, Deliver Us From Evil.)

This is not intended to be a political stump speech today yet it is intended to apply a themed message on this holiday that carried a Biblical message.

Someone once said: "The day a president cannot invoke God as his guiding light, and the source from whom he and our nation derive strength and direction, is the day America ceases to be great." (Hannity, Deliver Us From Evil)

I now share a couple of quick thoughts for us today.  These are ways we can be a positive influence in life and culture.


1. Giving Testimony - Declare our Dependence on God.

We must proclaim the message of Jesus Christ. He is our source of strength. It is a declaration of dependence upon God! I usually cannot just give a synopsis however Jesus was a master at communicating his message. Jesus was able to get His message across with brevity and depth. He stated is source when he stated: "I have made known to you everything I heard from my Father." - John 15:15.

We too often preach a message of blame and judgment. We often are perceived as people who are negative while we have the most hope-filled message of all creation!  It is our testimony that will win the debates and declare Christ over all.

Max Lucado wrote a devotional (my Birthday, June 15):

"We learn brevity from Jesus. His greatest sermon can be read in eight minutes (Matthew 5-7).....He summarized prayer in five phrases (Matthew 6:9-13). He silenced accusers with one challenge (John 8:7). He rescued a soul with one sentence (Luke 23:43). He summarized the Law in three verses (Mark 12:29-31), and he reduced all his teachings to one command (John 15:12). He made his point and went home."

2. Philip gives testimony with the eunuch. (Acts 8:26-40)

Billy Graham once wrote: "He (Jesus) was able to engage and transcend the culture." (Leadership Secrets of Billy Graham. Leadership Magazine, 4/5/99)

Three simple drawing factors that help bring people to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

a. Life. Vs 26-30 - We can be a positive influence on culture and Christ by how we live and lead.
- Philip was a follower of Christ and His resurrection story. He was doing what he was commanded to do.
- He walked along the road and met the eunuch who was reading Isaiah 53.
- Philip holds a Bible study and then baptizes the new believer.

b. Word. Vs 30-35 - We can be a positive influence on culture and Christ by sharing the Word of God which never will return to you void. It will always make an eternal difference.
-He met the eunuch reading from Isaiah 53:7-8.
- He helped the eunuch understand the message and meaning of Christ's resurrection
- "Philip grabbed his chance" and begin to preach Truth and demonstrate the love of Christ.

c. Deed. Vs 36-40 - We can be a positive influence on culture and Christ by what we do!  Remember, what we do here on earth echoes for eternity!
- He spent time with the eunuch.
- The eunuch wanted to be baptized.
- The Spirit of God came upon Philip.
- The eunuch gave testimony..."But he didn't mind. He had what he'd come for and went down the road as happy as he could be."

I believe that we are still able to make a positive witness today. While society seems to deny the existence of God, we can testify of our dependence upon God. This message can make a difference.

May forget how and why this nation exist. It is our duty to let them know that this nation was established upon Godly precepts! May we remind people, even our own family, how essential it is to never forget that God blesses the nation whose God is the Lord!

We too may have to define the meaning of the words not just in our Declaration of Independence or in our National Anthems or even in our Pledge of Allegiance. We may have the opportunity to also help bring clarity to some along the road who declares as the eunuch did with Philip: "How can I, unless I someone instruct me?"

On this Holiday season when we choose to celebrate our Country's Independence, let us keep Christ as central to this celebration. Let us not be ashamed to invoke the name of our Creator and Savior. Let us not shrink back but press forward to DECLARE OUR DEPENDENCE upon the Lord Jesus Christ. He alone is our strength. He is Truth. He is Lord.

Go out and Declare your Dependence upon God!

What I’ve Learned By Professionally Networking.

Seems as if every year that I get older I learn a few more things about the importance of relationships. I’m certain that age has nothing  to do with it but I have certainly experienced many years of networking and developing professional relationships that have served me well over the years. Today I want to talk to you about some of the things that I learned over the years through developing professional networking.

As we begin, ask yourself one single question: What do you have to offer in reciprocating relationships?

We have to recognize that in professional networking it’s more important that we develop a relationship by listening. It’s important to listen because it’s through listening that you discover the needs of another so that your skills can uniquely assist.

If you’re doing all the talking there’s a good chance that you’re not learning how to help when the time comes to offer your services.



The following are 10-things that are important to know as you network.


1. People matter more than things.

If you’re the type of person that is using people to get what you want than it’s likely you will not be effective. People will spread the word that you’re really not focused on their needs and they will see quickly through your motivation. We use things not people!

Whether you are trying to encourage a major company or small organization it is important that you develop the relationships to get where you need to go in your efforts to serve.


2. Personal and professional brands do matter.

You’ve likely heard this before but your brand, that is your personal brand, is key to everything else that you do. What are you known for? How do you represent yourself? These are key ingredients to understanding the importance of networking.

Your personal branding is the way you represent yourself on a social media profile or how you promote the services and skills that you have. A personal brand that only communicates your abilities but also your experience in through your education or connections you can deepen the appreciation of a healthy relationship.

High-level people are likened to your neighbors. They get to know the real you quicker than you think. You reveal your motivation and needs through your brand! If you are selling something (which almost all of ya are) you start with meet other people’s needs first!


3. Brands are what people say about YOU.

You’re no different than a corporation. What people say about your brand, a.k.a. yourself, is the reputation that is either going to provide credit to advance your efforts or a deficit that is going to decrease your opportunities. You either bring something into the relationship or you take something away but guaranteed, as you make investments in people’s lives, there is much more to be gained, likened to an investment. If you contribute to the others, you will be able to make withdraws more effectively!

Create your brand with a key set of values that serves to meet needs in your brand will go farther than you think. Your reputation will extend beyond the bounds of direct interactions. Likely "the others" will tell yet many others and you can grow your services exponentially.

I recommend that you take a little survey and self-evaluation about your effectiveness and your brand. It is not difficult to ask a trusted friend to give you feedback on how to improve your image. Self-awareness is so vital to understanding what people perceive about you. It may take courage to ask people to help shape your personal brand but it is worth it!


4. Connecting with others is motivated by the value of OTHERS.

What is most important to you? Your set of values (talked about more later) must start with the needs of others. If you place value on relationships you will experience a quicker sale. You will experience a deeper commitment to your services. You will receive a greater loyalty to what you offer. People are not wired around the bottom line but rather the relational qualities you invested in from the out-set.

Try it! Take just 3-minutes in at the next networking event to ask good questions about others and take only 1-minute yo offer only the most relevant services you can offer in answer to their needs. It works almost every time! Why, because you valued the person and conveyed a deep context of relationship that is of greatest value!


5. We all agree with values rather than goals and projects.

As you sell yourself and your services it is important to focus on values that you can find agreement with rather that debating goals and objectives. Project and services flow from meeting needs which begin with commonly accepted values.

Some people are only interested in setting up goals and projects no matter the needs people have. It is a danger to assume the values of others and it is equally a problem if we are only interested in what we are selling or servicing. By focusing on a set of values that are important to your potential network of relationships you will win friends and not just consumers.

Common values are the reason people may seek you out. If your organization or your services meet the standard of what people find of value, you will win a customer for life. In fact, there is research the shows that the next generation is more interested in your philanthropy more than your services or product. We are an emerging generation of sophisticated and socially aware people that support like-minded services.

Identify your values and find common connections with those set of values and you will find people that will be more loyal to you and our cause (s).


6. "Working a room" means being personal to everyone you meet.

This may be a new idea for you. You may already be an outgoing person that understands what I mean by "working the room". No matter your personality I believe that everyone can develop an easy tactic of strategic mingling.

Envision yourself attending a large networking event. You are one person among 100-plus people. It is a large room and you may even feel overwhelmed by so many people. You may even be a little shy. As you enter the room you get your name tag and you have a large number of business cards with you. You dressed professionally and carry a smile with you. As you walk into the room you think to yourself, Who can I connect with?  Here are a few ideas for you.

a. Know your market. Identify who you may need to include in your network that can assist you in reaching your goals. Make a mental checklist of those personal needs. These are kept only to yourself, tell no one. It is important for you to know who you can include in your network that helps you reach your goals.

b. Scan the attendees, looking for opportunities to connect. Take a deep breath and look over the room. Find people that you can easily chat with. This is a time to make small talk - not deep discussions. It is a time to find easy connections. Watch for those that are standing by themselves. Start there but don't stay there. Casual discussion and greeting them is your first step. If you feel a connection then dig into the conversation more deeply. If there are groups of people standing at a table or in a circle, find opening for you to step into the group and make small talk. Start with listening and move on as you can.

c. Get to the point. As you work your way around the room you are looking and listening at first. You want to have quick conversations that help identify where people are from. You are looking for industries that relate to yours. You are looking for values that agree with your own. You are listening for common connections that can develop the opportunity to exchange business cards. You are not trying to sell or trade anything right away. You are simply trying to connect. You can always find the right connections over Linked-In or other social media services.

d. Sell only yourself not your services. It is important for you to have a good understanding of yourself. You need to sell YOU first. People connect with people not products. People are what matter and your personality must shine. Being friendly is only a start. Demonstrate confidence but humility. No one like a loudmouth or a large ego.  You will be noticed if you demonstrate humility. You may even offer to fill someone's coffee or demonstrate your willingness to serve. It will be remembered. Also, it is important to have a good attitude. Keep your stories short. Keep your conversation lite. Keep your jokes to a minimum. It is important that you impact people. It is not so important that you impress people. Show genuineness and authenticity. It will win friends and influence people.

e. Sales only follow personal touch. If you network correctly you will be remembered as someone that is nice and polite. You will stand out as you call people by their first name and a good handshake. You must use the 20-second introduction as your way to sell yourself first. For example you can use the following script to make a good impression.

Greetings. My name is Rick Carder. I am here to provide for your success!  I am always looking for people that I can help become more influential. Let me know how I can assist you. My industry is....

Keep your introduction to less than 20-second. No more!  Focus on demonstrating how you can assist others. Titles don't matter at this stage of the game. Resumes are not important, yet. Your success is not most important to other. Remember, people are self-centered so if you find ways to assist others you will be remembered and likely called upon later. 

7. Focus on the needs of others will always get you what you need as well.

 This brings me to the purpose of networking. It is not about you. It is about finding ways that you can meet needs of others. Start by listening and you will hear ways to serve. Make mental notes and use your follow up message to provide simple solutions and opportunities to help. You need to find out how you can serve or provide for their needs. As you do this you will get what you need as well.

Every relationship must be reciprocal. You give and take in every healthy relationship. As you meet people you are starting the process of creating ways to exchange back and forth. People are not one-sided. They want to find ways to have healthy reciprocal connections. 


8. A serving attitude is key to a successful network.

I may have already addressed services you offer but I want to dig in deeper to your service attitude. It is not only important to tell people what you do but it is important to demonstrate a serving attitude. You will always be well-received if you can ask good questions. If you only give answers you will not be remembered as humble and service-oriented.

As you work the room, ask questions that draw out ways you can serve. As you make introductions move quickly in to asking questions about what others do and discover their needs. They will likely tell you what they need if you are asking questions like, "What is your biggest challenge?"


9. Successful networking is not about you.

Let me also take time to dig more deeply into what successful networking looks like. It is not about YOU!  It is about working a room to get to know what needs there are that you can solve. If you can help them in someway, give them your card and collect theirs. If you listen and hear about how you can answer their deepest concern, give them your card and collect their.

Move through the room by keeping your interactions for less than 5-minute discussions. Introductions are not meant to start deep conversation. Stay clear of politics. Stay clear of headline stories of the day. These are distractions. Keep your focus on finding people with needs that you can help. It is important that people know how you solve problems and a little bit about your industry but it is more important that you gather that information from others.

You will want to meet as many as possible. It is your one shot at meeting people. As you move from connection to connection you will need to have ways to "move-on" without being insulting. Let people know how important their time is. Remind them of their need to connect but always leave every conversation with a statement like, "If I can help you please don't hesitate to call me."  Move on.

One more point. Always look people in the eye. Don't scan the crowd while you are talking with people. Don't leave the impression that you are looking for someone else to talk to. You may be tempted to find someone you know and look over the shoulder of someone you are speaking with. Keep your focus on the person in front of you. Try to end the discussion quickly so that you can connect with another person.


10. Follow-up is more important than the initial meeting of exchanging business cards.

Many miss this all-important point. It is so vital to have an action plan that defines your next steps.  Sending a follow up connecting communication is vital. Always send a connecting communication within 72 hours of your first meeting. You will be forgotten the longer it takes for you send a follow up message.

It is so vital to send your message with a reminder of how you met and what their stated as areas of need they have. Compliment the relationship through a genuine and authentic communication. You will also want to send a message within 2-weeks after you make the initial follow up connecting communication. It is in this message that you define more clearly what you have to offer based on the needs that were identified in your initial introduction.

Having fun and being casual is so important as you network with others. Making a good first impression is vital to being able to connect further. Having a servant attitude will go a long way in being remembered. You will never regret what you attempted to do to engage but you may regret not trying to engage someone. Live by listening will always get you ahead of the competition.

Selfies: Is It All About YOU?

They are definitely all over Facebook and Instagram. You have seen them too! Of course I am referring to those selfie’s. Those self portraits that are taken by extending your arm and click, it’s all about you! It’s amazing how many people love to post pictures of themselves. I’m not talking about just any old picture but usually there self portraits are taken from their phones with expressions from silly looks to puckered lips. It’s as if as they extend their hand to take a picture of themselves that their face somehow becomes distorted.

Have you ever noticed how many songs there are that talk about self? Take a look at the top 50 songs. (Forgive the exploitative in the link.)

I observed one lady sitting at a restaurant taking a picture after picture of herself and then studying each one. She must’ve taken at least 20 pictures. Not sure if she was looking for the right pose or if she was confused about who’s face was in the image. Maybe she was posting pictures to several of her social media outlets. Nevertheless, I found it to be rather distracting and humorous at the same time.  It seemed that as she raised her arm to take the picture her lips would pucker up. It was funny to see her do this over-and-over.

What is it about our society today? Is it because of the popularity of social media? Maybe it’s our need to be seen and heard? We live in a world filled with individuals who seem bent on making sure that everyone knows of their existence. It’s a very self-centered reality. If you’re not watching ourselves as we take glamour shots and post to social media we are watching reality TV that seems to exploit the same thing. Maybe we are trying to live our lives through others that we find more interesting and glamorous?

James 1:23-24
For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.

In the book of James were reminded that there were selfies being taken even back in that day. Certainly they did not have photography but they did have self portraits. Sometimes, if you were famous enough and rich enough you could put your image on a coin. There were paintings and other displays of selfies.

There were mirrors that reflected their image. James seems to say that we easily forget and so we have to examine ourselves often in the mirror. Maybe that’s why so many people take self portraits today. They forget what they look like when they walk away.

A moment of personal reflection…. I like taking pictures of others and hate taking pictures of myself. I own several selfie sticks that I have used often to create community as I take pictures of groups of people and post them on social media. I take them often. It could be that I’m no different than those who post selfie‘s of themselves but I love to brag on people that I know when they have accomplishments and achievements. I enjoy letting other people know that I have noticed then.

When when it comes to myself, I look at myself often first thing in the morning to make sure that my hair is correct or that I don’t have any creepy things stuck to my face. I go throughout my day not really examining what I look like but there are those occasions when I need to make a small adjustment to my hair do or I make sure that I don’t have spinach in my teeth.

I find it rather peculiar the amount of times that not only teenagers but also adults take pictures of themselves often and place them on social media. Well I’m not trying to criticize them it does remind me of this passage of scripture in James where it seems as if we forget what we look like. Could it be that we’re examining the wrong image in all those social media pics?

Could it be that we could take the image of Christ as our image? Might it be that we could reflect Him in all that we do and say? Could it be that we ought to examine ourselves to see if we even match up to the image that Christ would have for us?

We seem to make every effort to let people know our individual self. Society seems spent on forming an identity that doesn’t necessarily match up to that of Christ. The danger is that if we take only our identity and promote our individuality that we may miss out on the values in the characteristics that are wholesome and gave eternal value.

Maybe the lesson is that what we see in the mirror as self reflection is but a reminder that this is temporary. Perhaps it is a reminder that only what is in Christ is eternal and of significant value. Certainly we are created in God’s image and if we are to reflect that image we are to bring Him glory.

Taking Delight In Watching My Grandkids!

This entry is very personal. I am sitting with great contemplation and joy as I watch my grandson and granddaughter play in my backyard. They grow up way too fast. Of course, you’ve heard that before and you know all too well. It seems as though just yesterday my own kids were the age of my grandkids.

I had one of those moments, just yesterday when my granddaughter came running across the yard toward me. For a split second I could’ve swore that she was my daughter, Josslyn at that age. The way in which she ran caused me to reflect upon those years with great fondness. I take pleasure in watching our grandkids grow up.



Everything that they do is like an new adventure, every time. Their imagination is growing wild and they are learning so many new things, so quickly too! They say the darnedest things. It’s such an incredible feeling to see them grow up. It is so amazing to see their personality develop. It’s interesting to see how they often mirror our own antics and personality.

I realize that not everyone that reads this blog has grandchildren. Many don’t have children. Perhaps this is a bit of a stretch as you read this article thinking about how active your children are and all the stress that it takes to raise them. I remember those days too. It wasn’t always peaceful and easy. Yet, there were those moments when I just needed to sit back and watch them. Life goes too quickly to rush into each and every day.

So what’s my point? Why would I write this blog? Certainly it’s to remind us to be reflective and to think about the essential values that we want to pass on to our children. Of course, it is to remind us to take time to capture these special moments. Indeed it is to realize how fleeting life is.

It’s more than that, isn’t it?

Numbers 14:8 - If the Lord delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land that flows with milk and honey.

I can’t help but imagine how God must feel as He looks down on His children. The innocence of such little ones is a reminder of God’s original design. As He provided for them and placed His children in the garden, offering them anything and nearly everything, He had just a few restrictions. Those restrictions were intended to keep them safe. As he walked with them in their age of innocence, He took delight in what He had created. Even the many years later when he took a similar interest and joy as He offered them the Promised Land, He took delight. Yet, things did not always stay that way.
We know today that we are impacted by sin that even damaged His creation. His original plan was scarred because of the poor decisions of His created ones.

Think of your own children, they make choices as they grow. They of course are seeking independence and they have free will. Their choices are not always the ones we would have for them. Our hopes and our dreams are good for them and we want the best for them.

Thankfully that as God’s children made bad choices He provided another plan for their lives. A plan that brought redemption through His grace in Jesus Christ. Read more HERE.

Back to my grandkids. They are not angels, nor are they perfect. They grow tired and hungry. They don’t always listen to instruction and they are known to fight with each other.

It is in those special moments, like that which I’m enjoying right now, that causes me to take delight In them! I have this special time to show them love and provide as I can for them. I know my responsibility is that of a teacher and parent; one who gives careful instruction and is patient. It’s not only my responsibility to carefully instruct and lovingly correct them but to show them how to love and care about others.

Is it interesting how God uses our flawed nature to care for another generation? If we do this right, we can somehow help them to learn of the goodness of God and His plan for our lives. If we do this consistently we can help them learn of who the Bible says God is.

Proverbs 3:12 -- ... for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

For now, take joy in those moments when they say the darndest things or do the most amazing things. Laugh out loud is the experience the wonders of their curiosity. Enjoy them as they develop and build a strong relationship as best you can with them. Ultimately realize that God wants to take delight in us, His children through the  redemptive grace of His glorious plan at work in our lives.