I loved all the positive relationships in my high school. There were peers for sure! Yet, they were not enough. There were many positive adults that cared about me, mentored me, helped me "grow up", and those that "spent time" with me.
One of those was Mr. Tyner. He was a teacher in High School. Our high school was for 4 years. It was a BIG school with large classes. It was built like a prison. We had armed security. To say the least, it was a county school that included great diversity and many complex issues. It was a rough school.
I grew up in a difficult family. My parents loved me as best they knew how. Yet, they didn't have well-defined boundaries. It was my church that crafted the "rules" for me yet, enforced at times by my parents. They provided me with a home. They cared about my physical needs (for which many parents worked hard just to make ends meet). They were, after all, raising 8 children. We are all expected to have a job! My first paid job was when I was 9 years of age. (Talk about child labor laws.)
Yet, it was my teacher in High School that filled in where my parents could not. Mr. Tyner was like a father to me. He often answered my questions. He often guided my choices. (At least he provided someone to talk through the big decisions.) Mr Tyner was my mentor and friend. He was my music instructor. He was my confidant.
Many of my peers were influenced by Mr. Tyner. We often gathered in his small office to laugh and learn. He was our positive adult. Fortunately for us he was a good man who loved his church and cared about his students.
Mr. Tyner helped me understand the difficult issues we faced in life. He guided me through tough issues. Whether social or spiritual, his insights were helping to shape who I was to become. He was a matter of fact adviser. He was a fun-loving friend. He was willing to take time to listen.
Mr. Tyner taught me how to have diverse friends. Asking me to join the all-men voice choir was one of those experiences. I was the only white student in that choir. It was easy for my mom to pick me out of the crowd at the school concerts. I learned how to understand the social issues of our age. I learned how to listen to the complex needs of my diverse friends. I also had bodyguards of my own when I was bullied or found conflict. Did I say that we had armed security in my high school?
One of the most impactful takeaways from this positive role model and mentor was the way he challenged my ability. He was my champion, often saying, "You can do it, Carder!" He often assigned me responsibilities that were beyond my skills by saying that he believed in me!
To this day, I reflect on the impact of this one solitary life that simply took time to listen, offer good ideas, and helped me to develop confidence in my too often awkward experiences of my youth.
It set me on a path to also pour into the lives of youth. In my adult life I have entered into my Calling and passion. I love to help youth, like me who just needed someone to believe in me.
In my adult life, I have been a youth pastor, mentor to at-risk youth in the youth home or on probation. Serving as a probation officer at one time. Finding opportunities to be in juvenile court to share by "voice of reference" on a teen that made bad choices. Having been a foster parent (with my wife) for over 8 years, having teenagers living in our home for 18 years consistently. Serving in Higher Education mentoring and educating young people who themselves are defining their own passion and Calling.
It was the result of someone that believed in me! It was because someone took time to listen. It was through the life of a caring adult that mentored me and in spite of my awkward ways yet accepted me and challenged me to reach for great things and helped me reach my potential. (*for which I am still growing to become.)
Thank you Mr. Tyner for doing to me what you may have found naturally and maybe even don't remember what impact you have made on me! I am a better me because of your faith in God and believe in me. You have given what I can never pay back but I will make every effort to "pay it forward" in the lives of others.
